Bad Experiences

[Guest guest]

When we adopted our first child , and I were so happy.We have

no by birth children.We were walking on air with this beautiful baby.The

adoption agency gave us a packet of info which listed doctors that were

ds friendly.When was about 6 months old we made an appointment

with one of the doctors and went.My mother went along.They called us in

and had an ear infection.The doctor prescribed an antibiotic.I

asked when I should bring him back.The doctor looked me straight in my

eye and said " Don't bring him back here,I don't want to see him " .I was so

shocked I wanted to cry.I paid and left.Seems the info from the adoption

agency was outdated and the other doctor retired 2 years earlier.I put

in his car seat and waited until my mother had her seat belt on

good and tight.When I got in I told her what happened.My mother is

usually a calm collected person.It was all I could do to keep her in the

car.She wanted to damage that man.I don't know if my mother has ever

been that mad before or since.She has only adopted grandchildren and

between my sister and I my mother has 6 grandchildren with Down

syndrome.She is fiercely proud and very protective.Don't ask,she carries

pictures and she'll show you every single one of them.She is the

happiest grandma there is.She would lay down her life for any of them if

she had to,and she won't let them go to a babysitter,only to her.Lucky

kids huh? We don't let people who are not ds friendly around our kids

and believe me after that doctor incident I ALWAYS ask.There was one

dentist office we left because he was not ds friendly. wife of

mom to Kristi and ( All three ds) and ( Cri du

Chat)

[Guest guest]

My girls and I met my dad yesterday for lunch. He drove up from Florida a

few days ago and this was the first chance we had to get together. We met at

a restaurant a couple of hours from here.

Karrie wanted to sit next to her Grandpa. He didn't say anything. At one

point, Karrie turned to hug him. He pulled away. The look of distaste on his

face is an image that was burned into my heart.

If he only knew her...the child who tries to blow out the candles in the

living room, after singing happy birthday in front of each one. The child

who says the blessing at dinner, then says, now eat!!! The child who loves

without hesitation or reservation. If he only knew what he was missing out

on.

Sue mom to Kate 13 and Karrie 6 w/ds

[Guest guest]

Sue,

Did you say or do anything after that? I'll share something with the list. My

daughter's bio-father has not had much involvement in her life. It, to my

knowledge is not because she has ds. He works and lives in MD. I'm in PA. But

his mother is the problem.

She will not acknowledge Jordan. She sends no cards during birthdays or

holidays either. She has not seen Jordan since Christmas of 97. That's 5

years. And that's a shame. She acknowledges the other 5 grandkids but not

Jordan. This is because she has DS. Now, I'm not fool, but here's how I solved

that situation. I told Mike, (the father) that I was going to confront his

mother since obviously he wasn't doing it. When I did, I told her flat out that

if she wanted to pretend that Jordan didn't exist, that was fine with me. But

when it comes time for her to want all of her children and grandchildren at her

side before she goes to hell( oops did I say that?) Jordan won't be one of them.

Jordan's never noticed one less grandparent and we don't make a big deal out of

it. Joe (Savannah's dad) has been Jordan's REAL daddy for the past 4 years and

his entire family just love Jordan to pieces. She's always acting like a ham

they say and they love it. His family is always asking about Jordan's

milestones and how she's doing in school. I have full support from them. They

have never compared her to any other child nor have they said one negative word

about her to me.

If you ask me, Jordan's better off without the " unknown family " because that's

just what they are. Unknown. She doesn't know them and they don't know or care

to know her. God saw a perfect replacement family and if I could get Mike to

give up his rights, I'd have Joe adopt her in a heartbeat even though we aren't

together anymore. He still makes a point of seeing Jordan and spending as much

time with her when he's not on the road.

Someday I hope we can be a full family again, me and Joe, but right now, I'm

just happy that he still insists on being in Jordan's life.

Judi

[Guest guest]

I didn't say anything to my dad. I was still reeling from running into 2 mothers

in this same restaurant who had lost children who were friends of Karrie's. What

were the odds of that happening?

Unfortunately, Karrie doesn't have any substitute people for

family/grandparents. I'm pretty much all my kids have.

Sue

[Guest guest]

sorry about the blank. I goofed.

I have talked to several people who have been told by doctors not to

bring that child back because they don't want to see him/her again. Or even

walked out of the room without touching the child. Sheesh.

Jessie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/1/03 4:09:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,

writes:

> It just goes to show you that there are enlightened and ignorant people

> everywhere.

