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Standing Tall

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"Standing Tall"

I feel deceived some days, some times all alone, Don't want to answer the door today, can't listen to the phone.

Will I ever get better? Will this be my fate? All I can do, it seems is to pray, detox and wait.

I have been to many doctors, had so many needles, trials, and tests.

Always being told-"Your implants didn't make this mess!"

Confused, in denial, blaming the sad girl in the mirror,

Sometimes wondering what tomorrow, will bring to my worst fears.

There are sad gloomy days, when my body feels out of touch,

Quiet moments looking back, remembering my naive trust.

Was told they were safe- "Simply water bags that's all."

And then I had them stuffed, deep into my chest cavity wall.

There they sat- unwelcomed, infested and breeding....

As my body tried so hard, it kept fighting, kicking, and breathing. Then the day came years later, when my health seemed to shut down.

My body couldn't take any more, and the medical bills began to mound.

Round and round, it seemed my distorted path started to take,

Body chills, depression, thyroid disorders, my body seemed to shake.

And then some friends led me to a doctor, who would change my life.

Can I trust her? Really? A doctor? In this most important plight? Early in the warm morning, on a journey far from home, They were pulled from behind my breasts, to sit there all alone.

On that shiny table, they sat discarded and worthless.

And at that moment, I know my body finally let out a breath. A sigh of relief, a beautiful simple moment of peace,

That those things were truly never mine to keep.

And now, the sad days are getting shorter, and gaining more light.

As I realize my life has truly begun now, and I put up a good fight. Will I ever be awarded money or righteous justice that's due to me? No, never will I see a copper penny of that dirty hypocrisy. But, I know that I have won in my own battle, with God by my side,

He is saddened with what I have went through, yet proud with tears in His eyes.

Daily healing my poor battered body from all those abusive toxic years, And telling me I am BEAUTIFUL, no matter what size I wear.

I know if I can get through this in life, I have mastered it all, And I will never again look at myself as unworthy or small.

Because I am a true woman, this I have learned...

Standing strong, standing proud, and standing tall.

P.

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  • 4 years later...

,

We all have been walking so bent over for so many years that our brains

just aren't accustomed to being upright. Our bodies were meant to be

straight up and down - being balanced on our heels and " sitting " in our

pelvis. It should be effortless to stand! Sadly, we have all had to

work hard to just stand and walk. Now that we are upright - it

feels " funny " . I am with you. I ask people all the time too if I am

standing upright. My husband has to remind me to put my shoulders back

because I am so weak there from standing slumped forward for so long.

It feels SO good to stand now (I am a little over 3 1/2 months post op)

The first time I stood up in the hospital with the Physical therapists

around me and my family around me I freaked because I thought I was

falling backward! My husband said " NO Debbie - you are just standing

up for the first time in years!! "

It's a great feeling!

Debbie

(Tampa)

>

> Ever since my surgery I keep on asking everybody around me if I am

> walking straight. The reason why is that I feel like I am not and I

was

> wondering if anybody else felt that way?

>

>

>

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