shari's story

[Guest guest]

Shari,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this terrible ordeal. I

can't even describe how sorry I am that we all have to go through

this...no one should have to live through this....and it's really sad

to know that ALL of this pain and suffering could be avoided if only

ALL people would wake up and recognize the dangers of ALL breast

implants. We have all been misled. The good news is that we can get

explanted and have a second chance at life...at least there IS good

news.

Thanks for sharing your story,

Kacey

[Guest guest]

I am responding to your story, It is so terrible the way the Doctors treat us after we realize the lies they have told. I too have had my implants removed silicone for 14 years. I went to Dr Feng. She is great. 5 hours.in surgery. May I suggest that you have a Breast ultra sound or needle localization . This was done before my explant with Dr. Feng, It would be covered by insurance.. The Doctor ultrasounds the breast, neck, shoulders, or any part that you feel arelumps, or mass, he pictures it and circles it with a permanent marker. Then the Doctor can see where the mass of tissue or silicone is. It will truly help the mind and put a peace inside you. You can actually see it. I was completely amazed, I showed the other doctors the lumps, the mass, thick areas, They kept sayingI dont see it or feel it. So when the Doctor did the Ultrasound sound , I knew when he saw what I felt. I cried, I said I knew it was there I even felt it. I felt such a relief. I had mine explant on

Sept 17, 2003. I am already feeling better. The joint pain, the stiff neck, etc.. I can feel my health returning. If you want to know a little more please e-mail, God bless K L Varnihalvey70 <halvey70@...> wrote:

Hi everyone - the following is my story - I hope it helps anyone out there who is considering breast implants.I am trying desperately to get over the anger and fear I feel for being so mislead and making such a stupid decision. I have had a lot of moments where I felt suicidal as I don't feel that anyone around me really understands what I am going through. Most of my doctors agree that there may be a link but nobody really wants to come out and say "yeah - these things are bad". I find it amazing the amounts of info I have found throughout my research that no more is being done in our society to put a stop to this madness. So many innocent young girls are making that same mistake I did and they just don't understand the impact it will have for the rest of their lives. There is not a day that

goes by that I don't have to fight the urge to just run my car off the edge of an overpass on my way to work just to get rid of all of the pain. Not just the physical pain but emotional. All of the anger at what I have done to myself and being lied to and the fact that nobody believes me, all of the fear that it isn't going to get better, the fear that I won't be able to become a happier and more energetic mom to my two year old and the fear that I will never be able to give him a sibling. The hurt that I feel having to wake up every morning and go to a high stress job as I can't afford to quit when all I want to do is rest so I can get better. If my story can help others avoid this tragic life mistake then I feel better knowing that at have accomplished something good for a change.Ok – here is my story… It has been less than a year since I started doing research on the subject and

found the support groups. It is all making sense to me now but at first I didn't know what and who to believe. To be honest with you I don't know why I didn't see the signs earlier – we have all been very mislead. In February of 1996 I went for my first consultation with the plastic surgeon. I was 25 and was a 34AA. I had always been petite and small busted and was sick of having all of my clothes altered and wearing padded bras all of the time. I just wanted to look normal – not large. When I went to see him I was examined and told that I was a good candidate for it. They treated me like a princess and were extremely nice. I was told that the saline's were completely safe and harmless – on the "very rare" chance that I had a break that it would be harmlessly absorbed into my body as it was only water. My PS claimed that in 18 years he had only had 1

leak. The only other complications that were discussed were the normal risks w/ surgery – infection and anesthesia problems. When I got the paperwork to sign with numerous other warnings on it I asked questions and was assured that those were only because of the problems with the silicone – not saline. I bought into it and paid my money. The operation was in April. He recommended the armpit crease incision to avoid breast scars and putting them under the muscle as I was very small busted and they would look more natural. He also recommended texture implants as they had less of a risk for capsular contracture. (proved that one wrong with 6 months!) The operation was much worse than he had warned as far as pain but I figured that it was a small price to pay for looking good. Within a few months they still were not looking right. Not at all natural – very hard and high and

