Re: being dependent on someone

[Guest guest]

I learnt that early on in the route of chronic pain. People ask you how you

feel, but they

Don't want to hear you " really " say how you feel, so I don't now.

I Don't ask for help except when it comes to driving...then I am in real

need to get to the doctor or bank etc.

As for helping, I think that's what mothers do.. they do it and don't ask

for help, so when its their turn they don't know how to do it.

-- being dependent on someone

I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for help.

I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters and

they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not

to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it is

difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how

you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to

keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling them

" oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that lighting

doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

pain and situation in perspective.

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I " m not good at asking for help but I AM good at denying i " m in pain..I

have to stop at the doctors and MAKE myself admit it...I seem to think it's

some sign of fundamental weakness.

I sure hope I " m able to take care of myself..and the 33 parrots..when I get

home.

In a message dated 9/10/2011 12:05:55 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

maryanne.waspe1@... writes:

I learnt that early on in the route of chronic pain. People ask you how you

feel, but they

Don't want to hear you " really " say how you feel, so I don't now.

I Don't ask for help except when it comes to driving...then I am in real

need to get to the doctor or bank etc.

As for helping, I think that's what mothers do.. they do it and don't ask

for help, so when its their turn they don't know how to do it.

[Guest guest]

About living with pain: when they ask, " How are you doing? "

I always say, " Good enough " . If I am late on my pain pills, I say,

" Better in 15 minutes when the drugs kick in " , and they think

I am joking. Ha ha, NOT. Occasionally I really do feel good, so I

then answer, " Better than yesterday " .

But of course, the most important thing to learn, when in

chronic pain, is do not be late on your meds - catch-up is

hard.

Keep smiling.....////OldClimber

===================================================

On 9/9/2011 10:05 PM, maryanne.waspe1@... wrote:

>

> I learnt that early on in the route of chronic pain. People ask you

> how you

> feel, but they

> Don't want to hear you " really " say how you feel, so I don't now.

> I Don't ask for help except when it comes to driving...then I am in real

> need to get to the doctor or bank etc.

> As for helping, I think that's what mothers do.. they do it and don't ask

> for help, so when its their turn they don't know how to do it.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, well I also remind myself that when I ask ow their kids are doing, I

want to just hear " Fine! " ..not a blow by blow account of last night's

soccer game...

In a message dated 9/10/2011 12:18:04 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

Award@... writes:

About living with pain: when they ask, " How are you doing? "

I always say, " Good enough " . If I am late on my pain pills, I say,

" Better in 15 minutes when the drugs kick in " , and they think

I am joking. Ha ha, NOT. Occasionally I really do feel good, so I

then answer, " Better than yesterday " .

But of course, the most important thing to learn, when in

chronic pain, is do not be late on your meds - catch-up is

hard.

Keep smiling.....////OldClimber

===================================================

On 9/9/2011 10:05 PM, maryanne.waspe1@... wrote:

>

> I learnt that early on in the route of chronic pain. People ask you

> how you

> feel, but they

> Don't want to hear you " really " say how you feel, so I don't now.

> I Don't ask for help except when it comes to driving...then I am in real

> need to get to the doctor or bank etc.

> As for helping, I think that's what mothers do.. they do it and don't ask

> for help, so when its their turn they don't know how to do it.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

Groups Links

[Guest guest]

We all need help sometimes.  I am sure you have given your share.  Now it's

time for you.  Knee replacement is painful.  Period.  But it will get better

and you will be tour normal self.  That is if normally you are not a

complainer!  LOL

Joan

________________________________

From: SherryH <sherryhh@...>

Joint Replacement

Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 4:58 AM

Subject: being dependent on someone

 

I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for help.

I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters and

they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not to

complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it is

difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how you

feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to keep the

conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling them, " oh, yeah,

I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that lighting doesn't strike

me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my pain and situation

in perspective.

[Guest guest]

I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the one

always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it. But by

getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally feeling I

was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people help me also.

I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from all the people I had

helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a change, let the nurses and

hospital staff assist me and then did the same when I got home. I had a couple

of family members who offered to help at home and I was actually able to let

them. I then realized that it was making them feel helpful and that I actually

deserved to be the receiver of their attention for a change. From that

realization on, I relaxed and concentrated on the healing. It worked for me.

Pat in Pennsylvania

Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

being dependent on someone

I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for help.

