spinning my wheels

[Guest guest]

I go from med to med to med

I gain weight

I get depressed

I want to end it all, then think that's not the answer

I am tired of being a yo yo

now, after all the prednisone and the mood changes, Dr has me down as bi-polar

Will it ever end?

The anxiety sure doesn't.

The corticosteroids I have been on for years, my hips and spine are thinning out

the depression is getting worse. I am losing sight of my goals for self and

career

I can't take the pain much more and would love nothing more than vanish into

oblivion

Those who have read my posts know I don't have support from my family.

Friends I have but I don't want to lean on them too much

As it is, I will need them in April for more surgery to the hysterectomy. Later

in April, I will find out more news on the nodules on the walls of my lungs

The only way to end the nightmare is for me to end and that's not the answer

My job is giving me a bad time about taking off the last half hour 2x a month to

get the shot of Xolair. They want to see all medical records. The union stepped

in stating it's an invasion of privacy. There's no one on the school board who's

a Dr, they have no business viewing my records.

That's a night mare, life's a nightmare. Whether my eyes are open or closed it's

a night mare

The antidepressants add weight, xanax and valium make me sleep

I see a psychologist and psychiatrist. I don't see any hope.

Anxiety attacks are still happening and yet, this is not a way to live.

I feel stuck, spinning my wheels and no hope at the end of the tunnel.

Had to vent, if you read this to its entirety, thanks