Re: husbands dealing with our weight loss

[Guest guest]

HI Cyrena, That was me who asked that. It is hard for me to handle because we never really argued until I had my surgery and now that I have had it it seems like the more weight I lose the more we fight. We used to go out all of the time and now he doesn't want to or at least not with me???? Seems kinda of backwards to me... take me out when I am fat and keep me in the house now that I have lost almost 60lbs? I love him to death and as you, would never consider leaving him but wow it's hard, sometimes I think that my love for him is more important than being skinny but it's not just that for me I am also diabetic so it was important for me to lose weight, medically. Unfortunately for me, the sex life has dramatically diminished, which always puts more stress on something, I wish he would try counseling but he won't he just keeps telling me...we'll be ok??? I guess I will

just try to hang in there!!!! I have another quick question for you if you could help me out I was banded in Aug 07, had my first fill end of Oct 9.75 band had .8cc fill I was fine the first month, now I get the hi cups EVERY time I eat no matter what I eat and it makes me sick sometimes. Sometimes I can eat and I am OK but I still get the hi cups. Lately it seems like it is getting worse and I don't know if it is the stress of my relationship or what. I have never been able to eat first thing in the morning but usually in the early afternoon, however lately I can barely eat, Do you think I should stay on liquids for awhile or consider a slight unfill (really don't want to but I think I may be a little too tight!) Thanks for listening Anne dob 08-08-07 237/183/160ishCyrena Weeks

<cyrenaweeks@...> wrote: Someone added a line at the end of an email if anyone else's husband didn't like their weight loss. Sorry I don't remember who that was, but I didn't want you to feel like you were all alone...When I first started to lose weight my husband was a real jerk about it. He made comments like "well now I suppose you are going to leave me" I was so hurt by comments like that, pretty much saying that when I was overweight I wasn't a threat

because no one else would take me. UGH. I would share my success with him and he would say "you suck", he is about 90lbs overweight too. It was hard for both of us to deal with. I just kept reassuring him, that I would never leave, nor ever want to leave. I would and still do, tell him that I love it when he puts his arm around me and it fits all the way around me now. We have both enjoyed sex a whole lot more (sorry if that was too much info) I used to be a flirt with other men and I always had this barrier of fat keeping me from being taken serious. Now I have to watch myself and what I say to other men. I have had to work on that. I didn't even realize I used to flirt until, like I said, men started to "listen". In the last few months my husband has come around and I'm now able to share my successes and he rejoices with me instead of being jealous that it isn't him. Now, his comments are one like, last

night in bed he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close and said "if you keep losing weight there won't be anymore of you to pull close" Much nicer than before All that to say that my marriage is very strong and I'm very happy. It has taken my husband and I a lot of counseling to get to that point so don't dismiss that idea if you think it will help.Maybe after a little more time and a little more reassurance your husband will come around too. I hope so.Take care, Cyrena

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[Guest guest]

Anne,I'm sorry your having hubby trouble. Like I said, it took time for my husband to see that I wasn't going to leave him now that I had a new body, I hope a little more time and some reassurance is all that you need. I can't believe I'm giving advice on sex, but maybe if you tried to instigate it a little more, he we feel reassured too. Remembering that sex for men is a WHOLE lot different than sex for a woman (in most cases, like mine) I could take it or leave it , but it is a HUGE stress reliever for my hubby, whatever it takes I'm happy to help. LOLAs for the hiccups... the only time I got the hiccups was the first 2 weeks of banding, had them ALL the time, to the point I couldn't answer the phone at work, it was kind of funny. Then I started getting them

when I would overeat but that didn't last long. I haven't gotten them in a long time. My suggestion would be to really follow the rules, chew, chew, chew, slow WAY down on how fast you are eating and at that first hiccup stop. Remember, although we want to wait 4 or 5 hrs before eating again, you can eat again sooner. So just stop when you get that first hiccup and give your body time to digest, then in an hour if you haven't had enough, drink some water, then in another hour if your body (not head) is saying it is really hungry, eat a little more - remembering that this is just a temporary solution until you figure out what is going on with the hiccup thing, is it your body saying you've had enough and you are eating past that point, so that is why you get sick from them??? I know this is not an easy game to play but you will get through this tough point! No harm can come from going on liquids for a while,

unless you are doing hi calorie liquids. But if you stay in that 800 cal area and do liquids it could be all the healing your band needs. I HATE liquids and would rather have an unfill and use a little more self control if necessary than do liquids but that is your choice. Be careful because liquids don't "stay with you" so you will be wanting more in no time at all. I would actually try what I said before - slow down, stop at the first hiccup, and asses your hunger. Don't ever put your band in danger by being too tight for too long, so if you need that unfill do it.Your loss is great, hang in there! Let me know if this helps and how you are doing. Cyrena Re: husbands dealing with our weight loss