I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters and they

were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not to complain

but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it is difficult not to

complain. I am learning that few people really care how you feel and NO ONE

wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to keep the conversation off

myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good

today. " All the while, hoping that lighting doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed

reading these notes. It helps me put my pain and situation in perspective.

[Guest guest]

This reminds me of a conversation I had with the OT lady at the hospital

following my first hip replacement in March 2010. She was unsuccessfully

attempting to convince me to go to an outpatient rehab center. OT: " What do you

have for help at home? " , ME: " A husband and two grown sons (24 & 18 at the

time), they can cook, cleanup and help me out. " OT: " Oh, but that's NOT FAIR to

them! " ME: " Not FAIR?? Look, I suffered in labor & childbirth for hours, one son

weighed 11 lbs. and the other 10 lbs., I think they can take a minute or two out

of their lives to help me put my leg up on the couch! Besides, that's what

families do, so don't worry, they'll deal with it! " End of conversation.

Needless to say I went straight home and all went fine!

>

> I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the one

always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it. But by

getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally feeling I

was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people help me also.

I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from all the people I had

helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a change, let the nurses and

hospital staff assist me and then did the same when I got home. I had a couple

of family members who offered to help at home and I was actually able to let

them. I then realized that it was making them feel helpful and that I actually

deserved to be the receiver of their attention for a change. From that

realization on, I relaxed and concentrated on the healing. It worked for me.

>

> Pat in Pennsylvania

> Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

>

>

> being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for help.

I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters and they

were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not to complain

but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it is difficult not to

complain. I am learning that few people really care how you feel and NO ONE

wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to keep the conversation off

myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good

today. " All the while, hoping that lighting doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed

reading these notes. It helps me put my pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I live alone, so...to some degree, the asking for help isn't as much of an

issue. WOrrying about being able to cope on my own..that is, to some

degree. That said, it does seem that knee recovery is harder and more painful

than hips.

In a message dated 9/10/2011 6:32:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

rainbowsendminis@... writes:

I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the

one always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it.

But by getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally

feeling I was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people

help me also. I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from

all the people I had helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a

change, let the nurses and hospital staff assist me and then did the same when

I

got home. I had a couple of family members who offered to help at home and

I was actually able to let them. I then realized that it was making them

feel helpful and that I actually deserved to be the receiver of their

attention for a change. From that realization on, I relaxed and concentrated

on the healing. It worked for me.

Pat in Pennsylvania

Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

being dependent on someone

I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters

and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not

to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it

is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how

you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to

keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling

them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that lighting

doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

pain and situation in perspective.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

Groups Links

[Guest guest]

If i had done this TKR and husb was not able to help the first week ie. with

getting me in and out of the heavy CPM machine and Ice therapy i think I too

would have needed a week at avrehab place. After a week or so i was able to put

myself in and out of the CPM so maybe having one one side of a double bed or a

separate twin bed for that CPM machine to never have to be lifted and another

wmptynside or other twin bed for ones night sleep (without CPM) would make a

solo recovery possible. I would also have to forgo my iice machine (use peas

or gel oacks) if i was soloing.

Also might invest in a months worth of fall buzzer around neck ahndvside of

bed phone service.

if not in HMO providing transport to outpatient PT inwould have to make sure i

PRE sign up for local community dial-a-ride service to be able to take me

therevand back.

I could have groceries and some meds delivered via internet order etc.but

mightbhave to find a pharmacy that still delivers in this day and age.

Have I forgotten anything?

L

>

> I live alone, so...to some degree, the asking for help isn't as much of an

> issue. WOrrying about being able to cope on my own..that is, to some

> degree. That said, it does seem that knee recovery is harder and more

painful

> than hips.

>

>

> In a message dated 9/10/2011 6:32:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> rainbowsendminis@... writes:

>

> I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the

> one always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it.

> But by getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally

> feeling I was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people

> help me also. I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from

> all the people I had helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a

> change, let the nurses and hospital staff assist me and then did the same

when I

> got home. I had a couple of family members who offered to help at home and

> I was actually able to let them. I then realized that it was making them

> feel helpful and that I actually deserved to be the receiver of their

> attention for a change. From that realization on, I relaxed and concentrated

> on the healing. It worked for me.

