Re: Need help with co-workers!

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Have you talked to a counselor or therapist? Some organizations have counselors at the place of employment. If the university doesn't have one, perhaps you can talk to an outside therapist. Many of them today offer evening and weekend appointments.

In addition to helping you personally, sometimes a therapist can write a letter to your supervisor/department head explaining your situation and offering recommendations. This can be a powerful way of getting a message across.

Your medical plan may cover the cost of therapy.

I also had to deal with negative co-workers (I have had RA for 20 years). Even though I don't work today, I know what you are going through. I would come home and throw and kick and beat up pillows. I would put my mouth on the pillows and scream (with my mouth on the pillow my neighbors couldn't hear me). I would play Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone" very loud, over and over.

So, yes, I know what you mean.

A therapist helped me. And, s/he may be able to determine if you need antidepressants.

I know it's really hard to ignore negative co-workers. My guess is that they are jealous of you. You must have something they envy, in your personality, in your work, for them to spend time talking about you. I consider these kinds of people low-lifes because they spend so much time gossiping. I really hate this kind of destructive behavior. Unfortunately the better you do your job, the more they will talk. I remember a quote by Gore Vidal,

"Whenever a friend succeeds, something inside me dies."

Good luck,

BeingIrish **************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1221322931x1201367171/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072 & hmpgID=115 & bcd=May5509AvgfooterNO115)

[Guest guest]

Hello and thanks for sharing we live in that kind of society where if you are doing right people will talk about you. You know what kind of person you are and so does your family. They are wasting their breath, I understand it is hurting you ,you can live for yourself and what makes you happy you cannot life for other people.

From: susanmerr <susanmer@...>Subject: Need help with co-workers!Rheumatoid Arthritis Date: Friday, May 8, 2009, 8:16 PM

Hello everyone,This is a very long post! Please bear with me! I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis almost 9 years ago. I also have an inherited heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Managing both conditions is quite a challenge for me. I continue to work full-time. I work as an administrator in an academic unit at a university. I have a very demanding job. I have worked at this university for almost 25 years, and I have accrued a lot of sick days. I am on intermittent FLMA, and I use my sick time if I need to stay home due to flares, and also to go to doctor's appointments and go for testing.The Chair of the Department (my supervisor) and the personnel in the Dean's Office are very supportive. Most of my coworkers are also supportive and understanding. When I am not in the office, my work simply does not get done – it sits there and waits for me to come back to work. So my co-workers are not really burdened with extra

work. When I am home with a flare, I can usually manage to answer emails and phone calls. I usually work a few hours every weekend from home, and also when I am on vacation. I am very dedicated to my job.However, I have been told there is one group of co-workers who believe that I am playing the system, that I am not really sick, that I am taking advantage, and that I am not doing my job. This of course is very hurtful to me and upsetting. They will not tell me this directly, it is all behind my back. What makes matters worse is that our department is growing, and my job duties are growing. I have been saying that I have too much work to do and I have been looking for solutions. One such solution is that I have been revamping the administrative areas of our department. And of course there is resistance to my changes. The same group of people who are talking behind my back are also the ones who are resisting the changes. However, some of the

people in this group are very influential and it is hard for me just to ignore them. And their argument is this: it's not true that there is too much work for me to do, that is not the problem; the problem is that I am not there to do the work.So how do I handle these negative, prejudiced co-workers? And more importantly, how do I manage my emotions? The situation makes me feel by turn, angry, depressed, demoralized and anxious, plus it is eroding my self-confidence. Any help will be most welcome. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Hello

We live in a society where people just dont care.

I need an operation on my toes, and would you believe i can not find one person to drive and pick me up at the hospital. All my life i cared about proples, went out of my way to help them, and be there for them, but now i need a little help, and not one soul id there for me.

My little dog is unable to help me .......... lol, lol,

So i just suffer, and pray to God, maybe he will find a solution for me.

take care, Marika

From: Angie Phea <angie_phea@...>Rheumatoid Arthritis Sent: Saturday, May 9, 2009 3:00:58 AMSubject: Re: Need help with co-workers!

Hello and thanks for sharing we live in that kind of society where if you are doing right people will talk about you. You know what kind of person you are and so does your family. They are wasting their breath, I understand it is hurting you ,you can live for yourself and what makes you happy you cannot life for other people.