painful. By January he scheduled me for another operation as I had developed capsular contracture - They had healed inside of very hard shells of scar tissue and were like rocks. They both had to be removed and reinserted. After that things went well for about two years. Then in May of 1999 I woke up one morning and when I looked at myself I looked lopsided. With in a few hours one of my breasts had completely deflated. I was very scared and called his emergency service. It took 5 calls but when he finally called back he assured me that it was completely safe and he would fix it. This was on Sunday – by Wednesday I was back in for surgery to have the implant replaced. Apparently the valve had failed and leaked. He said that this was very rare which of course I know now to be false. They would not show me the implant when I asked to see it after the surgery which made me

wonder about them but I trusted him – he was my doctor, right? Shortly after this I started having a lot of headaches. I was treated for migraines, allergies – you name it. Nothing would work. Then I started getting severe cramping and muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders and had to be put on muscle relaxers. Then things just started getting worse – stress, anxiety. I saw numerous doctors and was treated with anti-depressants as they felt the anxiety was caused by the chronic pain. After this I was just always sick – always had a cold, sinus infections, ear infections – you name it. I hadn't had three ear infections in my life up to 25 and then I was having 4 & 5 a year. every flu or virus that comes along – I get it. The headaches were getting worse and I started seeing chiropractors, neurologists, and massage therapists, and finally a pain management doctor as a last

resort in January. During my exam he noted that I felt as I had a lot of scar tissue in my neck area and wanted to know if I had been in a bad accident. I stated that I had not but mention the implants. He then asked if I had ever had a leak. I think my heart probably stopped for a whole minute then – I had never thought of this. They had run test after test never giving me any answers. I thought I had some weird disease or something that nobody could identify. I constantly felt bad although I could not really describe it to anyone – sort of like always having the flu. Extremely tired and achy all of the time. I started researching and became extremely terrified after finding the different web sites with other women's stories as they were almost word for word – ME – all of the symptoms and complaints. I could not believe this was happening. After all – I was

assured that they were safe. After doing a lot of soul searching I decided to have them removed. I went back to my original PS to ask him to do it for me. I wasn't happy with all of the problems I was having and I wanted them out. I mentioned all of the info I found out and said that I did not want to risk it anymore. His attitude completely changed at this point. He said that I needed to wait another 6 months as I would change my mind – he was sure of it. I said that there was no possibility of me changing my mind but he wouldn't listen. I told him that I was scared and would gladly pay for the operation – I wasn't asking for a freebie. He treated me horribly saying that I needed to be tested for cancer and other diseases as my illnesses were probably from one of those and he couldn't operate if I had cancer. I assured him several times during the conversation that I

would have all of the tests performed that he felt necessary to rule those out so he could do it. He continued to tell me that I would look horrible afterwards and would regret the decision. At this point in his office I started crying and was begging him to please put me on his schedule as he is pretty booked all of the time and in the meantime I would have all of the testing done he needed . He walked out of the room while I was talking to him – bawling at this point and never said another word to me. Gone was the nice guy saying that everything would be fine and I was going to look beautiful. I was so distraught after leaving his office that I could not even drive for an hour. I just sat in my car and cried.Within a week I had another appointment with a different doctor. Upon seeing him he agreed to remove them based on my findings and scheduled my operation.

Within about three months I was under the knife for the 4th time – removal. I asked for the implants so I could have them analyzed and he agreed. I took them home with me and after a few days took a look at them. One was yellow with small chunks floating in it. The other (the newer one replacing the deflated on in 99) looked clear but the valve was black. The explanting PS said that this was tissue growth into the valve which was holding it open. I Sent them to Canada to a specialist to have them looked at which ended up showing that both had defective valves and were leaking – both were severely contaminated with micro organism growth. I gave a copy of the report to my explant PS who in turn agreed and wrote a letter in support of my insurance appeal that after reviewing the report he also felt that this was a cause of my symptomatic illnesses. It has been almost 5 months now

and I have seen a little improvement – not much. I have had several infections in my rib cartilage which is still extremely painful. I am starting to wonder if maybe all of my scar capsules were removed as I am still very ill and my breasts feel a little lumpy underneath. If I can get to a point where I have enough money, I would like to go to Cleveland to see Dr. Feng for another operation to make sure all has been removed. I wanted to go to her in the first place but I did not have the extra money for the trip. My explant Dr. was wonderful and local and gave me a break as he knew I was paying out of pocket for the operation. I am just glad they are gone. My families' finances have been very tight the last few years with all of the dr appts and medications. Hopefully as the days go by I will get better and better – it will be a tough road but one I am glad

to be taking. I thank god everyday for helping me to find the truth and helping me to get through this.