>

> Pat in Pennsylvania

> Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

>

>

> being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

> hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

> help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters

> and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not

> to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it

> is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how

> you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to

> keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling

> them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that

lighting

> doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

> pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Again, hips seem easier post op than knees? I know we have some here who

have dealt with both. I live out beyond the boondocks, and it's a mile of

dirt road from pavement to the house, so...I'm to a large degree on my own

BUT two friends do live within a half mile and are more than willing to do

my grocery shopping and such, and will run if I call. (I figure I'll do

what I did after back surgery...just keep one of the house phones in my pocket

all the time.)

The wildly energetic 100-pound dog will be at " puppy sleep away camp " for

some time..(We don't say the " K " word around here) since she would create a

high risk of being knocked clean off my feet.

In a message dated 9/10/2011 11:54:46 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

leecaroler@... writes:

If i had done this TKR and husb was not able to help the first week ie.

with getting me in and out of the heavy CPM machine and Ice therapy i think I

too would have needed a week at avrehab place. After a week or so i was

able to put myself in and out of the CPM so maybe having one one side of a

double bed or a separate twin bed for that CPM machine to never have

to be lifted and another wmptynside or other twin bed for ones night sleep

(without CPM) would make a solo recovery possible. I would also have to

forgo my iice machine (use peas or gel oacks) if i was soloing.

Also might invest in a months worth of fall buzzer around neck ahndvside

of bed phone service.

if not in HMO providing transport to outpatient PT inwould have to make

sure i PRE sign up for local community dial-a-ride service to be able to

take me therevand back.

I could have groceries and some meds delivered via internet order etc.but

mightbhave to find a pharmacy that still delivers in this day and age.

Have I forgotten anything?

L

>

> I live alone, so...to some degree, the asking for help isn't as much of

an

> issue. WOrrying about being able to cope on my own..that is, to some

> degree. That said, it does seem that knee recovery is harder and more

painful

> than hips.

>

>

> In a message dated 9/10/2011 6:32:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> rainbowsendminis@... writes:

>

> I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was

the

> one always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept

it.

> But by getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by

finally

> feeling I was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting

people

> help me also. I finally realized that it was my time to accept help

from

> all the people I had helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a

> change, let the nurses and hospital staff assist me and then did the

same when I

> got home. I had a couple of family members who offered to help at home

and

> I was actually able to let them. I then realized that it was making

them

> feel helpful and that I actually deserved to be the receiver of their

> attention for a change. From that realization on, I relaxed and

concentrated

> on the healing. It worked for me.

>

> Pat in Pennsylvania

> Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

>

>

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: SherryH

> Joint Replacement

> Sent: Friday, September 09, 2011 11:58 PM

> Subject: being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was

the

> hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

> help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my

daughters

> and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I

try not

> to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and

hurting.....it

> is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care

how

> you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried

to

> keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling

> them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that

lighting

> doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

> pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

------------------------------------

Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

Groups Links

[Guest guest]

i'm on my own, too, and like it that way. i get very ornery when people come

barging in to save the day. I have been getting along with a fused leg for

several years, so I have adapted a lot of things. But I do have friends and

neighbors lined up to help with things I can't do for myself. But I don't want

to be waited on hand and foot. I think I'll mend faster if I have to fend.

>

> I live alone, so...to some degree, the asking for help isn't as much of an

> issue. WOrrying about being able to cope on my own..that is, to some

> degree. That said, it does seem that knee recovery is harder and more

painful

> than hips.

>

>

> In a message dated 9/10/2011 6:32:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> rainbowsendminis@... writes:

>

> I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the

> one always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it.

> But by getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally

> feeling I was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people

> help me also. I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from

> all the people I had helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a

> change, let the nurses and hospital staff assist me and then did the same

when I

> got home. I had a couple of family members who offered to help at home and

> I was actually able to let them. I then realized that it was making them

> feel helpful and that I actually deserved to be the receiver of their

> attention for a change. From that realization on, I relaxed and concentrated

> on the healing. It worked for me.

>

> Pat in Pennsylvania

> Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

>

>

> being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

> hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

> help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters

> and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not

> to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it

> is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how

> you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to

> keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling

> them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that

lighting

> doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

> pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

> Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Same here. I understand that some enjoy a period of " pampering " and

that's fine too. I really, really am trying to convince people that no, I

don't

need someone sitting around the house, in fct, that makes me feel as if I

have to entertain them! Hope they get the message that I'll call when I

need something.

