Re: To Patty, my story...finally!

[Guest guest]

Pam,

You've written this story beautifully, as painful as it is. I'm so very sorry for all this loss you have experienced. You are going to be a fighter, and I am going to pray that you begin a healing journey that changes your life for the better in every way. You go girl! And God bless you--He is mighty to save and to heal.

I'll be praying for you on the 10th! Thanks so much for writing this. I'll post it today.

Your story is a powerful testimony Pam, and I pray it will save many women from going through this agony that so many of us have.

Love,

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: Pam

Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 12:46 PM

Subject: To Patty, my story...finally!

Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send it as an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long, sorry! Thanks!PamMy name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1 grandchild. I got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003 and this is my story so far…I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed 140 when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and so were my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went from a pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards. My boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I hated them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough to not want to get naked with the lights on!In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He told me he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I gained weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model. Even though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived with that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by this time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to keep him from rejecting me again. We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we could get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He always said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I wanted so much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and talking to women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any of them, he would stop. So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had lost all the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The smaller I got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really impressed with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really good job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead and set up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't wait, I was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with the flu 3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should have taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule me for the following week. On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under the "amnesia/truth medicine" that they used for anesthesia and was talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me…because I don't remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy with the breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my true feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong because I was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong because I should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know it then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor said I should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the weekend, I would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really wasn't ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was the first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it on the 1 1/2 hour commute. I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I loved my job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I liked getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there before anyone else and would get so much done while it was quiet. Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could get a head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread getting up so early. Then when school started back up in early September I thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over stressed and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clockswere turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even worse. I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but what the real problem was. Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches, dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball of my foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It got worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to my implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one month later in December of 1999. I was only 34.I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3 additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I had an all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was because I had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone that because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in pain in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them that I was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong stuff but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and prayed for the pain and fatigue to go away. In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist because he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran every test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except for Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was the only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation to my supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an office closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long commute. She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even went through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was denied every time. I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2 weeks off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at work full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be terminated. I decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched everywhere for a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but I was still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I ended up having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because I didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilledwith the fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice. When I left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most likely wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick days available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she foundout I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take 1/2 the dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next afternoon. I was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse! They said it was "company policy" to notify your supervisor youwere going to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That was something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there. Not only that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when she was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will most likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my entire adult life due to the illness caused by my "safe" saline breast implants.I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully licensed insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching continued even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest. I once again blamed it on something else - this time on the stress of the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't easyfor me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good money, the pain and fatigue didn't let up. In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I was so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he took me seriously. He had just started treating some of his other patients for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind WTS is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body temp, taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be cured of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of other illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on T-3 in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my average temp didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better. He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I followed to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we thought it was working only to be disappointed again. He officially diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis because I had always heard it was a fancy word for "full o' sh**t"! I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and all the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or medicines that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS, Survivors of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants are "safe", but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants could be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and found more and more stories of women just like me, with saline implants and sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat out; "get a loan, get a surgeon and get them out". I told my family and they told me to do whatever it took to get better. I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause of my problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the problem and just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that. After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on, she diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal Tunnel, Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who diagnosed me with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests confirmed any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my own schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad that I was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point where I couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started to let the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message (hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and call them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all this and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell words and having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my clients? I went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th, 2003 and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say my illness is pre-existing.In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke up all night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would sleep much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I did sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months of using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued with the doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she didn't replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it was time to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried for days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There aren't many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months. I didn't know what to do.That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let this illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept that this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was going to take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it did and it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet and by the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever say thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for other women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan. I'm scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a prayer! Pamto be continued.......

[Guest guest]

Thanks Patty, I need all the prayers I can get. My pre-op consult is

tomorrow. I'm getting really nervous. I'm working on a video too.

It's just me telling my story so far. I want to document everything

so that when I'm better, I can look back and actually see how bad it

was.

Keep praying...everyone!

Pam

> Pam,

> You've written this story beautifully, as painful as it is. I'm so

very sorry for all this loss you have experienced. You are going to

be a fighter, and I am going to pray that you begin a healing journey

that changes your life for the better in every way. You go girl!

And God bless you--He is mighty to save and to heal.

> I'll be praying for you on the 10th! Thanks so much for writing

this. I'll post it today.

