Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 , I understand the way you feel. I felt that way myself just a few short years ago. I hated all men. I still have an issue with certain " types " of men, but mostly I can now bear to be around them, as long as they aren't hitting on me, then I just lose control. This is also a normal reaction to abuse by many men. Your defenses tell you not to trust any men at all, when in reality there are some very good men in the world. The reason you vomit to relieve stress is because you may have an eating disorder called bulimia. Many women develop eating disorders as a result of feeling helpless in an abusive situation. I myself have an eating disorder, I switch from overeating to bulimia. Have you gotten help for it? If you haven't gotten help you should find some form of help, maybe with a counselor or find an online support group that understands how you feel. You might start by visiting http://www.bulimia.com/. Can you talk to your mother about feeling uncomfortable around her boyfriends? Does the boyfriend understand that you need to have clear boundaries of what is appropriate in terms of your relationship with him? How old are you? I'm 25. Do you have any pets or friends you can confide in? You are always welcome to come on to the group and share your feelings, it helps to get it out. We are your friends here, and many of us have been where you are now. I'm very worried about you and hope you are okay. How much food are you letting your system digest? Are you letting yourself drink water and keep it down? Just so you know, if I ever ask a question that you don't want to answer, you don't have to. I am only trying to gauge if you are in significant danger for me to see if I can't help you in other ways. The ways you are feeling are a normal response to abuse, but you can help yourself! I always felt powerless to the thoughts and feelings I was having, and many years later I see I was wrong. Please tell me how I can help you. You've made the first step by sharing your feelings with us, and I thank you very much for coming here. Just getting your feelings out is a good feeling, isn't it? There are many women on here who understand how you feel. If you need to chat please send us an email that you are in the chat room and we'll be there if we can. Hugs, stressing I am not exactly handling my mom being sick all that well...I have had problems in the past because of the abuse from her two boyfriends...and right now I'm having a huge problem with food....I purposely threw up twice yesterday....I'm just very stressed my mom has been seeing this guy....this guy quit his truck driving job a while ago so that he could spend more time with my mom...so he now works 4 days a week pumping gas I'm not trusting of any guys at all...and he told me that he isn't like any of the other guys my mom has dated and he even asked my permission if he could date my mom...I told him I didn't mind...because I want my mom to be happy and everything He has a mentally handicapped son...he's almost 30...though the son isn't that handicapped....he could take care of himself...but my mom's boyfriend takes care of him....he does have a job though he only works like 4-5 days a week They make a complete mess at my mom's house....my mom cooks for herself, her boyfriend, his son, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend(lives with my brother in the garage apt.)....and my mom's boyfriend and his son don't help clean up....they don't even rinse their dishes off or put things in the garbage....I hate cleaning up after them I clean up after my mom and my brother and family....but I draw the line at having to clean up after two people I hardly know....the living room has play station 2 in it...with tons of games...I cleaned things up the other day...today the games are all over the place...the couch is a mess...and there's dishes on the tables....I didn't clean it...my mom's boyfriend's son made that mess...and he should clean it himself....grrr I'm sorry to vent....but I have basically had it....my mom's boyfriend told me the other morning that I should help my mom more....especially now that she's sick again....I so wanted to just snap at him, but I avoid any confrontation with any guy....so I kept quiet....he shouldn't be in my mom's house...criticizing the way we do things....I didn't even go to the kitchen the other day to eat with them...I don't want to sit like we're a happy family...when I don't feel happy and we are not a family ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick Community Message Archives-/messages Chat:- Scheduled Chats at /chat Bookmarks:- Add a website URL you have found useful. /links Personal Complaints or problems:- Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:- 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive. 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email. To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /join To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- -subscribe -unsubscribe This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. --- Margaret Drabble ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 What does your therapist think of your eating habits? My therapist thinks it's an unhealthy thing but that it's understandable with all that I've been through...she tries to get me to talk more about it sometimes...she thinks it will help Have you been diagnosed with an eating disorder from someone other than your doctor that you have now? No...my therapist is pretty sure I have a problem but she can't exactly diagnose that ....your mom deserves to be happy. That's true, but do you? I don't know....sometimes I don't think I deserve to be happy....like I somehow deserved bad things to happen to me Does she even know about the ones that abused you? my mom knows about some of the abuse...she knows all of what the first one did....but the second boyfriend I haven't told her everything because honestly I try to block out some of it Have you gone to any websites to learn about eating disorders? Yes, actually I have....I've taken some tests and quizes too...to see if I have an eatind disorder...usually it says I do....which doesn't surprise me I guess lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 , No one deserves the things