hello

[Guest guest]

Hi Dianne,

I'm not looking for votes, it will strictly be a personal decision, one I think I have already made (I'm staying, I'm not going to let one bad incident affect all the good I have done here), but thanks for the vote of confidence.

Michele

Dianne McAllister wrote:

, I know I'm kind of the "new kid on the block" and I have had minimal involvement around here, but I think it would be a great loss to the group if you left. You have done a really good job with researching people's questions, providing information, keeping up with info and directing us to sources. I did go back in the posts to see what this was all about (as I was off line when it all went down) and I think the whole thing is a rather unfortunate misunderstanding that has been blown way out of proportion. I also think "the other member" contributed a significant amount to the group and it would be great if this could be resolved in a manner that includes her, however, if that is not possible, if you're looking for votes -- I say you STAY (please!). Just my thoughts ... Dianne iambored97601 <iambored97601@...> wrote: Hi members,As some of you are aware, I had banned a member but after further consideration, I unbanned the member. All she needed to do was rejoin.I am now being harrassed by this particular member via Instant messaging. I think a few of you may know this member and may have been contacted by her.Because I do not need to be harrassed by this person, I am considering withdrawing from the group. If the harrassment continues I will withdraw from the group and I will report this person as an abuser to .I am sorry, I have enjoyed meeting and chatting with all of you. I will let you know of my decision in a couple of days.Michele

[Guest guest]

Michele:

I have no idea what happened here (between you and her) but can you report her to ? I know you can report people to AOL. I'm not sure what they can do, though. Good luck.

Isley

[Guest guest]

Hi Michele,

I have forwarded the mail you requested. Hopefully, all will get back to normal. I am glad you have decided to stay. Your expertise is needed here, and I want to thank you again, for all the information you have sent my way in the past few months.

Lynn

Re: Hello

Hi Dianne, I'm not looking for votes, it will strictly be a personal decision, one I think I have already made (I'm staying, I'm not going to let one bad incident affect all the good I have done here), but thanks for the vote of confidence. Michele Dianne McAllister wrote:

, I know I'm kind of the "new kid on the block" and I have had minimal involvement around here, but I think it would be a great loss to the group if you left. You have done a really good job with researching people's questions, providing information, keeping up with info and directing us to sources. I did go back in the posts to see what this was all about (as I was off line when it all went down) and I think the whole thing is a rather unfortunate misunderstanding that has been blown way out of proportion. I also think "the other member" contributed a significant amount to the group and it would be great if this could be resolved in a manner that includes her, however, if that is not possible, if you're looking for votes -- I say you STAY (please!). Just my thoughts ... Dianne iambored97601 <iambored97601@...> wrote: Hi members,As some of you are aware, I had banned a member but after further consideration, I unbanned the member. All she needed to do was rejoin.I am now being harrassed by this particular member via Instant messaging. I think a few of you may know this member and may have been contacted by her.Because I do not need to be harrassed by this person, I am considering withdrawing from the group. If the harrassment continues I will withdraw from the group and I will report this person as an abuser to .I am sorry, I have enjoyed meeting and chatting with all of you. I will let you know of my decision in a couple of days.Michele

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry to see you go too, Michele. It was nice talking with you.

Isley

[Guest guest]

Hello Lynn,

It is not working. She is still harassing me through instant messenger.

Michele

Lynn Witkowski wrote:

Hi Michele,

I have forwarded the mail you requested. Hopefully, all will get back to normal. I am glad you have decided to stay. Your expertise is needed here, and I want to thank you again, for all the information you have sent my way in the past few months.