HI Cyrena, That was me who asked that. It is hard for me to handle because we never really argued until I had my surgery and now that I have had it it seems like the more weight I lose the more we fight. We used to go out all of the time and now he doesn't want to or at least not with me???? Seems kinda of backwards to me... take me out when I am fat and keep me in the house now that I have lost almost 60lbs? I love him to death and as you, would never consider leaving him but wow it's hard, sometimes I think that my love for him is more important than being skinny but it's not just that for me I am also diabetic so it was important for me to lose weight, medically. Unfortunately for me, the sex life has dramatically diminished, which always puts more stress on something, I wish he would try counseling but he won't he just keeps telling

me...we'll be ok??? I guess I will

just try to hang in there!!!! I have another quick question for you if you could help me out I was banded in Aug 07, had my first fill end of Oct 9.75 band had .8cc fill I was fine the first month, now I get the hi cups EVERY time I eat no matter what I eat and it makes me sick sometimes. Sometimes I can eat and I am OK but I still get the hi cups. Lately it seems like it is getting worse and I don't know if it is the stress of my relationship or what. I have never been able to eat first thing in the morning but usually in the early afternoon, however lately I can barely eat, Do you think I should stay on liquids for awhile or consider a slight unfill (really don't want to but I think I may be a little too tight!) Thanks for listening Anne dob 08-08-07 237/183/160ish

[Guest guest]

Cyrena, Thanks for being there. I really don't want an unfill but maybe I don't have this band eatting down as I thought I might a couple of months ago? MARY ANNECyrena Weeks <cyrenaweeks@...> wrote: Anne,I'm sorry your having hubby trouble. Like I said, it took time for my husband to see that I wasn't going to leave him now that I had a new body, I hope a little

more time and some reassurance is all that you need. I can't believe I'm giving advice on sex, but maybe if you tried to instigate it a little more, he we feel reassured too. Remembering that sex for men is a WHOLE lot different than sex for a woman (in most cases, like mine) I could take it or leave it , but it is a HUGE stress reliever for my hubby, whatever it takes I'm happy to help. LOLAs for the hiccups... the only time I got the hiccups was the first 2 weeks of banding, had them ALL the time, to the point I couldn't answer the phone at work, it was kind of funny. Then I started getting them when I would overeat but that didn't last long. I haven't gotten them in a long time. My suggestion would be to really follow the rules, chew, chew, chew, slow WAY down on how fast you are eating and at that first hiccup stop. Remember, although we want to wait 4 or 5 hrs before eating again, you can eat again sooner. So

just stop when you get that first hiccup and give your body time to digest, then in an hour if you haven't had enough, drink some water, then in another hour if your body (not head) is saying it is really hungry, eat a little more - remembering that this is just a temporary solution until you figure out what is going on with the hiccup thing, is it your body saying you've had enough and you are eating past that point, so that is why you get sick from them??? I know this is not an easy game to play but you will get through this tough point! No harm can come from going on liquids for a while, unless you are doing hi calorie liquids. But if you stay in that 800 cal area and do liquids it could be all the healing your band needs. I HATE liquids and would rather have an unfill and use a little more self control if necessary than do liquids but that is your choice. Be careful because liquids don't "stay with you" so you will be wanting more

in no time at all. I would actually try what I said before - slow down, stop at the first hiccup, and asses your hunger. Don't ever put your band in danger by being too tight for too long, so if you need that unfill do it.Your loss is great, hang in there! Let me know if this helps and how you are doing. Cyrena Re: husbands dealing with our weight loss HI Cyrena, That was me who asked that. It is hard for me to handle

because we never really argued until I had my surgery and now that I have had it it seems like the more weight I lose the more we fight. We used to go out all of the time and now he doesn't want to or at least not with me???? Seems kinda of backwards to me... take me out when I am fat and keep me in the house now that I have lost almost 60lbs? I love him to death and as you, would never consider leaving him but wow it's hard, sometimes I think that my love for him is more important than being skinny but it's not just that for me I am also diabetic so it was important for me to lose weight, medically. Unfortunately for me, the sex life has dramatically diminished, which always puts more stress on something, I wish he would try counseling but he won't he just keeps telling me...we'll be ok??? I guess I will just try to hang in there!!!! I have another quick question for you if

you could help me out I was banded in Aug 07, had my first fill end of Oct 9.75 band had .8cc fill I was fine the first month, now I get the hi cups EVERY time I eat no matter what I eat and it makes me sick sometimes. Sometimes I can eat and I am OK but I still get the hi cups. Lately it seems like it is getting worse and I don't know if it is the stress of my relationship or what. I have never been able to eat first thing in the morning but usually in the early afternoon, however lately I can barely eat, Do you think I should stay on liquids for awhile or consider a slight unfill (really don't want to but I think I may be a little too tight!) Thanks for listening Anne dob 08-08-07 237/183/160ish

