Re: --I understand but please rethink!

[Guest guest]

Teri is right. I have been in your shoes. I was your age when I started saving

for mine - it is all I thought about since Jr high. I was a AA - very small.

Please read my story posted below - you would not want to be in my position

right now. My life has been ruined and it can happen to you just like all of

the other women in here. I now it is obnoxiously long, but at least take a few

minutes to read what happened to me and keep it in your thoughts while you are

making this decision - it is NOT something that can easily be reversed if you

don't like them, like a haircolor. This is permanant and whether you like them

or not it will alter your body forever and quite possibly the health of your

future children.

thanks - Shari

My Story:

I am trying desperately to get over the anger and fear I feel for being so

mislead and making such a stupid decision. I have had a lot of moments where I

felt suicidal as I don’t feel that anyone around me really understands what I

am going through. Most of my doctors agree that there may be a link but nobody

really wants to come out and say “yeah - these things are badâ€. I find it

amazing the amounts of info I have found throughout my research that no more is

being done in our society to put a stop to this madness. So many innocent young

girls are making that same mistake I did and they just don’t understand the

impact it will have for the rest of their lives. There is not a day that goes

by that I don’t have to fight the urge to just run my car off the edge of an

overpass on my way to work just to get rid of all of the pain. Not just the

physical pain but emotional. All of the anger at what I have done to myself and

being lied to and the fact that nobody believes me, all of the fear that it

isn’t going to get better, the fear that I won’t be able to become a happier

and more energetic mom to my two year old and the fear that I will never be able

to give him a sibling. The hurt that I feel having to wake up every morning and

go to a high stress job as I can’t afford to quit when all I want to do is

rest so I can get better. If my story can help others avoid this tragic life

mistake then I feel better knowing that at have accomplished something good for

a change.

It has been less than a year since I started doing research on the subject and

found the support groups. It is all making sense to me now but at first I

didn’t know what and who to believe. To be honest with you I don’t know

why I didn’t see the signs earlier – we have all been very mislead.

In February of 1996 I went for my first consultation with the plastic surgeon.

I was 25 and was a 34AA. I had always been petite and small busted and was sick

of having all of my clothes altered and wearing padded bras all of the time. I

just wanted to look normal – not large. When I went to see him I was examined

and told that I was a good candidate for it. They treated me like a princess

and were extremely nice. I was told that the saline’s were completely safe

and harmless – on the “very rare†chance that I had a break that it would

be harmlessly absorbed into my body as it was only water. My PS claimed that in

18 years he had only had 1 leak. The only other complications that were

discussed were the normal risks w/ surgery – infection and anesthesia

problems. When I got the paperwork to sign with numerous other warnings on it I

asked questions and was assured that those were only because of the problems

with the silicone – not saline. I bought into it and paid my money. The

operation was in April. He recommended the armpit crease incision to avoid

breast scars and putting them under the muscle as I was very small busted and

they would look more natural. He also recommended texture implants as they had

less of a risk for capsular contracture. (proved that one wrong with 6 months!)

The operation was much worse than he had warned as far as pain but I figured

that it was a small price to pay for looking good. Within a few months they

still were not looking right. Not at all natural – very hard and high and

painful. By January he scheduled me for another operation as I had developed

capsular contracture - They had healed inside of very hard shells of scar tissue

and were like rocks. They both had to be removed and reinserted. After that

things went well for about two years. Then in May of 1999 I woke up one morning

and when I looked at myself I looked lopsided. With in a few hours one of my

breasts had completely deflated. I was very scared and called his emergency

service. It took 5 calls but when he finally called back he assured me that it

was completely safe and he would fix it. This was on Sunday – by Wednesday I

was back in for surgery to have the implant replaced. Apparently the valve had

failed and leaked. He said that this was very rare which of course I know now

to be false. They would not show me the implant when I asked to see it after the

surgery which made me wonder about them but I trusted him – he was my doctor,

right? Shortly after this I started having a lot of headaches. I was treated

for migraines, allergies – you name it. Nothing would work. Then I started

getting severe cramping and muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders and had to be

put on muscle relaxers. Then things just started getting worse – stress,

anxiety. I saw numerous doctors and was treated with anti-depressants as they

felt the anxiety was caused by the chronic pain. After this I was just always

sick – always had a cold, sinus infections, ear infections – you name it. I

hadn’t had three ear infections in my life up to 25 and then I was having 4 &

5 a year. every flu or virus that comes along – I get it. The headaches were

getting worse and I started seeing chiropractors, neurologists, and massage

therapists, and finally a pain management doctor as a last resort in January.

