[HealthyBoundaries] Forgiveness - The First Step: An Unusual Case History - Kim

[Guest guest]

From: InTheFlowResearch

[mailto:InTheFlowResearch ] On Behalf Of Dayawanti Anandani D'Sa

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

9:48 AM

Subject: *InTheFlowResearch*

Forgiveness - The First Step: An Unusual Case History - Kim

Sometimes all one needs is a friendly soul who can help you hear

what it is your own soul/spirit wants to do…

Love,

Dayu

From: Dayawanti Anandani D'Sa [mailto:sequoia40adelphia (DOT) net]

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

9:19 AM

'Kim '

Subject: RE: My saviour and

wonderfully patient friend!

Dear Kim,

Thanks for the kudos. I can only say that all I did was listen

to what your Spirit Guides were saying, as I heard them, and passed that on to

you. In fact, I’ve been waiting to do a session with you… I

must give credit to YOU, dear one…you are the one who has done all this

work….for yourself. It is the beginning of self-love.

Love,

Dayu

From: Kim [mailto:bushky0108 ]

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

1:06 AM

Dayawanti Anandani D'Sa; Kim

Subject: My saviour and

wonderfully patient friend!

Hello Dayawanti,

As you know, I had

an experience one morning at 5:00 am EST. I was at my computer and I

felt a need to just clear my head and meditate. What followed was

curious to me and I asked God for help with what happened and He/She sent me YOU>

I'd like to share with the world how you have taken me from the place I was at,

to where I am now. (Feel free to edit where you see fit, and share this

with all who know you, and to all those who don't YET)... Love, Kim

I was scheduled

for a Reiki ?(attunement)? at 5:00 and was up early. I was

reading about Kundalini Shakti from 4:30 to 4:55, and was feeling a little

tired of reading. I read particulars, about it, not really

anything other than where it is at, what activates it, that sort of thing.

Then as I sat there

still, thoughtless, and motionless, I felt a pull, very gently, but a definate

directional pull of my head back slowly as if my head were being fused in a

very slow fuse to my spine. My mouth automatically came open and I

breathed freely, and with no drastic discomfort, but a little bit of

apprehension as to what was taking place. I allowed this to happen, this

pull of my head back, kind of like a baby bird would be if she were waiting for

her mother to feed her. In my minds eye, I saw a few flashes of silvery

bright light occassionally, but nothing else other than the bird and her babies

waiting to be fed. I was in this position for almost an hour and when it

started to subside, I gradually leaned forward not of my own doing, and my head

very very slowly came to the top of my shoulders again. I still had not

thoughts, other than hmmm....what was that all about? It didn't hurt, I

didn't freak out, I was just somewhat purplexed at it all. I asked God to

show me what I was needing to get from the incident. He sent me an e-mail

the next day from In the Flow from Dayawanti. I shared with her what

happened and she was so helpful to give me peace and help me

understand.

She told me that

my situation was that I had a deficit in being able to nurture and that I

needed to heal in that area. I said that that was just the coolest thing,

because she had no way of knowing that I had been drastically missing a little

boy I had taken care of from birth to 3 years old while his mother was

incarcerated and then for the summers when he was 4, 5 and 6. I told her

that I had just seen him again after many years and while passing through on my

way to another state for business, got to see him and his mother and

family. They all knew I was coming back through and would stop and see

them again. While I was taking care of this business my little guy I will

call him " Bubby " actually pulled himself out of school and decided he

was returning home with me. His mother agreed to it and allowed this to happen

since he had missed us so much.

My daughter and I,

when coming back through, did not know he had done this and that it was a done

deal for them. We live in a really small house with only 2 bedrooms, and

a small living room, kind of like a little lake cottage, and we also have a dog

that is a lab mix that sleeps on our couch at night. My delima was that I

had no where, absolutely no where to put him. My funds after the trip I

had taken were tight as well, and my husband said absolutely " no " this

was not okay that he pulled himself out of school two months before school gets

out and that there was no place for him to sleep. Well, we told him

" no " that this was not going to work that maybe he could come for a

trial during " spring break " and then come and stay for the summer.

Needless to say,

this crushed him...!!! He was devastated..., hurt, and felt a lot of

rejection for his actions and our decision. I was overwhelmed with guilt

and anxiety and hurt because I could not let him come with us

" HOME " . We all felt like he wanted his home to be with

us! We all wanted it, but the timing and circumstances just were not

right.

Many nights, I

cried myself to sleep quietly and painfully and longed to be with him because

we had bonded very tightly during those special developing years. I'm

sure he has spent many nights silently crying himself to sleep as well and this

was crushing me. He and his mother still to this day don't have a

bond that comes close to what " Bubby " and I share. Sad, but

true. His mother has told me many times that he would rather be with us,

but she was affraid of loosing him completely. I never pressed in, and I

never suggested anything other than what was best for them.

My daughter

decided about 3 weeks before " spring break " to move out of our house

and move into an apartment with a friend closer to her work, and really did it

to open up her room for " Bubby " so he could come, but never admitted

to that. I knew she wanted him to be here and not have any reason to keep

it from happening. I thought that was the sweetest and most selfless

giving thing she could do and she didn't hesitate. I love her so

much. She also not being around during that time, when I had hoped

" Bubby " could have been here, made my nurturing more desirable.

She and I are very very close, and communicate really well together.

