Re: Another What would YOU do?

March 31, 2011

My experience is similar. It's fine with me if AH friends/family approach, it

doesn't happen that often.

When I see another dwarf out and about, I'll just see if they give me eye

contact. I wasn't even going to respond to this thread, but it happened this

morning! There's a young man I've seen around the city occasionally, and

actually met (not really talked though) at a regional LPA meeting a few years

ago. We crossed paths this morning. He avoided eye contact. Cracked me up.

Of course I'm old enough to be his mother. When I was a local and national

officer of LPA and in the local press occasionally in the 1980s and 1990s, I

think the other LP's in Boston probably sighed a sigh of relief when they

realized I wasn't going to embarrass them by making sure they'd been saved.

Nowadays I figure they've heard of it what with the internet and reality shows.

I'm sure it's different overseas, but then that probably depends on the

economy/how mainstreamed folks with disabilities are in the particular country.

When my son and I were in Eastern Europe 3 yrs ago visiting family, there was an

AH couple and their teen dwarf son in the lobby of our hotel in the capital

city, I was blown away. My sense is that they were not locals, but European.

I said Hi and they acknowledged our presence with a glance or maybe " hi " and

kept walking.

April 1, 2011

My 2 cents.

I too have experienced the shyness of LPs meeting on the street. I don't know

whether to acknowledge then or not. If they look at me I say a quite hello.

But such a difference at LP events. In mass we easily acknowledge each other.

H.

At 70 yrs old

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 31, 2011, at 10:02 AM, Michele Charbonneau <justus.88@...> wrote:

>

> Personally when I have a AP approach me to tell me that they have a friends or

relative who is also a LP. I share a little bit about myself and that I am

involved w/ LPA. I then make the suggestion to them to have them go to National

Website and look for the local area to get involved too! Normally I get a good

reaction by that.

>

> Then I have a business card on hand w/ just my name and email address and for

them to feel free if they would like to stay in contact w/me in hopes that I can

stir them in a direction that they are looking for.

>

> As for me running into a LP that a different answer. I do want to approach

them and say hello! And introduce myself and yes I sense a cold chill vibe from

them cuz I know they just saw me also. Which makes things that much more oddly

awkward. I will make eye contact and smile and say hello & smile if we walk pass

one another.

>

> But there is a understanding that crosses my mind when this happens. Example:

when people who see the same ethnic as themselves do they run up and hand them a

business card and say keep in touch if you wish? No I don't thinks so...or

perhaps not that often. Or another example there is someone confine to a

wheelchair w/ similar condition as themselves do they stop and say something to

one another? Maybe here and there. But overall no they continue on with what

they were doing. Or they simply don't want to deal with there limitation cause

they are in denial at times.

>

> There are many reason why people don't extend themselves to one another and

those who do and that is called self confidence and comfortable within there own

skin living w/ dwarfism. I believe also how you were raised makes a huge

difference. Example my own mother did not completely accept me for who I am so

intern she made my life extremely difficult and TRIED to make my self confidence

next to NIL. As for my father he filled the void and that is why I am a more of

a people person/outgoing etc. Not afraid to break the ice...but keeping in mind

people boundaries in these unique situation. Just know when to say hello and

when to just smile back.

>

> That's my 2 cents......Enjoy! Cheers! Michele

>

> PS. Back home when living on my own I would have friends and family call me &

tell me Michele!!! there a Little Person on TV right Now!!!! This got to be to

frequent. So one day my father said in his French Canadian accent Michele

Michele there a Little Person on TV. I said Dad I only have to stand front of

the mirror and see a LP.

>

> So to make a point I called my dad one evening and said Dad!!! quick turn the

TV on!! There a French Canadian on TV!! He burst out laughing and said Ok

smartass. ahhhhh!

>

> Another " What would YOU do? "

>

> Posted by: " BASHUM7894@... " BASHUM7894@... iholdastar

> Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:20 am (PDT)

>

> Here's the scenario: you're out shopping, running errands, or traveling,

> and a AP will hesitatingly approach you...they happen to

> have a friend or relative who is also an LP and they are excited to

> meet another LP and inquire about us and tell us about the LP dear

> to them. Do you feel offended because you have been singled out,

> or are you happy to chat?