> Your story is a powerful testimony Pam, and I pray it will save

many women from going through this agony that so many of us have.

> Love,

> Patty

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: Pam

>

> Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 12:46 PM

> Subject: To Patty, my story...finally!

>

>

> Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send it

as

> an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long,

> sorry!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Pam

>

>

>

> My name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1 grandchild.

I

> got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003 and

> this is my story so far.

>

> I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed

140

> when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and so

were

> my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went from

a

> pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards. My

> boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I

hated

> them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough to

not

> want to get naked with the lights on!

>

> In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He told

me

> he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I

gained

> weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model. Even

> though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived

with

> that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by this

> time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to

keep

> him from rejecting me again.

>

> We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we

could

> get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He

always

> said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I wanted

so

> much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and talking

to

> women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any

of

> them, he would stop.

>

> So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had lost

all

> the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The smaller

I

> got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic

> surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really impressed

> with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really

good

> job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead and

set

> up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't

wait, I

> was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with the

flu

> 3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should have

> taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule

me

> for the following week.

>

> On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under

> the " amnesia/truth medicine " that they used for anesthesia and

was

> talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me.because I don't

> remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy with

the

> breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my true

> feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong

because I

> was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong

because I

> should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know it

> then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.

>

> After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor said

I

> should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the

weekend, I

> would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really

wasn't

> ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was

the

> first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it on

the

> 1 1/2 hour commute.

>

> I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I

loved my

> job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I

liked

> getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there

> before anyone else and would get so much done while it was

quiet.

> Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could

get a

> head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread

getting

> up so early. Then when school started back up in early September

I

> thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over

stressed

> and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clocks

> were

> turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even

worse.

> I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but

what

> the real problem was.

>

> Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches,

> dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball of

my

> foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It got

> worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had

> endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to my

> implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of

> endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so

> quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one

month

> later in December of 1999. I was only 34.

>

> I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3

> additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I had

an

> all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was because

I

> had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone

that

> because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in

pain

> in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them

that I

> was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong

stuff

> but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and

prayed

> for the pain and fatigue to go away.

>

> In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist

because

> he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran

every

> test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except for

> Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was

the

> only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation to

my

> supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an

office

> closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing

> myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long

commute.

> She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even went

> through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was denied

> every time.

>

> I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2

weeks

> off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at work

> full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be terminated.

I

> decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched everywhere

for

> a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just

> started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but I

was

> still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My

> doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I ended

up

> having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because I

> didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilled

> with the

> fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice.

When I

> left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most likely

> wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a

> vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick days

> available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation

> rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she found

> out

> I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take 1/2

the

> dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even

> worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next afternoon.

> I

> was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse!

> They

> said it was " company policy " to notify your supervisor you

> were going

> to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That

was

> something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there. Not

only

> that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when

she

> was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will

most

> likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I

> didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my

entire

> adult life due to the illness caused by my " safe " saline breast

> implants.

>

>

> I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully

licensed

> insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching

continued

> even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest. I

> once again blamed it on something else - this time on the stress

of

> the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't easy

> for

> me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good

money,

> the pain and fatigue didn't let up.

>

> In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I

was

> so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he

took me

> seriously. He had just started treating some of his other

patients

> for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind

WTS

> is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body

temp,

> taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be cured

of

> fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of other

> illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on T-

3

> in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my average

temp

> didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better.

>

> He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I

followed

> to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we thought

it

> was working only to be disappointed again. He officially

diagnosed me

> with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis

because I

> had always heard it was a fancy word for " full o' sh**t " !

>

> I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and

all

> the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or

medicines

> that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS,

Survivors

> of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants

> are " safe " , but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible feeling

in

> the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants

could

> be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and

found

> more and more stories of women just like me, with saline implants

and

> sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat out; " get

a

> loan, get a surgeon and get them out " . I told my family and they

told

> me to do whatever it took to get better.

>

> I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a

> second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their

> silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any

> better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause

of my

> problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and

> money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the problem

and

> just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that.

>

> After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on, she

> diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid

> Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal

Tunnel,

> Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who diagnosed

me

> with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests

confirmed

> any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.