When " spring

break " came, no one would answer their phone, return messages, get back

from my e-mails, and I felt the rejection that I had impressed upon him coming

back to me. Still through the summer, I could never get any return calls,

or e-mails and wanted to just go to him and talk to him. Gather his

things and bring him HOME. He is more than 10 hours away and time and

money would not permit it. Many days I felt I was suffocating and my left

breast and underarm started hurting and became continuously tender. My

pointer finger and pinky finger on my right hand were cramping continuously and

it became more and more difficult to type and do my work from my home

business.

Dayawanti suggested

that I forgive myself for feeling I had abandoned and rejected him, that I had

to do what was necessary even though my emotions and heart wanted

differently. That my need for nurturing and caring for him, my daughter,

and husband was almost non existent at this point. I had to not only

forgive myself, but my husband, " Bubby " his family for not getting

back in touch with me, and most of all my " Inner Self " for the hurt I

had set myself up for. Since we create in life, what we want, I guess

these things needed to happen so that the woundedness and bonds that had been

torn away from my heart could heal and mend. My biggest prayer throughout

this whole time was that " Bubby " could and would also heal. I

prayed for him everyday, asked for Reiki to be sent to heal him, my daughter,

and me as well, so that our energy and love would not be blocked from going

out.

Dayawanti asked me

if there was any other who had hurt me during this time of nurturing and

bonding with " Bubby " . I told her that my ex-husband, my

daughters father, was always jealous of my attention to him, and that he

resented him in a big way, although he never let " Bubby " see or

notice, I'm sure " Bubby " felt it, and I know I did. So, I

had to forgive my ex-husband with one of those mega-forgiveness cycles, that

takes me through a long drawn out process.

I did as she

suggested, and in fact, she suggested I do that first, because he may have been

the catalyst for the whole thing in my heart helping myself to once again set

myself up for this type of hurt and disappointment.

I took an entire

weekend and went through the forgiveness process and in addition to that

forgave him for many of the other things that led up to our divorce. It

was the start of healing in a big way for me, whether it helped him in anyway,

I didn't know. About 2 weeks later, I actually went to him, at

Dayawanti's request and confronted him on the things that had happened to bring

them out so that he knew that I was not harboring anything anymore, and forgave

him to his face and asked him to forgive me as well, for each and every

individual hurt that we had endured. He teared up and said he felt a

lot better and so did I, but I never allowed him to hug me, pat me, or shake

hands with me, because I didn't want any other feeling to hinder my growth,

forgiveness, or breakthrough. I think it was the best thing, at least for

me it was.

My daughter

started doing really good with her finances, managing her money and taking care

of herself on her own, so that was great to see as well.

Dayawanti said

that my pains in my left breast and my fingers on my right hand could all

become better with tapping and the EFT process. I did as she suggested

and downloaded the e-zine and read it over and over until I got it. I

started the tapping and positive affirmations and feeling healing almost

immediately with everything I was experiencing. My husband asked me

what I was doing and I shared it with him and he asked me to start EFT with him

and his sinus problems. It was amazing to both of us how quickly and even

without feeling we knew very much were able to help ourselves with just

this simple, but amazing process that took hardly any time once I understood

what to do. We both thank everyone involved with sharing that with

us. It made a huge difference.

I realized that I

had enabled, and been doing so for years and decided to take responsibility for

my life and focus on healing my life and allow everyone else to grow up and

take care of themselves as well during the EFT affirmations. I had to

take responsibility of the little girl in me that wanted to control those

nurturing needs for others in the absence of the nurturing in my early years as

a little girl as well.

Dayawanti was so

on track and helped me to heal in such a big way and quicker than I ever

thought possible, that I am very very grateful to her, to her wisdom, her

intuition, and her teaching, her vibes and spiritual guides and her ear to hear

from them when they communicated to her. The invisible network of love,

grace, unity, oneness, and harmony that she is so tuned into and tapped

into with a large conduit pipe that flows through her and to others is

absolutely amazing. I was not only amazed and thankful, but perplexed

that I felt as if I were right next to her when I spoke to her or she spoke to

me even though we were on the phone together and we were over 4 hours

apart. The connetion she made with me and the continued prayer, love,

healing and tenderness I felt when she sent reiki, love and healing to me

I still feel today. I get the most touching and thoughtful e-mails from

this woman, who should have wings instead of shoulder blades on her back, and

gave to me freely and openly and lovingly like she had been a friend of mine

for years and years.

Dayawanti, I am

very grateful and thankful to you, the universe, our source of all that is

in all and through all. You are a wonderful, friend, mentor, teacher,

trainer, and spiritual intuitive. Most of all friend. We connected

on so many levels, many I'm sure that I am not even aware of yet.

I want everyone to

know that you have been extremely patient, and accepting of me and my need

for time to not only heal on the levels we initially spoke of, but also on the

levels that were to follow, that maybe others would have already finished

with.

I can't say enough

in words to express how I feel about this beautiful and gracious woman who for

just a brief amount of time shared her soul with me and allowed me the freedom

to be what I was until I was ready to be who she saw me to be!

I had to follow my

own " Motto " ~ Love people where they are at and see them where

they can be. Dayawanti truly epitomized that phrase.

Much love, and

Inner Blessings now and forever and I hope that in my small frame my soul busts

out and my aura shines forth in a big way as I get more and more healing from

Dawanti, who God, the source of the universe sent to me.

Please continue to

pray for my sweet, 13 year old " Bubby " who I hope has gone through

healing and forgiveness himself and we can be reunited as many people in my

past have said they saw.

Thank you so much,

Kim