RE: new to group To Debbie

[Guest guest]

Dear Debbie, If only those who of us who understand what you are going through weren't spread around the world, but close enough to help. You are still so, so early in the recovery. process. I'm now a bit past three months post op for double knee replacement. And I'm just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there -- the tears, the frustration. I've been disappointed by health-care givers. I'm sometimes overwhelmed by the demands on me. I just keep trying to think how wonderful it will be to be to lead a normal life a year from now. I lost one friend this year to cancer, another is preparing to soon be under hospice care. This will likely be her last Christmas with her family. Yesterday, a friend, who always stays upbeat for her sons, cried on

my shoulder. This will be her third Christmas without her beautiful daughter, who was killed in a car accident her first year in college. As for us...we have every reason to think we will be healthier and stronger than we have been in a long time. Please don't think I mean to preach. I can't sugar coat it. No matter how we count our blessings, we've been through a traumatic surgery that results in a painful and slow process. First, I agree with 's wise advice. Please consider seeing a doctor about clincal depression. Many, if not most of us, know that the chronic pain, meds and inability to do what we are used to doing make

us sad and weepy if not seriously depressed. It's out of our control. Life isn't fair, and you have been hit with so much. But others would . It sounds like you have a caring daughter and the best recovery elixir in the world -- grandchildren and one on the way. I have three and now my baby girls is pregnant for the first time. It's a girl, and today I get to buy her first gift from me. I am so excited. And even though your parents have needs, I envy you that you have them as well as a husband to lean on. Though if I had a husband who couldn't keep up with things because he had to go hunting, I would find the diplomatic words needed to convince him that this year it is his "dear" and not the "deer" that must be his priority this year. :-) And you have your shopping done. Now I'm really jealous! I'm just beginning today. I can just see me limping tomorrow! :-) So many things are out of your control right now, just when you are at your most vulnerable. Then there are the pain meds, that mess with your emotions. I live alone and am used to being independent. I've had to learn to ask for help. It's been been humbling for sure. But this holiday season, I am more grateful than ever before for the family and friends who responded to my requests for help. That feeling is a gift in itself. At the top of your list,

you need to put in capital letters: FIRST AND FOREMOST, TAKE CARE OF DEBBIE. Every week gets better -- but only if you do the right things for yourself. You won't be any good to the people you love until you do. I have one suggestion. Before each week begins, pick up the phone and personally and ask a specific person to take your parents to a specific appointment. This is how I got to physcial therapy. People will help, but they want exact dates and times in advance. It's not begging, it's reaching out for help. And someday, some of them will feel comfortable reaching out to you when you are in a position to help. Also, our county has a service to get the elderly to appointments. Perhaps checking into that is one way your daughter could help you from

her home. I could give offer up all kinds of solutions, but I have a feeling you don't need that as much as you need to others who understand your frustration, pain, sadness and anger and to find ways to cope. If you've always loved the holidays, I'm sure you'll find the spirit when you're surrounded by your family. Especially those grandchildren. I've had more than one holiday season I dreaded, but the joy always comes. You can count on Christmas! Okay, off to the pool and then to the stores. I've pretty much given up my cane, but will take

it to support me on this trek. And isn't it amazing, how people jump to help a person with a cane! Like the guy who almost pushed me out of the way last week so he could load my 44-lbs. of dog food in my cart and the young neighbors who carried it into the house for me when I got home. Or the people who insist I step ahead in line at the cash register. There are some perks to this recovery thing. :-) Thanks, Debbie, for the tip on Vitamin E. My scars are tight and bothering me. I'll buy some today. Don't forget, Debbie. The world can go on without you. Put yourself first for now! Take the best care ever. Warm regards, Donna Harnett <wjkh@...> wrote: P.S: Debbie, you may be clinically depressed and should talk to your doctor. You've been through major surgery and need some looking after. -----Original Message-----From: Joint Replacement [mailto:Joint Replacement ]On Behalf Of garagesale1999Sent: Saturday, 16 December 2006 6:55 a.m.Joint Replacement Subject: new to group HiI just had a partal knee replacement Nov 20th. I did all theexercises the told me to do BEFORE SURGERY and beleave it has helpedmy recovery. Before I found the doc that did the surgery I was goingto a doc in my town and ended up with a swelled calf after 3injections of something into my knee, they didn't want to do surgeryon my knee as I am only 50 and they just kept pumping me

withcordizone and then this 3 week shots thing. When I went to this otherdoctor out of town, I took x-rays I had and none were with me standingand bending my knee with pressure on it. Well it showed that I had NOcartlage on the inside of the knee and a good amount on the outsidearea. After trying for months to get the swelling and lump in theback of my leg figured out it was decided that when the shot was givenin my knee it settled into my calf (dumb doctor didn't even clean theshot area before shot and those shots hurt like pure fire) Anyway thenew doctor checked out the lump, and swelling real good and there isnothing they can do about the calf pain, so I had the knee fixedhoping that will give me less pain in my leg.Ok anyway now they say the knee is going great I have 90% rom and thepain had let up alot, still icing hot knee and using vit E on scar(almost gone). Went to theapy on wed and pushed myself to much I

thinkand was in alot of pain that night. My knee was feeling great but thepain came back in the calf after over working it at theapy and walkingfor a half hour in the store. I slept all day yesterday as I think that I got up in the night andtook some pain meds and didn't remember doing it. I sleep walk andeat at night and don't remember it and I am sure that I must of gotinto my pills and don't remember as my friend called me at 9:oo am andshe said I was out of it, I argued with her but could be. I will haveto take my pills and lock them up so I have to wake up my husband toget them if I need them. for the last few days I have been pushing myself and keep forgeting mycane when I walk. I am not very happy being inside all the time andto tired to go out much. I am depressed and upset with the littlehelp that I get from the people who told me they would help. MyChurch family has sent cards but that is it. My parents

are not welland I am an only child and was taking dad to chemo and mom toappointments. I asked the church to find people to help them and theynever did anything except tell me to call even when I gave them myparents number and and schedule of appointments. We just are not thebegging kind and I find myself overdueing it and getting bitter mad. I have a husband who is a hunter and is reluctly trying to keep upwith the washing the clothing. my daughter is 8mths pregnant and has3 kids and a husband who is being jacked around at work with hishours. they have 1 car and my daughter just can't help as she don'tknow week by week what his hours will be and her kids (the 3 from heranother marrage)are dealing with a real dad who won't pay support andis always moving and has now decided to move to ohio (from Mich) andwill only take them when and if he feels like it. Now with the newdads hours being shifted around and a new baby

coming, they are notadjusting well to all the changes. I have always been the strong onefor everyone and now I am down and pushing myself to much then payingfor it in pain and depression. Just wondering if anyone else isfinding it hard to deal with the recovery time and have any ideas. Idon't even care about Christmas, I have the gifts bought beforesurgery. I always loved Christmas but this year forget it, I justwant to cry. thanks for reading this and I hope i can learn how tonot overdue it. Iceing knee and calf in Michigan. Debbie __________________________________________________