Venting

June 22, 2008

I have to comment. I can't keep my mouth shut another minute. How callous to recommend the ER. giessh....

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I

normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so

they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new>

neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a

common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >

June 22, 2008

okay, i'm definitely going now to work on the swale. gotta get the f outta this house. mel fritolay66 <fritolay66@...> wrote: I have to comment. I can't keep my mouth shut another minute. How callous to recommend the ER. giessh.... Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a

busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out.

I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of

130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that,

to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >

June 22, 2008

That is true. I guess I was looking at it as one who has suffered with chronic depression since I was a kid and often it is brought out by a trauma. (and a bi-polar husband)

What if it isn't the drug?

Kathy

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------------------------------> >

June 22, 2008

Maybe instead of being rude to a new member maybe you could learn some patience and compasion.

Kathy

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >

June 22, 2008

,

I understand the despair. I've had it, too, although I've felt

better more recently. One thing that helped me, I think, was taking

three Omega 3 capsules a day. It might make you a bit more drowsy

and it may affect blood coagolation (sp?)--so if you get cuts or have

hemroids it can have an adverse affect (which is why I don't take it

any more). Also, being in the sunlight, maybe taking a walk in a

park, can help. Just some ideas. Hang in there! We're in this

together.

Loviatar

> You may want to go to emergency and ask for some help there.

> Kathy

>

> Venting

>

> > For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live

anymore.

> > Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a

busy

> > interception in the opposite direction and it was at one

point I was

> > hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I

can't

> > describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never

had this

> > but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at

least

> > four times a day now.

> > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I

bought a

> > dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six

time

> > taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of

the

> > sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the

cleaning

> > products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't

> > understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just

don't. I

> > have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline

but fear

> > rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year

and

> > don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying

to

> > commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it

is too

> > much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can

> > understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder

causing

> > seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is

still in

> > high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I

don't

> > think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention

my mom

> > won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get

bad

> > credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right

now.

> > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything

to get

> > this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab,

didn't

> > smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a

perfectly

> > healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to

free myself

> > of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ

of 130,

> > nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my

brain

> > will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin

cancer on

> > some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new

> > neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks

like a meth

> > lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I

can't

> > explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend

will come

> > over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I

get so

> > annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I

just don't

> > want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom

salt,

> > sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I

don't even

> > wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in

something I'm

> > going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good

dresser too....

> > My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to

help with

> > the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore

crap. I

> > feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but

with the

> > amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don'

t have

> > anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this

behind.

> > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.

> > At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring.

Even in my

> > friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave

everything

> > behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that,

I would

> > bring them along.

> >

> > ------------ --------- --------- ------

> >

June 22, 2008

Ditto fellow member.

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I

normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so

they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new>

neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a

common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >

June 22, 2008

Not any more...thanx for the help.Wow...what an ass. Good luck everyone dealing with this idiot. I'm out of here...guess this is not a board for learning or sharing at all....apparently you are supposed to come here already knowing everything...or get stomped on for not knowing something. Not all of us can be a knowitall like you.....and perfect to boot....you must never make any mistakes......geesh.

Kathy

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >

June 22, 2008

BTW...thanx for not jumping down my throat for not knowing something yet. thanx for another view.

Kathy

Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------------------------------> >

June 22, 2008

will get better. There are highs and lows with this. Lots of lows. But, she will pull through. She may need some medical attention. It's just that when I went to the emergency room for this, I was left there for about 4 hours. finally, a real doctor talked to me, and she recommended benadryl for the itch and for sleep. Can you imagine? Benadryl. That's it. she also recommended that I see a psychiatrist and a dermatologist; and, of course, you can imagine the "help" I got from those HMO doctors. I have a whole basketfull of those drugs. $500 for the fire rescue and god only knows how much it cost my insurance for that hospital visit. Mel "Kathy L." <angeldestiny@...> wrote: BTW...thanx for not jumping down my throat for not knowing something yet. thanx for another view. Kathy Venting> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over

with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much intelligence. I don't> understand why there is nothing out there for help. I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but

I guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking care right now. > The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have skin

cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or a dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS

patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the Ivermectin.> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I did that, I would> bring them along.> > > > ------------------------------------> >

June 22, 2008

,

By the response of many on this forum, you can see

that we are all here for you, praying against the

battle that we face in our minds against this stupid

bug. It is so hard, . One of the girls on this

forum I talk to everyday, and you would never imagine

that she cries and breaks down from the constant

reminders in her life that she lives with these bugs

daily. All to say, many of us may seem all together

or strong, but each of us I'm sure often can't hold it

in any longer and just feel like giving up as well.

