Re: Feeling feelings!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/17/2001 8:15:56 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

MzSwrk@... writes:

It sounds like you are already on disability. It also sounds as though you

are frustrated and possibly depressed. Some questions:

Taking your friends out of the equation, what do YOU want to do? Would it be

better to stay on disability until you get your medical problems treated?

Would a master's degree enhance your chances to get the job that you want?

Where do you want to be in five years, and what actions do you need to make

now in order to get there? This is your life; don't let your friends

determine what you should do.

If you really want to enter the job market, you might try one of the

following:

network. You say that your friends are all working. Are any of them in your

field? Would they be willing to let you know about any openings in their

company? Would they allow you to use them as a reference? What about

relatives? Friends of your parents? Have you tried temp agencies? The best

job that I ever had was landed through a temp job. This option would also

allow you to keep your disability (as long as you stay below the allotted

amount) and to adjust your work schedule to your medical problems while

building a network of contacts when you can go full-time and permanent.

From this side of the monitor, it sounds as though this is affecting your

self-esteem. If you are going to interviews with a feeling that you won't be

hired, you probably won't be. Does LPA have a business network? Do you know

of any dwarfs in your area who are either employed or manage their own

businesses? I know that in Houston, there's a little person on City Council

who is supposedly always willing to help fellow dwarfs. Maybe you have

someone like that in your town. Finally, what about your regional chapter of

LPA? Have you thought of writing to it about your problem? Maybe they have

contacts and can help. Finally, where do you live and what is your field?

Perhaps there's even someone on this list who could help.

good luck,

luthien

[Guest guest]

I hope my point of view will help give a different perspective for the job

market.

As we all know, the job market is going into a slump. I can tell you from where

I stand, L.A. County and Orange County California's " employment " section of the

newpaper is only 15 pages long (if that!). My sister (average size) who

received her Bachelors degree in Accounting, searched and searched and searched

for jobs, but like yourself, all her friends were getting hired, but not her

(she finally did get a job as an auditor, but at a smaller firm, compared to

E.Y. and KPMG). My cousin (male and average size)), has his Bachelors Degree in

Merchandising, he has been searching and searching and searching, and finally

had to settle for a position where he is over qualified and underpaid, BUT, it

is in his field.

What field did you get your degree in? Since there is a HUGE difference in the

amount of positions available between " Arts & Fasion " and " Computers &

Business " . I think a Masters will benefit you, but if a company is

discriminating to begin with, I personally don't think it will make a

difference. You'll just need a different company. :-)

If your a scientist, my company Allergan is expanding significantly and I could

try to get you a job here. And that goes for anyone else on this list who has a

degree in Chemistry or Biology!!

I definitely agree with Luthien on the temp agency. That's how I started here.

Then climbed the corporate ladder to the position I have now.

My suggestion would be to don't give up in whatever you decide to do. I'm sure

if you keep on trying there is going to be a payoff! I went on 50+ interviews,

in a two month period, before I got hired.

Good Luck Marilyn!!! I hope I was able to help out:-)

www.ummmyeah.com

[Guest guest]

Hello Family:

Sociology was my major with a minor in Social Work. My intentions were to

find employment in a nursing home facility, Mental Health or Social Services.

The person I spoke with today told me to volunteer somewhere. I have tried

some of the Temp. service's and they say they are swamped with applications.

I applied for Habilitation Tech. and when I said I could do no lifting, that

went out the window. I know for a fact that not all of their clients are in

mobile chairs.

I have been calling Voc. Rehab for the last week or so and they are too busy

to return my calls. I went down there last year and they told me that " they

help people who were once in the work field and something happened and they

are trying to get back into it. "

Yes, I have peers in the Mental health setting who said they would and claim

they have put in a good word for me.

What do " I " want to do? Today I want to work on my health, if I need surgery,

I will have it. Then I will go from there.

Thanks to all who responded. Yes, my self-esteem has been shot to hell.

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

Marilyn (and list):

This may be contrary to what my parents have always thought, but I'll

weigh in. It sounds like you've received some good advice so far.

1. If you have an income and insurance, I believe your health should

be a priority. You will not perform well in any job if you do not

feel well - regardless of training, experience, or career field.

