Re: A little disappointed in this group

[Guest guest]

I absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about our own experiences are important for us. The line is crossed only if we throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able to share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something negative about other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too.From: CalicoSue <susan.hersom@...> Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AMSubject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them – it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc., without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big "family" trying to deal in our own way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I, for one, was happy to share my

frustrations. Until that last email about vegetarian bashing. Then

I felt like I couldn’t.

All of these are honest to God thoughts

and feelings I have. I was in no way saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian

bashing”, I was simply expressing my own frustrations.

I also think that when people say, flat

out, in their post, that it is a RANT, people should expect it to be a purely

emotionally based “dump”. No one rants in a logical fashion.

It has always been my understanding that when someone uses the term “rant”

in a post, they are not looking for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor

are they necessarily expressing their actual logical thoughts or stances on

things. I have always understood a rant to be spewing forth your

emotional upset (no matter how illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s

overwhelming feelings by sharing them with someone who might understand and

get some feedback from others that say “You are not alone. I feel

that at times too.”

I had even typed up this big long email

explaining what I meant, so that no one would think I was “vegetarian

bashing”. Then I decided I didn’t care, and that in the

future, I would just express this kind of frustration with the friends I

already know outside of this group who will listen to me and understand my

frustration for what it is. Frustration.

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lombardi

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37

AM

Subject: Re: [ ] A

little disappointed in this group

I absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about

our own experiences are important for us. The line is crossed only if we

throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able to share my

frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something negative about

other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue

<susan.hersomgmail>

Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

Subject: [ ] A little

disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I

just have to say something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the

past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them

– it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will

take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all

entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in

restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten

intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read

what you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent

emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I

would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a

difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc.,

without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote

and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big " family " trying to deal in our own

way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a

community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lillyth Denaghy

Keogh-Quillan

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I, for

one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email about

vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

All of

these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no way

saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashing”, I was simply

expressing my own frustrations.

I also

think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT, people

should expect it to be a purely emotionally based “dump”. No

one rants in a logical fashion. It has always been my understanding that

when someone uses the term “rant” in a post, they are not looking

for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor are they necessarily expressing

their actual logical thoughts or stances on things. I have always

understood a rant to be spewing forth your emotional upset (no matter how

illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s overwhelming feelings by sharing

them with someone who might understand and get some feedback from others

that say “You are not alone. I feel that at times too.”

I had even

typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one would

think I was “vegetarian bashing”. Then I decided I

didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of

frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will

listen to me and understand my frustration for what it is.

Frustration.

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lombardi

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I absolutely agree. I think the

negative posts about our own experiences are important for us. The line

is crossed only if we throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able

to share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something

negative about other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue

<susan.hersom@...>

Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

Subject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say

something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the

past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them

– it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will

take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all

entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in

restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten

intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what

you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent

emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I

would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a

difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc.,

without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote

and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big " family " trying to deal in our own

way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a

community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Can it really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would prefer that people not denigrate vegetarians as "picky eaters" and blame vegetarians as the cause of people not being willing to accommodate the celiac diet, has caused this outflow of "disappointment" in the group? I don't get it. I was simply expressing an alternative to the ideas expressed in a couple of emails regarding vegetarians. We all have to deal with people not understanding the seriousness of celiac disease and we all have moments of wanting to rant about it, but ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say whatever you want without being concerned with others' feelings; and "ranting" in this forum is not free-flow -- we all have delete keys and the ability to edit before hitting the send button. I am very surprised by these emails!

-----Original Message-----

From: Darcy <ddarcy@...>

Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pm

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lillyth Denaghy

Keogh-Quillan

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I, for

one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email about

vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

All of

these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no way

saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashingâ€, I was simply

expressing my own frustrations.