[Guest guest]

Shari, Every time I read a story about our implant nightmares, I feel

like Im hearing myself talk... I live w/this pain as well, I am not

explanted yet, (dec 11th) I am dx'd w/Fibromyalgia, degenerative disc

disease, mycos, IBS, migraines, and whatever else they want to label

all this pain to. Ive lost myself, Ive gained weight, Ive lost who I

was, because of the trauma and daily chronic pain and depression from

the pain,,, I feel like Im living a bad dream and will not wake

up... I will keep you in my prayers Shari, As I keep all of us here

in my prayers... My friends are strangers to me, even some family

members, they cannot relate to such horror that Ive lived... I just

wanted to say, that We will recover, and I feel that we will turn

around and come back someday w/renewed strength and vitality, the

body is such a miracle machine for healing, as well as God.... God

bless, and pray for better days... Love Iggy

--- In , " halvey70 " <halvey70@a...>

wrote:

> Hi everyone - the following is my story - I hope it helps anyone

out

> there who is considering breast implants.

>

> I am trying desperately to get over the anger and fear I feel for

> being so mislead and making such a stupid decision. I have had a

> lot of moments where I felt suicidal as I don't feel that anyone

> around me really understands what I am going through. Most of my

> doctors agree that there may be a link but nobody really wants to

> come out and say " yeah - these things are bad " . I find it amazing

> the amounts of info I have found throughout my research that no

more

> is being done in our society to put a stop to this madness. So

many

> innocent young girls are making that same mistake I did and they

> just don't understand the impact it will have for the rest of their

> lives. There is not a day that goes by that I don't have to fight

> the urge to just run my car off the edge of an overpass on my way

to

> work just to get rid of all of the pain. Not just the physical

pain

> but emotional. All of the anger at what I have done to myself and

> being lied to and the fact that nobody believes me, all of the fear

> that it isn't going to get better, the fear that I won't be able to

> become a happier and more energetic mom to my two year old and the

> fear that I will never be able to give him a sibling. The hurt

that

> I feel having to wake up every morning and go to a high stress job

> as I can't afford to quit when all I want to do is rest so I can

get

> better. If my story can help others avoid this tragic life mistake

> then I feel better knowing that at have accomplished something good

> for a change.

>

> Ok – here is my story…

> It has been less than a year since I started doing research on the

> subject and found the support groups. It is all making sense to

me

> now but at first I didn't know what and who to believe. To be

> honest with you I don't know why I didn't see the signs earlier –

we

> have all been very mislead.

> In February of 1996 I went for my first consultation with the

> plastic surgeon. I was 25 and was a 34AA. I had always been

petite

> and small busted and was sick of having all of my clothes altered

> and wearing padded bras all of the time. I just wanted to look

> normal – not large. When I went to see him I was examined and told

> that I was a good candidate for it. They treated me like a

princess

> and were extremely nice. I was told that the saline's were

> completely safe and harmless – on the " very rare " chance that I had

> a break that it would be harmlessly absorbed into my body as it was

> only water. My PS claimed that in 18 years he had only had 1

leak.

> The only other complications that were discussed were the normal

> risks w/ surgery – infection and anesthesia problems. When I got

> the paperwork to sign with numerous other warnings on it I asked

> questions and was assured that those were only because of the

> problems with the silicone – not saline. I bought into it and paid

> my money. The operation was in April. He recommended the armpit

> crease incision to avoid breast scars and putting them under the

> muscle as I was very small busted and they would look more

natural.

