To Spanky or Not to Spanky

January 4, 2006

Sally,

It you twist my arm I'll talk about the kid only cause you insist.

When Mali was about 12 months old she began to understand what no

means. Smart kid. You could tell because she'd stop and look at

you. Then she'd do it anyway a second later being too young to

really control herself. A little while later sometimes she would

stop at least awhile which I figured was good. I'd say thank you

Mali, good girl and smile at her.

Then I noticed a subtle change, around 15 months, she would stop for

a second look at me to be sure she understood and then get this look

in her eyes that said I know what you want but baby does what baby

wants, don't get in my way Daddy. Well the first time I saw it I was

not sure about it so it slid. Next time I picked her up and gave her

a slap on the diaper.

She was amazed and looked all confused like WTF was that. Did not

hurt through the diaper but she didn't think it was a nice game.

Well after a few times she realized it was not a nice game and cried

for a few seconds but in a few weeks realized Daddy means stop or

else spanky bottom. The wife thought it was horrific to spank any

child at any age but a BABY my God how barbaric. She begged me to

stop and said I'd scar her for life.

On the one hand I was worried she was too young to spank but on the

other hand she was real smart and understood what people said and

generally real cooperative with helping dress her and stuff. I

figured if she understood she was being disobedient and she seemed

to, that the sooner it was proven to her to not be fun the easier it

would be to stop it from becoming a personality trait like it is for

some. I was really torn and could not find a good reason to continue

or to stop but decided to go with my instincts and try to avoid a

problem. I hit her diaper hard enough for her to know she was

spanked but don't think there was any real physical pain.

Well it was not long at all before she would listen to me for the

most part. She did take a few spells of not listening and always got

spanky spanky so she started to listen all the time. By now she had

learned from Moma's no spanky give the baby whatever she cries for

routine that a baby can get what she wants if she cries. More of a

bitchy gime, gime cry than I'm scared or feed me now.

This was a very successful and fun new behavior and she tested it on

me a few times and that SOB mean Daddy even gives spanky spanky for

gime gime crying tricks. So she quit crying and after awhile all it

took was sayin Mali NO or at worst Spanky Spanky and she'd look sad

or PO but no big deal and almost never any crying. Just sometimes

for a few second kinda like awh Daddy I'm so sad you wont let me do

it just can't keep from crying but not like screw you Daddy I say

gime gime.

Same thing with nap time. When it's nap time Daddy puts you to bed

and crying don't change anything. In a few days after she started

nap time crying not only did she go to nap and bed time without

crying she would smile at me when I said nitey nite and we'd wave

good buy and smile at each other. Wife could not understand why the

baby cried when she put her down of at least 15 minutes every time.

It was because sometimes the wife would pick her back up again and

sing and rock which baby liked but baby would soon be too tired and

then start crying again. Sometimes the whole crying at bed time with

Momma goes on for 30 minutes or more and I hate to hear the kid

crying but saying anything just makes Moma want to do it " my way " as

she calls it.

When it gets to be too much every few weeks I ask to hold the baby

for a second and take her to bed and then she stops crying and waves

by by and smiles. Sometimes Momma gets PO and says I wanted to hold

her more and I'd say yeah but she wanted to go to bed that's why she

was crying but stopped when I put her to bed.

baby is only 20 months old but controls her emotions way better than

Momma who probably got hung up at an earlier age. I hate to see the

baby successfully in control of modifying Momma's behavior and not

the other way around. I guess with Momma unable to conrtol her own

behavior it's silly to expect her to control baby's. Don't get me

wrong baby Loves Mama.

Well the other day Mali wanted to get Momma to go in the back yard to

look at stuff and wonder around. Momma said no Mali come here and

the baby cried her gime gime cry and the two sort of argued like that

for at least a minute. I was sitting in the chair ten feet away and

said Diane why don't you just pick her up and take her where you want

her to go. She says no Mike I want her to listen.

I smiled and said OH why didn't you say so. I said Mali stop and she

stopped in mid cry and looked at me. Then I motioned with my hand

come her and she walks to me. Then I said go to your Mom and she

walks to Diane. So Diane looks at me and says how come she listens

to you. I smiled and said spanky spanky.

Mali laughed when I said spanky spanky because she knows now it's

just a joke. We don't do spanky spanky anymore because shes Daddy's

GOOD GIRL. Sometimes when she sits on my lap she grabs my hands and

wraps my arms around her belly and leans her head back on my chest

and says goo girl goo girl. That's right Mali you're a good girl.

