sweetpea

March 25, 2000

i really feel for you, i have never really heard my mom talk about what she

felt watching me grow up like this. i think she must've believed i would've

felt guilty and she was right. as for punishing drese, i was spanked,

there was no " rod spoiling. " i was raised by my grandparents and my

grandmother was really strict. my brother and i not only got spankings, we

even had to pick our own switches off the tree and trust me when i say you

didn't want to be smart and bring back a twig! drese may be any number of

things, she is scared and putting up a front. i did it, it helps keep harm

away. plus, theres a lot of frustration watching all the other kids whisper

and point. the thing i hated the most was when someone would ask me what

was wrong with me? how do you answer that? at 9?? i grew up my whole life

thinking there was something wrong with me. it really hard emotionally and

it makes you resent everybody that asks you do to something you can't,

anyone that ever whispered or pointed, and all the things that made you feel

broken. she's too young to understand how she feels or why, but she will

sort it out as grows up. either way, that is no excuse for taking it out on

people who love her. discipline helped me sort out my feelings and showed

me that it wasn't anyone elses fault i was hurting any more than it was

mine. about the glasses, i had to start wearing reading glasses last year

because my eyes would strain so hard to read that when i looked up i

couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. i'm sorry drese has so many

things to cope with, i have 5 steel joints, 6 surgeries in total, hpylori

bacteria(causes nausea and indigestion)anemia, and was treated for

depression a year ago. watch for depression even aty her age, looking back

i know i suffered with it even back then. i could get you in touch with my

mom(my BEST FRIEND)so you can get her point of view having already seen me

grow up unlike the other parents like yourself. i hope i helped, let me

know if i can answer anything else. goodluck, brandy

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March 26, 2000

brandy,

it's me again.i am doing counseling myself too, because this was making me

crazy.i decided i needed to talk to someone about tthe things that were going

on in my home with the kids. yes she's the oldest, but she had been the only

child for four years and then i got the boys and that's another story in it's

self. sometimes the oldest boy will start it with her and then she gets him

too. the other day the youngest boy was teasing her and she choked him saying

she has had enough of being teased. i wasn't home the babysitter was there

with them. the oldest boy is bad about bothering her and she said that he

really bothers when they are away from me and i found that to be some what

true,because one morning he thought i was gone and started with her.the boys

are 6/7 yearsold. i tell hurt that it only makes her hurt worser when she's

acting up. no i only use switches and i don't like belts either no sticker

either. i don't want abuse i want obedience . thank u brandy for shedding the

light on some thing for me and please do keep me in your prayer ok.

sweetpea200001 (ywellen0

March 28, 2000

brandy, we don't do dress shoes either. i buy her a casual shoe made by

arizona and when we go to church she wears jeans,kaki's or a dress if she

wants too. i don't make her wear a dress and don't care what people say about

her wearing pants to church either.i don't pay $80.00 for none of drese's

shoes i catch them on sale. $25/$35 for her sandals. they are the sandals

with the velcro on them.

sweetpea200001

March 28, 2000

Hi Sweetpea,

I'm glad to hear that you decided to get some counselling. Does the

whole family go in together? If not, that might be a good idea too. A

few years ago we all went to see a child psychologist. It was very

helpful, for all of us. Sometimes when everyone meets together in a

neutral environment, with the help of a trained counsellor, issues and

problems that tend to recur at home ~but don't seem to get resolved~

have a better chance of being explored and often, with more cooperation

from all family members. You may be able to get some helpful suggestions

about workable plans, to help see you through times of crisis and to

improve everyone's communication and interaction, making your time

together less stressful and more enjoyable. Kids like consistency,

structure and routine. They need to know that their efforts towards

positive behavior will be acknowledged/rewarded. And they need to know

in advance what the consequences will be for certain negative behaviors.

I find that taking away certain privileges, for infractions of rules,

seems to work well for us.

Well, I may come under fire for these beliefs but it's my opinion and

important to me. Personally, I don't believe in spanking. Or any other

methods of corporal punishment. Whether it be with a belt, a switch, or

'just' a hand. The way I look at it, if it's a crime for one adult to do

it to another adult, I don't think we should be doing it to our

children. There's too much pain and sadness in this world already. Life

can be hard. I want my kids to be able to trust me and feel safe from

harm. To feel as if I'm their protector, not someone who humiliates or

hurts them ~even if they've made the wrong choice about something and I

don't like the behavior they engaged in. We can, hopefully, learn to

learn from our mistakes.

I didn't come to these beliefs because one of my children has JRA.

