Home from Ohio, Home from surgery, Bewildered, Angry, Determined !

[Guest guest]

Ladies,

If there were three words that could describe my experience with

implants(Silicone filled textured)for fourteen years, two sets, and

the final removal. These three words would be. BEWILDERED, ANGRY,

DETERMINED !

I believed " as " a child that all little Boys $ Girls knew the meaning

of Good $ Bad., That this meaning was the same for all.

I believed " as " a Young Adult that rules were the same for all the

players, in the games we played.

I believed " as " an Adult that the Laws that we're made , were made

for All, in the Life that we chose.

I BELIEVED !

CAN I ADMIT ? ( BAD )

Now, I am , " Grown Up " ,I believed so much. Still there is so much

that I believe.

I will not change the fact that I believe. I still Believe and Always

WILL.

Only in my BELIEF Will I find the TRUTH !

I've not always paid attention to the truth in me, Yet ! I always

Have, The ,Truth within Me.

My first day home I could not stop crying, I wanted to be alone, Why

could'nt I stop crying? I was crying so hard that I hurt inside My

entire body started hurting from crying so hard, I become unable to

stop crying there was such a burden still remaining within me I hurt

so bad inside My heart ached with this uncontroable pain, I was

unable to find Why? Why could'nt I stop this need to cry, it kept

returning all day, I did'nt want anyone around me I kept brushing

off my Husband I felt like someone else I was unable to understand it

Why? Why? It was not A physical Pain it was more of a combination of

something still not here. What is it? Why? Things started to hurt,

now it became more of a mixed physical pain within the confusion in

my heart and head. I then, could not speak ,It was like I had

thousands of thoughts and voices in my head they were all screaming

at me I was Bewildered. I could'nt or did'nt want to talk. I felt

like I had nothing to say and did'nt want to look at anyone or talk

to anyone. I fell into a deep dark hole of non belief. I did not want

to believe.I did not want to accept the truth, it would hurt to bad.I

remembered when I was a little girl. I became a liitle girl wanting

to run to a corner and hide under a soft blanket. I then started to

feel a warm soft blanket, almost like the heat was turned on , or I

just felt the warmth of a burning fire, It still was not clear,I

could see the destruction after a fire. I felt a peace. I survived

the fire, I felt as if I was standing looking at a home that was

uniquely structured and all the walls and floors were burnt, the

foundation remained. I started to cry,I did not want to start over I

do not want, Yet! another rebuilding I wanted to relax now, I wanted

to just be held, taken care of,.It was as tho I heard a voice that

said " You too were responsible for this fire, you will help

rebuild,I felt as tho I was in the fire, I was!,I am alive!.

I am not alone in this, the experience and knowledge of my own

destruction will be the Good in the rebuilding, Good will come of

this Bad choice I made.

This time it was different it was a cry of relief, I was okay, I

know I still believe, I will re-build. Foundations remain for

rebuilding or remembering.

I made a choice in 1989, I will admit it ! Bad

Surgery took 5 hours,lymphnodes removed, old silicone from 2001

surgery removed, Found out that the implants were textured full Gel-

filled, Mentor.,Dr. Feng is great!, Staff great!.

Implants waiting to be shipped to choice location. All files on there

way to me.

Cover-Ups, Cover-Ups,

Still Bewildered, Angry, Determined!

Determined More than ever that the truth be known. If people choose

to have implants So Be It!

The FDA is full of Lies.

The Government is full of lies on Silicone.

The Plastic Surgeons are not telling truths.

SILICONE IS BAD!(When used improperly,only under extreme

circumstances, when no other divice is available to sustain life.or

may be used to replace body parts,at patients own risk.)When used to

replace deformities, or cancer, accident victims. Montoring should be

done semi-annual and any side affects be closely monitered.

Under no condition would I reccommend it's use for mere image

purpose. Such as size or enhancement.

I wanted to share my first day back as accurate as I could with all

of you.

P.S. For all those that did not survive, and those that are suffering.

Everyday a new voice speaks up,soon our voices will rumble this

empire. Foundations for Rebuilding, Foundations of rememberence.

Explant was on Sept 17, 2003.

Hugs and Inspiration

K L Varni

Just realized the Initials Bewildered, Angry, Determined, B.A.D.