From: susanmerr <susanmergmail (DOT) com>Subject: [rheumatoid_ arthritis] Need help with co-workers!rheumatoid_arthriti sgroups (DOT) comDate: Friday, May 8, 2009, 8:16 PM

Hello everyone,This is a very long post! Please bear with me! I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis almost 9 years ago. I also have an inherited heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Managing both conditions is quite a challenge for me. I continue to work full-time. I work as an administrator in an academic unit at a university. I have a very demanding job. I have worked at this university for almost 25 years, and I have accrued a lot of sick days. I am on intermittent FLMA, and I use my sick time if I need to stay home due to flares, and also to go to doctor's appointments and go for testing.The Chair of the Department (my supervisor) and the personnel in the Dean's Office are very supportive. Most of my coworkers are also supportive and understanding. When I am not in the office, my work simply does not get done – it sits there and waits for me to come back to work. So my co-workers are not really burdened with extra

work. When I am home with a flare, I can usually manage to answer emails and phone calls. I usually work a few hours every weekend from home, and also when I am on vacation. I am very dedicated to my job.However, I have been told there is one group of co-workers who believe that I am playing the system, that I am not really sick, that I am taking advantage, and that I am not doing my job. This of course is very hurtful to me and upsetting. They will not tell me this directly, it is all behind my back. What makes matters worse is that our department is growing, and my job duties are growing. I have been saying that I have too much work to do and I have been looking for solutions. One such solution is that I have been revamping the administrative areas of our department. And of course there is resistance to my changes. The same group of people who are talking behind my back are also the ones who are resisting the changes. However, some of the

people in this group are very influential and it is hard for me just to ignore them. And their argument is this: it's not true that there is too much work for me to do, that is not the problem; the problem is that I am not there to do the work.So how do I handle these negative, prejudiced co-workers? And more importantly, how do I manage my emotions? The situation makes me feel by turn, angry, depressed, demoralized and anxious, plus it is eroding my self-confidence. Any help will be most welcome. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Some churches have aid organizations that help people in need

regardless of faith.  You might check in your community to see if one of them

can help you.  I hope you get help somewhere.  God bless.

From: Rheumatoid Arthritis

[mailto:Rheumatoid Arthritis ] On Behalf Of Elliott

Sent: Saturday, May 09, 2009 1:47 PM

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Subject: Re: Need help with co-workers!

Hello

We live in a

society where people just dont care.

I need an

operation on my toes, and would you believe i can not find one person to drive

and pick me up at the hospital. All my life i cared about proples, went out of

my way to help them, and be there for them, but now i need a little help, and

not one soul id there for me.

My little dog

is unable to help me .......... lol, lol,

So i just

suffer, and pray to God, maybe he will find a solution for me.

take care,

Marika

[Guest guest]

Let your doctor know and he can arrange or point you toward people that transport to and from the place you are doing your operation at.

From: Harold Van Tuyl <hvantuyl@...>Subject: RE: Need help with co-workers!Rheumatoid Arthritis Date: Saturday, May 9, 2009, 5:38 PM

Some churches have aid organizations that help people in need regardless of faith.. You might check in your community to see if one of them can help you. I hope you get help somewhere. God bless.

From: rheumatoid_arthriti sgroups (DOT) com [mailto:rheumatoid_ arthritis] On Behalf Of ElliottSent: Saturday, May 09, 2009 1:47 PMrheumatoid_arthriti sgroups (DOT) comSubject: Re: [rheumatoid_ arthritis] Need help with co-workers!

Hello

We live in a society where people just dont care..

I need an operation on my toes, and would you believe i can not find one person to drive and pick me up at the hospital. All my life i cared about proples, went out of my way to help them, and be there for them, but now i need a little help, and not one soul id there for me.

My little dog is unable to help me .......... lol, lol,

So i just suffer, and pray to God, maybe he will find a solution for me.

take care, Marika

[Guest guest]

Apparently this is not affecting your relations with management

so the only people really hurt are the complainers who are hurt by showing

their ignorance and lack of empathy. Over the years (I’m 81) I’ve

learned to feel sorry for people like that rather than to be hurt or

angry. I am disappointed in the people more than anything else. It

should not affect your self confidence because you know how capable you are and

some erroneous opinion to the contrary should not affect this. I have

learned to ignore things like this and I hope you will be able to do the same.

God bless.

From: Rheumatoid Arthritis

[mailto:Rheumatoid Arthritis ] On Behalf Of susanmerr

Sent: Friday, May 08, 2009 5:16 PM

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Subject: Need help with co-workers!