that have happened to you. I do believe though that our experiences prepare us for something later on that we don't know about. Do you have any hobbies? Hugs, Re: stressing What does your therapist think of your eating habits? My therapist thinks it's an unhealthy thing but that it's understandable with all that I've been through...she tries to get me to talk more about it sometimes...she thinks it will help Have you been diagnosed with an eating disorder from someone other than your doctor that you have now? No...my therapist is pretty sure I have a problem but she can't exactly diagnose that ....your mom deserves to be happy. That's true, but do you? I don't know....sometimes I don't think I deserve to be happy....like I somehow deserved bad things to happen to me Does she even know about the ones that abused you? my mom knows about some of the abuse...she knows all of what the first one did....but the second boyfriend I haven't told her everything because honestly I try to block out some of it Have you gone to any websites to learn about eating disorders? Yes, actually I have....I've taken some tests and quizes too...to see if I have an eatind disorder...usually it says I do....which doesn't surprise me I guess lisa ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick Community Message Archives-/messages Chat:- Scheduled Chats at /chat Bookmarks:- Add a website URL you have found useful. /links Personal Complaints or problems:- Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:- 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive. 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email. To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /join To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- -subscribe -unsubscribe This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. --- Margaret Drabble ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Do you have any hobbies? Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh well...nice to be nominated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 grr......word mistake....college should be collect....my mind is on my college stuff I guess...sorry > Do you have any hobbies? > > Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things > and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I > don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance > class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do > that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college > porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of > butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I > liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars > that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something > ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color > spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always > thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I > even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry > stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm > in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one > poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an > opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this > August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the > year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh > well...nice to be nominated > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 , Wow! I used to write poetry, but mine was usually dark and somewhat scary to me, so I stopped writing. I've since taken up knitting and crochet. I have two pets, Tilly an umbrella cockatoo, and snickers a mini lop rabbit. I have a husband as well, I've been married for 1 1/2 years. Have you ever seen the movie patch adams? There is a significance of butterflies there too, I was reminded of it when I saw your post. Hugs, Re: stressing Do you have any hobbies? Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh well...nice to be nominated ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick Community Message Archives-/messages Chat:- Scheduled Chats at /chat Bookmarks:- Add a website URL you have found useful. /links Personal Complaints or problems:- Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:- 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive. 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email. To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /join To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- -subscribe -unsubscribe This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. --- Margaret Drabble ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 some of my poetry is dark too...but sometimes it's not...poetry is just meant to make the reader feel something...and if a poem does that then it's good...at least to me ..... I crochet too...my cousin taught me when I was like 14 or so...I am not that good but I can crochet a doll hat or something... Yes I did see Patch ....though I don't remember the butterflies...but it's been like a few years since I saw that movie lisa > , > > Wow! I used to write poetry, but mine was usually dark and somewhat > scary to me, so I stopped writing. I've since taken up knitting and > crochet. I have two pets, Tilly an umbrella cockatoo, and snickers a > mini lop rabbit. I have a husband as well, I've been married for 1 1/2 > years. Have you ever seen the movie patch adams? There is a > significance of butterflies there too, I was reminded of it when I saw > your post. > > Hugs, > > > > Re: stressing > > > Do you have any hobbies? > > Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things > and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I > don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance > class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do > that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college > porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of > butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I > liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars > that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something > ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color > spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always > thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I > even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry > stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm > in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one > poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an > opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this > August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the > year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh > well...nice to be nominated > > > > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > The Being Sick Community > > > Message Archives-/messages > > Chat:- Scheduled Chats at > /chat > > Bookmarks:- > Add a website URL you have found useful. > /links > > Personal Complaints or problems:- > Please contact a moderator > email: -owner > > Subscription Details:- > 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you > receive. > 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to > browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. > 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your > convenience and receive no email. > > To modify your subscription settings please visit:- > /join > > To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- > -subscribe > -unsubscribe > > This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on > this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you > need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ > *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. > > --- Margaret Drabble > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 , The girl who dies talks about butterflies and how she envied them, then when patch is upset at himself for her dying, a butterfly comes and sits on his hand, then flies off. That was a really emotional part in the movie for me, because I've always identified with a butterfly too. I'd think many people with eating disorders would, we could change from what we view is ugly to something beautiful and free. When I lived in California there was a place that the monarch butterflies would come to every few years, they had even named the city after the butterflies. It was amazing, thousands and thousands of butterflies in the trees, flying in swarms. It was a little scary, but also felt like I was a part of something in nature that was big. Like it was an amazing feat for me to be standing in the middle of their migration. I had butterflies all over me. Now I don't even remember the name of the city, I know I have a picture of the city sign somewhere, maybe I'll find it and send it. It was really amazing. Hugs, Re: stressing > > > Do you have any hobbies? > > Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things > and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I > don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance > class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do > that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college > porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of > butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I > liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars > that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something > ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color > spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always > thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I > even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry > stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm > in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one > poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an > opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this > August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the > year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh > well...nice to be nominated > > > > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > The Being Sick Community > > > Message Archives-/messages > > Chat:- Scheduled Chats at > /chat > > Bookmarks:- > Add a website URL you have found useful. > /links > > Personal Complaints or problems:- > Please contact a moderator > email: -owner > > Subscription Details:- > 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you > receive. > 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to > browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. > 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your > convenience and receive no email. > > To modify your subscription settings please visit:- > /join > > To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- > -subscribe > -unsubscribe > > This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on > this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you > need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ > *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. > > --- Margaret Drabble > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Congratulations on all of your honors! -- Re: stressing Do you have any hobbies? Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that I don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot of butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had caterpillars that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how something ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm in "100 most famous poets" ...I got Editor's choice award for one poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh well...nice to be nominated ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick Community Message Archives-/messages Chat:- Scheduled Chats at /chat Bookmarks:- Add a website URL you have found useful. /links Personal Complaints or problems:- Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:- 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive. 