Lynn

Re: Hello

Hi Dianne, I'm not looking for votes, it will strictly be a personal decision, one I think I have already made (I'm staying, I'm not going to let one bad incident affect all the good I have done here), but thanks for the vote of confidence. Michele Dianne McAllister wrote:

, I know I'm kind of the "new kid on the block" and I have had minimal involvement around here, but I think it would be a great loss to the group if you left. You have done a really good job with researching people's questions, providing information, keeping up with info and directing us to sources. I did go back in the posts to see what this was all about (as I was off line when it all went down) and I think the whole thing is a rather unfortunate misunderstanding that has been blown way out of proportion. I also think "the other member" contributed a significant amount to the group and it would be great if this could be resolved in a manner that includes her, however, if that is not possible, if you're looking for votes -- I say you STAY (please!). Just my thoughts ... Dianne iambored97601 <iambored97601@...> wrote: Hi members,As some of you are aware, I had banned a member but after further consideration, I unbanned the member. All she needed to do was rejoin.I am now being harrassed by this particular member via Instant messaging. I think a few of you may know this member and may have been contacted by her.Because I do not need to be harrassed by this person, I am considering withdrawing from the group. If the harrassment continues I will withdraw from the group and I will report this person as an abuser to .I am sorry, I have enjoyed meeting and chatting with all of you. I will let you know of my decision in a couple of days.Michele

[Guest guest]

I have already reported Audrey 3 times today so now she is sending out email to group members individually.

I think I will be leaving the group. I could post the things she has said to me that caused me to report her, but I am an adult and am not into playing games. Let's just say that they were not nice and I'm sure the apology all the members are receiving are not very nice either.

I will be leaving the group by the end of the week. Audrey's behavior is unacceptable and I feel that she has ruined my credibility or any help that I can give.

Michele

LIsley2@... wrote:

Michele: I have no idea what happened here (between you and her) but can you report her to ? I know you can report people to AOL. I'm not sure what they can do, though. Good luck. Isley

[Guest guest]

Your credibility speaks for itself. So does Audrey's behavior. Don't let her

have space in your head without payin' rent.

--

Cheers,

--Jeff

Re: Hello

>

> I have already reported Audrey 3 times today so now she is sending out

email to group members individually.

> I think I will be leaving the group. I could post the things she has said

to me that caused me to report her, but I am an adult and am not into

playing games. Let's just say that they were not nice and I'm sure the

apology all the members are receiving are not very nice either.

> I will be leaving the group by the end of the week. Audrey's behavior is

unacceptable and I feel that she has ruined my credibility or any help that

I can give.

> Michele

> LIsley2@... wrote:Michele:

>

> I have no idea what happened here (between you and her) but can you report

her to ? I know you can report people to AOL. I'm not sure what they

can do, though. Good luck.

>

> Isley

>

[Guest guest]

Jeff,

God you are so funny. Just so that everyone knows, I AM HERE TO STAY AND NO ONE IS GONNA RUN ME OFF.

Thanks for your support.

Michele

Jeff Tindall wrote:

Your credibility speaks for itself. So does Audrey's behavior. Don't let herhave space in your head without payin' rent.--Cheers,--Jeff Re: Hello>> I have already reported Audrey 3 times today so now she is sending outemail to group members individually.> I think I will be leaving the group. I could post the things she has saidto me that caused me to report her, but I am an adult and am not intoplaying games. Let's just say that they were not nice and I'm sure theapology all the members are receiving are not very nice either.> I will be leaving the group by the end of the week. Audrey's behavior isunacceptable and I feel that she has ruined my credibility or any help thatI can give.> Michele> LIsley2@... wrote:Michele:>> I have no idea what happened here (between you and her) but can you reporther to ? I know you can report people to AOL. I'm not sure what theycan do, though. Good luck.>> Isley>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

As I am sure you have just read, I'm not going anywhere. This site is mine and Kim's baby and I have decided not to abandon it and run away just because of one person half a world away.

For all of you who got letters from Audrey, I am sorry you had to read such trash and hope that you see her for what she is. Trying to cause trouble. She has been reported to 3 times today and I have blocked from the site as well as my computer.