In a message dated 9/10/2011 12:17:43 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

lillaross@... writes:

But I don't want to be waited on hand and foot. I think I'll mend faster

if I have to fend.

[Guest guest]

exactly!

>

> Same here. I understand that some enjoy a period of " pampering " and

> that's fine too. I really, really am trying to convince people that no, I

don't

> need someone sitting around the house, in fct, that makes me feel as if I

> have to entertain them! Hope they get the message that I'll call when I

> need something.

>

>

> In a message dated 9/10/2011 12:17:43 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> lillaross@... writes:

>

> But I don't want to be waited on hand and foot. I think I'll mend faster

> if I have to fend.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In the class my doctor requires you to attend before the knee or hip replacement

surgery they told the accompanying spouse, friend, relative or whomever...pretty

much the same thing. They said while it is nice to wait on your loved one,

saying things like let me help you walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water

works far better then just saying I will bring you a glass of water. They told

us it was much better to keep moving and in that way you would recover faster.

(my surgeon does not use the motion machines some of you speak about)

Pat in Pennsylvania

Bilateral TKR August 2010

being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

> hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

> help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my

daughters

> and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not

> to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it

> is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people really care how

> you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to

> keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling

> them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping that

lighting

> doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It helps me put my

> pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

When I came back from surgery in July, except for a few hours a week from my

home health nurse and my PT, I got little help from my friends and family,

including my partner and my step-son. I was despairing after spending a couple

of days in my second week post surg. alone while everybody seemed to be out of

town. The next week, a friend from my choir offered to come over and bring food

and help. Oh my!! She brought over 3 days worth of food and cleaned my kitchen

floor and shower. She told me how wonderful it felt to help and thanked me for

the opportunity to serve. I felt really blessed and it brought me out of my

funk. Devora

>

> I agree with comments about not wanting to ask for help. I, also was the one

always helping and didn't really know what it was like to accept it. But by

getting my mind in the right place before my surgery and by finally feeling I

was in control, I changed my way of thinking about letting people help me also.

I finally realized that it was my time to accept help from all the people I had

helped in the past. So I actually relaxed for a change, let the nurses and

hospital staff assist me and then did the same when I got home. I had a couple

of family members who offered to help at home and I was actually able to let

them. I then realized that it was making them feel helpful and that I actually

deserved to be the receiver of their attention for a change. From that

realization on, I relaxed and concentrated on the healing. It worked for me.

>

> Pat in Pennsylvania

> Bilateral TKR 8/16/10

>

>

> being dependent on someone

>

>

>

> I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for help.

I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters and they

were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I try not to complain

but when you are home all day by yourself and hurting.....it is difficult not to

complain. I am learning that few people really care how you feel and NO ONE

wants to here about your complaints. So, I've tried to keep the conversation off

myself. I'm sitting there grimacing, telling them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good

today. " All the while, hoping that lighting doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed

reading these notes. It helps me put my pain and situation in perspective.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you had surgery for your hips knees?????????

In a message dated 9/9/2011 8:58:17 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

sherryhh@... writes:

I read a post where someone was not wanting to ask for help. That was the

hardest part about surgery. I just don't like having to ask people for

help. I've always been the one DOING the helping. But, I did ask my daughters

and they were both good about helping. Still, it isn't easy. Also, I

try not to complain but when you are home all day by yourself and

hurting.....it is difficult not to complain. I am learning that few people

really

care how you feel and NO ONE wants to here about your complaints. So, I've

tried to keep the conversation off myself. I'm sitting there grimacing,

telling them, " oh, yeah, I feel pretty good today. " All the while, hoping

that lighting doesn't strike me. I've enjoyed reading these notes. It

helps me put my pain and situation in perspective.

------------------------------------

Be your own advocate! The best patient is an informed patient!

Groups Links

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/9/2011 8:58:18 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

sherryhh@... writes:

I just don't like having to ask people for help

Me too. We have an access bus which will come right to my house for $3 a

trip. You have to be pre approved by a lengthy process. OS has to sign saying

i need to use the access bus. I filled out all the papers including my OS

signature and was approved about 8 months after TKR. By that time I was

able to drive myself. Turned out to be a wasted effort, but I will be ready in

case something happens in the future.

Brickey

[Guest guest]

Bureaucracy in action, or inaction as it were.

In a message dated 9/11/2011 2:59:54 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

Skippyfj@... writes:

I filled out all the papers including my OS

signature and was approved about 8 months after TKR