We are each here for each other and like many have

said....WILL conquer this! Please watch the video I

posted if you get a chance. We love you, and you are

in our prayers and thoughts.

Tammy

-- <amandatheclimber@...> wrote:

> For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not

> to live anymore.

> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have

> to cross a busy

> interception in the opposite direction and it was at

> one point I was

> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over

> with. I can't

> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has

> never had this

> but I know most of you know. I normally break down

> crying at least

> four times a day now.

> My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt

> and I bought a

> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm

> on my six time

> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go

> because of the

> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while

> from the cleaning

> products, and my brain has lost so much

> intelligence. I don't

> understand why there is nothing out there for help.

> I just don't. I

> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get

> Tetracycline but fear

> rejection once again. I only get so many

> appointments a year and

> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out.

> I'm trying to

> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at

> points it is too

> much. My parents have not been much help but I

> guess I can

> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome

> disorder causing

> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my

> sister who is still in

> high school. They sent the money for the

> dehumidifier but I don't

> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not

> to mention my mom

> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't

> want to get bad

> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking

> care right now.

> The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do

> anything to get

> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a

> methlab, didn't

> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once

> a perfectly

> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in

> attempt to free myself

> of something that no one will help me with. I once

> had an IQ of 130,

> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now

> I fear my brain

> will be mush before this is over, think I might have

> skin cancer on

> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to

> mention my new

> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment

> looks like a meth

> lab. I understand their view point but

> unfortunately I feel I can't

> explain the situation. Every once in a while my

> boyfriend will come

> over and suggest I get something like a table or a

> dresser. I get so

> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those

> items, I just don't

> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to

> wall Epsom salt,

> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to

> work. I don't even

> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put

> money in something I'm

> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a

> good dresser too....

> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell

> that, to help with

> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with

> anymore crap. I

> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS

> patients, but with the

> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common

> bond. I don' t have

> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving

> all this behind.

> I'm also probably really depressed due to the

> Ivermectin.

> At work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped

> caring. Even in my

> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would

> leave everything

> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I

> did that, I would

> bring them along.

>

June 23, 2008

,

I also wanted to let you know that when you stated about crossing that busy intersection, I thought about holding your hand and walking with you. Then it passed. Sometimes dear girl, we get beaten down. Get back up and keep going.

For those of you whom do not know, I am not man. Love them. but not one.........giggle.

Re: Venting

,By the response of many on this forum, you can seethat we are all here for you, praying against thebattle that we face in our minds against this stupidbug. It is so hard, . One of the girls on thisforum I talk to everyday, and you would never imaginethat she cries and breaks down from the constantreminders in her life that she lives with these bugsdaily. All to say, many of us may seem all togetheror strong, but each of us I'm sure often can't hold itin any longer and just feel like giving up as well. We are each here for each other and like many havesaid....WILL conquer this! Please watch the video Iposted if you get a chance. We love you, and you arein our prayers and thoughts.Tammy-- <amandatheclimber> wrote:>

For the past couple of days I have felt the urge not> to live anymore.> Yesterday when I was coming back from work, I have> to cross a busy> interception in the opposite direction and it was at> one point I was> hoping one would hit me and this would be all over> with. I can't> describe how frustrating this is to a person who has> never had this> but I know most of you know. I normally break down> crying at least> four times a day now. > My apartment is covered in head to toe in Epsom salt> and I bought a> dehumidifier. It doesn't seem to be working. I'm> on my six time> taking ivermectin. My eye sight has started to go> because of the> sulfur, my throat hurts everyone once in a while> from the cleaning> products, and my brain has lost so much> intelligence. I don't> understand why there is

nothing out there for help. > I just don't. I> have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get> Tetracycline but fear> rejection once again. I only get so many> appointments a year and> don't have the money to keep on pumping them out. > I'm trying to> commit myself to only this and work but I fear at> points it is too> much. My parents have not been much help but I> guess I can> understand. My brother has some kind of chromosome> disorder causing> seizures so they mostly bothered with him or my> sister who is still in> high school. They sent the money for the> dehumidifier but I don't> think they can handle anymore emotional drama. Not> to mention my mom> won't shut-up about student loans and how I don't> want to get bad> credit. I'm going to be honest, I don't fucking> care right now. >