>

> Here's another scenario: you're out shopping, running errands,

> or traveling, and then lo and behold you see another LP...do you approach

> them with the enthusiasm of getting to meet another LP...or do you feel

> they may only give you a cold chill because that has happened before once, and

> you think " maybe they do not want to be bothered anyway, so I shouldn't. "

> Are you happy to encounter another chance meeting of an LP, or do you feel

> uncomfortable and pretend they are not there at all...and if so, why do we?

>

> You can DO it folks, I know you can! ; ) So please participate in

> sharing YOUR thoughts on these scenarios here, okay?!! ; )

>

> P-A-R-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-E ; )

>

> Adelaide

>

April 2, 2011

First, thanks to all who have shared on these two scenarios we

all (including the parents of LP's) run into, yet let's keep going just

a bit here. Some of you have touched on the negative reaction you

get from other LP's you have approached, sharing great perspectives

of your own experiences. It has happened to me as well, when I have been

happy to encounter another LP...only to encounter bone

chilling ICE. What is your take on this though? Why do you think

this happens? Could it be the shock of suddenly seeing a " mirror "

image of themselves and THAT is why? Or could there be some resentment

because they have been " singled out " at all, and then,

singled out by another LP?!!

Please share your thoughts on this.

And thank you too,

Adelaide

In a message dated 3/30/11 8:13:00 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,

Fred@... writes:

Here's the scenario: you're out shopping, running errands, or traveling,

and a AP will hesitatingly approach you...they happen to

have a friend or relative who is also an LP and they are excited to

meet another LP and inquire about us and tell us about the LP dear

to them. Do you feel offended because you have been singled out,

or are you happy to chat?

------------------

Oh boy, this is a very common one for discussion, and basically there is

no

definitive answer. Everything depends on a)the place b)the person/people

involved c) your mood of the day etc etc etc. BUT, conversly whenever an

AP mentions that they saw someone like us, but didn't approach them, we

always breath a sigh of relief and advice our friend NEVER EVER do it!

Simply for the forementioned reasons:-)

Personally, I've been approached on several occassions and each of the

above

senario's has applied:-) I've welcomed the enquirer with open arms (nah,

not literally), and at the other end of the spectrum, told them in no

uncertain terms to depart my company!

--------------

Here's another scenario: you're out shopping, running errands,

or traveling, and then lo and behold you see another LP...do you approach

them with the enthusiasm of getting to meet another LP...or do you feel

they may only give you a cold chill because that has happened before once,

and

you think " maybe they do not want to be bothered anyway, so I shouldn't. "

Are you happy to encounter another chance meeting of an LP, or do you feel

uncomfortable and pretend they are not there at all...and if so, why do we?

---------------------

I would NEVER EVER, EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, approach another

L.P.!!!!!! Done it too many times and too many times had horrible

reactions!

I mean, O.K. if said LP smiled back at me, and made it obvious they would

be

receptive to communication, then fine!

A couple of times I've had an LP say to me " Can I talk to you? " I've known

exactly what they meant, and each time replied " Of course you can! "

This happened once at a Motor Way Station, this little dot of a lady

walked

over and asked that. We chatted, but then this CHUCKING HUGE FELLA walks

round the corner to us - her husband:-)))))

--------------

Fred, DARING you to approach me:-)))))

April 3, 2011

I'm an AH parent of an LP child, and with regard to 's response below,

makes me wonder that perhaps those in the street are perhaps not as comfortable

or accepting that they're LP's, perhaps even in denial? Whereas those that go

to LPA (or equivalent) events are perfectly OK with how they are (otherwise I

would suspect they wouldn't go?)

Just my thoughts - I may be wrong tho!!

Caela

>

> My 2 cents.

> I too have experienced the shyness of LPs meeting on the street. I don't know

whether to acknowledge then or not. If they look at me I say a quite hello.

> But such a difference at LP events. In mass we easily acknowledge each other.

> H.