Thanks for all you support. I AM HERE TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michele

LIsley2@... wrote:

I'm sorry to see you go too, Michele. It was nice talking with you. Isley

[Guest guest]

Hi sanmic, Edajane here. Welcome to the site. How are you feeling? I'll be praying for a quick remission this time for you. I'm not even on the list yet and many of us are still waiting.

sanmic wrote:

Hi everyone. I'm new here, glad to find group. I've been reading a bit and have gotten some great information. I'm on the second round of treatment. Virus became active again 9 mos after final treatment. I'll be around. :-)

[Guest guest]

Hi, Teri from Iowa here, Welcome! I have all kinds of questions for you. What geno type are you? I'm a type 1a , on second round of treatment also. Did reg. combo therapy, was a non responder. Now have 8 more shots left of the Peg combo, will be finished with a year of treatment as of Oct. 15th. Went undetectable at 6mos.So what kind of treatment did you do first? And are you now on the Peg Combo? Also would be nice if you tell everyone a little bit about yourself, such as name rank and serial no.LOL :-)Love, Teri

Hello

Hi everyone. I'm new here, glad to find group. I've been reading a bit and have gotten some great information. I'm on the second round of treatment. Virus became active again 9 mos after final treatment. I'll be around. :-)

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear that sanmic but it happens. Wish you luck with the second round. Maybe you can let people know about the side effects from the first round? Many are now on a list to start treatment.

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone. Thank you all for warm welcome.

I'm , I am 54. Ex nurse, 10 yrs OB?GYN, 3 yrs

working in Dr office, then to Ins co as pre-cert

nurse. Diagnosed 1996. Geno type 1a. 1st treatment

was started Jan 1997 (took that long to get test

results biopsies etc.) Took shots Intron 3x's a/wk for

9 mos and no response. So we laid off for 6 mos and

began combination. After 18 mos of combo

treatment(with the most horendous side effects) my

viral count was 0. I have not been able to work due to

fatigue, memory loss, shortness of breath, joint pain,

nausea......etc, etc etc. Then in July of last year

things began going down hill again and in Aug I

finally went to see my Dr and lab showed virus active

again. 2nd biopsy showed only a slight increase in

fibrosis/ no cirrhosis. Finally approved for

medication in April after seeing 3 specialist and them

trying to make a decision as to treat or not.

(Peg-Interferon is indicated for those pts not

previously treated with Intron I was told)

Write more later, last night was shot night. Feeling

pretty bad today so going back to bed.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Sorry to hear the virus returned on you....I also got the news last

week and have been in a little shock with it....I was diagnosed in on

Oct 11th 1999 took me 6 months to get on the old combo 3 shots a week

had such a hard time on it and not looking forward to peg If thats

what the next choice is have my hepatoligist appt oct 25th...Hope it

gets better for you fellow hcv sis as we all fight this. I will

have another biop asap had mild scaring last one and I have been on

vicadin for mutiple probs degenitive discs,migraines ect. So going on

a different pain management course now,my best friend passed of 20

from hcv and " vicadin " she took 240 of them a month and when she

passed she had zero liver WOKE me up big time loosing her.

I never really felt better after TX,seen that you havn't either I

think it was just sleeping. Had heart surgery on Feb 14th this past

year could of woke it up,at least my liver got a little break for 2

years I haven't been able to work and denied SSD so in appeals

now. I worked with mentally challened and autistic for the state

until october of last year. All this is so hard and know I am out

here praying for you as we walk this raod together....God bless take

care and keep us posted on your TX ok

Peace Love Hope Faith abd Prayers for the cure

aka DiDi

> Hi Everyone. Thank you all for warm welcome.