> He also recommended texture implants as they had less of a risk for

> capsular contracture. (proved that one wrong with 6 months!) The

> operation was much worse than he had warned as far as pain but I

> figured that it was a small price to pay for looking good. Within

a

> few months they still were not looking right. Not at all natural –

> very hard and high and painful. By January he scheduled me for

> another operation as I had developed capsular contracture - They

had

> healed inside of very hard shells of scar tissue and were like

> rocks. They both had to be removed and reinserted. After that

> things went well for about two years. Then in May of 1999 I woke

up

> one morning and when I looked at myself I looked lopsided. With in

> a few hours one of my breasts had completely deflated. I was very

> scared and called his emergency service. It took 5 calls but when

> he finally called back he assured me that it was completely safe

and

> he would fix it. This was on Sunday – by Wednesday I was back in

> for surgery to have the implant replaced. Apparently the valve had

> failed and leaked. He said that this was very rare which of course

> I know now to be false. They would not show me the implant when I

> asked to see it after the surgery which made me wonder about them

> but I trusted him – he was my doctor, right? Shortly after this I

> started having a lot of headaches. I was treated for migraines,

> allergies – you name it. Nothing would work. Then I started

getting

> severe cramping and muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders and had

> to be put on muscle relaxers. Then things just started getting

> worse – stress, anxiety. I saw numerous doctors and was treated

> with anti-depressants as they felt the anxiety was caused by the

> chronic pain. After this I was just always sick – always had a

> cold, sinus infections, ear infections – you name it. I hadn't had

> three ear infections in my life up to 25 and then I was having 4 &

5

> a year. every flu or virus that comes along – I get it. The

> headaches were getting worse and I started seeing chiropractors,

> neurologists, and massage therapists, and finally a pain management

> doctor as a last resort in January. During my exam he noted that I

> felt as I had a lot of scar tissue in my neck area and wanted to

> know if I had been in a bad accident. I stated that I had not but

> mention the implants. He then asked if I had ever had a leak. I

> think my heart probably stopped for a whole minute then – I had

> never thought of this. They had run test after test never giving

me

> any answers. I thought I had some weird disease or something that

> nobody could identify. I constantly felt bad although I could not

> really describe it to anyone – sort of like always having the flu.

> Extremely tired and achy all of the time. I started researching

> and became extremely terrified after finding the different web

sites

> with other women's stories as they were almost word for word – ME –

> all of the symptoms and complaints. I could not believe this was

> happening. After all – I was assured that they were safe. After

> doing a lot of soul searching I decided to have them removed. I

> went back to my original PS to ask him to do it for me. I wasn't

> happy with all of the problems I was having and I wanted them out.

> I mentioned all of the info I found out and said that I did not

want

> to risk it anymore. His attitude completely changed at this

point.

> He said that I needed to wait another 6 months as I would change my

> mind – he was sure of it. I said that there was no possibility of

> me changing my mind but he wouldn't listen. I told him that I was

> scared and would gladly pay for the operation – I wasn't asking for

> a freebie. He treated me horribly saying that I needed to be

tested

> for cancer and other diseases as my illnesses were probably from

one

> of those and he couldn't operate if I had cancer. I assured him

> several times during the conversation that I would have all of the

> tests performed that he felt necessary to rule those out so he

could

> do it. He continued to tell me that I would look horrible

> afterwards and would regret the decision. At this point in his

> office I started crying and was begging him to please put me on his

> schedule as he is pretty booked all of the time and in the meantime

> I would have all of the testing done he needed . He walked out of

> the room while I was talking to him – bawling at this point and

> never said another word to me. Gone was the nice guy saying that

> everything would be fine and I was going to look beautiful. I was

> so distraught after leaving his office that I could not even drive

> for an hour. I just sat in my car and cried.

>

> Within a week I had another appointment with a different doctor.