I also

think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT, people

should expect it to be a purely emotionally based “dumpâ€. No

one rants in a logical fashion. It has always been my understanding that

when someone uses the term “rant†in a post, they are not looking

for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor are they necessarily expressing

their actual logical thoughts or stances on things. I have always

understood a rant to be spewing forth your emotional upset (no matter how

illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s overwhelming feelings by sharing

them with someone who might understand and get some feedback from others

that say “You are not alone. I feel that at times too.â€

I had even

typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one would

think I was “vegetarian bashingâ€. Then I decided I

didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of

frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will

listen to me and understand my frustration for what it is.

Frustration.

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lombardi

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I absolutely agree. I think the

negative posts about our own experiences are important for us. The line

is crossed only if we throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able

to share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something

negative about other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue

<susan.hersomgmail>

Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

Subject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say

something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the

past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them

– it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will

take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all

entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in

restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten

intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what

you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent

emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I

would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a

difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc.,

without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote

and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big "family" trying to deal in our own

way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a

community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I'm on the run now, but I want to back you up completely. I was also dismayed to have vegetarians called "picky eaters." People DO need to be responsible for their words and ranting doesn't mean you can say whatever you want without others also expressing their feelings or reactions, as long as it is done respectfully. This may not be a popular view. By the way, I am a therapist with 30 years experience, and people are allowed to have boundaries and limits!!On Jun 7, 2010, at 5:16 PM, TrVerb@... wrote:Can it really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would prefer that people not denigrate vegetarians as "picky eaters" and blame vegetarians as the cause of people not being willing to accommodate the celiac diet, has caused this outflow of "disappointment" in the group? I don't get it. I was simply expressing an alternative to the ideas expressed in a couple of emails regarding vegetarians. We all have to deal with people not understanding the seriousness of celiac disease and we all have moments of wanting to rant about it, but ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say whatever you want without being concerned with others' feelings; and "ranting" in this forum is not free-flow -- we all have delete keys and the ability to edit before hitting the send button. I am very surprised by these emails!-----Original Message-----From: Darcy <ddarcystanfordalumni (DOT) org> Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pmSubject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing! From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lillyth Denaghy Keogh-QuillanSent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group I, for one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email about vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t. All of these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no way saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashing”, I was simply expressing my own frustrations. I also think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT, people should expect it to be a purely emotionally based “dump”. No one rants in a logical fashion. It has always been my understanding that when someone uses the term “rant” in a post, they are not looking for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor are they necessarily expressing their actual logical thoughts or stances on things. I have always understood a rant to be spewing forth your emotional upset (no matter how illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s overwhelming feelings by sharing them with someone who might understand and get some feedback from others that say “You are not alone. I feel that at times too.” I had even typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one would think I was “vegetarian bashing”. Then I decided I didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will listen to me and understand my frustration for what it is. Frustration. From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of LombardiSent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group I absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about our own experiences are important for us. The line is crossed only if we throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able to share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something negative about other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too. From: CalicoSue <susan.hersomgmail> Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AMSubject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say something. I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them – it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc., without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.In essence, we truly are one big "family" trying to deal in our own way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!Best.Sue

[Guest guest]

Alrighty folks.   Enough on this topic, please.  We all get the

message.  Can we stop now?

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of TrVerb@...

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 5:17 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Can it really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would

prefer that people not denigrate vegetarians as " picky eaters " and

blame vegetarians as the cause of people not being willing to accommodate the

celiac diet, has caused this outflow of " disappointment " in the

group? I don't get it. I was simply expressing an alternative to the ideas

expressed in a couple of emails regarding vegetarians. We all have to deal with

people not understanding the seriousness of celiac disease and we all have moments

of wanting to rant about it, but ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say

whatever you want without being concerned with others' feelings; and

" ranting " in this forum is not free-flow -- we all have delete keys

and the ability to edit before hitting the send button. I am very surprised by

these emails!

-----Original Message-----

From: Darcy <ddarcy@...>

Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pm

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

From: [mailto: ]

On Behalf Of Lillyth Denaghy Keogh-Quillan

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I, for one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that

last email about vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

All of these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have.

