To Patty, my story...finally!

[Guest guest]

Hi Patty, here's my story finally! I didn't know how to send it as

an attachment so I had to copy and paste it. It's really long,

sorry!

Thanks!

Pam

My name is Pam, I'm 38, married with 3 children and 1 grandchild. I

got Saline implants in August of 1999. It's now December 2003 and

this is my story so far…

I became pregnant in 1996 with my 3rd and last child. I weighed 140

when I got pregnant and 190 when I gave birth! I was huge and so were

my boobs. I breastfed my son for almost 7 months and I went from a

pre-pregnant 36A to a 38D and then back down again afterwards. My

boobs ended up long, flabby, ugly and full of stretch marks. I hated

them but, not enough to do anything about it, just bad enough to not

want to get naked with the lights on!

In May of 1999 my husband and I began to have problems. He told me

he didn't love me anymore. He had always teased me that if I gained

weight or cut my hair; he would trade me in for a new model. Even

though he may have been joking, I took it to heart and I lived with

that fear every day. We ended up working things out, but by this

time, I was so vulnerable I would have done almost anything to keep

him from rejecting me again.

We re-financed our mortgage and got enough cash out so that we could

get me some boobs and still have the same house payment! He always

said it was my decision, but deep down it really wasn't. I wanted so

much to please him. I knew that he was always looking and talking to

women and I just thought that maybe if I looked better than any of

them, he would stop.

So, in August of 1999 I decided to go ahead and do it. I had lost all

the baby weight plus some and was down to about 130. The smaller I

got, the uglier my boobs were to me. I called the first plastic

surgeon I found and set up a consultation. I was really impressed

with him and his staff and when he told me he could do a really good

job and make me beautiful again I was sold! So I went ahead and set

up the surgery for the first week of August 1999. I couldn't wait, I

was on pins and needles for days. Then I got really sick with the flu

3 days before the surgery date and had to cancel. I should have

taken that as a sign! They were more than happy to re-schedule me

for the following week.

On the way home from the doctor's office I was still under

the " amnesia/truth medicine " that they used for anesthesia and was

talking out loud to God (so my husband tells me…because I don't

remember) and I told Him how sorry I was that I wasn't happy with the

breasts He gave me and I asked Him to forgive me. I guess my true

feelings came out. I knew it was wrong for me to do. Wrong because I

was trying to change myself to please my husband and wrong because I

should have been happy with what God gave me and I didn't know it

then but wrong because they were going to make me sick.

After the surgery, I didn't recover as quickly as the doctor said I

should. I had taken 3 vacation days so that along with the weekend, I

would have had 5 days off. I went back to work, but I really wasn't

ready. I had a hard time driving and was so fatigued. That was the

first sign something was wrong but I ignored it and blamed it on the

1 1/2 hour commute.

I really didn't mind the long commute before the implants. I loved my

job so much and was so excited to be doing what I was doing. I liked

getting up at 5:00am and heading off to work. I would get there

before anyone else and would get so much done while it was quiet.

Then in the afternoon I left an hour before everyone so I could get a

head start on traffic. After the surgery, I started to dread getting

up so early. Then when school started back up in early September I

thought traffic must have gotten worse and I was just over stressed

and that's why I was always so exhausted. Then when the clocks

were

turned back for daylight savings time in October, it got even worse.

I kept blaming the fatigue on everything else, everything but what

the real problem was.

Along with the fatigue came the brain fog, dry eyes, headaches,

dizziness, tingling in my hands and fingers, pain in the ball of my

foot, insomnia, forgetfulness, and terrible pelvic pain. It got

worse after what I thought was a virus in November 1999. I had

endometriosis and my left ovary was removed 8 months prior to my

implant surgery so I blamed the pelvic pain on the return of

endometriosis and adhesions from the surgery. It got so bad so

quickly that I begged the doctor to do a full hysterectomy one month

later in December of 1999. I was only 34.

I continued to be plagued by never ending pelvic pain and had 3

additional surgeries for adhesions. During this whole time I had an

all over foggy, strange, achy feeling that I thought was because I

had become dependent on the pain medicine. I didn't tell anyone that

because I didn't want them thinking I was only saying I was in pain

in order to get pain pills. It was hard enough convincing them that I

was truly sick already. I was eventually weaned off the strong stuff

but I continued to take Tylenol every day, every 4 hours and prayed

for the pain and fatigue to go away.

In April of 2000, my gynecologist referred me to an internist because

he had run out of ideas as to why I was still so sick. He ran every

test he could think of and found nothing wrong with me except for

Severe Reactive Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar). Since that was the

only concrete diagnosis I had, my doctor made a recommendation to my

supervisor asking her to allow me to work from home or in an office

closer to home because I was at risk of passing out and killing

myself or others if my sugar was to drop during the long commute.

She didn't buy it. I tried several different times and even went

through the ADA committee at the corporate office and was denied

every time.