During my exam he noted that I felt as I had a lot of scar tissue in my neck

area and wanted to know if I had been in a bad accident. I stated that I had

not but mention the implants. He then asked if I had ever had a leak. I think

my heart probably stopped for a whole minute then – I had never thought of

this. They had run test after test never giving me any answers. I thought I

had some weird disease or something that nobody could identify. I constantly

felt bad although I could not really describe it to anyone – sort of like

always having the flu. Extremely tired and achy all of the time. I started

researching and became extremely terrified after finding the different web sites

with other women’s stories as they were almost word for word – ME – all of

the symptoms and complaints. I could not believe this was happening. After all

– I was assured that they were safe. After doing a lot of soul searching I

decided to have them removed. I went back to my original PS to ask him to do it

for me. I wasn’t happy with all of the problems I was having and I wanted

them out. I mentioned all of the info I found out and said that I did not want

to risk it anymore. His attitude completely changed at this point. He said

that I needed to wait another 6 months as I would change my mind – he was sure

of it. I said that there was no possibility of me changing my mind but he

wouldn’t listen. I told him that I was scared and would gladly pay for the

operation – I wasn’t asking for a freebie. He treated me horribly saying

that I needed to be tested for cancer and other diseases as my illnesses were

probably from one of those and he couldn’t operate if I had cancer. I assured

him several times during the conversation that I would have all of the tests

performed that he felt necessary to rule those out so he could do it. He

continued to tell me that I would look horrible afterwards and would regret the

decision. At this point in his office I started crying and was begging him to

please put me on his schedule as he is pretty booked all of the time and in the

meantime I would have all of the testing done he needed . He walked out of the

room while I was talking to him – bawling at this point and never said another

word to me. Gone was the nice guy saying that everything would be fine and I

was going to look beautiful. I was so distraught after leaving his office that

I could not even drive for an hour. I just sat in my car and cried.

Within a week I had another appointment with a different doctor. Upon seeing

him he agreed to remove them based on my findings and scheduled my operation.

Within about three months I was under the knife for the 4th time – removal. I

asked for the implants so I could have them analyzed and he agreed. I took them

home with me and after a few days took a look at them. One was yellow with

small chunks floating in it. The other (the newer one replacing the deflated on

in 99) looked clear but the valve was black. The explanting PS said that this

was tissue growth into the valve which was holding it open. I Sent them to

Canada to a specialist to have them looked at which ended up showing that both

had defective valves and were leaking – both were severely contaminated with

micro organism growth. I gave a copy of the report to my explant PS who in turn

agreed and wrote a letter in support of my insurance appeal that after reviewing

the report he also felt that this was a cause of my symptomatic illnesses.

It has been almost 5 months now and I have seen a little improvement – not

much. I have had several infections in my rib cartilage which is still

extremely painful. I am starting to wonder if maybe all of my scar capsules

were removed as I am still very ill and my breasts feel a little lumpy

underneath. If I can get to a point where I have enough money, I would like to

go to Cleveland to see Dr. Feng for another operation to make sure all has been

removed. I wanted to go to her in the first place but I did not have the

extra money for the trip. My explant Dr. was wonderful and local and gave me a

break as he knew I was paying out of pocket for the operation. I am just glad

they are gone. My families’ finances have been very tight the last few years

with all of the dr appts and medications.

Hopefully as the days go by I will get better and better – it will be a tough

road but one I am glad to be taking. I thank god everyday for helping me to

find the truth and helping me to get through this.