>

> I'm , I am 54. Ex nurse, 10 yrs OB?GYN, 3 yrs

> working in Dr office, then to Ins co as pre-cert

> nurse. Diagnosed 1996. Geno type 1a. 1st treatment

> was started Jan 1997 (took that long to get test

> results biopsies etc.) Took shots Intron 3x's a/wk for

> 9 mos and no response. So we laid off for 6 mos and

> began combination. After 18 mos of combo

> treatment(with the most horendous side effects) my

> viral count was 0. I have not been able to work due to

> fatigue, memory loss, shortness of breath, joint pain,

> nausea......etc, etc etc. Then in July of last year

> things began going down hill again and in Aug I

> finally went to see my Dr and lab showed virus active

> again. 2nd biopsy showed only a slight increase in

> fibrosis/ no cirrhosis. Finally approved for

> medication in April after seeing 3 specialist and them

> trying to make a decision as to treat or not.

> (Peg-Interferon is indicated for those pts not

> previously treated with Intron I was told)

>

> Write more later, last night was shot night. Feeling

> pretty bad today so going back to bed.

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I have been with this group for a while now. My Husband just passed away from Hep-C 12 days ago after a horrible battle with it and I need to get myself together and it is hard right now for me to read about others. I do not mean for this to sound mean or cruel, just explaining why.

Pat

[Guest guest]

Hi, Edajane here...Wonder why anyone would want to leave this wonderful supportive group. So sorry to hear of your virus returning and . Also sad about yur friend passing away. Several people and I meet together every Monday night at 7PM for prayer and I always lift up the hepatitis group members in prayer. I also ask for special needs and name them if asked. You people have all been called upon by name and we have done some powerful praying. If any of you would like to join us in prayer we start praying at 7PM Pacific daylight time. It doesn't matter that we are together, only that we are praying at the same time. God's love to all of you. diana_mcbride wrote: Hepatitis C From: "diana_mcbride" Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 23:15:55 -0000Subject: Re: HelloHi ,Sorry to hear the virus returned on you....I also got the news last week and have been in a little shock with it....I was diagnosed in on Oct 11th 1999 took me 6 months to get on the old combo 3 shots a week had such a hard time on it and not looking forward to peg If thats what the next choice is have my hepatoligist appt oct 25th...Hope it gets better for you fellow hcv sis as we all fight this. I will have another biop asap had mild scaring last one and I have been on vicadin for mutiple probs degenitive discs,migraines ect. So going on a different pain management course now,my best friend passed of 20 from hcv and "vicadin" she took 240 of them a month and when she passed she had zero liver WOKE me up big time loosing her. I never really felt better after TX,seen that you havn't either I think it was just sleeping. Had heart surgery on Feb 14th this past year could of woke it up,at least my liver got a little break for 2 years I haven't been able to work and denied SSD so in appeals now. I worked with mentally challened and autistic for the state until october of last year. All this is so hard and know I am out here praying for you as we walk this raod together....God bless take care and keep us posted on your TX ok Peace Love Hope Faith abd Prayers for the cure aka DiDi> Hi Everyone. Thank you all for warm welcome.> > I'm , I am 54. Ex nurse, 10 yrs OB?GYN, 3 yrs> working in Dr office, then to Ins co as pre-cert> nurse. Diagnosed 1996. Geno type 1a. 1st treatment> was started Jan 1997 (took that long to get test> results biopsies etc.) Took shots Intron 3x's a/wk for> 9 mos and no response. So we laid off for 6 mos and> began combination. After 18 mos of combo> treatment(with the most horendous side effects) my> viral count was 0. I have not been able to work due to> fatigue, memory loss, shortness of breath, joint pain,> nausea......etc, etc etc. Then in July of last year> things began going down hill again and in Aug I> finally went to see my Dr and lab showed virus active> again. 2nd biopsy showed only a slight increase in> fibrosis/ no cirrhosis. Finally approved for> medication in April after seeing 3 specialist and them> trying to make a decision as to treat or not.> (Peg-Interferon is indicated for those pts not> previously treated with Intron I was told) > > Write more later, last night was shot night. Feeling> pretty bad today so going back to bed. > > > > __________________________________________________>

[Guest guest]

I am really sorry Pat and my heart goes out to you and your loss. We all face this maybe we can do together. Bless you and your family.

