I'm shorter now

[Guest guest]

I went to my doc this week for my annual exam and after the joyless task of

getting on the

scale, she asked me if I knew how tall I was. " Shheesh.yes, of COURSE, I do. " I

answered.

" Five Seven " I told her.

Then I went on to say " actually I used to be five seven and then about ten years

ago I got

miniaturized somehow and lost an inch.

I think my kids must've beat me down in more ways than one so now I'm five six.

I'd call it at a little over five six.

Still almost five seven really. "

I admit this to her because docs have a way of getting the truth out of me that

no other

human being could pry from me, even by poking needles into my eyeballs.

The doctor's form is filled out something like this:

Unprotected sex? Yes, many times. But not recently like in the past couple

decades. But

don't tell my kids,or I will be forced to lie to them.And in my defense, there's

no box to

check to say how cute he was.

Experimented with recreational drugs? No.I mean, well, no. Yes. No.

Can these

things show up in your urine? ok, yes.

My kids don't know this either.

How often? Oh for criminy sakes does that really matter? I'm not running for

president.

Have you ever smoked? I'm a fitness queen, not a saint!

And drinking? How much you ask? Can I substitute the words " times a week " for

" drinks

per week " ? and does a globe of wine count as a glass even though it's big enough

for a

goldfish?

I feel like scribbling in the margins " You want the truth Doc?

You can't HANDLE the truth! "

My point is that I should've just insisted that I'm still five seven, no need to

squabble about

reality.

I simply prefer the model-esque ring of five seven.

She looked DOWN

at me now that I think about it

and said snidely

" let's just take a quick look.Hop on. "

Blindly I stepped back on the scale-who's idea was this to make women get on a

scale,

the mini evil torture chamber of every well-stocked bathroom, to check your

height? Some

man I suppose.

Anyway I humor her and step on the gallows and she says

" You're five five. "

(dead silence from me)

Look I was fine with five six.

I'd accepted it and moved on.

I'd almost forgotten the sweet memory of five seven. But.

I am NOT five five.

Am I?

Yes my former doctor replied.

The rest of the exam was a blur of stirrups and speculums(I've never liked the

sound of

that word much either) while I tried not to cry on my paper gown.

Luckily none of you were on the road last Tuesday afternoon while returning from

the

doc's because my mind lurched every time I passed a speed limit sign,

mocking me with those double digits that earlier this morning were innocent

numbers.

55!

55!

MPH now stood for " My Pitiful Height. "

She might as well have told me I'd turned into a monkey.

It was that hard to get my mind around.

Weight fluctuates.

That I am used to.

I've even remained calm during a twin pregnancy and the 50 weight gain that

accompanied that.

Up, down, up, no problem.

Lots of bodily parts and bodily functions fluctuate.

Hair,moods, even skin and temperature.

But height, after your teens, does not go up then down then up.

It is as predictable and unchanging as your birthday.

I thought.

Here all along I've been thinking my teenage kids were getting taller but

actually I've been

getting shorter.

I expected my height to always be there for me and now it's one inch closer to

the ground.

I've had my new hips for almost a year and up til now hadn't thought of height

at all.We

will all end up on the ground someday anyway,I guess.(sigh)

An inch! Whoever said an inch doesn't matter is either tall, lying or already

well-endowed.

And later on, after I'd finished ruminating on why it wasn't the other way

around-my

height staying the same and my weight going down instead of my height going down

and

my weight staying the same, it dawned on me why I was so upset.

I have always used the weight to height ratio calculation

to gauge how much I should weigh. This rule says 100 pounds for five feet and

five ell-

bees for every inch above that.

So at my former height of five seven,

I am at my ideal weight when I weigh 135 or under.

This is doable with some diligence. Five six means I have to strive for 130

which is more of

a magic number these days as opposed to 134 which I think is my set point.

The horrible truth of this situation is that at five five, I am only given

......one hundred

....twenty....five pounds!

I haven't weighed 125 since, well, since before I did all those things that I

had to check yes

to on the doctor's form.

I want to be able to weigh what a five seven woman gets to weigh.

Why?

Because my body doesn't know it's five five.

My body still thinks it's five seven.

Or is it really still five seven but my physical inches are just not showing up

on the

measurer-thingie.

Like when we know we've lost weight from working out because our jeans feel

loose but

we still weigh the same.

Answer me this-if muscle weighs more than fat so you are really thinner,

then what is taller than inches when you get shorter?

(Maybe it's brain cells when I go back and reread that last sentence)

So. I guess I will try to stand tall and hope my missing inch shows up

eventually.

Because at this rate, losing an inch a decade, I will look like Dr.Ruth by the

time I'm her

age.

So my question is.

does hip replacement make you shorter?

[Guest guest]

Well, as a person who never quite hit 5 foot 2, you seem like a giant to me.

But the loss of 2 whole inches is something I think you should see an

endocrinologist about. Having had hip replacement means you did it to be

should be able to keep active and I assume you are doing weight-bearing

exercise daily. So why are you losing so much height? We all lose a bit of

height because our connective tissue (especially disks in the spine) shrink

a bit and everything settles. But the big reasons for losing bone mass are:

1) aging

2) lack of estrogen

3) lack of weight-bearing exercise

4) lack of calcium

5) taking prednisone

6) taking synthroid or some other synthetic hormones

If you have not had a DEXA scan you should get one and then see a bone

density doc (endocrinologist) and get onto a regimen which will help you

keep the bone you have. We are all living a lot longer - our bodies (women)

were meant to last a few years past menopause. Now we are living 30 years

past menopause, and we need some help keeping our bones, among other things.

If there is no reason you can't take estrogen, that's the easiest way to

keep bone healthy - followed by things like actonel and Fosamax, though they

recently were shown to make bone which " looks good " on a dexa scan but isn't

necessarily " good " bone. There's a new one called " Forteo " which is

injected daily, don't know the long term outcome on that one yet.

Taking calcium with vitamin D together, a lot, three times a day, is pretty

much required after menopause.

Having some weight on your bones is a GOOD thing - think of it, every time

you put down your foot the amount of electrical stimulation going through

your bones is more, the more you weigh. Electrical stimulation is what

builds bone. So weight-bearing exercise is the best thing - walking, for

example. That, plus calcium, plus estrogen, and you may be OK without

taking any actual bone density drugs.

So good luck!

Callahan Goodman

Does hip replacement make you shorter?