> Upon seeing him he agreed to remove them based on my findings and

> scheduled my operation. Within about three months I was under the

> knife for the 4th time – removal. I asked for the implants so I

> could have them analyzed and he agreed. I took them home with me

> and after a few days took a look at them. One was yellow with

small

> chunks floating in it. The other (the newer one replacing the

> deflated on in 99) looked clear but the valve was black. The

> explanting PS said that this was tissue growth into the valve which

> was holding it open. I Sent them to Canada to a specialist to have

> them looked at which ended up showing that both had defective

valves

> and were leaking – both were severely contaminated with micro

> organism growth. I gave a copy of the report to my explant PS who

> in turn agreed and wrote a letter in support of my insurance appeal

> that after reviewing the report he also felt that this was a cause

> of my symptomatic illnesses.

>

> It has been almost 5 months now and I have seen a little

> improvement – not much. I have had several infections in my rib

> cartilage which is still extremely painful. I am starting to

wonder

> if maybe all of my scar capsules were removed as I am still very

ill

> and my breasts feel a little lumpy underneath. If I can get to a

> point where I have enough money, I would like to go to Cleveland to

> see Dr. Feng for another operation to make sure all has been

> removed. I wanted to go to her in the first place but I did not

> have the extra money for the trip. My explant Dr. was wonderful

and

> local and gave me a break as he knew I was paying out of pocket for

> the operation. I am just glad they are gone. My families'

finances

> have been very tight the last few years with all of the dr appts

and

> medications.

>

> Hopefully as the days go by I will get better and better – it will

> be a tough road but one I am glad to be taking. I thank god

> everyday for helping me to find the truth and helping me to get

> through this.

[Guest guest]

Kay

thanks for responding to my story - I will definately call my doc about the

ultrasound. better safe than sorry and I know somethng isn't right - I feel it.

I shouldn't be having as much pain as I am 5 months post op - It hurts really bd

to wear a bra muchless touch them. thanks again for the help and support - it

is so nice knowing that there are people out there that understand as most

people in my life do not

shari

[Guest guest]

Dear Shari

Hi there. I wrote a long email to you yesterday and something

happened to my computer and it got lost, and then i had to get to

school (I am taking night classes) so I never had a chance to write

again. I am praying this one won't get lost too! I hate that when it

happens! Anyhow, I wanted to tell you how much I related to your

story, I mean some things were different about our illness, as far as

ruptures etc, I never had CC or a rupture, and my implants, while it

was disclosed there were defective, were not grossly contaminated

with stuff like yours proved to be, however, despite those

differences I still was just as ill as you, and in only 3 months of

being implanted i had all those terrible symptoms you described.

Sometimes now, it seems like a lifetime ago. I have regained my

health, and really have only one symptom(plantar fascitis) that still

acts up on me now. The worse thing for me was the severe dizzy brain

fog and that symptom is completely gone, also that flu like illness

feeling, is totally gone, that was probably the first thing that left

me, and even then it took about 6 months to notice a huge difference.

However, within 3 months of explantation I was allot better, I got

married, and also moved to another state to start a whole new life.