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email. To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /join To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- -subscribe -unsubscribe This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. --- Margaret Drabble ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Hang in there sweetie! Know that we are here for you! -- stressing I am not exactly handling my mom being sick all that well...I have had problems in the past because of the abuse from her two boyfriends...and right now I'm having a huge problem with food....I purposely threw up twice yesterday....I'm just very stressed my mom has been seeing this guy....this guy quit his truck driving job a while ago so that he could spend more time with my mom...so he now works 4 days a week pumping gas I'm not trusting of any guys at all...and he told me that he isn't like any of the other guys my mom has dated and he even asked my permission if he could date my mom...I told him I didn't mind...because I want my mom to be happy and everything He has a mentally handicapped son...he's almost 30...though the son isn't that handicapped....he could take care of himself...but my mom's boyfriend takes care of him....he does have a job though he only works like 4-5 days a week They make a complete mess at my mom's house....my mom cooks for herself, her boyfriend, his son, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend(lives with my brother in the garage apt.)....and my mom's boyfriend and his son don't help clean up....they don't even rinse their dishes off or put things in the garbage....I hate cleaning up after them I clean up after my mom and my brother and family....but I draw the line at having to clean up after two people I hardly know....the living room has play station 2 in it...with tons of games...I cleaned things up the other day...today the games are all over the place...the couch is a mess...and there's dishes on the tables....I didn't clean it...my mom's boyfriend's son made that mess...and he should clean it himself....grrr I'm sorry to vent....but I have basically had it....my mom's boyfriend told me the other morning that I should help my mom more....especially now that she's sick again....I so wanted to just snap at him, but I avoid any confrontation with any guy....so I kept quiet....he shouldn't be in my mom's house...criticizing the way we do things....I didn't even go to the kitchen the other day to eat with them...I don't want to sit like we're a happy family...when I don't feel happy and we are not a family ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick Community Message Archives-/messages Chat:- Scheduled Chats at /chat Bookmarks:- Add a website URL you have found useful. /links Personal Complaints or problems:- Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:- 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive. 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email. To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /join To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- -subscribe -unsubscribe This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is possible. --- Margaret Drabble ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 hmm...I don't remember that part in the movie...of course I haven't watched that movie in forever I'm feeling weird today...my moods have been in a downward slope since last Monday, when my mom told me her cancer's back...I was 'okay' on Monday...but then that Tuesday I made myself sick and the rest of the week I got 'cranky'...then this weekend has been just stressful with my mom having her boyfriend here a lot...and the past few days I've been totally 'destructive' I guess....I am only staying at my mom's this week and then going back to my aunt's but I was also contemplating living at my mom's for the summer...because I may want to live at my mom's when I start college in the fall I'm going to ramble about something that is totally stressing out my mind now....This Friday is the anniversary of my sister's death...she died on that day...8 years ago...her 13th birthday would have been on May 20th...and on that day this year, my uncle died...of cancer...he had a tumor in his neck and they couldn't treat it because one treatment would have killed him....he just stayed 'comfortable' for the remainder of his days..........My sister, Chrissy was exactly like me....we looked the same....she copied me in everything I did...it was annoying but I loved her...my brother blames himself for her death....he was 12 at the time and he was outside with her when I had ran inside to get juice....I have blamed myself for accidentally latching the door and therefore 'forcing' my sister to go to the front door to get inside.....part of me blames my dad...he was supposed to be watching us....he was the adult in charge....but my father never acts like an adult much....he wants me to be perfect and maybe he sees that if I'm perfect then I won't end up like Chrissy...but my dad left 2 years after my sister died....he had started drinking more after her death and he cheated on my mom....so he left...and I didn't see him until I was 16....and then rebelled against him by dating a 'bad boy'...bad idea...just caused more problems for me....my dad has dissapointed me countless times yet I still believe that he cares...though he doesn't....he only wants to 'fix' me somehow...he thinks I'm broken...and while that may be true he shouldn't fix me....I have learned that I need to 'fix' myself...heal myself...I need to understand that I had no control over the verbal and physical abuse I endured from my mom's first boyfriend....or the verbal, physical, and sexual abuse I went through with her second boyfriend....and the verbal, and physical abuse I went through with my ex-boyfriend......and the emotional abuse my father has made me endure all my life...it all adds up....and has caused me a lot of pain and suffering....I can't get over these things but I can try to understand that I'm not to blame...though part of me still thinks I am anyways...I'm sorry to ramble...was just thinking I guess Sick , " Don & " <handd1@e...