The Child-In-Them control issues

[Guest guest]

Dejana, this is such good information to know. Do you have some advice about

what is the caregiver to do when the child-in-them takes over and the caregiver

has way too many burdens to carry for the  undisciplined child-in-them?

 

So many ill people expect care and care with a cheerful spirit. They don't want

to feel unwanted or a burden in this stage of illness. A caregiver has to do

much work and act cheerful and positive to the child-in-them.

 

My own mother wanted to regress into infancy. She was angry with me because I

was not wanting to have her in my home during her illness. She was able to con

my sis-N-law into taking care of her. During her stay with them she helped

destroy my brother's marriage.

She was a feminist man-hater. She refused to go into a nursing home. She use to

work in them....says something to me.

 

 My father did the same trip. I am surrounded by the child-in-them people. My

brother is wanting me to take him into my home. He deliberately destroyed his

health. He was seen smashing a hammer into his leg so he could be disabled. My

husband saw him. Sick stuff!

 

How do we set limits on what we can do about helping those who want to be a

child?

They  take away our control when they do not want to control themselves.

 

Do  you think this is a way for them to control others? I know for sure it was

my Mothers way to not nurture her children. When the child-in-them takes over

they do not have to give, only get. My Mother was not a nurturing type woman.

She would train a child to be a worker but I cannot remember my Mother telling

me that she loved me. I cannot remember her hugging me. She would say very

negative things to me. She was  unbalanced. She subtracted and didn't learn to

add. She missed some great loving in life.

 

I am sure there are others, in this group, that are dealing with their own

illnesses and in taking care of those who are draining their energy and not

helping in their own healthy living.

Please give us some good advice about how we can take back some control of what

we can do and not do for those child-in-them people. Thank you. Mz ViOlet

=======================

 

>>>But it's impossible to really change others until they decide to do

so themselves. And unnecessary because it means taking away the power

and control from them, hence they might regress again. A person can

be influenced, but the final decision is still his/her own.

Dejana<<<

 

 

[Guest guest]

> How do we set limits on what we can do about helping those who want

to be a child?

> They  take away our control when they do not want to control themselves.

> ===========

Dear Violet,

My heart goes out to you when you describe your parents. So many

people nowdays grew up in dysfunctional families.

Psychology is an interesting subject, and I believe plays an important

role in getting sick with any disease, hence is related to candida as

well. However, it's not what Bee's program is about so I'll just chime

in briefly.

You ask how do we set the limits- but that is what you did by putting

your needs first and protecting yourself from people whome you

instinctively felt might hurt you. The most important is to love

yourself and take care of yourself. Then love for others grows

naturally and doesn't come from obligations.

Secondly, nobody can take away control over your life. It's a common

excuse people use when they don't want to take the responsibility. In

any situation we can always choose to do 3 things: try to get out of

it, change it, or totally accept it.

Another thing you can do is set up healthy boundaries. Communicate to

others what is important to you, and what is unacceptable, and stick

by it. Choose whom do you let in close.

Many people fight for power, which is nothing but love and attention.

Nobody is 100% self-assured and fullfilled. But the more you take care

and love yourself, the less you will be concerned about those who

don't really want to be helped.

All the best to you,

Dejana