I was out of work so much that in April of 2001, they gave me 2 weeks

off with pay and told me I needed to decide whether to be at work

full time, every day, quit with severance pay, or be terminated. I

decided to stay! I really loved my job so I searched everywhere for

a carpool or vanpool in the area and found one that had just

started. I was so happy! I got to work every day on time but I was

still just as exhausted as I was when I was driving myself. My

doctor changed my medication to see if it would help and I ended up

having a severe reaction. I came to work the next day because I

didn't have to drive. The other commuters weren't thrilled

with the

fact that I brought a barf bag with me, but I had no choice. When I

left work that day, I let the secretaries know that I most likely

wouldn't be in the next day and told them to charge me with a

vacation day since my boss was out of town. I had 160 sick days

available but I felt it would be best if I used my own vacation

rather than having to deal with my boss' attitude when she found

out

I was out sick again. That night, the doctor told me to take 1/2 the

dose but instead of having a less severe reaction, it was even

worse. I couldn't get out of bed until 3:00 the next afternoon.

I

was fired for being AWOL even though I had a doctor`s excuse!

They

said it was " company policy " to notify your supervisor you

were going

to be out sick within the first hour of the business day. That was

something we never did the entire 14+ years I worked there. Not only

that, but my boss was out of town and we never called her when she

was out of town. I have a case pending with the EEOC and will most

likely have to file suit for wrongful termination. Of course I

didn't realize until now that I lost the only job I held my entire

adult life due to the illness caused by my " safe " saline breast

implants.

I ended up babysitting that summer and then became a fully licensed

insurance agent in September 2001. The fatigue and aching continued

even though I was working from home and getting plenty of rest. I

once again blamed it on something else - this time on the stress of

the new job. I'm not the salesperson type, so selling wasn't easy

for

me. But even when things ran smoothly and I was making good money,

the pain and fatigue didn't let up.

In the summer of 2002 I finally went back to my gynecologist. I was

so afraid to tell him that I was still sick but thank God, he took me

seriously. He had just started treating some of his other patients

for something called 's Thyroid Syndrome. The idea behind WTS

is that if you have normal thyroid tests, but have a low body temp,

taking T-3 will get your temp back to 98.6 and you will be cured of

fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as a whole lot of other

illnesses. It sounded like that was what I had so I started on T-3

in July, 2002. I went through 4 or 5 cycles of it and my average temp

didn't go much above 97.2 and I was getting worse, not better.

He also had me try a comprehensive elimination diet that I followed

to a T for months. At first I felt a little better and we thought it

was working only to be disappointed again. He officially diagnosed me

with Fibromyalgia in October, 2002. I hated that diagnosis because I

had always heard it was a fancy word for " full o' sh**t " !

I went on the internet and started researching fibromyalgia and all

the other symptoms I had to see if there were any cures or medicines

that actually worked. In April of 2003 I came across SOS, Survivors

of Salines. I thought it was a mistake since saline implants

are " safe " , but I looked at it anyways. I got a terrible feeling in

the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my implants could

be the cause of my problems. So, I continued to research and found

more and more stories of women just like me, with saline implants and

sick. I took the info to my doctor and he told me flat out; " get a

loan, get a surgeon and get them out " . I told my family and they told

me to do whatever it took to get better.

I had just started seeing a Rheumatologist so I asked her for a

second opinion. She said she had several patients who had their

silicone implants (dow-corning) removed and they didn't get any

better. Besides, mine were saline so they couldn't be the cause of my

problems and even if they were, it would be a waste of time and

money. She told me to stop trying to find the root of the problem and

just deal with the fact that was sick and that's that.

After more blood tests, eye tests, heart tests and on and on, she

diagnosed me with: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid

Arthritis, Sjogren's syndrome, Cognitive Dysfunction, Carpal Tunnel,

Possible Lupus and she referred me to a neurologist who diagnosed me

with Raynaud's phenomenon as well. None of the blood tests confirmed

any of the diagnoses, but I have all the signs and symptoms.

By this time, even though I was working out of my home on my own

schedule, I could no longer handle it. My fatigue was so bad that I

was canceling appointments left and right. I got to the point where I

couldn't remember how to fill out applications or what our

underwriting guidelines were or even how to answer my client's

simplest questions and I couldn't fake it anymore. I started to let

the phone calls go to voice mail so they could leave a message

(hopefully) with their question and I would find the answer and call

them back. My brain just stopped working right and I couldn't

remember or retain anything. I was a very smart girl before all this

and I was becoming an idiot. I was forgetting how to spell words and

having the hardest time even doing the simplest math. How was I

supposed to be responsible for the financial future of my clients? I

went out on disability in May of 2003. It's now December 7th, 2003

and I'm still not receiving any disability pay because they say my

illness is pre-existing.

In August of 2003, I had a sleep study done that showed I woke up all

night due to pain and if the pain could be controlled, I would sleep

much better. My Rheummy prescribed 50mg Duragesic patches. I did

sleep better, but was still just as exhausted. After 2 months of

using the patches, I had one that leaked. Because I argued with the

doctor about whether or not I would go into withdrawal if she didn't

replace the damaged patch or give me a substitution until it was time

to get my re-fill, she told me to find a new doctor! I cried for

days. I tried desperately to find a new Rheumatologist. There aren't

many in this area and the ones who are stay booked for months. I

didn't know what to do.

That's when I decided I wasn't going to just lay down and let this

illness get the best of me anymore. I wasn't going to accept that

this is what have to be like for the rest of my life. I was going to

take charge and fight like my life depended on it, because it did and

it does. I started researching more and more on the Internet and by

the grace of God I found Saline Support! I've found so much

information here and so many wonderful women. I just can't ever say

thank you enough. I know that there is hope for me and for other

women like me. I know that God led me here and He has a plan. I'm

scheduled to be explanted on December 10th, 2003. Say a prayer!

Pam

to be continued.......