Believe me, the self-esteem hit from a bad performance review is far

worse that peer pressure. Please don't misunderstand - I am sure you

are a good performer, but people who manage business are very bottom-

line focused and - like anyone else - they want to get the most from

their money - especially out of employees. They think thay get more

out of you if you're healthy.

2. The trouble with NOT working is you have too much time to dwell

on these issues. I like the idea that someone mentioned about

returning to school for an advanced degree. If you can swing it

(healthwise and moneywise), it will at least give you something to do

and at most make you more attractive to a potential employer at a

time (we hope) when the economy has recovered.

3. Discrimination - Everyone is discriminated against (regardless of

race, handicap, etc.) when they seek employment. It's a part of the

candidate screening process. If you're being discriminated against

because of you dwarfism or health. I am sure I have been

discriminated against my entire career, but (knock on wood) I've

always had a paycheck. There are some employers who " discriminate

the other way " - e.g. hire someone BECAUSE they're different.

4. Peer pressure - Have any of these people walked a mile in your

shoes? To hell with them.

Good luck,

Randy Bradford

Port Angeles, WA

[Guest guest]

Marilyn

Try this databank -- www.abilitymagazine.com/jobaccess

let me know if you find something

Telesca

hometown.aol.com/suzannat

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[Guest guest]

Randy Bradford wrote:

>There are some employers who " discriminate the other way " - e.g.

>hire someone BECAUSE they're different.

Really? Who are these employers and why are they never the ones I

apply to?

Rose

[Guest guest]

Rose,

Government or government contractors ???

Just a thought,

Randy______

P.S. I am a chemical process control engineer - so my baseline of

information may be different from everyone elses - in that I seek

employment in somewhat of an oddball field.

> Randy Bradford wrote:

>

> >There are some employers who " discriminate the other way " - e.g.

> >hire someone BECAUSE they're different.

>

> Really? Who are these employers and why are they never the ones I

> apply to?

>

>

> Rose

[Guest guest]

At 7:57 PM -0400 10/17/01, MzSwrk@... wrote:

>Hi everyone:

>

>I need to vent for a minute. First of all I know what our nation is

>experiencing but this is about me.

>

>I feel as if it was a waste of time to go to college, even though I did learn

>quite a bit. I can't get hired by anyone I want to be with. I have had 3

>interviews and felt as if I had been discriminated against. I have applied

>everywhere I can think to apply. I feel bad because just about all of my

>classmates either have jobs or are back in school. I pray that I never run

>into them while shopping or something (so far I haven't).

>

>On the other hand, my body aches constantly. I have had the surgery for

>spinal stenosis and it is possible that I may have to go again because the

>pain has moved to my arms and neck. Am I setting myself up by looking for

>work in my condition? My insides tell me to take it easy, one day at a time,

>and live. I have sufficient income and good health insurance. My peers

>(average) tell me to continue to look for work because I shouldn't live on

>the system all my life or wait until I get 50 and be made to work (SS running

>out and all that stuff). My Dr. told me to take it easy. The problem is

>mainly my peers.

>

>If I should have surgery again, my plan is to have it, recuperate, get up and

>go back to school for a masters in...something.

>

>Thanks for listening,

>

>Marilyn

Marilyn,

My heart aches for you. I will relay my story, because that is all I

have to offer at this point and maybe it will give comfort for you

and give you some things to mull around with.

Firstly, I came from a background where the work ethic was

exceptional. Dad (who was a dwarf) worked very hard to support his

family. He started out as a carpenter (a darn good one at that!) and

faced many situations of discrimination. My family history is sort

of unique in that we have more than three types of dwarfism in the

family. My dad's dad was a carpenter and a building inspector for a

nearby town. Well anyway I digress.... Dad worked most of his life

as a carpenter and at about 45 his body just started giving out. His

hips were so bad he always stood stooped over and was in constant

pain. But, off to work he went. Now.... me

My father DID NOT WANT me to suffer what he had. He was a high

school educated man (which for his time was very good ... he was born

in 1919) and he and mom (mom was average height) had me, his youngest

child, when he was 37. These are the things he told me.

1. Work while you can, but not at the expense of the quality of your life.

2. While you are working get your insurance (a BIG believer in

insurance) because all through those carpenter years the family did

not have health insurance, =-( You pay for a service, that is why

you buy it. I listened to dad, I got disability insurance with every

job I had.