>

> By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my own

> schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad that

I

> was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point

where I

> couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our

> underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's

> simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started to

let

> the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message

> (hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and

call

> them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't

> remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all

this

> and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell words

and

> having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I

> supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my

clients? I

> went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th,

2003

> and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say

my

> illness is pre-existing.

>

> In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke up

all

> night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would

sleep

> much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I did

> sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months of

> using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued with

the

> doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she

didn't

> replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it was

time

> to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried for

> days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There

aren't

> many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months. I

> didn't know what to do.

>

> That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let

this

> illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept that

> this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was going

to

> take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it did

and

> it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet and

by

> the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much

> information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever

say

> thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for other

> women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan. I'm

> scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a prayer!

>

> Pam

>

> to be continued.......

[Guest guest]

> Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send it as

> an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long,

> sorry!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Pam

>

> Dear Pam, I know this is for Patty, but I read it and I want you to

know that you are in my prayers, as well as everyone else here. My

explant is for Feb, God bless, Iggy

>

> My name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1 grandchild. I

> got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003 and

> this is my story so far…

>

> I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed 140

> when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and so

were

> my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went from a

> pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards. My

> boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I

hated

> them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough to

not

> want to get naked with the lights on!

>

> In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He told me

> he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I gained

> weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model. Even

> though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived with

> that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by this

> time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to keep

> him from rejecting me again.

>

> We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we

could

> get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He always

> said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I wanted

so

> much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and talking

to

> women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any of

> them, he would stop.

>

> So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had lost

all

> the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The smaller I

> got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic

> surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really impressed

> with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really

good

> job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead and

set

> up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't wait,

I

> was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with the

flu

> 3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should have

> taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule me

> for the following week.

>

> On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under

> the " amnesia/truth medicine " that they used for anesthesia and was

> talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me…because I don't

> remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy with

the

> breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my true

> feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong because

I

> was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong because

I

> should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know it

> then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.

>

> After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor said I

> should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the weekend,

I

> would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really wasn't

> ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was the

> first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it on

the

> 1 1/2 hour commute.

>

> I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I loved

my

> job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I

liked

> getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there

> before anyone else and would get so much done while it was quiet.

> Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could get

a

> head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread

getting

> up so early. Then when school started back up in early September I

> thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over stressed

> and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clocks

> were

> turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even

worse.

> I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but what

> the real problem was.

>

> Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches,

> dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball of my

> foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It got

> worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had

> endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to my

> implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of

> endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so

> quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one

month

> later in December of 1999. I was only 34.

>

> I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3

> additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I had an

> all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was because I

> had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone

that

> because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in pain

> in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them that

I

> was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong

stuff

> but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and prayed

> for the pain and fatigue to go away.

>

> In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist

because

> he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran

every

> test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except for

> Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was the

> only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation to

my

> supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an office

> closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing

> myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long commute.

> She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even went

> through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was denied

> every time.

>

> I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2

weeks

> off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at work

> full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be terminated. I

> decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched everywhere

for

> a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just

> started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but I

was

> still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My

> doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I ended up

> having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because I

> didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilled

> with the

> fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice. When

I

> left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most likely

> wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a

> vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick days

> available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation

> rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she found

> out

> I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take 1/2

the

> dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even

> worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next afternoon.

> I

> was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse!

> They

> said it was " company policy " to notify your supervisor you

> were going

> to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That

was

> something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there. Not

only

> that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when she

> was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will most

> likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I

> didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my entire

> adult life due to the illness caused by my " safe " saline breast

> implants.

>

>

> I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully licensed

> insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching continued

> even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest. I

> once again blamed it on something else - this time on the stress of

> the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't easy

> for

> me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good money,

> the pain and fatigue didn't let up.

>

> In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I was

> so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he took

me

> seriously. He had just started treating some of his other patients

> for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind WTS

> is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body temp,

> taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be cured of

> fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of other

> illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on T-3

> in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my average

temp

> didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better.

>

> He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I followed

> to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we thought

it

> was working only to be disappointed again. He officially diagnosed

me

> with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis because

I

> had always heard it was a fancy word for " full o' sh**t " !