She's a good kid and she just wants a consistent structured

environment where she knows what's expected and when it's expected so

she can be a good girl. I am one lucky Daddy but a sad one to see my

good girl going off alone with Mamma at least half the time.

Mike

>

> Mike, what a total doll you have there! You can tell

> us baby stories any time!

>

> Michele

>

> __________________________________________

> DSL – Something to write home about.

> Just $16.99/mo. or less.

> dsl.

>

January 5, 2006

Mike,

How sweet! You know, I'm up for adoption. <sweet smile>

But you realize, of course, that you got me confused with Michele again. I

feel flattered, but am not so sure Michele does.

And it sounds to me like you are doing the right things by raising Mali.

Consistency is the key. And the doctor that one time said that spanking

would emotionally scar a child for life has changed his tune. With an entire

generation and a half raised hands off into young gangstas, he apparently

figured out that approach wasn't working so well. I was never a subscriber

to that method, and neither is my daughter. But we do reserve the physical

" attention getting " for times when its really needed. When the child is

truly not paying attention, or has no intention of compliance. I recall one

instance when the younger daughter, the certified child, was just going

ballistic while I was trying to drive her home, and I told her 3 times to

save it until we got home. She didn't acknowledge even hearing me, so I

stopped the car and slapped her face. She listened. I didn't slap her hard,

no marks, but it got her attention. Sometimes you gotta get their attention,

and I think a spanky or slap on the hand or cheek is a much better method

than the 2x4 or baseball bat a frustrated spouse may use later on, or the

incarceration/death sentence method the state may use if behavior control is

not taught and learned.

I had a fun day. Saw the gastro doc yesterday and I tell you, it did me in!

I think I'm getting signed up for tx. I say I think because the doc said " As

soon as you know for sure your insurance pays. " and I had a call in to the

insurance when I went in to see the doc. When I got home I had a message on

my machine from the insurance saying " Good to go. " So I called Doc back,

told the nurse to go ahead with it. However, the nurse, Barb, seemed

somewhat confused about it. So we shall see. I have the endo-colono-scopy

scheduled for the 16th. I can hardly wait. Come time to drink the

phospho-soda I'm sure I won't be able to wait at ALL. A good 12 hours of

violent diarrhea, sounds like a good time for all! <not>

A concerned friend heard about my anticipated party and called to warn me

that the go-lytely stuff is not to be trifled with. But she couldn't

remember the name, so she just said " That stuff they have you take to clean

you out. " but not the other. So, of course, I had to go look it all up on

the web to find out what she was talking about. I got the low down and also

found a really fun site, all about fun with poo. Man, that was some STRANGE

stuff! Real bathroom humor. I mean, REAL bathroom humor. Well, and some that

didn't make it to the bathroom.

Then I got to talk to SSA about my disability. They are still sitting on the

lump sum payment, but they at least told me how much it will be, so I can

start spending it in advance. I'll look into the mushroom stuff, I guess.

I still get an uneasy feeling about it. I react so differently than most

folks to a lot of stuff.

Oh, and I found out from my PCP nurse that the insulin pump guy was by this

week, and she got his card for me. He was heading to talk to my endo next.

Maybe I can get my insulin pump. I'm thinking the pump will make insulin

management a whole lot easier than injection during tx. I get so tired of

the syringes. We'll see.

All in all I've had more fun than I can stand almost the past 2 days. Hoping

for a nice quiet day today, which will happen after I sleep again, and wake

up. See, my circadian rhythms are all fouled up in anticipation of the tx, I

guess. And I have liver pain the past 24 hours which I figure is also

anticipation. I think there's a song in there somewhere but this is not the

time to be singing.

I just love it when my doctor promises me tx from hell. <sigh> As if I

didn't know. But I have a lot of support set up for the year to come. I'll

be taking Pegasys and I guess it will be mail order through Walgreens. Is

Walgreens the defacto supplier for the juice?

Mike, enjoy your little one. She is a treasure. A question, though, did you

perhaps pray for a smart child while she was in utero? Or your wife,

perhaps? I found out the hard way that that's a mistake for parents. Darn

kids had me outsmarted all the way around. Fortunately my daughter listened

when I told her not to pray for smart children, and the first two are most

definitely smart, but are manageable. The youngest, her daddy prayed for

smart, and now she just runs circles around him. Ha! He didn't listen.

And Happy New Year to all I didn't catch with the wish yet. Here's hoping

this one is better than the last one.

Sally