The timing could not have been better to start with a clean slate so

to speak! Anyhow, I do feel that your case with the implants being

grossly contaminated and rupturing in your body, may require some

really serious detoxing and if I was you I would probably involve the

help of a naturopathic Dr. I personally never needed one, as I

figured I could probably get well on my own, and I did, but it was a

long slow process with flares along the way as I improved. I would

guess though, that you may be in need of antibiotic therapy, maybe

or Kathy can talk to you about that, becuase if that saline was

full of bacteria and fungus, most likely you have that to contend

with now. I also would be curious to know if your Dr did in fact

remove all the scar tissue, especially the diffifult part that

attaches to the rib cage (this part is often so hard to remove that

Dr's will leave it) I know mine was tough to get out, it required

almost 6 hours of surgery by Dr Feng. I would get a copy of your

operative report, and/or make an appt to see the PS that did your

surgery and ask him point blank if he did in fact get it all out, the

entire capsule. This can be a BIG TIME PROBLEM. I had a friend who

had her explant only 4 weeks after implantation, she asumed she would

not even have a capsule yet(her implants were smooth) and she was

very ill. Her implanting surgeon did her explant through her axilary

incisions, and did not removed the capsule. She was not getting well

so she ended up flying to Cleveland to see Dr Feng, who went in via a

small incision in her crease, and found rotting black capsule inside

her chest. So for that reason alone it is really important to know if

this is possible, however, it may just be that your still infected

with whatever was in your implants, and you may need a really

intensive course of antibiotic therapy along with detox. I am not

sure where you are, but I am sure that you will be able to find a

good Dr who is licensed in holistic medicine, that may be able to

help you. It may make all the difference. Are you doing anything else

as far as supplements? Exericise? Detox and diet etc? These things

are really really important for us, especially immediately after

explant. For me I eat like a regular person now, but it has been

almost 3 years since my explant and for at least the first year I was

pretty religious about my supps and my diet. Also exercise is a big

thing too, it seems so hard when you don't feel good, but somehow

even throughout my illness I managed to get in some good workouts,

these not only kept my sane but they helped oxygenate my blood wich I

believe were key in my recovery, also tons of water! The basic stuff

helped so much.

Anyhow, I do believe that you can get better, and after this amount

of time, if your not seeing any improvement, then you have to start

looking into more drastic measures to get better. I would seriously

consider the naturopath and also look into the capsule issue.

I hope that this will help. I also am so thankful that you have

shared your story. I would like to add it to our story section, if

that is ok with you?

let me know. Meantime I will keep you in my prayers and hope that

things start to turn around for you. It is such a hellish nightmare

we have all been through! I can relate to the feelings of

helplessness and even suicide when no one believes in you and things

get so hard to deal with. I too contemplated driving off the road

many times, but I always figured with my luck I would wind up

paralyzed and still ill. Anyhow it is not really an option, we need

to fight, we need to heal, we can get better, and then we need to

stick together and help to educate others. Next month silicone gel

will most likely be approved, and there are going to be more and more

sick women needing us. It is terribly sad that we are not making much

progress publicly, but we can get the word out here on the net. We

can make a difference, but we need to devote some of our time to this

issue. As hard as it can be when you want to move on, and just forget

it all, esp as we get well, but I for one have made the consious

decision to try to always get back to this issue, no matter how much

I often want to forget about it all, and come back to this site to

help the ladies I can.

It is such a sad thing.

anyhow, I better get going.

hugs

In , halvey70@a... wrote:

> IGGY

>

> I am so gald you have got your surgery scheduled - I will be

praying for you, also. It is so hard living in this nightmare -it

almost seems like if we had cancer or something it would be better

understood. It is difficult as nobody in our families really get

it. Even my husband, who had been very supportive, doesn't " get

it " . He thinks that since now they are out that I should be back to

normal but these things will take time. I need to find a way to

detox and am working on it but it is hard with a full time job and a

two year old. some days are better than others and I definately see

an improvement since the explant but he doesn't understand why I am

always tired and feel bad. it doesn't help that we have our house

for sale and are constantly showing it so I am constantly cleaning

and picking up after my son. I think I need a 6 month vacation to

rest but of course that won't happen unless I win the lotto!

> It is so nuice having found you guys to talk to - people that have

been there that don't think it is all in my head. Which doc are you

going to for explant? Mine was really great but I really wanted to

see Dr Feng but I could not afford the trip as my insurance wouldn't

cover the operation much less the travel. I live in Tampa.

> Good luck - I will be praying for you - if you ever need to talk or

have explant questions please feel free to ask!!

> shari

[Guest guest]

Thank you so mush for all the info. I have received several messages about

finding a natuopahic dr and I am currently trying to find one in my area. I am

going to the health food store today and looking at different detox treatments.

I also made another appt w/ my explanting PS on Thursday to talk about the pain

and inflammation - I am going to ask for a refferal to get an MRI as I am

thinking that some of the scar capsule may be left as all of my pain is on my

ribcage. He did tell me that he had trouble removing them as mine were textured

and were stuck but it did not take more than 2 hours so now I am wondering. He

was a great dr and very understanding but he was also young and maybe did not

have the " en bloc " experience. I wish I had some money saved up as I would like

to go see Dr. Feng and have to do an exploratory to clean up any remaining junk

or damage but I just can't afford it. these stupid implants have cost me

thousands over the years!

thanks again - any other detox suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

hugs

shari

[Guest guest]

Hi Shari,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm doing chelation therapy to

detox. It's administered by my Osteopathic doctor and consists of

several 3 hr. long IV treatments. It puts vitamins and minerals into

your body and they grab and flush out all of the toxins. I love my

doctor and I really think these treatments will help!