The thing that sucks most about this is I didn't do> anything to get> this. I didn't have sex with 12 random guys in a> methlab, didn't> smoke, do drugs, snort glue, and yet here I am, once> a perfectly> healthy individual, slowly destroying myself in> attempt to free myself> of something that no one will help me with. I once> had an IQ of 130,> nice skin, and was a pretty easy going person. Now> I fear my brain> will be mush before this is over, think I might have> skin cancer on> some moles, and constantly am depressed. Not to> mention my new> neighbors already think I'm a nut job. My apartment> looks like a meth> lab. I understand their view point but> unfortunately I feel I can't> explain the situation. Every once in a while my> boyfriend will come> over and suggest I get something like a table or

a> dresser. I get so> annoyed because it isn't like I don't want those> items, I just don't> want another thing to clean. I don't enjoy wall to> wall Epsom salt,> sleeping on an air mattress, and riding a bike to> work. I don't even> wear clothes I like because I don't want to put> money in something I'm> going to want to throw away later. I used to be a> good dresser too....> My friend gave me some Zantaxs, however you spell> that, to help with> the stress but I don't want to bombard myself with> anymore crap. I> feel like and AIDS patient, no offense to AIDS> patients, but with the> amount of medicine I'm taking, we share a common> bond. I don' t have> anything I look forward to anymore accept leaving> all this behind. > I'm also probably really depressed due to the> Ivermectin.> At

work I've stopped caring. At home I've stopped> caring. Even in my> friendships and family I've stopped caring. I would> leave everything> behind to be free of this. Unfortunately, even if I> did that, I would> bring them along.> > >

August 19, 2008

Ian,

This is what has been happening to me for a long time. I started the salt and Vitamin C and putting lots of stuff on my skin.

http://www.lymephotos.com/index.shtml

I will never go to another dermotologist. I think this is internal as well as external anyway. Do you still have the bird mites? I can honestly say that mine are gone and I did the clorox and epsom salts treatment. So that part is better. But I'm defintely not well from whatever the mites gave me. So now I work on me. I've had this for a long time so it will take a long time I fear to get rid of it. Is your mom using any products on her skin? I'm so sorry Ian, it sucks. But I am determined to get better. Keep reading the posts and ask questions. Everyone here is super helpful.

Lou

From: Ian <tenchantre@...>Subject: Ventingbird mites Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 2:56 AM

Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no knowledgeof my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and theirappointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play forthem. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last namemisspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him a "book"-- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all of 2pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of scabies. Hesaid the red bites all over me were pimples and concluded that I hadathlete's foot and was imagining being bitten. I had asked my dad tocome (he and my mom are in far worse shape that me), and he talked abit, explaining all the bugs they'd found in their house. The doctorsaid that he and my mom both had 'delusional parasitosis' (as I did)and that the bites and bugs they

found were being imagined. If itdidn't fit the definitions in his medical training, we werehallucinating! He cited some study about scabies never biting abovethe neck. I asked when those studies were done. Oh, years ago. Years?Like 60 years? WWII seems the last time mites were seriously investigated.I think, with the right apartment, I could be over this before long.I'm looking at one tomorrow. It's very hard to find an apartmentwithout carpet. It's my parents' situation that really, really killsme. My mom has worms coming out of her feet, very bad sign. I thinkthey are about ready to take the steps needed to fix this thing. Iknow I am.

August 19, 2008

Ian,

I am so sorry... I wish things were going better for you and your

family.

Don't let the medical profession get you down. I think they know

that " something " isn't quite right,.. that there is a mite or a bug

that is plaguing thousands of people as well as our wildlife, and

they label us as being Delusional because they just don't know what

they are dealing with and how to treat it.

Can you & your folks start a parasite cleanse? There are several very

good ones. This may help with the internal cleansing while you are

concentrating on the environment. A few folks here have taken

Revoxil, ParaClear, Paragone and several others. All have gotten good

reports from what I understand.

Dietary changes are good as well. Limit sugar intakes.

This may sound corny Ian BUT... About the carpet in your new place...

There is a company that makes rolls of " peel & stick " clear plastic

vinyl used for over top of RV camper carpeting. It is has a light

adhesive on the back and you roll it out and stick it right to the

top of the carpet, ensuring that the edges were sealed. Leaves no

residue when pealed off. (My brother and his wife were telling me

about this as they use it.) This would enable you to still have the

general feeling of carpet, but have the ease of cleaning as you can

mop " the top of the carpet " which is now covered in plastic.

Good luck to you and your family Ian... Keep up the fight. With time

and pererverance you will win this battle.

>

> Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no

knowledge

> of my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and their

> appointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play for

> them. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last name

> misspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him

a " book "

> -- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all

of 2

> pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,

> explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of scabies.