[Guest guest]

Thank you Teri,

It has been a long time for me going to this group. I used to be on all the time, long ago. This past year was living hell for Bill and then naturally for the kids and myself. I am thankful he went in his sleep and pain free and I will always keep that in my mind so it helps to deal with this better. I was not selfish in wanting him to stay with his condition as it was deteriorating more and more.

We were married 28 1/2 years. My 2 sons and I had our B-days last week just less than a week after his passing. Our youngest turned 18 and wanted so much for his dad to be alive. Our 1 Grandchild says goodnight to him everynight looking in the sky and says his Pop-Pop is watching over him now. His Mom our youngest daughter is having a very hard time she was a Daddy's girl.

We all are trying to take it one day at a time. I am now on meds for my nerves which I never had before. I am told I am still in shock and this will take time. I am going to try counseling next week. I need to speak with someone who has lost as I have for I do not know anyone personally who has and for them I am happy.

It all seems so unreal, like a dream.

Thank you for the open ear and for caring.

Pat

[Guest guest]

Dear Pat,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine your pain, but I'm here if you would like to talk.

Love, Teri

Re: Re: Hello

I have been with this group for a while now. My Husband just passed away from Hep-C 12 days ago after a horrible battle with it and I need to get myself together and it is hard right now for me to read about others. I do not mean for this to sound mean or cruel, just explaining why.Pat

[Guest guest]

Pat the only thing I really understand is loss. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could wrap my arms around your family but I cannot so I'll wrap you and your family in prayers. I told my husband today that we lost another good person to HepC. I feel really bad because even if we do not see the faces of the people here we still feel the hurt and pain. Take care because loss is hard and all we can do is take one step at a time. (sometime for me it is a toe nail at a time) LaDonna

[Guest guest]

Hi Edajane and all,

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts....So many so of us effected by

this is unreal and Irishlady so so sorry for the loss of your

husband...Prayers to you and your family...We are all brothers and

sisters and having each other to get through the long lonely days

helps me so very much thanks again for your kind words and Prayers as

I do for all of you also....God bless and Thanks for this wonderful

group i came across was God sent

aka DiDi

> > Hi Everyone. Thank you all for warm welcome.

> >

> > I'm , I am 54. Ex nurse, 10 yrs OB?GYN, 3 yrs

> > working in Dr office, then to Ins co as pre-cert

> > nurse. Diagnosed 1996. Geno type 1a. 1st treatment

> > was started Jan 1997 (took that long to get test

> > results biopsies etc.) Took shots Intron 3x's a/wk for

> > 9 mos and no response. So we laid off for 6 mos and

> > began combination. After 18 mos of combo

> > treatment(with the most horendous side effects) my

> > viral count was 0. I have not been able to work due to

> > fatigue, memory loss, shortness of breath, joint pain,

> > nausea......etc, etc etc. Then in July of last year

> > things began going down hill again and in Aug I

> > finally went to see my Dr and lab showed virus active

> > again. 2nd biopsy showed only a slight increase in

> > fibrosis/ no cirrhosis. Finally approved for

> > medication in April after seeing 3 specialist and them

> > trying to make a decision as to treat or not.

> > (Peg-Interferon is indicated for those pts not

> > previously treated with Intron I was told)

> >

> > Write more later, last night was shot night. Feeling

> > pretty bad today so going back to bed.

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

I never knew a loss like this. I lost my parents and when I lost my Mom almost 20 years ago, I thought my world was at an end. My kids and Bill bought me through it.

For the last 4 years Bill and I have fought this battle together. Him more than I naturally. This past year was horrible he was in the hospital 3 times and the last was for a corneal implant to save his eye. It was not successful. In July he got worse day by day. Losing his ability to walk and talk and eat, swallow.