I was in no way saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashingâ€, I was

simply expressing my own frustrations.

I also think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it

is a RANT, people should expect it to be a purely emotionally based

“dumpâ€. No one rants in a logical fashion. It has always been my

understanding that when someone uses the term “rant†in a post, they are not

looking for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor are they necessarily

expressing their actual logical thoughts or stances on things. I have

always understood a rant to be spewing forth your emotional upset (no matter

how illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s overwhelming feelings by sharing

them with someone who might understand and get some feedback from others

that say “You are not alone. I feel that at times too.â€

I had even typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so

that no one would think I was “vegetarian bashingâ€. Then I decided I

didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of

frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will

listen to me and understand my frustration for what it is. Frustration.

From: [mailto: ]

On Behalf Of Lombardi

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about our own

experiences are important for us. The line is crossed only if we throw

stones at Other's choices. I want to be able to share my frustrations,

but I dont' want to hear anyone say something negative about other people.

It makes me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue <susan.hersom@...>

Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

Subject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have

to say something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the

past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them

– it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will take a

swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all

entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in

restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten

intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what

you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent

emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I

would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a

difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc.,

without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote

and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big " family " trying to deal in our own

way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a

community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I take full responsibility for bringing up the issue about being a little

disppointed in this group.

Unfortunately, posts commenting (some not so kindly) to one another has been

happening a bit more often in this group lately. I had the same gut reaction

this time as I had about a month ago when some email exchanges happened back

then, too. Is my gut being too sensitive? Maybe, but I can't help but feel a

bit of disappointment with a group I have come to care about for all these years

(and turned to for guidance) when I have to cross my fingers that someone

doesn't correct me or say I'm wrong when I post something.

I'm a big believer in humor, so at the risk of sounding like I want us to form a

circle and sing " Kumbaya " with one another :), all I want is for us is to post

and respond to one another with dignity and respect, without fear of someone

taking a swipe at what we believe. That being said, however, it's only common

sense that we keep in mind " how " we say things so as not to offend someone.

It's really that simple.

Sue

>

> Can it really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would prefer that

people not denigrate vegetarians as " picky eaters " and blame vegetarians as the

cause of people not being willing to accommodate the celiac diet, has caused

this outflow of " disappointment " in the group? I don't get it. I was simply

expressing an alternative to the ideas expressed in a couple of emails regarding

vegetarians. We all have to deal with people not understanding the seriousness

of celiac disease and we all have moments of wanting to rant about it, but

ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say whatever you want without being

concerned with others' feelings; and " ranting " in this forum is not free-flow --

we all have delete keys and the ability to edit before hitting the send button.

I am very surprised by these emails!

>

>

>

>

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: Darcy <ddarcy@...>

>

> Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pm

> Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

>

>

>

>

>

>

> You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

>

>

> From: [mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Lillyth DenaghyKeogh-Quillan

> Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM

>

> Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

>

>

>

>

>

> I, forone, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email

aboutvegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

>

> All ofthese are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no

waysaying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashingâ€, I was

simplyexpressing my own frustrations.

>

> I alsothink that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT,

peopleshould expect it to be a purely emotionally based “dumpâ€. Noone rants

in a logical fashion. It has always been my understanding thatwhen someone uses

the term “rant†in a post, they are not lookingfor logic or how to fix the

problem. Nor are they necessarily expressingtheir actual logical thoughts or

stances on things. I have alwaysunderstood a rant to be spewing forth your

emotional upset (no matter howillogical) in order to A) unburden one’s

overwhelming feelings by sharingthem with someone who might understand and

get some feedback from othersthat say “You are not alone. I feel that at

times too.â€

>

> I had eventyped up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one

wouldthink I was “vegetarian bashingâ€. Then I decided Ididn’t care, and

that in the future, I would just express this kind offrustration with the

friends I already know outside of this group who willlisten to me and understand

my frustration for what it is. Frustration.