>

> I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and all

> the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or

medicines

> that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS, Survivors

> of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants

> are " safe " , but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible feeling in

> the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants

could

> be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and found

> more and more stories of women just like me, with saline implants

and

> sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat out; " get a

> loan, get a surgeon and get them out " . I told my family and they

told

> me to do whatever it took to get better.

>

> I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a

> second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their

> silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any

> better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause of

my

> problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and

> money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the problem

and

> just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that.

>

> After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on, she

> diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid

> Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal

Tunnel,

> Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who diagnosed

me

> with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests

confirmed

> any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.

>

> By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my own

> schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad that I

> was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point where

I

> couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our

> underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's

> simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started to

let

> the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message

> (hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and

call

> them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't

> remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all

this

> and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell words

and

> having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I

> supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my clients?

I

> went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th, 2003

> and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say my

> illness is pre-existing.

>

> In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke up

all

> night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would

sleep

> much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I did

> sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months of

> using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued with

the

> doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she

didn't

> replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it was

time

> to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried for

> days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There

aren't

> many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months. I

> didn't know what to do.

>

> That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let this

> illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept that

> this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was going

to

> take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it did

and

> it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet and by

> the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much

> information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever say

> thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for other

> women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan. I'm

> scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a prayer!

>

> Pam

>

> to be continued.......

[Guest guest]

Pam,

The video is a great idea. Good luck on your pre-op consult tomorrow....don't be nervous.....God will be with you, and you know you are doing the right thing and that you were led to this Dr. for a reason. I know you will be in good hands. Rest easy, and let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: Pam

Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 6:42 PM

Subject: Re: To Patty, my story...finally!

Thanks Patty, I need all the prayers I can get. My pre-op consult is tomorrow. I'm getting really nervous. I'm working on a video too. It's just me telling my story so far. I want to document everything so that when I'm better, I can look back and actually see how bad it was. Keep praying...everyone!Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam, thanks for sharing. your inspirational story will only make you stronger in the end, never forget that

----- Original Message -----

From: Pam

Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 2:46 PM

Subject: To Patty, my story...finally!

Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send it as an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long, sorry! Thanks!PamMy name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1 grandchild. I got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003 and this is my story so far.I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed 140 when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and so were my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went from a pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards. My boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I hated them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough to not want to get naked with the lights on!In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He told me he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I gained weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model. Even though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived with that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by this time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to keep him from rejecting me again. We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we could get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He always said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I wanted so much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and talking to women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any of them, he would stop. So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had lost all the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The smaller I got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really impressed with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really good job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead and set up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't wait, I was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with the flu 3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should have taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule me for the following week. On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under the "amnesia/truth medicine" that they used for anesthesia and was talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me.because I don't remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy with the breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my true feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong because I was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong because I should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know it then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor said I should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the weekend, I would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really wasn't ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was the first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it on the 1 1/2 hour commute. I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I loved my job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I liked getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there before anyone else and would get so much done while it was quiet. Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could get a head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread getting up so early. Then when school started back up in early September I thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over stressed and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clockswere turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even worse. I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but what the real problem was. Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches, dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball of my foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It got worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to my implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one month later in December of 1999. I was only 34.I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3 additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I had an all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was because I had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone that because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in pain in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them that I was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong stuff but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and prayed for the pain and fatigue to go away. In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist because he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran every test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except for Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was the only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation to my supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an office closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long commute. She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even went through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was denied every time. I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2 weeks off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at work full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be terminated. I decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched everywhere for a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but I was still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I ended up having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because I didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilledwith the fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice. When I left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most likely wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick days available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she foundout I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take 1/2 the dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next afternoon. I was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse! They said it was "company policy" to notify your supervisor youwere going to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That was something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there. Not only that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when she was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will most likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my entire adult life due to the illness caused by my "safe" saline breast implants. I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully licensed insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching continued even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest. I once again blamed it on something else - this time on the stress of the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't easyfor me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good money, the pain and fatigue didn't let up. In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I was so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he took me seriously. He had just started treating some of his other patients for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind WTS is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body temp, taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be cured of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of other illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on T-3 in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my average temp didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better. He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I followed to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we thought it was working only to be disappointed again. He officially diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis because I had always heard it was a fancy word for "full o' sh**t"! I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and all the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or medicines that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS, Survivors of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants are "safe", but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants could be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and found more and more stories of women just like me, with saline implants and sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat out; "get a loan, get a surgeon and get them out". I told my family and they told me to do whatever it took to get better. I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause of my problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the problem and just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that. After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on, she diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal Tunnel, Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who diagnosed me with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests confirmed any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my own schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad that I was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point where I couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started to let the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message (hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and call them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all this and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell words and having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my clients? I went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th, 2003 and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say my illness is pre-existing.In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke up all night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would sleep much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I did sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months of using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued with the doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she didn't replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it was time to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried for days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There aren't many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months. I didn't know what to do.That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let this illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept that this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was going to take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it did and it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet and by the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever say thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for other women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan. I'm scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a prayer! Pamto be continued.......

