Re: Anyone go through explant surgery while going through an emotional time?

[Guest guest]

Liz,

Can I be really honest with you? Please understand I don't want to hurt your feelings at all. I just want to help you see this from an outsiders perspective, and to maybe protect you from further harm.

I would distance myself from this man at this time. You need to focus on your healing. You need to be concerned about you right now. This man is obviously "concerned" about himself if he can be flirting and messing around after so long with you, and suggesting an open relationship? Give me a freaking break! That benefits nobody but HIM....4 years is a long time, and if he has roving eyes now, it doesn't have alot of promise to work in the long term. Your best comfort is to take care of yourself the best way you know how, and to protect your heart from further hurt by not leaving yourself vulnerable to him. I know you must care for him deeply, and it probably is easy to think that he still cares for you by saying he still wants to see you.

But if you look at this in the proper perspective, what he is asking is completely selfish. Basically what he is doing is this: He is asking you to stay on the sidelines for him while he messes around and makes up his mind. After 4 years, if he doesn't have this figured out by now, then he is not serious about the relationship and isn't likely to be.

And here is another perspective...if he doesn't know what he thinks now about the relationship, hanging around in an open relationship isn't going to make it any clearer. It will only muddy it up. If he wants to know how much he values you, the best way for him to find out is if he has totally lost you.

I wish I could help you get over this heartbreak, because I know it is emotional, but first and foremost, I think you need to go through with the explant regardless. This may be a hard time, but this is where the rubber meets the road. This is where you find out where your life is going. Be strong and courageous. I know that is hard to do when you feel like you just want to fall in a heap and bawl your eyes out. Go ahead and do that! But then get up, a stronger woman, knowing that you are worth more than an open relationship, you are worth much more than that. If he can't see what you are worth to him, let him go. It is his loss.

You are very, very special, and don't ever let a man make you feel any other way.

Love,

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: me lee

Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 7:47 AM

Subject: Anyone go through explant surgery while going through an emotional time?

Hi Girls,

Well all this time I was worrying whether my boyfriend of 4 years would find me as attractive after my surgery I find out it doesn't matter. The other night he told me that he gave out his number to a girl in a club and has talked to her a few times. He also hooked up with a girl in Holland when he traveled there for 10 days a few months ago. He supposedly didn't have sex with her but the fact that he did anything at all makes me devasted. However he says that he is focused on his career and does not plan on seriously dating any of these girls.

He said he wants an open relationship for now since he is only 27 and we have been together for 4 years. I told him that we should stop seeing each other. He says he loves me and that he wants to take a day off from work to visit me after my explant.

My surgery is scheduled for Nov. 21st and I'm wondering if it is not a good idea to go through surgery when I am so emotional and heart broken. I also don't know how to cut him off since he still wants to see me and I still want to see him. I am not opposed to seeing other people, however I don't think that open relationships work.

Sorry I know this is not a relationship forum, but all of this is happening so close to my surgery. Any feedback will be appreciated. Thank you.

Liz