He

> said the red bites all over me were pimples and concluded that I had

> athlete's foot and was imagining being bitten. I had asked my dad to

> come (he and my mom are in far worse shape that me), and he talked a

> bit, explaining all the bugs they'd found in their house. The doctor

> said that he and my mom both had 'delusional parasitosis' (as I did)

> and that the bites and bugs they found were being imagined. If it

> didn't fit the definitions in his medical training, we were

> hallucinating! He cited some study about scabies never biting above

> the neck. I asked when those studies were done. Oh, years ago.

Years?

> Like 60 years? WWII seems the last time mites were seriously

investigated.

>

> I think, with the right apartment, I could be over this before long.

> I'm looking at one tomorrow. It's very hard to find an apartment

> without carpet. It's my parents' situation that really, really kills

> me. My mom has worms coming out of her feet, very bad sign. I think

> they are about ready to take the steps needed to fix this thing. I

> know I am.

>

August 19, 2008

Hi Ian and Truly Blest,

Sorry to hear about the dermo visit. These doctors don't have a clue

do they? I have been through a few of them also. They seem to know

only two words: " Delusional and Hydracortisone " . It is truly sad

that most of them won't take any of us seriously.

The plastic on the carpet is a good idea except one note of caution.

I put plastic down on top of the carpet in my bathroom and I would

spray everyday, both carpet and the plastic. After about a week, I

raised the plastic mat to vacuum under the mat and my feet got mauled

by the mites nesting under the plastic. I ended up with about 30

bites on my feet. So now I lift the plastic everytime I spray to

catch any that are under the mat. Just an FYI.

Lady Dee

> >

> > Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no

> knowledge

> > of my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and their

> > appointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play

for

> > them. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last

name

> > misspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him

> a " book "

> > -- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all

> of 2

> > pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,

> > explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of

scabies.

> He

> > said the red bites all over me were pimples and concluded that I

had

> > athlete's foot and was imagining being bitten. I had asked my dad

to

> > come (he and my mom are in far worse shape that me), and he

talked a

> > bit, explaining all the bugs they'd found in their house. The

doctor

> > said that he and my mom both had 'delusional parasitosis' (as I

did)

> > and that the bites and bugs they found were being imagined. If it

> > didn't fit the definitions in his medical training, we were

> > hallucinating! He cited some study about scabies never biting

above

> > the neck. I asked when those studies were done. Oh, years ago.

> Years?

> > Like 60 years? WWII seems the last time mites were seriously

> investigated.

> >

> > I think, with the right apartment, I could be over this before

long.

> > I'm looking at one tomorrow. It's very hard to find an apartment

> > without carpet. It's my parents' situation that really, really

kills

> > me. My mom has worms coming out of her feet, very bad sign. I

think

> > they are about ready to take the steps needed to fix this thing. I

> > know I am.

> >

>

August 19, 2008

Hi, Lou!

Thank you so much for the link to this website!!! Hadn't found that

yet, having barely scratched the surface on Lyme. Just enough to

know that I may have it & that the usual treatment routine is

months/years of various antibiotics - many of which trigger severe

alergic reactions for me & a few to which I'm merely highly

intolerant. Didn't see that route as a viable option.

http://www.lymephotos.com/index.shtml

Makes sense of all this.

My energy level was at a lowpoint in early Spring this year - really

dragging my tail. My husband read about & ordered Trans-Resveratrol

capsules (Biotivia Transmax brand)in mid-April. Within 30 minutes of

taking the first one, I realized I didn't have any pain. None at all!

Simultaneously realized just how much pain had been crushing me for

so long. Taking that was the only thing I did differently. It's

supposed to rev up the mitochondia " energy centers " of your cells.

Works for me!

Another interesting website on lyme:

http://www.thehumansideoflyme.net/index.php

And Ian, hang in there. Your experience with the dermatologist was a

typical one. Very difficult to find a professional who will look at

the Big Picture, let alone examine the symptoms. I believe the info

here on this forum will truly be of more help to you & your folks

than the current medical community will offer.

Best wishes, Sue

Ian,

This is what has been happening to me for a long time. I started the

salt and Vitamin C and putting lots of stuff on my skin.

http://www.lymephotos.com/index.shtml

I will never go to another dermotologist. I think this is internal as

well as external anyway. Do you still have the bird mites? I can

honestly say that mine are gone and I did the clorox and epsom salts

treatment. So that part is better. But I'm defintely not well from

whatever the mites gave me. So now I work on me. I've had this for a

long time so it will take a long time I fear to get rid of it. Is

your mom using any products on her skin? I'm so sorry Ian, it sucks.

But I am determined to get better. Keep reading the posts and ask

questions. Everyone here is super helpful.