Hello everyone,

This is a very long post! Please bear with me! I was diagnosed with rheumatoid

arthritis almost 9 years ago. I also have an inherited heart condition called

hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Managing both conditions is quite a challenge for

me. I continue to work full-time. I work as an administrator in an academic unit

at a university. I have a very demanding job. I have worked at this university

for almost 25 years, and I have accrued a lot of sick days. I am on

intermittent FLMA, and I use my sick time if I need to stay home due to flares,

and also to go to doctor's appointments and go for testing.

The Chair of the Department (my supervisor) and the personnel in the Dean's

Office are very supportive. Most of my coworkers are also supportive and

understanding. When I am not in the office, my work simply does not get done

– it sits there and waits for me to come back to work. So my co-workers

are not really burdened with extra work. When I am home with a flare, I can

usually manage to answer emails and phone calls. I usually work a few hours

every weekend from home, and also when I am on vacation. I am very dedicated to

my job.

However, I have been told there is one group of co-workers who believe that I

am playing the system, that I am not really sick, that I am taking advantage,

and that I am not doing my job. This of course is very hurtful to me and

upsetting. They will not tell me this directly, it is all behind my back.

What makes matters worse is that our department is growing, and my job duties

are growing. I have been saying that I have too much work to do and I have been

looking for solutions. One such solution is that I have been revamping the

administrative areas of our department. And of course there is resistance to my

changes. The same group of people who are talking behind my back are also the

ones who are resisting the changes. However, some of the people in this group

are very influential and it is hard for me just to ignore them. And their

argument is this: it's not true that there is too much work for me to do, that

is not the problem; the problem is that I am not there to do the work.

So how do I handle these negative, prejudiced co-workers? And more importantly,

how do I manage my emotions? The situation makes me feel by turn, angry,

depressed, demoralized and anxious, plus it is eroding my self-confidence. Any

help will be most welcome. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Can you check with your local public transportation. They do offer special transport for those in need. The other thing is check with Senior's center. Many times they have volunteers to drive people places.

Next option I can think of is reserve a car...car service....maybe you can at least reserve a car to take you home.

The last option is does your hospital offer hoteling. You could stay in the hospital a few days til you feel better and can go in a regular taxi home.

Toni The Average US Credit Score is 692. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

[Guest guest]

Tell your co-workers that if you were " playing " the system you would be on disability and collecting a check every month.  You have every right to do that but you " CHOOSE " not too.  The amount of courage and determination you have are astounding.  Tell anyone who wants to know that you have a parasitic biological illness that feeds on you every day.  You simply refuse to submit meekly despite the terrible fatigue and pain.  In terms anyone can understand.  If someone has cancer, no one would ever speak a word against them.  Tell them this disease is treated with chemotherapy too, and just like cancer, RA is malfunction of the immune system.  While cancer attacks your body, RA does the same.  I have done the research so I know.  You can walk into an oncology practice and ask them how RA and Cancers are alike.  You would be shocked.  People who are ignorant and clueless about illness especially chronic illness should be pitied.  People who are healthy cannot relate in any way.  If they lived one day in your body they would understand.  I would go to www.arthritisfounation.org and print out what they say about RA.  Print it and keep it with you.  When you hear rumors just post that info where everyone can see it.  That should do the trick.  I am very proud and in awe of you.  Deborah

On 5/8/09, susanmerr <susanmer@...> wrote:

Hello everyone,This is a very long post! Please bear with me! I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis almost 9 years ago. I also have an inherited heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Managing both conditions is quite a challenge for me. I continue to work full-time. I work as an administrator in an academic unit at a university. I have a very demanding job. I have worked at this university for almost 25 years, and I have accrued a lot of sick days. I am on intermittent FLMA, and I use my sick time if I need to stay home due to flares, and also to go to doctor's appointments and go for testing.

The Chair of the Department (my supervisor) and the personnel in the Dean's Office are very supportive. Most of my coworkers are also supportive and understanding. When I am not in the office, my work simply does not get done – it sits there and waits for me to come back to work. So my co-workers are not really burdened with extra work. When I am home with a flare, I can usually manage to answer emails and phone calls. I usually work a few hours every weekend from home, and also when I am on vacation. I am very dedicated to my job.

However, I have been told there is one group of co-workers who believe that I am playing the system, that I am not really sick, that I am taking advantage, and that I am not doing my job. This of course is very hurtful to me and upsetting. They will not tell me this directly, it is all behind my back.