I knew when he went for his DRS. appt the last time he was going to be admitted. We had to take him in a wheel chair.

The DR. took one look and said Pat, It is time for Bill to be admitted. He also had a mild stroke.

We agreed to Hospice care, for Bill and I filled out the Health Care proxy, previously and they were all No's. Just comfort and pain meds.

Each day I could see him slowly slipping more and more. The last day I saw him was the day before he died. I was up there on August 7th early that morning he had 24/7 visiting. I felt a knot in my gut and I knew it was coming soon. Our DR. never gave us a time, he always said he did not have a crystal ball.

When I got home I called the DR. And told him how I felt and he said go with it.

I went to bed at 12 that night and at 2:30 AM, My daughter handed me the phone and I knew. He was gone. I woke everyone and called some and we all went to say good-bye.

That's when I started getting the tremors. From head to toe I could not walk, talk or write. I had to be helped to move. The DR. on call gave me some zanax.

Bill had a one day wake, which was on Saturday the 10th. He looked great. I didn't think that was possible the way the disease had him shrinking and so sunken and so very, very yellow.

He looked like My Younger Bill.

He went in his sleep and had no pain.

For that I am very grateful. I was also hoping it would happen that week or the end of the following week cause my 2 sons and I celebrate our b-days on the 12-13-14- of August. So that prayer was answered too.

The service was very nice and all the flowers we took home and put them in our front yard.

Our neighbors and friends and family bought food and took care of us all. I am still not to sure of all that has happened. In time I am guessing it will come back to me.

The children are trying. They all live at home with me. 27-23-22-19-18 and a 4 yr. old grandson who was Bill's buddy

Bill and I always used to say why did we have 5 kids and why are they all still at home? I know why now. I need them and I do not know what I would have done without them.

I hope you do not mind my rambling but I am feeling the need to say this now.

My days seem so very empty, not having Bill to take care of, to talk to, when he could. We used to talk about everything and anything truthfully. We were married 28 1/2 years. He was 58 and I just turned 50.

All I can seem to think of is the last few months. I keep trying to remember the older days but they are not coming into focus yet.

I went to see a therapist last week and tomorrow I go to a shrink and will see what it is I need to learn to function and accept what has happened. There is no time limit on this but I am worried that when I do finally break down and accept all that has happened it will be a while before I will be able to move on. I have not cried, I do get angry still. I feel cheated. I worry about my kids. I hope this DR. can help me and tell me what it is I need to do.

I am not a patient person and somewhat of a control freak and this is not controllable.

I have read all there is about Hep-C and chirrosis and all it does and learned more than I wanted to. I have written letters for Bill and many others to get the medical help they needed during the last 4 years.

Now I am lost and feel like 1/2 a person.

I want you and the others here to know I appreciate the prayers and caring words. I know my kids and I need them now and I am glad that there is a place to go to when we do.

I was going to leave this group but have decided to stay and maybe in time I can start being more positive again and help like I was before. I know I want to fight for those who can't or do not know how.

Thanks for listening

Pat

[Guest guest]

Pat--Edajane here. My prayers are with you as you have to deal with the loss of your husband. Perhaps when you are feeling a little better you can come back and share with us some of the things you have gone through so that we can be more prepared when our Lord and Savior chooses to call us home.

irishladi26@... wrote:

I have been with this group for a while now. My Husband just passed away from Hep-C 12 days ago after a horrible battle with it and I need to get myself together and it is hard right now for me to read about others. I do not mean for this to sound mean or cruel, just explaining why.Pat

[Guest guest]

Pat,

Your message brought tears to my eyes; my heart and prayers go out to

you and your family. You might want to look for a grief support

group in your area. When my stepdad passed away, my mother, who had

been caring for him for years, was suddenly alone and couldn't get

through the day. It helped her to talk with other people who had

recently lost their spouses.

I hope that you will find some peace.