>

>

>

>

> From: [mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Lombardi

> Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM

>

> Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I absolutely agree. I think thenegative posts about our own experiences are

important for us. The lineis crossed only if we throw stones at Other's

choices. I want to be ableto share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear

anyone say somethingnegative about other people. It makes me very

uncomfortable, too.

>

>

>

>

>

> From: CalicoSue<susan.hersom@...>

>

> Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

> Subject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

>

>

>

> Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to

saysomething.

>

> I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in

thepast months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading

them†" it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people

willtake a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

>

> I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are

allentitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat

inrestaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from

glutenintolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read

whatyou want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very

innocentemails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

>

> I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things.

Iwould like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with

adifficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product,

etc.,without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I

wroteand believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

>

> In essence, we truly are one big " family " trying to deal in our ownway with

what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of acommunity with a

common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

>

> Best.

>

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

You know, here’s the thing, for me:

I am both a driver and a pedestrian.

When I am driving, there are times I “rant” about

pedestrians. As a pedestrian, there are times I “rant” about

drivers. If some idiot pedestrian is waiting IN the intersection for the

light to change for his/her turn to cross, so that those of us wanting to make

a right hand turn cannot, I might utter something like “F-ing

pedestrians!” I might even rant for a good minute or two if there

is someone in the car with me and I am already overly frustrated. At no

time does my passenger (or I) have ANY illusions that I am “pedestrian

bashing”, or that I hate all pedestrians. I am just ranting, or “venting”

if you will.

I do not hate pedestrians. I am

simply frustrated at a particular subset of them for a way they act or affect

me.

The other thing that is there for me is

that vegetarianism is a CHOICE. Period. Any vegetarian could go

back to eating meat TOMORROW if they wanted to. Sure, there might be an

adjustment period, but they COULD go back to eating meat. If they CHOSE

to.

Those of us on this list could not go back

to eating gluten. At least not without serious, serious (and in most

cases INCAPACITATING) results.

It’s like when someone is on the South Beach

diet and they try to tell me they know how hard it is not to eat gluten.

Or when someone who doesn’t like the taste of cilantro tries to tell

someone with a peanut allergy they know how hard it is to avoid a food.

Ummm… No. They don’t. They really, really don’t.

“Ugh, there is cilantro in

this. I’m not finishing it!” vs. “Holy

crap! I just got glutened, and am now going to spend the next three days

on the toilet.” Or worse, “Shit! Peanuts! Hand me my

epi-pen and get me to the nearest ER!

I’m sorry. They just DON’T

compare.

And, if we are not free to rant about this

(notice no one said “I hate vegetarians” or anything even close to

that), then who is to say next time one of us wants to express frustrations

about doctors someone isn’t going to jump in and accuse us of “Doctor

bashing”. Or “relative bashing” next time one of our

family members tries to get us to eat the filling out of a cake?

And, BTW, NO ONE said anything about

vegetarians being “picky eaters”. Peggy only said she was

tired of being treated as though SHE were a picky eater. And my only

point is that being a vegetarian is different in that if your food touches meat

for a few seconds you will not be violently ill, and that it is a CHOICE, which

is different from al ALLERGY. (Which, yes, I know CD is not, technically,

but I think you get the idea).

I’m not even sure how anyone even

construed either of our posts as “bashing” in the first place,

honestly. I just went back and re-read both emails, and am completely

baffled how anyone thought “I am sick and tired of being

treated like I am a picky eater” and “It’s

NOT like vegetarianism, which is a CHOICE.” could possibly be “vegetarian

bashing”…

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Caryn Gottfried

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 5:44

PM

Subject: Re: [ ] A

little disappointed in this group

I'm on

the run now, but I want to back you up completely. I was also dismayed to

have vegetarians called " picky eaters. " People DO need to be

responsible for their words and ranting doesn't mean you can say whatever you

want without others also expressing their feelings or reactions, as long as it

is done respectfully. This may not be a popular view. By the way, I

am a therapist with 30 years experience, and people are allowed to have

boundaries and limits!!