What makes matters worse is that our department is growing, and my job duties are growing. I have been saying that I have too much work to do and I have been looking for solutions. One such solution is that I have been revamping the administrative areas of our department. And of course there is resistance to my changes. The same group of people who are talking behind my back are also the ones who are resisting the changes. However, some of the people in this group are very influential and it is hard for me just to ignore them. And their argument is this: it's not true that there is too much work for me to do, that is not the problem; the problem is that I am not there to do the work.

So how do I handle these negative, prejudiced co-workers? And more importantly, how do I manage my emotions? The situation makes me feel by turn, angry, depressed, demoralized and anxious, plus it is eroding my self-confidence. Any help will be most welcome. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/10/09 7:58:50 PM, susanmer@... writes:

I've been looking into finding a therapist.

_________________________________

Good luck to you ! A therapist helped me tremendously. Like you, I worked in an upper level management position. I thought I could handle the conflict on my own -- I was wrong. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best.

Warm regards,

BeingIrish

**************The Average US Credit Score is 692. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222376999x1201454299/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072 & hmpgID=62 & bcd=May51009AvgfooterNO62)

[Guest guest]

Hello Toni

Thank you for caring.

The senior center here does not do anything what so ever for you,I have my own car, so i could drive there, but the Dr said i will not be able to drive for two weeks, and i had to stay there 1-2 nights since i dont have anybody here at home with me.

But i will find someone I will gladly pay for ,The hospital is about 35 miles away from here, so it would not be to bad.There goes a buss every day , and i was thinking i will go that way

I will take the buss there, and also home, the problem is i have to change busses, it is so hard, to be so alone, i feel so lost.

Again, thank you for caring

Marika

From: "aclavern33@..." <aclavern33@...>Rheumatoid Arthritis Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2009 5:11:14 PMSubject: Re: Need help with co-workers!

Can you check with your local public transportation. They do offer special transport for those in need. The other thing is check with Senior's center. Many times they have volunteers to drive people places.

Next option I can think of is reserve a car...car service....maybe you can at least reserve a car to take you home.

The last option is does your hospital offer hoteling. You could stay in the hospital a few days til you feel better and can go in a regular taxi home.

Toni

The Average US Credit Score is 692. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Thanks to everyone for their support. This is such a warm, caring group. Thank

you for the suggestions. I am going to schedule a meeting with the Chief of

Staff at my university, I've started reading the book " Four Foundations, " and

I've been looking into finding a therapist. I know everyone who reads the

messages on this board has his or her own story to tell, and struggles everyday

with this disease, either themselves or their loved ones. Finding the support

and kindness on this group makes us all a little stronger, don't you think?

Thanks again,

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> > This is a very long post! Please bear with me! I was diagnosed with

> > rheumatoid arthritis almost 9 years ago. I also have an inherited heart

> > condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Managing both conditions is

> > quite a challenge for me. I continue to work full-time. I work as an

> > administrator in an academic unit at a university. I have a very demanding

> > job. I have worked at this university for almost 25 years, and I have

> > accrued a lot of sick days. I am on intermittent FLMA, and I use my sick

> > time if I need to stay home due to flares, and also to go to doctor's

> > appointments and go for testing.

> > The Chair of the Department (my supervisor) and the personnel in the Dean's

> > Office are very supportive. Most of my coworkers are also supportive and

> > understanding. When I am not in the office, my work simply does not get done

> > – it sits there and waits for me to come back to work. So my co-workers are

> > not really burdened with extra work. When I am home with a flare, I can

> > usually manage to answer emails and phone calls. I usually work a few hours

> > every weekend from home, and also when I am on vacation. I am very dedicated

> > to my job.

> > However, I have been told there is one group of co-workers who believe that

> > I am playing the system, that I am not really sick, that I am taking

> > advantage, and that I am not doing my job. This of course is very hurtful to

> > me and upsetting. They will not tell me this directly, it is all behind my

> > back.

> > What makes matters worse is that our department is growing, and my job

> > duties are growing. I have been saying that I have too much work to do and I

> > have been looking for solutions. One such solution is that I have been

> > revamping the administrative areas of our department. And of course there is

> > resistance to my changes. The same group of people who are talking behind my

> > back are also the ones who are resisting the changes. However, some of the

> > people in this group are very influential and it is hard for me just to

> > ignore them. And their argument is this: it's not true that there is too

> > much work for me to do, that is not the problem; the problem is that I am

> > not there to do the work.

> > So how do I handle these negative, prejudiced co-workers? And more

> > importantly, how do I manage my emotions? The situation makes me feel by

> > turn, angry, depressed, demoralized and anxious, plus it is eroding my

> > self-confidence. Any help will be most welcome. Thank you.

> >

> >

> >

>