3. Listen to your body. If you have a good work ethic and know you

" want " to work but your physical health keeps getting worse, than

what are you working for? Now, don't misinterpret this. My family

was not on assistance, with the exception of me having surgery

through the 'crippled children's clinic' of the state. But, what is

the cost?

4. Dad died. Just when he started to take his own advice (he could

barely move by then) he had a brain hemorrhage and died. I was 17 by

then.

I was put on SS to go to school (college) and I did. Took myself off

of SS when I graduated. I was considered a " disable adult child " .

I worked (and if anyone remembers the terrible recession of the 70's

that was hard!) at temp jobs when I couldn't find full time

employment. And by the way two temp jobs turned into the best two

full time permanent jobs I ever had! Companies could see what I

could do. But, there were times during this that I had to take time

off because my body just would wear out.

Now, I know many dwarfs are healthy. I just happen to be a very

unhealthy dwarf. Heart, muscular, connective tissue, bone

issues..... I have many parts of my body which didn't quite complete

themselves while I was being formed in the womb (shoulders, wrist,

back etc.).

My own doctor was after me for three years to quit work. I was

throwing my knees out, in constant pain and the muscles were so gone

that I couldn't eat because I felt like I was choking! I went to

work, came home ate dinner, went to bed by 7 and started all over

again. I finally couldn't drive and it took me about an hour and

half to get ready for work. My doctor told me if I didn't stop I

would end up in a wheel chair. But, you know... here I am this girl

with this incredible work ethic...I was making VERY good money, I had

a position of power in my fortune 500 company, I was going up a

ladder... I had self esteem (more on that later) I was a " somebody! "

BOSH....

Those words of dad's came back to me.... Quality of life. Now, I

know that some people do not have choices. I was very fortunate, I

did. I had a good disability policy, I was married, settled into a

home we had already put 10 years into the mortgage.

I prayed a lot about this. Who would " Ginny " be if she didn't work?

My doctor was so relieved when I decided (now by this time I had

dislocated my knee and I WAS in a wheelchair) that my quality of life

was not what it should or could even be. I was working, but it was

destroying my body. I applied for SS again. Got on with no problems

(because of my previous status of " disable adult child " ).

It took two years to adjust our lifestyle because of the money

situation (I was the " career " person in the family). I felt

humiliated by my own body. I felt I wasn't contributing to my own

welfare. I felt guilty that my husband now had an additional burden.

I felt like my body had let me down. I was ashamed to tell my

friends. Which, by the way, when people in work (not the employees

who worked for me, they knew the score) found out I was going out on

disability one woman said " boy, you sure will have a nice clean house

now! " The audacity of it all is that my house was always clean (even

if it took me three days to dust!) and if I could spend time keeping

a spiffy house, don't you think I would rather be working!????

I knew some of my peers don't understand my situation. I know that

most people look at me (I am rather stoic so I don't always show my

pain) and say...yeh sure.... I also even had trouble with a doctor

from the disability insurance company who said " just because your a

dwarf doesn't mean that you are disable " .... NO KIDDING!!! I told

her that I am a very good natured person and have lived with pain for

all my life and that I have adapted, but even the simplest of

situations, (like even talking too long...TMJ) take their tole. She

even looked at me, shrugged and took a look at the Xrays... then I

hear " Oh,.....oh....oh.....no wonder your in pain!) Nach.

Long story to my point.....

You, as a person, ARE NOT TIED UP INTO YOUR CAREER OR JOB (with

possible exceptions of " healers " like doctors, ministers and

" vocation " type jobs which are truly a higher power). Someone who

tells you that has a very " tunnel " vision attitude. You are so much

more. When someone sees you don't " work " than yes some of them look

down at their noses at you. ...Ask some of the current " stay at home

moms " how they feel.... who said parenting is not a full time job

anyway???? How dare they make judgement calls on your own personal

health, quality of life, soul...based on their own criteria. If some

one's esteem is fully tied into work, than what happens when work

cannot be done? When you cannot find a job? When did someone decide

that to devalue someone with a judgement of their own standards was

appropriate?