> wrote: > , > > The girl who dies talks about butterflies and how she envied them, then > when patch is upset at himself for her dying, a butterfly comes and sits > on his hand, then flies off. That was a really emotional part in the > movie for me, because I've always identified with a butterfly too. I'd > think many people with eating disorders would, we could change from what > we view is ugly to something beautiful and free. When I lived in > California there was a place that the monarch butterflies would come to > every few years, they had even named the city after the butterflies. It > was amazing, thousands and thousands of butterflies in the trees, flying > in swarms. It was a little scary, but also felt like I was a part of > something in nature that was big. Like it was an amazing feat for me to > be standing in the middle of their migration. I had butterflies all > over me. Now I don't even remember the name of the city, I know I have > a picture of the city sign somewhere, maybe I'll find it and send it. > It was really amazing. > > Hugs, > > > > Re: stressing > > > > > > Do you have any hobbies? > > > > Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things > > and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that > I > > don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance > > class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do > > that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college > > porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot > of > > butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I > > liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had > caterpillars > > that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how > something > > ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color > > spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always > > thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I > > even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry > > stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm > > in " 100 most famous poets " ...I got Editor's choice award for one > > poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an > > opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this > > August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the > > year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh > > well...nice to be nominated > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > The Being Sick Community > > > > > > Message Archives-/messages > > > > Chat:- Scheduled Chats at > > /chat > > > > Bookmarks:- > > Add a website URL you have found useful. > > /links > > > > Personal Complaints or problems:- > > Please contact a moderator > > email: -owner > > > > Subscription Details:- > > 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you > > receive. > > 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you > to > > browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. > > 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at > your > > convenience and receive no email. > > > > To modify your subscription settings please visit:- > > /join > > > > To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- > > -subscribe > > -unsubscribe > > > > This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one > on > > this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you > feel you > > need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. > ~~~~ > > *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is > possible. > > > > --- Margaret Drabble > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 If you don't mind my asking...how did your sister die? You seem so mature for your age.I am sure you will go far in your life as I feel you have a good outlook on it despite what you have been through. -- Re: stressing > > > > > > Do you have any hobbies? > > > > Yes I do... I write poetry...a lot...it helps get me through things > > and helps to let others know what my feelings are about things that > I > > don't know if I could express 'normally'....I used to take dance > > class but I don't anymore...and I used to sing but don't really do > > that either ...so poetry is mainly it......oh...I do college > > porcelain dolls ...though I only have 11 .....I also collect a lot > of > > butterfly things...butterflies are a symbol in my life I guess...I > > liked butterflies since I was in kindergarten and we had > caterpillars > > that turned into butterflies...I thought it was amazing how > something > > ugly and smushy could turn into a wonderful beautiful color > > spectrum...plus butterflies are so free aren't they....I always > > thought butterlies could just escape the world...just fly away...I > > even wrote a poem about becoming a butterfly....see more poetry > > stuff.......I love poetry...I have awards for my poetry....I'm > > in "100 most famous poets" ...I got Editor's choice award for one > > poem with they only give that award to 33 poets....I also have an > > opportunity to read my poetry at a convention in Penn this > > August...as I am nominated for a special award...2004 poet of the > > year award.......but it costs too much money so I can't go....oh > > well...nice to be nominated > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > The Being Sick Community > > > > > > Message Archives-/messages > > > > Chat:- Scheduled Chats at > > /chat > > > > Bookmarks:- > > Add a website URL you have found useful. > > /links > > > > Personal Complaints or problems:- > > Please contact a moderator > > email: -owner > > > > Subscription Details:- > > 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you > > receive. > > 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you > to > > browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email. > > 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at > your > > convenience and receive no email. > > > > To modify your subscription settings please visit:- > > /join > > > > To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:- > > -subscribe > > -unsubscribe > > > > This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one > on > > this group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you > feel you > > need medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician. > ~~~~ > > *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ When nothing is sure, everything is > possible. > > > > --- Margaret Drabble > > > > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 Hi ~ i had a much better day today, no vomiting & i took the bus to safeway to pick up my prescriptions & stock up on food (if u call crackers, cereal & ensure food lol) now i turned my calendar & panic! i have 9 days to find another place & tomorrow i have counseling, thurs i have an ultrasound & fri i have physIcal therapy! Blessed be marie--------- Sent from AT & T's Wireless network using Mobile Email Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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