[Guest guest]

Pam that is really a good idea, I didn't do that and wish in a way

that I would have because I feel so normal now it is hard to believe

that i was as sick as I was! Sometimes in fact it seems like it was

all some kind of weird dream or nightmare ha ha! When I go places

like now, with all the travel we do, the kind that is hard travel

too, in buses with high school hockey players etc, hee hee, that kind

of stuff I know I could not have handled with my illness. I never

have that brain think anymore, and sometimes i have to remind myself

of how bad it all really was. Anyhow your surgery is done by now and

that must be an awfully big relief for you! I remember being down

about my boobs for awhile too, I have to tell ya that it takes some

of us longer than others to adjust, esp being small like me, but I

love my body now, and am thrilled to be just me, normal, soft, perky

etc.

wishing you well

In , " Pam " <nannapam37@y...> wrote:

> Thanks Patty, I need all the prayers I can get. My pre-op consult

is

> tomorrow. I'm getting really nervous. I'm working on a video

too.

> It's just me telling my story so far. I want to document

everything

> so that when I'm better, I can look back and actually see how bad

it

> was.

>

> Keep praying...everyone!

>

> Pam

>

>

> > Pam,

> > You've written this story beautifully, as painful as it is. I'm

so

> very sorry for all this loss you have experienced. You are going

to

> be a fighter, and I am going to pray that you begin a healing

journey

> that changes your life for the better in every way. You go girl!

> And God bless you--He is mighty to save and to heal.

> > I'll be praying for you on the 10th! Thanks so much for writing

> this. I'll post it today.

> > Your story is a powerful testimony Pam, and I pray it will save

> many women from going through this agony that so many of us have.

> > Love,

> > Patty

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: Pam

> >

> > Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 12:46 PM

> > Subject: To Patty, my story...finally!

> >

> >

> > Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send

it

> as

> > an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long,

> > sorry!

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

> > Pam

> >

> >

> >

> > My name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1

grandchild.

> I

> > got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003

and

> > this is my story so far.

> >

> > I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed

> 140

> > when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and

so

> were

> > my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went

from

> a

> > pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards.

My

> > boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I

> hated

> > them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough

to

> not

> > want to get naked with the lights on!

> >

> > In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He

told

> me

> > he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I

> gained

> > weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model.

Even

> > though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived

> with

> > that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by

this

> > time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to

> keep

> > him from rejecting me again.

> >

> > We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we

> could

> > get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He

> always

> > said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I

wanted

> so

> > much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and

talking

> to

> > women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any

> of

> > them, he would stop.

> >

> > So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had

lost

> all

> > the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The

smaller

> I

> > got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic

> > surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really

impressed

> > with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really

> good

> > job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead

and

> set

> > up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't

> wait, I

> > was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with

the

> flu

> > 3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should

have

> > taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule

> me

> > for the following week.

> >

> > On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under

> > the " amnesia/truth medicine " that they used for anesthesia and

> was

> > talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me.because I don't

> > remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy

with

> the

> > breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my

true

> > feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong

> because I

> > was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong

> because I

> > should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know

it

> > then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.

> >

> > After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor

said

> I

> > should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the

> weekend, I

> > would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really

> wasn't

> > ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was

> the

> > first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it

on

> the

> > 1 1/2 hour commute.

> >

> > I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I

> loved my

> > job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I

> liked

> > getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there

> > before anyone else and would get so much done while it was

> quiet.

> > Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could

> get a

> > head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread

> getting

> > up so early. Then when school started back up in early

September

> I

> > thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over

> stressed

> > and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clocks

> > were

> > turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even

> worse.

> > I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but

> what

> > the real problem was.

> >

> > Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches,

> > dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball

of

> my

> > foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It

got

> > worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had

> > endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to

my

> > implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of

> > endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so

> > quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one

> month

> > later in December of 1999. I was only 34.

> >

> > I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3

> > additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I

had

> an

> > all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was

because

> I

> > had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone

> that

> > because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in

> pain

> > in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them

> that I

> > was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong

> stuff

> > but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and

> prayed

> > for the pain and fatigue to go away.

> >

> > In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist

> because

> > he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran

> every

> > test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except

for

> > Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was

> the

> > only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation

to

> my

> > supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an

> office

> > closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing

> > myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long

> commute.

> > She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even

went

> > through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was

denied

> > every time.

> >

> > I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2

> weeks

> > off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at

work

> > full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be

terminated.

> I

> > decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched

everywhere

> for

> > a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just

> > started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but

I

> was

> > still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My

> > doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I

ended

> up

> > having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because

I

> > didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilled

> > with the

> > fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice.

> When I

> > left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most

likely

> > wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a

> > vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick

days

> > available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation

> > rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she found

> > out

> > I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take

1/2

> the

> > dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even

> > worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next

afternoon.

> > I

> > was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse!

> > They

> > said it was " company policy " to notify your supervisor you

> > were going

> > to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That

> was

> > something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there.

Not

> only

> > that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when

> she

> > was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will

> most

> > likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I

> > didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my

> entire

> > adult life due to the illness caused by my " safe " saline breast

> > implants.

> >

> >

> > I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully

> licensed

> > insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching

> continued

> > even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest.

I

> > once again blamed it on something else - this time on the

stress

> of

> > the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't

easy

> > for

> > me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good

> money,

> > the pain and fatigue didn't let up.

> >

> > In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I

> was

> > so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he

> took me

> > seriously. He had just started treating some of his other

> patients

> > for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind

> WTS

> > is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body

> temp,

> > taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be

cured

> of

> > fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of

other

> > illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on

T-

> 3

> > in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my

average

> temp

> > didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better.

> >

> > He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I

> followed

> > to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we

thought

> it

> > was working only to be disappointed again. He officially

> diagnosed me

> > with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis

> because I

> > had always heard it was a fancy word for " full o' sh**t " !

> >

> > I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and

> all

> > the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or

> medicines

> > that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS,

> Survivors

> > of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants

> > are " safe " , but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible

feeling

> in

> > the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants

> could

> > be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and

> found

> > more and more stories of women just like me, with saline

implants

> and

> > sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat

out; " get

> a

> > loan, get a surgeon and get them out " . I told my family and

they

> told

> > me to do whatever it took to get better.

> >

> > I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a

> > second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their

> > silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any

> > better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause

> of my

> > problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and

> > money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the

problem

> and

> > just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that.

> >

> > After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on,

she

> > diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid

> > Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal

> Tunnel,

> > Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who

diagnosed

> me

> > with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests

> confirmed

> > any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.

> >

> > By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my

own

> > schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad

that

> I

> > was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point

> where I

> > couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our

> > underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's

> > simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started

to

> let

> > the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message

> > (hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and

> call

> > them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't

> > remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all

> this

> > and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell

words

> and

> > having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I

> > supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my

> clients? I

> > went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th,

> 2003

> > and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say

> my

> > illness is pre-existing.

> >

> > In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke

up

> all

> > night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would

> sleep

> > much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I

did

> > sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months

of

> > using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued

with

> the

> > doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she

> didn't

> > replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it

was

> time

> > to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried

for

> > days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There

> aren't

> > many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months.

I

> > didn't know what to do.

> >

> > That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let

> this

> > illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept

that

> > this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was

going

> to

> > take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it

did

> and

> > it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet

and

> by

> > the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much

> > information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever

> say

> > thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for

other

> > women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan.

I'm

> > scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a

prayer!

> >

> > Pam

> >

> > to be continued.......