[Guest guest]

I read your post Kay. I feel sad for you, for all of us. I'm sorry you had so many tears. Probably going through a depressed stage. I got really depressed, hospitalized 3 times, after getting fibromyalgia. Try to switch gears to the positive. Let your husband in, he wants to support you. God Bless you, I'll write you again, Hugs, kayvarni <kayvarni@...> wrote:

Ladies,If there were three words that could describe my experience with implants(Silicone filled textured)for fourteen years, two sets, and the final removal. These three words would be. BEWILDERED, ANGRY, DETERMINED ! I believed "as" a child that all little Boys $ Girls knew the meaning of Good $ Bad., That this meaning was the same for all. I believed "as" a Young Adult that rules were the same for all the players, in the games we played.I believed "as" an Adult that the Laws that we're made , were made for All, in the Life that we chose. I BELIEVED !CAN I ADMIT ? ( BAD )Now, I am , "Grown Up",I believed so much. Still there is so much that I believe.I will not change the fact that I believe. I still Believe and Always WILL.Only in my BELIEF Will I find the TRUTH

!I've not always paid attention to the truth in me, Yet ! I always Have, The ,Truth within Me.My first day home I could not stop crying, I wanted to be alone, Why could'nt I stop crying? I was crying so hard that I hurt inside My entire body started hurting from crying so hard, I become unable to stop crying there was such a burden still remaining within me I hurt so bad inside My heart ached with this uncontroable pain, I was unable to find Why? Why could'nt I stop this need to cry, it kept returning all day, I did'nt want anyone around me I kept brushing off my Husband I felt like someone else I was unable to understand it Why? Why? It was not A physical Pain it was more of a combination of something still not here. What is it? Why? Things started to hurt, now it became more of a mixed physical pain within the confusion in my heart and head. I then, could not speak ,It was like I had

thousands of thoughts and voices in my head they were all screaming at me I was Bewildered. I could'nt or did'nt want to talk. I felt like I had nothing to say and did'nt want to look at anyone or talk to anyone. I fell into a deep dark hole of non belief. I did not want to believe.I did not want to accept the truth, it would hurt to bad.I remembered when I was a little girl. I became a liitle girl wanting to run to a corner and hide under a soft blanket. I then started to feel a warm soft blanket, almost like the heat was turned on , or I just felt the warmth of a burning fire, It still was not clear,I could see the destruction after a fire. I felt a peace. I survived the fire, I felt as if I was standing looking at a home that was uniquely structured and all the walls and floors were burnt, the foundation remained. I started to cry,I did not want to start over I do not want, Yet! another rebuilding I wanted to relax now, I

wanted to just be held, taken care of,.It was as tho I heard a voice that said " You too were responsible for this fire, you will help rebuild,I felt as tho I was in the fire, I was!,I am alive!.I am not alone in this, the experience and knowledge of my own destruction will be the Good in the rebuilding, Good will come of this Bad choice I made.This time it was different it was a cry of relief, I was okay, I know I still believe, I will re-build. Foundations remain for rebuilding or remembering.I made a choice in 1989, I will admit it ! BadSurgery took 5 hours,lymphnodes removed, old silicone from 2001 surgery removed, Found out that the implants were textured full Gel-filled, Mentor.,Dr. Feng is great!, Staff great!.Implants waiting to be shipped to choice location. All files on there way to me. Cover-Ups, Cover-Ups,Still Bewildered, Angry, Determined!Determined More than

ever that the truth be known. If people choose to have implants So Be It!The FDA is full of Lies.The Government is full of lies on Silicone.The Plastic Surgeons are not telling truths.SILICONE IS BAD!(When used improperly,only under extreme circumstances, when no other divice is available to sustain life.or may be used to replace body parts,at patients own risk.)When used to replace deformities, or cancer, accident victims. Montoring should be done semi-annual and any side affects be closely monitered.Under no condition would I reccommend it's use for mere image purpose. Such as size or enhancement. I wanted to share my first day back as accurate as I could with all of you.P.S. For all those that did not survive, and those that are suffering.Everyday a new voice speaks up,soon our voices will rumble this empire. Foundations for Rebuilding, Foundations of rememberence.Explant was on

Sept 17, 2003.Hugs and InspirationK L VarniJust realized the Initials Bewildered, Angry, Determined, B.A.D.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your care and e-mail, it does lift the spirits to know that others care. It was very hard the first day home. I know why now, and it's all okay. I have the answersI need inside. The rest will come one day at a time. I hope you'r getting better daily, I know that you have gone through so much also. Take care and talk again soon. Hugs K L Varnimichelle king <michellerking1@...> wrote:

I read your post Kay. I feel sad for you, for all of us. I'm sorry you had so many tears. Probably going through a depressed stage. I got really depressed, hospitalized 3 times, after getting fibromyalgia. Try to switch gears to the positive. Let your husband in, he wants to support you. God Bless you, I'll write you again, Hugs, kayvarni <kayvarni@...> wrote: Ladies,If there were three words that could describe my experience with implants(Silicone filled textured)for fourteen years, two sets, and the final removal. These three words would be. BEWILDERED, ANGRY, DETERMINED ! I believed "as" a child that all little Boys $ Girls knew the meaning of Good $ Bad., That this meaning was the same for all. I believed "as" a Young Adult that rules were the same for all the players, in the games we played.I believed "as" an Adult that the Laws that we're made , were made for All, in the Life that we chose. I BELIEVED !CAN I ADMIT ? ( BAD )Now, I am , "Grown Up",I believed so much. Still there is so much that I believe.I will not change the fact that I believe. I still Believe and Always WILL.Only in my BELIEF Will I find the TRUTH

!I've not always paid attention to the truth in me, Yet ! I always Have, The ,Truth within Me.My first day home I could not stop crying, I wanted to be alone, Why could'nt I stop crying? I was crying so hard that I hurt inside My entire body started hurting from crying so hard, I become unable to stop crying there was such a burden still remaining within me I hurt so bad inside My heart ached with this uncontroable pain, I was unable to find Why? Why could'nt I stop this need to cry, it kept returning all day, I did'nt want anyone around me I kept brushing off my Husband I felt like someone else I was unable to understand it Why? Why? It was not A physical Pain it was more of a combination of something still not here. What is it? Why? Things started to hurt, now it became more of a mixed physical pain within the confusion in my heart and head. I then, could not speak ,It was like I had

thousands of thoughts and voices in my head they were all screaming at me I was Bewildered. I could'nt or did'nt want to talk. I felt like I had nothing to say and did'nt want to look at anyone or talk to anyone. I fell into a deep dark hole of non belief. I did not want to believe.I did not want to accept the truth, it would hurt to bad.I remembered when I was a little girl. I became a liitle girl wanting to run to a corner and hide under a soft blanket. I then started to feel a warm soft blanket, almost like the heat was turned on , or I just felt the warmth of a burning fire, It still was not clear,I could see the destruction after a fire. I felt a peace. I survived the fire, I felt as if I was standing looking at a home that was uniquely structured and all the walls and floors were burnt, the foundation remained. I started to cry,I did not want to start over I do not want, Yet! another rebuilding I wanted to relax now, I

wanted to just be held, taken care of,.It was as tho I heard a voice that said " You too were responsible for this fire, you will help rebuild,I felt as tho I was in the fire, I was!,I am alive!.I am not alone in this, the experience and knowledge of my own destruction will be the Good in the rebuilding, Good will come of this Bad choice I made.This time it was different it was a cry of relief, I was okay, I know I still believe, I will re-build. Foundations remain for rebuilding or remembering.I made a choice in 1989, I will admit it ! BadSurgery took 5 hours,lymphnodes removed, old silicone from 2001 surgery removed, Found out that the implants were textured full Gel-filled, Mentor.,Dr. Feng is great!, Staff great!.Implants waiting to be shipped to choice location. All files on there way to me. Cover-Ups, Cover-Ups,Still Bewildered, Angry, Determined!Determined More than

ever that the truth be known. If people choose to have implants So Be It!The FDA is full of Lies.The Government is full of lies on Silicone.The Plastic Surgeons are not telling truths.SILICONE IS BAD!(When used improperly,only under extreme circumstances, when no other divice is available to sustain life.or may be used to replace body parts,at patients own risk.)When used to replace deformities, or cancer, accident victims. Montoring should be done semi-annual and any side affects be closely monitered.Under no condition would I reccommend it's use for mere image purpose. Such as size or enhancement. I wanted to share my first day back as accurate as I could with all of you.P.S. For all those that did not survive, and those that are suffering.Everyday a new voice speaks up,soon our voices will rumble this empire. Foundations for Rebuilding, Foundations of rememberence.Explant was on

Sept 17, 2003.Hugs and InspirationK L VarniJust realized the Initials Bewildered, Angry, Determined, B.A.D.

[Guest guest]

Kay

I am glad your surgery is over. Isn't Dr Feng the best? So sorry to

hear your implants turned out to be gel. What a horrible thing. I

feel your anger and I have also been there and it sucks.