> I never knew a loss like this. I lost my parents and when I lost my

Mom

> almost 20 years ago, I thought my world was at an end. My kids and

Bill

> bought me through it.

> For the last 4 years Bill and I have fought this battle together.

Him more

> than I naturally. This past year was horrible he was in the

hospital 3 times

> and the last was for a corneal implant to save his eye. It was not

> successful. In July he got worse day by day. Losing his ability to

walk and

> talk and eat, swallow.

> I knew when he went for his DRS. appt the last time he was going to

be

> admitted. We had to take him in a wheel chair.

> The DR. took one look and said Pat, It is time for Bill to be

admitted. He

> also had a mild stroke.

> We agreed to Hospice care, for Bill and I filled out the Health

Care proxy,

> previously and they were all No's. Just comfort and pain meds.

> Each day I could see him slowly slipping more and more. The last

day I saw

> him was the day before he died. I was up there on August 7th early

that

> morning he had 24/7 visiting. I felt a knot in my gut and I knew it

was

> coming soon. Our DR. never gave us a time, he always said he did

not have a

> crystal ball.

> When I got home I called the DR. And told him how I felt and he

said go with

> it.

> I went to bed at 12 that night and at 2:30 AM, My daughter handed

me the

> phone and I knew. He was gone. I woke everyone and called some and

we all

> went to say good-bye.

> That's when I started getting the tremors. From head to toe I could

not walk,

> talk or write. I had to be helped to move. The DR. on call gave me

some

> zanax.

> Bill had a one day wake, which was on Saturday the 10th. He looked

great. I

> didn't think that was possible the way the disease had him

shrinking and so

> sunken and so very, very yellow.

> He looked like My Younger Bill.

> He went in his sleep and had no pain.

> For that I am very grateful. I was also hoping it would happen that

week or

> the end of the following week cause my 2 sons and I celebrate our b-

days on

> the 12-13-14- of August. So that prayer was answered too.

> The service was very nice and all the flowers we took home and put

them in

> our front yard.

> Our neighbors and friends and family bought food and took care of

us all. I

> am still not to sure of all that has happened. In time I am

guessing it will

> come back to me.

> The children are trying. They all live at home with me. 27-23-22-19-

18 and a

> 4 yr. old grandson who was Bill's buddy

> Bill and I always used to say why did we have 5 kids and why are

they all

> still at home? I know why now. I need them and I do not know what I

would

> have done without them.

> I hope you do not mind my rambling but I am feeling the need to say

this now.

> My days seem so very empty, not having Bill to take care of, to

talk to, when

> he could. We used to talk about everything and anything truthfully.

We were

> married 28 1/2 years. He was 58 and I just turned 50.

> All I can seem to think of is the last few months. I keep trying to

remember

> the older days but they are not coming into focus yet.

> I went to see a therapist last week and tomorrow I go to a shrink

and will

> see what it is I need to learn to function and accept what has

happened.

> There is no time limit on this but I am worried that when I do

finally break

> down and accept all that has happened it will be a while before I

will be

> able to move on. I have not cried, I do get angry still. I feel

cheated. I

> worry about my kids. I hope this DR. can help me and tell me what

it is I

> need to do.

> I am not a patient person and somewhat of a control freak and this

is not

> controllable.

> I have read all there is about Hep-C and chirrosis and all it does

and

> learned more than I wanted to. I have written letters for Bill and

many

> others to get the medical help they needed during the last 4 years.

> Now I am lost and feel like 1/2 a person.

> I want you and the others here to know I appreciate the prayers and

caring

> words. I know my kids and I need them now and I am glad that there

is a place

> to go to when we do.

> I was going to leave this group but have decided to stay and maybe

in time I

> can start being more positive again and help like I was before. I

know I want

> to fight for those who can't or do not know how.

> Thanks for listening

> Pat

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

I am going to make some calls today, to do just that. I need to speak with someone who has been where I am and where I am going. Thank you for the advice and support.

It is rough, right now.

Pat