On Jun 7, 2010, at 5:16 PM, TrVerb@...

wrote:

Can it

really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would prefer that people

not denigrate vegetarians as " picky eaters " and blame vegetarians as

the cause of people not being willing to accommodate the celiac diet, has

caused this outflow of " disappointment " in the group? I don't get it.

I was simply expressing an alternative to the ideas expressed in a couple of

emails regarding vegetarians. We all have to deal with people not understanding

the seriousness of celiac disease and we all have moments of wanting to rant

about it, but ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say whatever you want

without being concerned with others' feelings; and " ranting " in this

forum is not free-flow -- we all have delete keys and the ability to edit

before hitting the send button. I am very surprised by these emails!

-----Original Message-----

From: Darcy <ddarcystanfordalumni (DOT) org>

Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pm

Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

You

are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

From: [mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Lillyth

Denaghy Keogh-Quillan

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM

Subject: RE: [ ] A little

disappointed in this group

I,

for one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email about

vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

All

of these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no way

saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashing”, I was simply

expressing my own frustrations.

I

also think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT,

people should expect it to be a purely emotionally based

“dump”. No one rants in a logical fashion. It has

always been my understanding that when someone uses the term “rant”

in a post, they are not looking for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor

are they necessarily expressing their actual logical thoughts or stances on

things. I have always understood a rant to be spewing forth your

emotional upset (no matter how illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s

overwhelming feelings by sharing them with someone who might understand and

get some feedback from others that say “You are not alone. I feel

that at times too.”

I

had even typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one

would think I was “vegetarian bashing”. Then I decided I

didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of

frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will listen

to me and understand my frustration for what it is. Frustration.

From: [mailto: ] On

Behalf Of

Lombardi

Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] A little

disappointed in this group

I

absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about our own experiences

are important for us. The line is crossed only if we throw stones at

Other's choices. I want to be able to share my frustrations, but I dont'

want to hear anyone say something negative about other people. It makes

me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue

<susan.hersomgmail>

Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AM

Subject: [ ] A little disappointed

in this group

Oh

Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say something.

I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the

past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them

– it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will

take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)

I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all

entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in

restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten

intolerance), but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read

what you want to say before posting it? Just a thought. Sometimes very innocent

emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.

I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I

would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a

difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc.,

without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote

and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.

In essence, we truly are one big " family " trying to deal in our own

way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a

community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!

Best.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I realize this thread has gone on too long, and I appreciate those that have posted supportive responses - you have been right on target. But, I need to add some clarifications. Perhaps it is my post with the phrase "picky eaters by choice" that has caused such consternation. It was meant with a bit of humor and tongue-in-cheek. I realize that such a thing is not possible by email so I will try to soften my words and remove the humor. Oops, I did it again...

The fact is that I am a picky eater. As a Celiac, I cannot just wolf down any food placed in front of me. I have to either ask a million questions, choose to not eat at all, or go miles out of my way to find something safe. To me, that sounds like the definition of being a picky eater. It is a pain in the butt for me and the people I am eat with. I'm sorry that some people are so thin-skinned as to be offended by a phrase that expresses a reality. All of us are picky eaters. So what. As Celiacs (and gluten-sensitives, etc), this is something that has been forced on us by our medical condition. As Lilith says, there are plenty of other people out there who CHOOSE to be selective about what they eat. Perhaps "selective" is a nicer word than "picky" so I will use that word from here on. This would include vegetarians, as an example, and people who go gluten-free because they read

about it in a magazine and it sounded like a cool fad to join. For those who follow a selective diet by choice, the seriousness of cross-contammination is not a concern. Many restaurants have learned from them that a little bit of cross contammination is ok and hence you get servers saying things like "Oh yes, we do gluten-free all the time, no problem" or "We are very familiar with special diets", and then proceeding to get you sick due to cross-contammination because they do not understand the seriousness. By the way, whenever they say "no problem" - run!

