Unnecessary escalation

[Guest guest]

Hope:

I know there is a lot of confusion as to how this has escalated to this point. I am getting similar emails and I believe that the reason people were upset by your original email was the manner in which it was written and the hostility behind it. One example is the first few lines; "Come on, Gail, we all know you love your sleeve, because every time anyone asks a question on band vs. sleeve, you post a lengthy ode to the sleeve and poo-poo the lap band. But you are way too biased against the lap band, beyond reason. Putting pressure on the stomach during pregnancy? Really? Where and how did you come up with that one, Gail? If you do not know the answer, do not post errenous or misleading information, please.?"

I am sure you didn't mean for these lines to seem sarcastic, hostile, or critical but apparently that is why everyone is responding to you as written in my personal emails. This was done in light of the fact that I said I really don't know about the lap band (but was referring to personal friends and their experience as my reference point).

I know you were just posting your opinion, like I was, but when other supporters feel one person is unnecessarily attacked by someone, the supporters of this group will naturally want to respond with their opinions too and state that they felt that the email was unnecessarily harsh. If you would have said, "Gail, I didn't realize that being pregnant did that. From my experience, I believe....... " sounds more amenable to a reasonable conversation and open to the possibility of a conversation without being inflammatory.

I know there are many things on this board that are strictly PERSONAL in OPINION and EXPERIENCE - but that is it! They are strictly personal and opinions, not necessarily carved in stone....and we have to take that as it is....just an opinion or a personal experience. Everyone has the right to express their opinion - that means you do too! However, you will elicit a negative response back if your email has the flavor of attack or unnecessary criticism. Again, I am not attacking your or demeaning your character - I am just explaining what the several personal emails have said and how they responded to your original email to me.

I do know that Bipley is and has always been the source of logic and correct medical information for this site and she holds that seat of honor via education, knowledge, clinical and personal experience. We can always go to her for valid information and wisdom when confronted with a dilemma or concern. She has always held my respect and those of many on this board. Your original claims that she is a lazy writer for not citing her resources, was unnecessary since you were not forthcoming in citing any references, clinical studies or reports with respect to your criticisms and opinions. Bipley does have those and is very diligent to keep abreast of the latest information and studies to help others who will be embarking on this journey. The difference is she wants and does help others on their journey. She is not posting any criticisms of anyone….she is giving important accurate information.

I know you feel it is important for others to post. I do too! I would love to hear more people post for those who are new and will be joining the ranks of other weight loss patients! But inciting anger and writing inflammatory emails is not the way to garner friendship or conversations that will be conducive to keeping this an informative and positive message board for all.

Gail

Dear Suzanne, No, I won't let it go. I am entitled to my opinion, you are entitled to yours. I will point out though, that many, many statements have been made by Bipley and others disparaging and belittling me personally, which you chose to ignore before attacking me and questioning my motivations. I've seen your pictures, you are a lovely older lady, why are you sinking to their level? Why are you choosing to attack me, and urge me to stop asking for more information, and not call on Bipley for her scathing remarks repeatedly insulting me? You chose to highlight my sentence in reply to Bipley's email which started with "Oh my, someone is upset" and included statements like "Stop stomping those

feeties". Where is your moral outrage about those sentences? Are you going to highlight, bold, and underline them, too? Where is your plea for Bipley to stop being condescending to others? You call this a support group, a community? I don't think so, Suzanne. If it is, you are acting as a community determined not to allow differing opinions or respect for its members, and it did not start with me.