If you need any more info just let me know!

Kacey (kaceyalong@...)

[Guest guest]

Shari,

would you like this to be posted in our files section? I'd love to put it with the others.

----- Original Message -----

From: halvey70

Sent: Monday, September 29, 2003 10:11 AM

Subject: shari's story

Hi everyone - the following is my story - I hope it helps anyone out there who is considering breast implants.I am trying desperately to get over the anger and fear I feel for being so mislead and making such a stupid decision. I have had a lot of moments where I felt suicidal as I don't feel that anyone around me really understands what I am going through. Most of my doctors agree that there may be a link but nobody really wants to come out and say "yeah - these things are bad". I find it amazing the amounts of info I have found throughout my research that no more is being done in our society to put a stop to this madness. So many innocent young girls are making that same mistake I did and they just don't understand the impact it will have for the rest of their lives. There is not a day that goes by that I don't have to fight the urge to just run my car off the edge of an overpass on my way to work just to get rid of all of the pain. Not just the physical pain but emotional. All of the anger at what I have done to myself and being lied to and the fact that nobody believes me, all of the fear that it isn't going to get better, the fear that I won't be able to become a happier and more energetic mom to my two year old and the fear that I will never be able to give him a sibling. The hurt that I feel having to wake up every morning and go to a high stress job as I can't afford to quit when all I want to do is rest so I can get better. If my story can help others avoid this tragic life mistake then I feel better knowing that at have accomplished something good for a change.Ok – here is my story… It has been less than a year since I started doing research on the subject and found the support groups. It is all making sense to me now but at first I didn't know what and who to believe. To be honest with you I don't know why I didn't see the signs earlier – we have all been very mislead. In February of 1996 I went for my first consultation with the plastic surgeon. I was 25 and was a 34AA. I had always been petite and small busted and was sick of having all of my clothes altered and wearing padded bras all of the time. I just wanted to look normal – not large. When I went to see him I was examined and told that I was a good candidate for it. They treated me like a princess and were extremely nice. I was told that the saline's were completely safe and harmless – on the "very rare" chance that I had a break that it would be harmlessly absorbed into my body as it was only water. My PS claimed that in 18 years he had only had 1 leak. The only other complications that were discussed were the normal risks w/ surgery – infection and anesthesia problems. When I got the paperwork to sign with numerous other warnings on it I asked questions and was assured that those were only because of the problems with the silicone – not saline. I bought into it and paid my money. The operation was in April. He recommended the armpit crease incision to avoid breast scars and putting them under the muscle as I was very small busted and they would look more natural. He also recommended texture implants as they had less of a risk for capsular contracture. (proved that one wrong with 6 months!) The operation was much worse than he had warned as far as pain but I figured that it was a small price to pay for looking good. Within a few months they still were not looking right. Not at all natural – very hard and high and painful. By January he scheduled me for another operation as I had developed capsular contracture - They had healed inside of very hard shells of scar tissue and were like rocks. They both had to be removed and reinserted. After that things went well for about two years. Then in May of 1999 I woke up one morning and when I looked at myself I looked lopsided. With in a few hours one of my breasts had completely deflated. I was very scared and called his emergency service. It took 5 calls but when he finally called back he assured me that it was completely safe and he would fix it. This was on Sunday – by Wednesday I was back in for surgery to have the implant replaced. Apparently the valve had failed and leaked. He said that this was very rare which of course I know now to be false. They would not show me the implant when I asked to see it after the surgery which made me wonder about them but I trusted him – he was my doctor, right? Shortly after this I started having a lot of headaches. I was treated for migraines, allergies – you name it. Nothing would work. Then I started getting severe cramping and muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders and had to be put on muscle relaxers. Then things just started getting worse – stress, anxiety. I saw numerous doctors and was treated with anti-depressants as they felt the anxiety was caused by the chronic pain. After this I was just always sick – always had a cold, sinus infections, ear infections – you name it. I