[QuantumEnergyPsychology] Making your Relationship Conscious

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---------- Forwarded message ----------From: Dayawanti D'Sa <pivot.in.joy@...>Date: Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 10:35 PM

Subject: Making your Relationship Consciousquantumenergypsychology <QuantumEnergyPsychology >

---------- Forwarded message ----------From: <lnamka158@...>Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 3:00 AM

Subject: Inspiration and Transformation Newsletter for 3/17/08Inspiration and Transformation <InspirationTransformation@...>

Inspiration and Transformation Newsletter

Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

Quote for the week:

" The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and this center is really everywhere. It is within each one of us. "

Black Elk

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Making your Relationship Conscious

Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 2008

A conscious relationship is one where people are loving and kind to each other using conflict in the relationship to address their own issues of growth. A conscious relationship fosters personal and spiritual growth in both partners as it emphasizes taking responsibility for your own thoughts, words and actions and reaching out in loving ways even during conflict.

Need a positive energy boost to become more conscious and present in your relationship? There are many books on relationship and marriage out there. Here are the three books I totally recommend based on the depth and wisdom of the authors.

For finding out how happy couples preserve their relationships and avoid the four behaviors that lead to ruin, read Ten Lessons to Transform your Marriage by Gottman, Schwartz Gottman and Joan De. They are the number one researchers in the world on relationships. They identify the research on the four defenses that pop up in arguments, known as the Four Horses of the Apocalypse that destroy relationships. These four defensive ways of acting during fighting are contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness.

Healing the wounds of childhood and connecting with your partner by a communications technique called Intentional Dialogue is the theme of Harville Hendrix's Imago Therapy approach. Here are his Ten Characteristics of a Conscious Marriage:

1. You realize that your love relationship has a hidden purpose—the healing of childhood wounds. Instead of focusing entirely on surface needs and desires, you learn to recognize the unresolved childhood issues that underlie them. When you look at marriage with this X-ray vision, your daily interactions take on more meaning. Puzzling aspects of your relationship begin to make sense to you, and you have a greater sense of control.

2. You create a more accurate image of your partner. At the very moment of attraction, you began fusing your lover with your primary caretakers. Later you projected your negative traits onto your partner, further obscuring your partner's essential reality. As you move toward a conscious marriage, you gradually let go of these illusions and begin to see more of your partner's truth. You see your partner not as your savior but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed.

3. You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner. In an unconscious marriage, you cling to the childhood belief that your partner automatically intuits your needs. In a conscious marriage, you accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you have to develop clear channels of communications.

4. You become more intentional in your interactions. In an unconscious marriage, you tend to react without thinking. You allow the primitive response of your old brain to control your behavior. In a conscious marriage, you train yourself to behave in a more constructive manner.

5. You learn to value your partner's needs and wishes as highly as you value your own. In an unconscious marriage, you assume that your partner's role in life is to take care of your needs magically. In a conscious marriage, you let go of this narcissistic view and divert more and more of your energy to meeting your partner's needs.

6. You embrace the dark side of your personality. In a conscious marriage, you openly acknowledge the fact that you, like everyone else, have negative traits. As you accept responsibility for this dark side of your nature, you lessen your tendency to project your negative traits onto your mate, which creates a less hostile environment.

7. You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires. During the power struggle, you cajole, harangue, and blame in an attempt to coerce your partner to meet your needs. When you move beyond this stage, you realize that your partner can indeed be a resource for you—once you abandon your self-defeating tactics.

8. You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking. One reason you were attracted to your partner is that your partner had strengths and abilities that you lacked. Therefore, being with your partner gave you an illusory sense of wholeness. In a conscious marriage, you learn that the only way you can truly recapture a sense of oneness is to develop the hidden traits within yourself.

9. You become more aware of your drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe. As a part of your God-given nature, you have the ability to love unconditionally and to experience unity with the world around you. Social conditioning and imperfect parenting made you lose touch with those qualities. In a conscious marriage, you begin to rediscover your original nature.

10. You accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage. In an unconscious marriage, you believe that the way to have a good marriage is to pick the right partner. In a conscious marriage you realize you have to be the right partner. As you gain a more realistic view of love relationships, you realize that a good marriage requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change; marriage is hard work.

You can read more about conscious relationships in Hendrix's book, Getting the Love You Want – A Guide for Couples.

Henry Grayson's Mindful Loving helps you clarify what is really important in a relationship. Grayson gives exercises in being present and compassionate in your relationship.

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Peace and Joy,

Lynne Namka, Happy Psychologist

Questions regarding the content of this newsletter, comments or written contributions can be directed to inspirationcontact@.... Please remember that I cannot provide you with any advice of a personal nature. But help is out there somewhere! Do reach out and get a qualified professional to help you sort through your issues. Please check out my web site www.AngriesOut.com for ideas and numerous downloadable articles on a wide range of subjects. You can also click on the 'Finding a Therapist' link to take you to the section entitled, " Finding a Competent Therapist with Great Training. "

Issues regarding getting on or off this mailing list? Contact Web Valence by clicking on the commands at the end of this newsletter. Please do not contact Lynne Namka via reply email. If you get knocked off this newsletter by accident, go back to www.AngriesOut.com and scroll down to Lynne's Free Newsletter and ask to subscribe once more.

Thank you to all who subscribe and pass on this newsletter to those who want to stay motivated and in touch with the global, nondenominational spiritual community.

" Should we awaken to the truth of the moment, we can consciously usher in one of the most important human breakthroughs in history. We have the opportunity to forge a marriage between masculine and feminine, more potent and more vibrant than any we have experienced on the earth for ages---more beautiful, perhaps, than any the earth has ever known. "

nne on, A Woman's Worth

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