Re: Choosing a life partner...

[Guest guest]

hmm, that is a tough one. I do think if you love him and everything else is good

- hopefully you can work through some of these other things and hopefully come

to a middle ground. Feed them healthy foods 95% of the time.... and let them

have cake once in a while. If he really loves you - he will be willing to

compromise I think.

>

> I'm in love with my boyfriend, we've been together for 4 years and I can't see

myself with anyone else. However we seem to disagree on a lot of things,

especially about health and the medical industry. If we ever had kids he would

force me to get them vaccinated. We would not have the same opinions on how to

feed our children either. He says that not letting kids have birthday cake and

candy once in a while is like torture. He thinks it's a part of being a kid. We

disagree on how we should raise children, but we love eachother and have so many

other things in common.

>

> Would you ever break off a relationship because of these reasons??

>

[Guest guest]

What do you live for if not to attain happiness?  Life IS the pursuit of

happiness.  The question isn't whether or not you can find a middle ground and

things you disagree upon, but whether or not you are happy.  If nothing 'gave'

in your relationship from this day forward, will you be happy and fulfilled? 

With happiness comes good health.  With good health comes happiness.  Only you

can make this decision, and only you have to live with it.  Follow your heart

and the rest will be okay!

 

Cheers,

Jen

“ There is a vitality, a life force, an energy that is translated through you

into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is

unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and

be lost. " ~Martha Graham

[Guest guest]

Hi (Taryn, is it?)

As I'm sure you know, this is something you have to decide for yourself since

you know where you stand on these issues, how flexible you are on this subject,

and the type of relationship you have with your boyfriend. All any of us can do

is share some ideas and our experiences. So, since you asked, here is what I

think:

If it were me, I could not stay in relationship where my partner didn't have the

same beliefs about health and healthy eating as me since it is such a huge part

of my daily life and it is forever in my thoughts. For me, personally, this

subject is all-encompassing and while I might compromise on other topics, I am

not at all willing to compromise on my or my children's health.

I have a friend who is dealing with this exact thing right now. She is

exploring whole foods and the problems with food additives, etc. and is coming

to realize that the medical system isn't measuring up to what she had always

believed. She is interested in alternatives, while her husband takes the

doctor's word as the gospel truth. It is a huge source of tension in their

relationship. They have a young son and she feels forced to do as her husband

wants even though she feels pulled in the opposite direction.

When you have children, as a mother, you have this natural, overwhelmingly

powerful instinct to protect them and to do what is best for them. Being forced

to go against those natural instincts will be incredibly difficult. I couldn't

do it.

If I were you, I would seriously consider what you want and what you would be

willing to compromise on and what you wouldn't. It might also be worth it for

both of you to have some couple's counseling together to really explore these

issues so you are both certain where you stand and whether you could make this

work when you add children into the mix.

This is clearly a sensitive issue and I hope I haven't said anything to offend

you or your boyfriend.

Best wishes,

Group Moderator

>

> I'm in love with my boyfriend, we've been together for 4 years and I can't see

myself with anyone else. However we seem to disagree on a lot of things,

especially about health and the medical industry. If we ever had kids he would

force me to get them vaccinated. We would not have the same opinions on how to

feed our children either. He says that not letting kids have birthday cake and

candy once in a while is like torture. He thinks it's a part of being a kid. We

disagree on how we should raise children, but we love eachother and have so many

other things in common.

>

> Would you ever break off a relationship because of these reasons??

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Steph,

Of course you can choose to stay with someone who espouses completely

different viewpoints than your own. What must be considered is if you want

to give up your beliefs for the sake of peace, constantly negotiate and

renegotiate the details of daily life, or endure the pain of severing the

relationship to find someone you will be more compatible with. (and set him

free to do the same) SO, in addition to not being supported in living in

optimal health, there will be the added stress of

explaining/justifying/holding your ground, just to get through your daily

life.

Ultimately, if you both are strong in your viewpoints, one or both of you

will regularly be compromising what you truly believe. That suppression

will take its toll on the relationship, to believe otherwise is not

realistic. The choice is between pursuit of optimal health or doing your

part to compromise your beliefs until they are peaceable to your companion.

It seems they don't both fit in the same frame. Which is bottom line, MOST

important. Which one can you not live without??? To thy self be true..

Just my two cents,

You will make the right choice.

Best to you, Jen B.

**********************************

I'm in love with my boyfriend, we've been together for 4 years and I can't

see myself with anyone else. However we seem to disagree on a lot of things,

especially about health and the medical industry. If we ever had kids he

would force me to get them vaccinated. We would not have the same opinions

on how to feed our children either. He says that not letting kids have

birthday cake and candy once in a while is like torture. He thinks it's a

part of being a kid. We disagree on how we should raise children, but we

love eachother and have so many other things in common.

Would you ever break off a relationship because of these reasons??

[Guest guest]

I think this is where marriage classes or couples therapy might come

in handy. Start working out your differences now. It's a great

testing time to see if you can overcome them. Who knows with a

moderator's help, you might be closer in values than you think, or you

might be able to move closer. And it might help make a mature and

difficult decision about whether you can make a go of a life together.

I can promise you that if you are miles apart and your haven't come to

terms with " how " you're going to tackle your differences or even if

you can, then love will not be enough to survive children and a long

life together.

On 19-Mar-11, at 12:27 AM, Jen wrote

>

>

> **********************************

>

> I'm in love with my boyfriend, we've been together for 4 years and I

> can't

> see myself with anyone else. However we seem to disagree on a lot of

> things,

> especially about health and the medical industry. If we ever had

> kids he

> would force me to get them vaccinated. We would not have the same

> opinions

> on how to feed our children either. He says that not letting kids have

> birthday cake and candy once in a while is like torture. He thinks

> it's a

> part of being a kid. We disagree on how we should raise children,

> but we

> love eachother and have so many other things in common.

>

> Would you ever break off a relationship because of these reasons??

>

>

>