In future posts, I will stick with food and restaurants as these seem to be safe subjects. Hopefully we can all move on now.

Regards,

From: Lillyth Denaghy Keogh-Quillan <lillythdenaghykeogh@...> Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 6:46:26 PMSubject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

You know, here’s the thing, for me:

I am both a driver and a pedestrian. When I am driving, there are times I “rant†about pedestrians. As a pedestrian, there are times I “rant†about drivers. If some idiot pedestrian is waiting IN the intersection for the light to change for his/her turn to cross, so that those of us wanting to make a right hand turn cannot, I might utter something like “F-ing pedestrians!†I might even rant for a good minute or two if there is someone in the car with me and I am already overly frustrated. At no time does my passenger (or I) have ANY illusions that I am “pedestrian bashingâ€, or that I hate all pedestrians. I am just ranting, or “venting†if you will.

I do not hate pedestrians. I am simply frustrated at a particular subset of them for a way they act or affect me.

The other thing that is there for me is that vegetarianism is a CHOICE. Period. Any vegetarian could go back to eating meat TOMORROW if they wanted to. Sure, there might be an adjustment period, but they COULD go back to eating meat. If they CHOSE to.

Those of us on this list could not go back to eating gluten. At least not without serious, serious (and in most cases INCAPACITATING) results.

It’s like when someone is on the South Beach diet and they try to tell me they know how hard it is not to eat gluten. Or when someone who doesn’t like the taste of cilantro tries to tell someone with a peanut allergy they know how hard it is to avoid a food. Ummm… No. They don’t. They really, really don’t.

“Ugh, there is cilantro in this. I’m not finishing it!†vs. “Holy crap! I just got glutened, and am now going to spend the next three days on the toilet.†Or worse, “Shit! Peanuts! Hand me my epi-pen and get me to the nearest ER!

I’m sorry. They just DON’T compare.

And, if we are not free to rant about this (notice no one said “I hate vegetarians†or anything even close to that), then who is to say next time one of us wants to express frustrations about doctors someone isn’t going to jump in and accuse us of “Doctor bashingâ€. Or “relative bashing†next time one of our family members tries to get us to eat the filling out of a cake?

And, BTW, NO ONE said anything about vegetarians being “picky eatersâ€. Peggy only said she was tired of being treated as though SHE were a picky eater. And my only point is that being a vegetarian is different in that if your food touches meat for a few seconds you will not be violently ill, and that it is a CHOICE, which is different from al ALLERGY. (Which, yes, I know CD is not, technically, but I think you get the idea).

I’m not even sure how anyone even construed either of our posts as “bashing†in the first place, honestly. I just went back and re-read both emails, and am completely baffled how anyone thought “I am sick and tired of being treated like I am a picky eater†and “It’s NOT like vegetarianism, which is a CHOICE.†could possibly be “vegetarian bashingâ€â€¦

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Caryn GottfriedSent: Monday, June 07, 2010 5:44 PM Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I'm on the run now, but I want to back you up completely. I was also dismayed to have vegetarians called "picky eaters." People DO need to be responsible for their words and ranting doesn't mean you can say whatever you want without others also expressing their feelings or reactions, as long as it is done respectfully. This may not be a popular view. By the way, I am a therapist with 30 years experience, and people are allowed to have boundaries and limits!!

On Jun 7, 2010, at 5:16 PM, TrVerb@... wrote:

Can it really be that my email, in which I expressed that I would prefer that people not denigrate vegetarians as "picky eaters" and blame vegetarians as the cause of people not being willing to accommodate the celiac diet, has caused this outflow of "disappointment" in the group? I don't get it. I was simply expressing an alternative to the ideas expressed in a couple of emails regarding vegetarians. We all have to deal with people not understanding the seriousness of celiac disease and we all have moments of wanting to rant about it, but ranting shouldn't mean you get to just say whatever you want without being concerned with others' feelings; and "ranting" in this forum is not free-flow -- we all have delete keys and the ability to edit before hitting the send button. I am very surprised by these emails!

