Terms and self-image

[Guest guest]

I was going to let this subject pass, but Cyndi's post resonated with me.

Like many of us, I have gone through a number of phases on preferred and

uncomfortable terminology.

As context, I " grew up " (that's for Fred's benefit) in LPA in the 60s and 70s

and was involved in the leadership of LPA in the 80s-mid 90s, so my views are

no doubt affected by that. I now have an 8 1/2 yr old adopted son, Janis,

who has been with me for 2 1/2 yrs. Stuff that I haven't thought about

personally (as opposed to politically) for years is coming back to me.

On the one hand, for years, I was bothered by use of the term " midget " on TV

and in newsprint, although I only responded personally when I felt the

offender should have known better, one had been in an editorial and a couple

of my favorite columnists/talking heads also (they never wrote back).

Recently, it's bothered me less, which bemuses friends, but I think it's

mostly because I'm less radical about many issues I used to have a lot of

passion about. I don't have the energy. But gladly support others in their

pursuing it. I agree that we shouldn't chide most people who never realized

there was anything wrong with the M-word. On the other hand, when it's

clearly used as an insult, that's over the line for me.

And I think that's why it bothers many of us, gets under our skin, is when

we've heard it, most of the time, esp. in childhood, it was not an innocent

query or statement, it was taunting. I hated the word, it made my skin

crawl, from personal experience, before I ever heard it discussed in LPA as a

kid.

I notice the same thing with my son. In the last several months Janis has

started noticing and being bothered by kids staring and making comments,

to/about him and to/about me. Anyway, the first time he reported an incident

to me it was that a kid on the bus called his mother a midget. And he

perceives kids staring at him, even at times when I don't think they are

(like kids who know him),but I think that's probably a phase as he's getting

a handle on it. (He's also dealing with self-esteem issues related to being

academically delayed - he's just realizing that most of the kids his age read

a lot better than he does. Of course it doesn't matter to him that that's

because he was learning English and the ABCs for the first time in

kindergarten.)

He's just started Tae Kwon Do in the last month or so and I think that will

help with some stuff. I'm pulling out the books and materials like " Thinking

Big " and Mayeux's article and the dwarf-related videos more often now.

I realize now he's not going to just become ok with it by osmosis, just

because it doesn't bother me anymore; I can't deny his reality and tell him

to get used to it, not to let it bother him ... it's been wake up call to me

that just because I'm a dwarf parent doesn't mean we're going to be avoiding

all these issues! Duh. Anyway, all that to say, I hope some day the M word

doesn't bother him, and he's proud of who he is and he'll be ok with all the

terms and still be wearing Dan Black's dwarf t-shirts with dwarf pride.