SS disability is for the disable. Granted you cannot assume that SS

will be there in 20 years (we hope it is) so does one suffer until it

is gone? Does one not do what they know is best for their health

because someone else is afraid that their SS won't be there when they

need it? Guess what, you are not personally responsible for the

integrity of the SS system, our government is. It was created to

help the aged and now the disable. It is something my parents paid

into all their lives and never used...so can you use their money?

SURE! How about those instances?

It took a good three years on SS for my body to start healing a bit.

It takes a constant effort to keep what mobility I now have. Do I

feel guilty any more? No. Maybe because I learned what lesson my

father had to give me, that no one knows your body like you do. No

one knows the quality of your life, except you. I considered myself

and my health more valuable than what other people may judge me for.

My true friends know what it is like for me and admire me for me.

They respect the person who I am, not the job that I held. Those

kind of friends are the ones who love me. Those are the kinds of

friends who are a real blessing.

Boy howdy...now my fingers hurt!

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** ><}}> ** ><}}> ** ><}}> *Ý* <{{>< ** <{{>< ** <{{>< **

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In God's Love & PeaceÝ

This is a Day of New Beginnings!

Ginny Sargent

mailto:chriss@...

ICQ#15679307

Artist-Designer

Sand Dollar Bay Designs

Live one day at a time and make it a masterpiece!

" Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the

artist does the better. " Andre Gide

[Guest guest]

Have you ever thought about when and if you do return to school,

taking on a work study position, so to gain some extra pocket money

and some added experience in your field of study? It would look

great on your resume, plus it would keep your mind active, aside from

just sticking to the books. Employees I thing are more interested in

what you are doing 'now' and if you're not doing anything, then that

doesn't look so appealing to them.

I am in a similiar position myself. I have been going to school part-

time for the past 5 semesters, and have been working part-time at my

college for over a year and a half now. You mentioned that money

wasn't your problem, but it sounds to me that you still may need to

keep getting out of the house some. I have a full disability..I am

dealing with arthritis from previous laminectomies, I have scoliosis

of the spine, spinal stenosis (which most of us have, anyway) and I

use a walker. Yet I can set my own pace (which is the slowest of

slow and continue with my classes and my little job. It's made me

feel proud in knowing that I am contributing to society, even if it's

just in a small way. I'm not even sure that I'll be strong enough to

handle a 40+ hour work week, after I graduate, but I'm sure going to

see if I can keep up with part-time.

Another word of advice. If you are on SSI or SSD now, then stay on

it, even if you only earn a $1.00 SS a month. Because it takes

forever and I mean 'forever' to get back on it. Staying home all the

time can get you down. We all need that outside contact, no matter

how disabled we might become. And may I suggest while you're still

out there 'looking' and are not taking classes, then fill in your

time, doing some volunteer work. That can also look good added to

your resume.

Hang in there Marilyn,

Ann

> Hi everyone:

>

> I need to vent for a minute. First of all I know what our nation is

> experiencing but this is about me.

>

> I feel as if it was a waste of time to go to college, even though I

did learn

> quite a bit. I can't get hired by anyone I want to be with. I have

had 3

> interviews and felt as if I had been discriminated against. I have

applied

> everywhere I can think to apply. I feel bad because just about all

of my

> classmates either have jobs or are back in school. I pray that I

never run

> into them while shopping or something (so far I haven't).

>

> On the other hand, my body aches constantly. I have had the surgery

for

> spinal stenosis and it is possible that I may have to go again

because the

> pain has moved to my arms and neck. Am I setting myself up by

looking for

> work in my condition? My insides tell me to take it easy, one day

at a time,

> and live. I have sufficient income and good health insurance. My

peers

> (average) tell me to continue to look for work because I shouldn't

live on

> the system all my life or wait until I get 50 and be made to work

(SS running

> out and all that stuff). My Dr. told me to take it easy. The

problem is

> mainly my peers.

>

> If I should have surgery again, my plan is to have it, recuperate,

get up and

> go back to school for a masters in...something.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> Marilyn

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

To Ginny and Ann especially:

Thank you very much for sharing with me. Thank you everyone who has been

through this ritual. This list has really reinforced the saying of " Stick

with your own kind. " Just like people have told me I have no experience,

strength and hope on marriage, I need to tell them the same thing about lp's.

I have applied for a few positions on the sites that were given to me by you

and really... I am not going to worry about it any more. When I become

overwhelmed with staying at home, I will volunteer.

Love you all,

Marilyn