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[Guest guest]

Anne,I know exactly what you mean. Just when I think I get all the "tips" I can and I have it figured out, I read something else on here and go "ohhhh" I haven't tried that. Maybe getting back to the basics is all you need The tips below are posted on our site but I put them in the email, just as a reminder to us Good luck!! Keep me posted.Bandster rules are the following: 1) Eat protein first. Aim for 60 grams of protein a day.2) Eat about 1 cup of SOLID food per meal.3) Take VERY small bites and chew them very well.4) Do not drink with your meals.5) Exercise 30 minutes a day.6) Stay at or around 800 to 1000 calories a day depending on your activity level.7) Drink lots of water, approx 64 ounces a day or more.

Cyrena Re: husbands dealing with our weight loss

Cyrena, Thanks for being there. I really don't want an unfill but maybe I don't have this band eatting down as I thought I might a couple of months ago? MARY ANNE

[Guest guest]

Hi Cyrena. :-) I can so relate to this story you shared! My husband

was so insecure when I started this process! he actually gained like

70 lbs after I was banded. I think partly it was because I was so

restricted he felt like maybe I was trying to restrict him to and he

didnt want to be restricted. so he did the opposite, he binged! But

then like your husband he has come around in a huge way! He also

sees the benefits that he gets from my weight loss, the awesome sex

life, the being able to wrap his arms around me, or pick me up, or

have me sit on his lap. He also gets a little kick out of me being

noticed by other men. he is learning that he gets to say " hey that

beautiful woman is my wife and she is going home with me " ! or he will

smile and look at me and say " you are the most beautiful woman at

this party and you are with me " ! But he is still a little jealous.

because like you I am a huge flirt! and i think my reason is like

yours I wasnt noticed before and all of the sudden I get so much

attention from all ages of men, it is fun to use your feminine

wiles. I never would take it past playful flirting, but I enjoy the

attention. when we go to parties I have actually caught my husband

sitting from afar and watching me flirt with guys just to see what I

do. But he never gets mad at me or makes a scene. he teases me

about it later, and I Just say " let me have some fun honey " . I tell

him he has always flirted and now it is my turn to turn some heads.

lol :-) he also gets jealous at the gym. But he never gets mad, he

just watches me a little and makes sure that other men know I am his

woman. :-) For me it is just all fun, no intentions to ever pursue

anyone but my hubby. Like this weekend we went up to a lodge with

friends. it was the most beautiful place in a beautiful setting and

we were like honeymooners! It was awesome! We did things we have

never done, it was really, really fun! we are both enjoying the new

me!!! :-) It is amazing!! :-)

well you keep enjoying yourself to girl!

big hugs,

>

> Someone added a line at the end of an email if anyone Else's

husband didn't like their weight loss. Sorry I don't remember who

that

> was, but I didn't want you to feel like you were all alone...

>

>

> When I first started to lose weight my husband was a real jerk about

> it. He made comments like " well now I suppose you are going to

leave

> me " I was so hurt by comments like that, pretty much saying that

when I

> was overweight I wasn't a threat because no one else would take me.

> UGH. I would share my success with him and he would say " you

suck " , he

> is about 90lbs overweight too. It was hard for both of us to deal

> with. I just kept reassuring him, that I would never leave, nor

ever

> want to leave. I would and still do, tell him that I love it when

he

> puts his arm around me and it fits all the way around me now. We

have

> both enjoyed sex a whole lot more (sorry if that was too much

info)

> I used to be a flirt with other men and I always had this barrier of

> fat keeping me from being taken serious. Now I have to watch myself

> and what I say to other men. I have had to work on that. I didn't

> even realize I used to flirt until, like I said, men started to

> " listen " . In the last few months my husband has come around and I'm

> now able to share my successes and he rejoices with me instead of

being

> jealous that it isn't him. Now, his comments are one like, last

night

> in bed he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close and said " if

> you keep losing weight there won't be anymore of you to pull close "

> Much nicer than before All that to say that my marriage is very

> strong and I'm very happy. It has taken my husband and I a lot of

> counseling to get to that point so don't dismiss that idea if you

think

> it will help.

>

>

>

> Maybe after a little more time and a little more reassurance your

husband will come around too. I hope so.

>

>

>

> Take care,

>

> Cyrena

>