> At 70 yrs old

>

April 4, 2011

I think the answer lies in that LPA, or LPNZ or pretty much most LP groups

only represent anywhere from 1/4 to 1/10 of the total population of LPs in

any given country (I believe in the U.S. it is about 1/4 or 1/5). Chances

are an LP you meet in the streets is not a member of an organization, and

either is too shy, in denial, or has no desire to join. Or they were forced

into it as a child, had a bad experience, and don't want to participate as

an adult.

Either way, we're not a church, so we really can't evangelize. All you can

do, (in my experience) is say hello, and if they act like they want to

engage, talk to them. If they don't, walk away. My success rate in such

encounters is about 30% (which, ironically, is about the number who belong

to LPA).

On Sun, Apr 3, 2011 at 5:16 PM, jamescaela <caela@...> wrote:

>

> I'm an AH parent of an LP child, and with regard to 's response below,

> makes me wonder that perhaps those in the street are perhaps not as

> comfortable or accepting that they're LP's, perhaps even in denial? Whereas

> those that go to LPA (or equivalent) events are perfectly OK with how they

> are (otherwise I would suspect they wouldn't go?)

>

> Just my thoughts - I may be wrong tho!!

>

> Caela

>

> >

> > My 2 cents.

> > I too have experienced the shyness of LPs meeting on the street. I don't

> know whether to acknowledge then or not. If they look at me I say a quite

> hello.

> > But such a difference at LP events. In mass we easily acknowledge each

> other.

> > H.

> > At 70 yrs old

> >

>

--

Bill Bradford

(aka BJ, )

April 4, 2011

i agree

Thanks,

Ebarb

>

> I'm an AH parent of an LP child, and with regard to 's response below,

> makes me wonder that perhaps those in the street are perhaps not as

> comfortable or accepting that they're LP's, perhaps even in denial? Whereas

> those that go to LPA (or equivalent) events are perfectly OK with how they

> are (otherwise I would suspect they wouldn't go?)

>

> Just my thoughts - I may be wrong tho!!

>

> Caela

>

> >

> > My 2 cents.

> > I too have experienced the shyness of LPs meeting on the street. I don't

> know whether to acknowledge then or not. If they look at me I say a quite

> hello.

> > But such a difference at LP events. In mass we easily acknowledge each

> other.

> > H.

> > At 70 yrs old

> >

>

--

Bill Bradford

(aka BJ, )

April 4, 2011

Adelaide/Moderator Note: Dave sent this to just me, when he joined in the

discussion. It deserves to be shared with all, and was meant to be, so I

am passing it along. Thank you, Dave, for your message! ; )

In a message dated 4/3/11 9:23:20 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

dapartak@... writes:

Greetings !

Couple weeks ago was in Chicago

at Buddy Guys, Blues Club. Downtown.

See this little guy, who ducks into

the back room. He saw me, but avoiding.

Later, there he is again. I thought recognize

him, get off stool and walk over.

Cant get away from me now !

Introduce myself, etc, etc, LPA so on.

Said he never heard of it !

Which is BS ! But I dont press him.

Told him Im chapt treaz, we are all quite

active in Metro Chicago area.

He said he dont drive, was there with

his " adopted father " . Told him we got many

in city who dont drive either- take CTA.

Got a computer ? I ask, " yea " . Look us up!

LPA.org. He can find us, we are not hiding !

When we run into another, got to watch

the body language, face, etc. Everybody diff.

But dont be pushy !!

Thats about it for now....

Best Regards !

from Dave

April 4, 2011

Adelaide/Moderator Note: sent this to only me, when she joined in

the discussion and replied to my original post. It deserves

to be shared with all, so I am passing it along. Thank you, ,

for joining in the discussion! ; )

In a message dated 4/2/11 8:02:02 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,

nicolejoy81@... writes:

I'm very interested in this discussion. As the parent of an 8 month old

LP, I have NEVER approached another LP to talk with them, but before my

daughter was born, I wouldn't have given an LP a second glance at all. I mean,

I

would occasionally notice them but wouldn't stare or anything like that.

