shari's story

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone - the following is my story - I hope it helps anyone out

there who is considering breast implants.

I am trying desperately to get over the anger and fear I feel for

being so mislead and making such a stupid decision. I have had a

lot of moments where I felt suicidal as I don't feel that anyone

around me really understands what I am going through. Most of my

doctors agree that there may be a link but nobody really wants to

come out and say " yeah - these things are bad " . I find it amazing

the amounts of info I have found throughout my research that no more

is being done in our society to put a stop to this madness. So many

innocent young girls are making that same mistake I did and they

just don't understand the impact it will have for the rest of their

lives. There is not a day that goes by that I don't have to fight

the urge to just run my car off the edge of an overpass on my way to

work just to get rid of all of the pain. Not just the physical pain

but emotional. All of the anger at what I have done to myself and

being lied to and the fact that nobody believes me, all of the fear

that it isn't going to get better, the fear that I won't be able to

become a happier and more energetic mom to my two year old and the

fear that I will never be able to give him a sibling. The hurt that

I feel having to wake up every morning and go to a high stress job

as I can't afford to quit when all I want to do is rest so I can get

better. If my story can help others avoid this tragic life mistake

then I feel better knowing that at have accomplished something good

for a change.

Ok – here is my story…

It has been less than a year since I started doing research on the

subject and found the support groups. It is all making sense to me

now but at first I didn't know what and who to believe. To be

honest with you I don't know why I didn't see the signs earlier – we

have all been very mislead.

In February of 1996 I went for my first consultation with the

plastic surgeon. I was 25 and was a 34AA. I had always been petite

and small busted and was sick of having all of my clothes altered

and wearing padded bras all of the time. I just wanted to look

normal – not large. When I went to see him I was examined and told

that I was a good candidate for it. They treated me like a princess

and were extremely nice. I was told that the saline's were

completely safe and harmless – on the " very rare " chance that I had

a break that it would be harmlessly absorbed into my body as it was

only water. My PS claimed that in 18 years he had only had 1 leak.

The only other complications that were discussed were the normal

risks w/ surgery – infection and anesthesia problems. When I got

the paperwork to sign with numerous other warnings on it I asked

questions and was assured that those were only because of the

problems with the silicone – not saline. I bought into it and paid

my money. The operation was in April. He recommended the armpit

crease incision to avoid breast scars and putting them under the

muscle as I was very small busted and they would look more natural.

He also recommended texture implants as they had less of a risk for

capsular contracture. (proved that one wrong with 6 months!) The

operation was much worse than he had warned as far as pain but I

figured that it was a small price to pay for looking good. Within a

few months they still were not looking right. Not at all natural –

very hard and high and painful. By January he scheduled me for

another operation as I had developed capsular contracture - They had

healed inside of very hard shells of scar tissue and were like

rocks. They both had to be removed and reinserted. After that

things went well for about two years. Then in May of 1999 I woke up

one morning and when I looked at myself I looked lopsided. With in

a few hours one of my breasts had completely deflated. I was very

scared and called his emergency service. It took 5 calls but when

he finally called back he assured me that it was completely safe and

he would fix it. This was on Sunday – by Wednesday I was back in

for surgery to have the implant replaced. Apparently the valve had

failed and leaked. He said that this was very rare which of course

I know now to be false. They would not show me the implant when I

asked to see it after the surgery which made me wonder about them

but I trusted him – he was my doctor, right? Shortly after this I

started having a lot of headaches. I was treated for migraines,

allergies – you name it. Nothing would work. Then I started getting

severe cramping and muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders and had

to be put on muscle relaxers. Then things just started getting

worse – stress, anxiety. I saw numerous doctors and was treated

with anti-depressants as they felt the anxiety was caused by the

chronic pain. After this I was just always sick – always had a

cold, sinus infections, ear infections – you name it. I hadn't had

three ear infections in my life up to 25 and then I was having 4 & 5

a year. every flu or virus that comes along – I get it. The

headaches were getting worse and I started seeing chiropractors,

neurologists, and massage therapists, and finally a pain management

doctor as a last resort in January. During my exam he noted that I

felt as I had a lot of scar tissue in my neck area and wanted to

know if I had been in a bad accident. I stated that I had not but

mention the implants. He then asked if I had ever had a leak. I

think my heart probably stopped for a whole minute then – I had

never thought of this. They had run test after test never giving me

any answers. I thought I had some weird disease or something that

nobody could identify. I constantly felt bad although I could not

really describe it to anyone – sort of like always having the flu.

Extremely tired and achy all of the time. I started researching

and became extremely terrified after finding the different web sites

with other women's stories as they were almost word for word – ME –

all of the symptoms and complaints. I could not believe this was

happening. After all – I was assured that they were safe. After

doing a lot of soul searching I decided to have them removed. I

went back to my original PS to ask him to do it for me. I wasn't

happy with all of the problems I was having and I wanted them out.

I mentioned all of the info I found out and said that I did not want

to risk it anymore. His attitude completely changed at this point.

He said that I needed to wait another 6 months as I would change my

mind – he was sure of it. I said that there was no possibility of

me changing my mind but he wouldn't listen. I told him that I was

scared and would gladly pay for the operation – I wasn't asking for

a freebie. He treated me horribly saying that I needed to be tested

for cancer and other diseases as my illnesses were probably from one

of those and he couldn't operate if I had cancer. I assured him

several times during the conversation that I would have all of the

tests performed that he felt necessary to rule those out so he could

do it. He continued to tell me that I would look horrible

afterwards and would regret the decision. At this point in his

office I started crying and was begging him to please put me on his

schedule as he is pretty booked all of the time and in the meantime

I would have all of the testing done he needed . He walked out of

the room while I was talking to him – bawling at this point and

never said another word to me. Gone was the nice guy saying that

everything would be fine and I was going to look beautiful. I was

so distraught after leaving his office that I could not even drive

for an hour. I just sat in my car and cried.

Within a week I had another appointment with a different doctor.

Upon seeing him he agreed to remove them based on my findings and

scheduled my operation. Within about three months I was under the

knife for the 4th time – removal. I asked for the implants so I

could have them analyzed and he agreed. I took them home with me

and after a few days took a look at them. One was yellow with small

chunks floating in it. The other (the newer one replacing the

deflated on in 99) looked clear but the valve was black. The

explanting PS said that this was tissue growth into the valve which

was holding it open. I Sent them to Canada to a specialist to have

them looked at which ended up showing that both had defective valves

and were leaking – both were severely contaminated with micro

organism growth. I gave a copy of the report to my explant PS who

in turn agreed and wrote a letter in support of my insurance appeal

that after reviewing the report he also felt that this was a cause

of my symptomatic illnesses.

It has been almost 5 months now and I have seen a little

improvement – not much. I have had several infections in my rib

cartilage which is still extremely painful. I am starting to wonder

if maybe all of my scar capsules were removed as I am still very ill

and my breasts feel a little lumpy underneath. If I can get to a

point where I have enough money, I would like to go to Cleveland to

see Dr. Feng for another operation to make sure all has been

removed. I wanted to go to her in the first place but I did not

have the extra money for the trip. My explant Dr. was wonderful and

local and gave me a break as he knew I was paying out of pocket for

the operation. I am just glad they are gone. My families' finances

have been very tight the last few years with all of the dr appts and

medications.

Hopefully as the days go by I will get better and better – it will

be a tough road but one I am glad to be taking. I thank god

everyday for helping me to find the truth and helping me to get

through this.