That's not the reason, or an excuse, for why my son or daughter have

never been spanked. I was born into a family that seemed quite ordinary

from the outside but still had a lot of dysfunction. As an adult I made

a conscious choice to do things differently from the way my parents had,

even before I decided to have children of my own. And also to limit my

interaction with family members. I wanted to break away from certain

unhealthy patterns of behavior and try to do things in a more positive,

beneficial way. Raising children is not easy. Parenting well has got to

be one of the toughest jobs there is. It's a bit harder, as you know,

when a child has a chronic illness that requires attention. Sweetpea, I

hope things become less stressful at home and that you, your daughter,

and your nephews can work out all the issues that are causing you some

concern. Let me know how it goes, okay? I wish you the very best. You

will all be in my thoughts.

Much Aloha,

Georgina

sweetpea200001@... wrote:

> brandy,

> it's me again.i am doing counseling myself too, because this was making me

> crazy.i decided i needed to talk to someone about tthe things that were going

> on in my home with the kids. yes she's the oldest, but she had been the only

> child for four years and then i got the boys and that's another story in it's

> self. sometimes the oldest boy will start it with her and then she gets him

> too. the other day the youngest boy was teasing her and she choked him saying

> she has had enough of being teased. i wasn't home the babysitter was there

> with them. the oldest boy is bad about bothering her and she said that he

> really bothers when they are away from me and i found that to be some what

> true,because one morning he thought i was gone and started with her.the boys

> are 6/7 yearsold. i tell hurt that it only makes her hurt worser when she's

> acting up. no i only use switches and i don't like belts either no sticker

> either. i don't want abuse i want obedience . thank u brandy for shedding the

> light on some thing for me and please do keep me in your prayer ok.

>

> sweetpea200001 (ywellen0

March 30, 2000

WHERE DO I FIND BUKENSTOCK SHOES.? MONEY FOR HER SHOES IS NO PROBLEM, BECAUSE

EVERY 2/3 WEEKS I'M BUYING A NEW PAIR OF SHOES FOR MY DAUGHTER.

SWEETPEA200001

March 30, 2000

Re: sweetpea

> From: S Broyles <Broyles@...>

>

Have any of you tried Bukenstock shoes. They are very, very comfortable.

Lots of width and the insoles are made of a cork and have wonderful arch

support. I wear them due to back problems, but they may work for you too.

They are rather expensive, but if you are going through so many shoes trying

to find some that will work, they might be worth a try.

Tracey

> I also have trouble finding shoes for Kourtney. She was born with an

> extra toe on her left foot which has since been removed. She also has

> extra bones in her right foot but no extra toe. The extra bones are

> fused together but this is only part of the problem. The swelling and

> odd shaped knuckles on her feet make it hard to find shoes wide enough

> and also have the comfortable height between the inside sole and the top

> of the inside. Dress shoes are almost impossible to find. She wears

> velcro instead of laces. The rheumy suggested Targets Bum brand shoes.

> They said that they have been the closest to accurate size for peoples

> feet. Usually you get the right length but not wide enough and so on.

> They seem to be working alright so far. They also made her some special

> inserts to put inside to help the sore spots on her feet. The only

> problem with that is that you have to rip out the insert that comes with

> the shoe. This makes it difficult to buy shoes that the inserts will fit

> into since you can't rip out the insole before you buy. We have gone

> through about 8 pairs of shoes in the last year. What to do?

>

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April 1, 2000

BRANDY THIS HAS REALLY MADE MY DAY TO HEAR THAT SOMEONE WAS THINKING ABOUT

DRESE AND MYSELF AND LET US KNOW THAT TOO. WE WENT TO THE PED. RHEUM. ON

WEDNESDAY AND GOT A GOOD REPORT. NO NEW MEDS. EITHER, DIDN'T TAKE HER OFF

ANY. BUT EVERYTHING WAS AT A STAND STILL THAT DAY. GUESS WHAT WE WOKE UP WITH

HER HANDS AND FEET SWOLLEN THE VERY NEXT DAY. THEY HAVE BEEN SWOLLEN FOR 2

DAYS NOW AND SHE HAS BEEN JUST A LIL GROUCHY. SHE'S ACTUALLY GETTING BETTER

WITH HER ATTITUDE. I GUESS SHE'S LEARNING TO HANDLE THE PAIN BETTER OR MAYBE

SHE HAS GOTTEN THE MESSAGE FROM ME ON HER ATTITUDE. I NOTICE THE OTHER DAY

WHEN SHE WAS HURTING BRANDY SHE WENT TO BED W/OUT MEDS. AND GOT UP THE NEXT

MORNING IN A GOOD MOOD TOO. IT WAS SCARY TO SEE HER THAT HAPPY. I DOPRAY FOR

YOU ALREADY GIRL, SO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ENCOURAING AND TALKING TO OTHERS

ABOUT JRA OK. OH YEAH DRESE IS GOING TO BE FITTED FOR THE PLANTAR SLOES ON

WEDNESDAY.

April 1, 2000