Lou

From: Ian <tenchantre@...>

Subject: Venting

bird mites

Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 2:56 AM

Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no knowledge

of my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and their

appointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play for

them. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last name

misspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him a " book "

-- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all of 2

pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,

explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of scabies. He

said the red bites all over me were pimples and concluded that I had

athlete's foot and was imagining being bitten. I had asked my dad to

come (he and my mom are in far worse shape that me), and he talked a

bit, explaining all the bugs they'd found in their house. The doctor

said that he and my mom both had 'delusional parasitosis' (as I did)

and that the bites and bugs they found were being imagined. If it

didn't fit the definitions in his medical training, we were

hallucinating! He cited some study about scabies never biting above

the neck. I asked when those studies were done. Oh, years ago. Years?

Like 60 years? WWII seems the last time mites were seriously

investigated.

I think, with the right apartment, I could be over this before long.

I'm looking at one tomorrow. It's very hard to find an apartment

without carpet. It's my parents' situation that really, really kills

me. My mom has worms coming out of her feet, very bad sign. I think

they are about ready to take the steps needed to fix this thing. I

know I am.

August 19, 2008

Ian, I can relate to your story as I just recently was given a script for CALAMINE LOTION, Zyrtec, and a diagnosis of 'chiggers' (!) on my way out after another frustrating doctor visit, at least this 'fierce specimen of an MD specialist for Infectious Diseases' had enough decency to treat my 'infected' ear with neomycin/polymyxin sulfa/hydrocortisone ear drops ( he did not want to hear my INFESTED EAR NOT INFECTED !! STORY)............(no microscope used by him, I did and I have images....)..got some lab work done, he added at least a histo and crypto to the list, as he remembered (barely) my original exposure to pigeons etc...

I wish you the best and please stay in touch, we all need each other here.

I too will move again, as I had enough of paying luxury rent in the most expensive cities in the world, SF, for having to live like a pauper and leper.

I like trylblst's idea for the carpet, as it is so hard to find a place without one. Where would I find this product , besides online ?

Thanks,

M in SF

From: Ian <tenchantre (DOT) com>Subject: Ventingbird mitesDate: Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 2:56 AM

Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no knowledgeof my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and theirappointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play forthem. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last namemisspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him a "book"-- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all of 2pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of scabies. Hesaid the red bites all over me were pimples and concluded that I hadathlete's foot and was imagining being bitten. I had asked my dad tocome (he and my mom are in far worse shape that me), and he talked abit, explaining all the bugs they'd found in their house. The doctorsaid that he and my mom both had 'delusional parasitosis' (as I did)and that the bites and bugs they

found were being imagined. If itdidn't fit the definitions in his medical training, we werehallucinating! He cited some study about scabies never biting abovethe neck. I asked when those studies were done. Oh, years ago. Years?Like 60 years? WWII seems the last time mites were seriously investigated.I think, with the right apartment, I could be over this before long.I'm looking at one tomorrow. It's very hard to find an apartmentwithout carpet. It's my parents' situation that really, really killsme. My mom has worms coming out of her feet, very bad sign. I thinkthey are about ready to take the steps needed to fix this thing. Iknow I am.

August 19, 2008

Hi Ian,

I'm sorry you and your folks got blown off by the dermatologist. He

sounds arrogant -- I was once diagnosed by a doctor in San Francisco

with " pimples " when I actually had shingles. I have little faith in

physicians.

I have one suggestion for your mom. If she can tolerate topical

ivermectin, she may want to try putting that on her feet to kill the

worms. That's how I got rid of the infestation in my feet. I used

the horse paste ivermectin, mixed it with enough water to a slightly

runny consistency (like jergen's lotion), and applied it to only the

infested parts of my feet with a q-tip before bed. Let it dry on the

feet and then sleep like that. I only had to apply it 2-3 times

between my toes, and perhaps 5 times on a very infested spot on one of

my arches. I just noticed this week that there are TONS of blood

vessels in my feet. No wonder the bugs love our feet.

I would have used the ivermectin on all my itchy skin if I hadn't had

such a strong adverse reaction to it. But it was worth it to get the

bugs out of my feet.

With best wishes,

myrtle

>

> Went to the dermatologist finally this morning. They had no knowledge

> of my appointment, despite the referral from my doctor and their

> appointment reminder call on my voicemail that I offered to play for

> them. After several tries, I found they, of course, had my last name

> misspelled. The doctor came in and proclaimed I'd written him a " book "

> -- I brought a detailed report of my issues and full history, all of 2

> pages. He barely scanned the report and then looked me over,

> explaining that I didn't have any of the textbook signs of scabies. He