Hang in there

Hugs

In , " kayvarni " <kayvarni@y...> wrote:

> Ladies,

>

> If there were three words that could describe my experience with

> implants(Silicone filled textured)for fourteen years, two sets, and

> the final removal. These three words would be. BEWILDERED, ANGRY,

> DETERMINED !

>

> I believed " as " a child that all little Boys $ Girls knew the

meaning

> of Good $ Bad., That this meaning was the same for all.

>

> I believed " as " a Young Adult that rules were the same for all the

> players, in the games we played.

>

> I believed " as " an Adult that the Laws that we're made , were made

> for All, in the Life that we chose.

>

> I BELIEVED !

>

>

> CAN I ADMIT ? ( BAD )

>

> Now, I am , " Grown Up " ,I believed so much. Still there is so much

> that I believe.

>

> I will not change the fact that I believe. I still Believe and

Always

> WILL.

>

> Only in my BELIEF Will I find the TRUTH !

>

>

> I've not always paid attention to the truth in me, Yet ! I always

> Have, The ,Truth within Me.

>

> My first day home I could not stop crying, I wanted to be alone,

Why

> could'nt I stop crying? I was crying so hard that I hurt inside My

> entire body started hurting from crying so hard, I become unable

to

> stop crying there was such a burden still remaining within me I

hurt

> so bad inside My heart ached with this uncontroable pain, I was

> unable to find Why? Why could'nt I stop this need to cry, it kept

> returning all day, I did'nt want anyone around me I kept brushing

> off my Husband I felt like someone else I was unable to understand

it

> Why? Why? It was not A physical Pain it was more of a combination

of

> something still not here. What is it? Why? Things started to hurt,

> now it became more of a mixed physical pain within the confusion in

> my heart and head. I then, could not speak ,It was like I had

> thousands of thoughts and voices in my head they were all screaming

> at me I was Bewildered. I could'nt or did'nt want to talk. I felt

> like I had nothing to say and did'nt want to look at anyone or talk

> to anyone. I fell into a deep dark hole of non belief. I did not

want

> to believe.I did not want to accept the truth, it would hurt to

bad.I

> remembered when I was a little girl. I became a liitle girl wanting

> to run to a corner and hide under a soft blanket. I then started to

> feel a warm soft blanket, almost like the heat was turned on , or I

> just felt the warmth of a burning fire, It still was not clear,I

> could see the destruction after a fire. I felt a peace. I survived

> the fire, I felt as if I was standing looking at a home that was

> uniquely structured and all the walls and floors were burnt, the

> foundation remained. I started to cry,I did not want to start over

I

> do not want, Yet! another rebuilding I wanted to relax now, I

wanted

> to just be held, taken care of,.It was as tho I heard a voice that

> said " You too were responsible for this fire, you will help

> rebuild,I felt as tho I was in the fire, I was!,I am alive!.

>

> I am not alone in this, the experience and knowledge of my own

> destruction will be the Good in the rebuilding, Good will come of

> this Bad choice I made.

>

> This time it was different it was a cry of relief, I was okay, I

> know I still believe, I will re-build. Foundations remain for

> rebuilding or remembering.

>

> I made a choice in 1989, I will admit it ! Bad

>

>

> Surgery took 5 hours,lymphnodes removed, old silicone from 2001

> surgery removed, Found out that the implants were textured full Gel-

> filled, Mentor.,Dr. Feng is great!, Staff great!.

>

> Implants waiting to be shipped to choice location. All files on

there

> way to me.

>

> Cover-Ups, Cover-Ups,

>

> Still Bewildered, Angry, Determined!

>

> Determined More than ever that the truth be known. If people choose

> to have implants So Be It!

>

> The FDA is full of Lies.

> The Government is full of lies on Silicone.

> The Plastic Surgeons are not telling truths.

>

> SILICONE IS BAD!(When used improperly,only under extreme

> circumstances, when no other divice is available to sustain life.or

> may be used to replace body parts,at patients own risk.)When used

to

> replace deformities, or cancer, accident victims. Montoring should

be

> done semi-annual and any side affects be closely monitered.

>

> Under no condition would I reccommend it's use for mere image

> purpose. Such as size or enhancement.

>

> I wanted to share my first day back as accurate as I could with all

> of you.

>

> P.S. For all those that did not survive, and those that are

suffering.

>

> Everyday a new voice speaks up,soon our voices will rumble this

> empire. Foundations for Rebuilding, Foundations of rememberence.

>

> Explant was on Sept 17, 2003.

> Hugs and Inspiration

>

> K L Varni

>

> Just realized the Initials Bewildered, Angry, Determined, B.A.D.