-----Original Message-----From: Darcy <ddarcy@stanfordalum ni.org> Sent: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 2:49 pmSubject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

You are not alone. Please don’t stop sharing!

From: [mailto:celiacbayar eagroups (DOT) com] On Behalf Of Lillyth Denaghy Keogh-QuillanSent: Monday, June 07, 2010 2:10 PM Subject: RE: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I, for one, was happy to share my frustrations. Until that last email about vegetarian bashing. Then I felt like I couldn’t.

All of these are honest to God thoughts and feelings I have. I was in no way saying all vegetarians suck or “vegetarian bashingâ€, I was simply expressing my own frustrations.

I also think that when people say, flat out, in their post, that it is a RANT, people should expect it to be a purely emotionally based “dumpâ€. No one rants in a logical fashion. It has always been my understanding that when someone uses the term “rant†in a post, they are not looking for logic or how to fix the problem. Nor are they necessarily expressing their actual logical thoughts or stances on things. I have always understood a rant to be spewing forth your emotional upset (no matter how illogical) in order to A) unburden one’s overwhelming feelings by sharing them with someone who might understand and get some feedback from others that say “You are not alone. I feel that at times too.â€

I had even typed up this big long email explaining what I meant, so that no one would think I was “vegetarian bashingâ€. Then I decided I didn’t care, and that in the future, I would just express this kind of frustration with the friends I already know outside of this group who will listen to me and understand my frustration for what it is. Frustration.

From: [mailto:celiacbayar eagroups (DOT) com] On Behalf Of LombardiSent: Monday, June 07, 2010 8:37 AM Subject: Re: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

I absolutely agree. I think the negative posts about our own experiences are important for us. The line is crossed only if we throw stones at Other's choices. I want to be able to share my frustrations, but I dont' want to hear anyone say something negative about other people. It makes me very uncomfortable, too.

From: CalicoSue <susan.hersom@ gmail.com> Sent: Mon, June 7, 2010 8:14:52 AMSubject: [ ] A little disappointed in this group

Oh Boy, I'm going to put myself out there a bit, but I just have to say something. I have been an active member of this group for about 5 years now, and in the past months, I have seen postings where I really feel uneasy after reading them – it makes me think twice before posting because I'm afraid people will take a swipe at me next - which I hope doesn't happen after THIS email! :)I guess I just want this group to unite and be kind to one another. We are all entitled to our own feelings and convictions about food, how to eat in restaurants, how people treat us because we are celiacs (and suffer from gluten intolerance) , but we are all in this together. It might help to re-read what you want to say before posting it? Just a thought.

Sometimes very innocent emails can be taken the wrong way, depending how you phrase the words.I love being part of this celiac community and learning about new things. I would like to feel comfortable sharing news I have found, or how I dealt with a difficult food-related situation, or give comments on a new g-f product, etc., without the fear of being called out or disrespected because of what I wrote and believe. I guess that's how I'm feeling now - a little scared.In essence, we truly are one big "family" trying to deal in our own way with what life has given us, aren't we? I really LIKE being part of a community with a common cause. We can learn so much from one another!Best.Sue

[Guest guest]

>

> The other thing that is there for me is that vegetarianism is a CHOICE.

> Period. Any vegetarian could go back to eating meat TOMORROW if they wanted

> to. Sure, there might be an adjustment period, but they COULD go back to

> eating meat. If they CHOSE to.

>

>

>

> Those of us on this list could not go back to eating gluten. At least not

> without serious, serious (and in most cases INCAPACITATING) results.

Yay! YOU GO, GIRL! I am 100% behind you, 100% in agreement, and I 100% believe

in your RIGHT to say it. There IS a big difference between a choice and a

medical necessity.

Lori