Now, I see LPs and my " interest level " is greater because of my daughter -

but I don't want to be a weird LP stalker though! But I see them EVERYWHERE

now (the other day I saw TWO LPs in one day - before I noticed only maybe

one a year or so). Just the other day, I was in the lift with a lady with

achondroplasia (I presume) and part of me really wanted to talk with her and

tell her about my daughter's dwarfism and all that, but I refrained because

I was unsure of how it would be received. Although I'm sure if she

initiated a conversation with me for whatever reason, I would have loved to

have

talked with her! Also since I am in Hong Kong, I never know who speaks

English and what their English level is like so that is another reason why I

don't approach them.

Although I got an email from a friend the other day who was at the park

and saw a " dwarf girl " (her words) and started talking to the mother (who was

American) about me and my daughter - and she took her email address and

phone number and passed them onto me! I did email her and the mother seemed

very happy to hear from me. But she is another " POLP " rather than an LP.

To me though, some LPs seem more approachable, and others seem to have a

sign up saying " DO NOT TALK TO ME " . But then again, that's true about

anyone, LP or not.

>

> First, thanks to all who have shared on these two scenarios we

> all (including the parents of LP's) run into, yet let's keep going just

> a bit here. Some of you have touched on the negative reaction you

> get from other LP's you have approached, sharing great perspectives

> of your own experiences. It has happened to me as well, when I have

been

> happy to encounter another LP...only to encounter bone

> chilling ICE. What is your take on this though? Why do you think

> this happens? Could it be the shock of suddenly seeing a " mirror "

> image of themselves and THAT is why? Or could there be some resentment

> because they have been " singled out " at all, and then,

> singled out by another LP?!!

>

> Please share your thoughts on this.

>

> And thank you too,

>

> Adelaide

>

> In a message dated 3/30/11 8:13:00 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,

> Fred@... writes:

>

> Here's the scenario: you're out shopping, running errands, or traveling,

> and a AP will hesitatingly approach you...they happen to

> have a friend or relative who is also an LP and they are excited to

> meet another LP and inquire about us and tell us about the LP dear

> to them. Do you feel offended because you have been singled out,

> or are you happy to chat?

> ------------------

> Oh boy, this is a very common one for discussion, and basically there

is

> no

> definitive answer. Everything depends on a)the place b)the

person/people

> involved c) your mood of the day etc etc etc. BUT, conversly whenever

an

> AP mentions that they saw someone like us, but didn't approach them, we

> always breath a sigh of relief and advice our friend NEVER EVER do it!

> Simply for the forementioned reasons:-)

>

> Personally, I've been approached on several occassions and each of the

> above

> senario's has applied:-) I've welcomed the enquirer with open arms

(nah,

> not literally), and at the other end of the spectrum, told them in no

> uncertain terms to depart my company!

> --------------

>

> Here's another scenario: you're out shopping, running errands,

> or traveling, and then lo and behold you see another LP...do you

approach

> them with the enthusiasm of getting to meet another LP...or do you feel

> they may only give you a cold chill because that has happened before

once,

> and

> you think " maybe they do not want to be bothered anyway, so I

shouldn't. "

> Are you happy to encounter another chance meeting of an LP, or do you

feel

> uncomfortable and pretend they are not there at all...and if so, why do

we?

> ---------------------

> I would NEVER EVER, EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, approach another

> L.P.!!!!!! Done it too many times and too many times had horrible

> reactions!

>

> I mean, O.K. if said LP smiled back at me, and made it obvious they

would

> be

> receptive to communication, then fine!

> A couple of times I've had an LP say to me " Can I talk to you? " I've

known

> exactly what they meant, and each time replied " Of course you can! "

>

> This happened once at a Motor Way Station, this little dot of a lady

> walked

> over and asked that. We chatted, but then this CHUCKING HUGE FELLA

walks

> round the corner to us - her husband:-)))))

> --------------

> Fred, DARING you to approach me:-)))))

>

April 4, 2011

Adelaide darling, this is the second one sent to you privately that you have, in

your wisdom, decided to " Share " or in other words " make public " .