hadn't had three ear infections in my life up to 25 and then I was having 4 & 5 a year. every flu or virus that comes along – I get it. The headaches were getting worse and I started seeing chiropractors, neurologists, and massage therapists, and finally a pain management doctor as a last resort in January. During my exam he noted that I felt as I had a lot of scar tissue in my neck area and wanted to know if I had been in a bad accident. I stated that I had not but mention the implants. He then asked if I had ever had a leak. I think my heart probably stopped for a whole minute then – I had never thought of this. They had run test after test never giving me any answers. I thought I had some weird disease or something that nobody could identify. I constantly felt bad although I could not really describe it to anyone – sort of like always having the flu. Extremely tired and achy all of the time. I started researching and became extremely terrified after finding the different web sites with other women's stories as they were almost word for word – ME – all of the symptoms and complaints. I could not believe this was happening. After all – I was assured that they were safe. After doing a lot of soul searching I decided to have them removed. I went back to my original PS to ask him to do it for me. I wasn't happy with all of the problems I was having and I wanted them out. I mentioned all of the info I found out and said that I did not want to risk it anymore. His attitude completely changed at this point. He said that I needed to wait another 6 months as I would change my mind – he was sure of it. I said that there was no possibility of me changing my mind but he wouldn't listen. I told him that I was scared and would gladly pay for the operation – I wasn't asking for a freebie. He treated me horribly saying that I needed to be tested for cancer and other diseases as my illnesses were probably from one of those and he couldn't operate if I had cancer. I assured him several times during the conversation that I would have all of the tests performed that he felt necessary to rule those out so he could do it. He continued to tell me that I would look horrible afterwards and would regret the decision. At this point in his office I started crying and was begging him to please put me on his schedule as he is pretty booked all of the time and in the meantime I would have all of the testing done he needed . He walked out of the room while I was talking to him – bawling at this point and never said another word to me. Gone was the nice guy saying that everything would be fine and I was going to look beautiful. I was so distraught after leaving his office that I could not even drive for an hour. I just sat in my car and cried.Within a week I had another appointment with a different doctor. Upon seeing him he agreed to remove them based on my findings and scheduled my operation. Within about three months I was under the knife for the 4th time – removal. I asked for the implants so I could have them analyzed and he agreed. I took them home with me and after a few days took a look at them. One was yellow with small chunks floating in it. The other (the newer one replacing the deflated on in 99) looked clear but the valve was black. The explanting PS said that this was tissue growth into the valve which was holding it open. I Sent them to Canada to a specialist to have them looked at which ended up showing that both had defective valves and were leaking – both were severely contaminated with micro organism growth. I gave a copy of the report to my explant PS who in turn agreed and wrote a letter in support of my insurance appeal that after reviewing the report he also felt that this was a cause of my symptomatic illnesses. It has been almost 5 months now and I have seen a little improvement – not much. I have had several infections in my rib cartilage which is still extremely painful. I am starting to wonder if maybe all of my scar capsules were removed as I am still very ill and my breasts feel a little lumpy underneath. If I can get to a point where I have enough money, I would like to go to Cleveland to see Dr. Feng for another operation to make sure all has been removed. I wanted to go to her in the first place but I did not have the extra money for the trip. My explant Dr. was wonderful and local and gave me a break as he knew I was paying out of pocket for the operation. I am just glad they are gone. My families' finances have been very tight the last few years with all of the dr appts and medications. Hopefully as the days go by I will get better and better – it will be a tough road but one I am glad to be taking. I thank god everyday for helping me to find the truth and helping me to get through this.

[Guest guest]

Sure - I would like that

[Guest guest]

Shari,

Thank you so much. It's up now in the files section. You spent a tremendous amount of time and effort writing this for the group, and you did a wonderful job! It is hard to read such stories of pain and suffering, but we are all making a difference by telling the world what we've endured. Bless you for speaking out!

May you be healed, may we all be touched with renewed strength...

Hugs,

Patty