New here- Long intro and some major brain-dump of fears..

[Guest guest]

Hi!

I'm Jo777 over on OH, and have struggled with obesity all my life, 37 now. I

have never been a normal size, even as a toddler- my whole family was/is

overweight. I've dieted on and off like all of you multiple times, only to

re-gain. My biggest success was a 110lb loss when I was in my early 20's,

single, desperate too! I lost it all in a little over a year by counting

calories- usually 700-900/day and working out like a fiend. I lost a lot of hair

too.. Most of that came back, but not all.. I did manage to keep the majority

of the weight off for 4 years plus by joining the gym and weight lifting (love

what weights do for me mentally & physically.)

I got distracted from concentrating solely on myself and started to re-gain

again, gave up the workouts, and the healthy eating went with it shortly after..

gained it all back. I am now at 276ish, down from 280 on V-day (dieting again,

though trying hard not too go too overboard with the calorie restriction.. I

have an all or nothing personality, not always great to have. My all time max

weight was 308 back in 1993, shortly before starting the crash dieting. Lowest

ever- 155 after strict lo-carbing, which caused a huge refeed issue and GI

problems and snap re-gain.

Some negatives have crept into my brain. I want to share & hopefully you can

reassure without sugar-coating the down sides too much. Please bear with my

neewbie fears.. I have not set the date as I'm getting other things in order and

trying to get smaller & healthier (stronger) first. I want to aim for mid-May to

Mid-June and have been in contact with Nina for the paperwork and financials.

I can loose the weight, I've done it before- granted it was 15 years ago the

last time I lost A LOT of weight at one time. I can't seem to keep it off. We

(husband is thin, always has been)I don't have junk in the house, never have. I

grew up with it and hated it.. no candy, chips or that sort. My problem is with

eating too much, too fatty, rich and sometimes the too much was too much of

carryout, or dining out or too much of whatever I made that night.. I also like

to drink, most nights of the week until recently I would have two drinks.. wine,

whiskey & soda etc. I'm cutting this out since I'm trying to lose anyway, plus

if it's not in the house, I won't drink it- since I won't go buy it. Can't have

it (or really shouldn't) when you're tying to lose anyway..

My fears:

I won't loose- or won't loose down to my goal of 150. I don't even know what a

healthy weight is for me, my lowest was 155 and I still thought I was fat. I

have beaten myself up with so many lo-cal (sub 800) starvation diets that I'm

afraid that this will end the same way, lose stall gain.

Gallbladder- Does Dr. A put anyone on Actigall to prevent gallstones? How many

patients end up having attacks and surgery? I've never had one stitch of

problems with my gb, and am very afraid now that I'm looking at the surgery and

reading through people's posts.

Heartburn- I already have to take half a Prilosec a day to stave it off. Symptom

free if I do, off it- it's hell. I know this can make it worse, possibly. On

that note, I already take Prilosec, does anyone know if Dr. A will let us use

Prilosec instead of Nexium? It works so good for me, I'm afraid to switch!

Complications- I've read everything from severe constipation, potassium

deficiencies, nausea, retching, GERD.. This scares me silly. I know I'll prob

lose my hair again The loose skin, I've had it before & hate it with a

passion, but it can be hidden or fixed if I get brave.

Second Thoughts- I do not have any co-morbidities, no diabetes yet (sister & mom

do), no high BP- sometimes 125/90 if I'm stressed- so maybe borderline there.

Cholesterol is usually sub 200, last test 212 (was not eating well for months

prior).. no maintenance meds except my prilosec. So why not do this on my own

like last time & just keep it off, why look at surgery?? I'm so scared I'll get

lower, then gain again as the hunger overtakes me! Gah. I don't want to do this

again at 50 or 60.. I tell myself it will only get harder as I age.

I have back pain, I have ankle pain, I can't move, sleep, or look good anymore..

and I re-gain..

Friends- will they still be there? Relationship- pretty sure this will be a big

positive, he met me smaller- 180ish & he loved me then, loves me when I'm big

but is very worried that I won't live a happy long life, and he would love it if

we could do the things we used to- canoe, hiking, being more social- we are both

the nature-loving type, and want to travel. It's hard to travel when you can't

handle walking too far! Very frustrating to me that I have not hiked a good long

day in years.. I used to run/walk the trails for exercise.

I do not know if my PCP is on-board or not yet, I have not been to him for

almost a year. I fear not having my surgeon close, though my husband personally

knows a fantastic GI here in town, if he's willing to see me.. He's not a bari

Dr., just a great well-know GI surgeon. How did you all handle the Dr follow-ups

back home, were your Drs supportive or did you have to find another? Does ins

cover if you need to go in for help? Support groups, yay or nay besides the

boards?

I was going to edit this shorter- but then decided to leave it, this is what's

rolling in my head today. Thanks for reading through to the end

Jo