I gave birth to Sheila at 3:30 in the afternoon (only a nurse would give

birth raight at the change of shifts, LOL)--they let me stay with Sheila in

the birthing room (in L & D) until about 8 pm. At the change of evening to

night shift, one of the evening shift nurses came in to my room and asked if

I was too tired to talk. Since I was wide awake I invited her to stay. She

then asked me what nurse could do to help me and other parents who had a

disappointing birth. Since she was trying to help I didn't take offense--she

was truly trying to make a difference. One of the things she shared was that

staff were going through their own grief reactions to the birth of Sheila.

She shared how hard it was for some of them to watch how supportive Forrest

was of me throughout a difficult labor, the precipitous birth and then my

recognizing and being the first to bring up the fact that Sheila had DS. They

were stuck in the " why did something bad happen to good people mode. " They

saw Forrest and I as handling her birth with such aplomb and they were

devasted. Nurses and doctors are human and they have feelings, we can't know

how a birth of a child with a disability may impact them as well. Hopefully,

they will be able to come through for us--but not all will. There were some

that couldn't face me--even to the point of not providing adequate nursing

care (not doing vital signs, fundal checks, etc.), but I figure someone else

could worry about it. We just checked out the next morning as soon as my

doctor made rounds and signed the discharge. In the long run we had more

staff that came through for us then didn't and four years later when we had

our third baby it was evident that we were favorites among the staff. All

three of my girls pictures hung on their baby board for years.

nancy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/2/2003 1:47:06 AM Eastern Standard Time, JB66111@...

writes:

<< I have talked to several people who have been told by doctors not to

bring that child back because they don't want to see him/her again. Or even

walked out of the room without touching the child. Sheesh.

Jessie

>>

On one hand I say report them to the AMA. Even if they're not members or no

action can be taken the AMA will usually investigate and that becomes a

nusance for the doctor. I was told this by a friend who's husband is a

doctor.

On the other hand I wouldn't want such creeps involved in my son's care, so

maybe it's better if they're upfront about their ignorance. Of course if

this doctor was part of an HMO and I had limited choices, I'd definitely let

them know.

Kathy, Liam's mom(4 1/2)

[Guest guest]

My doctor grieved when was born. He knew what we had been

through trying to have a baby and how hard it had been. Then a very

difficult delivery. He was not the one who told us about the DS, he never

wanted to do anything that hurt, but he came in later and he said he'd seen

this kind of thing happen to lots of people but this time hurt him the most.

Next day he peeked into my room and I was laughing about something and he got

a big smile. I assured him later that this was no tragedy. He died just a

few years later and didn't get to see grow up, I felt bad about

that. He was the only man doctor I ever knew who thought like a woman.

Great guy.

Jessie, mom of , age 37, the light of my life.

[Guest guest]

We knew they were lucky kids a long time ago . Just reading your and

's posts leave no question that your children are fiercly loved and

advocated for. Lucky Kids!!! Lucky Parents!!! Loree

Re: Bad Experiences

> When we adopted our first child , and I were so happy.We have

> no by birth children.We were walking on air with this beautiful baby.The

> adoption agency gave us a packet of info which listed doctors that were

> ds friendly.When was about 6 months old we made an appointment

> with one of the doctors and went.My mother went along.They called us in

> and had an ear infection.The doctor prescribed an antibiotic.I

> asked when I should bring him back.The doctor looked me straight in my

> eye and said " Don't bring him back here,I don't want to see him " .I was so

> shocked I wanted to cry.I paid and left.Seems the info from the adoption

> agency was outdated and the other doctor retired 2 years earlier.I put

> in his car seat and waited until my mother had her seat belt on

> good and tight.When I got in I told her what happened.My mother is

> usually a calm collected person.It was all I could do to keep her in the

> car.She wanted to damage that man.I don't know if my mother has ever

> been that mad before or since.She has only adopted grandchildren and

> between my sister and I my mother has 6 grandchildren with Down

> syndrome.She is fiercely proud and very protective.Don't ask,she carries

> pictures and she'll show you every single one of them.She is the

> happiest grandma there is.She would lay down her life for any of them if

> she had to,and she won't let them go to a babysitter,only to her.Lucky

> kids huh? We don't let people who are not ds friendly around our kids

> and believe me after that doctor incident I ALWAYS ask.There was one

> dentist office we left because he was not ds friendly. wife of

> mom to Kristi and ( All three ds) and ( Cri du

> Chat)

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

messages to go to the sender of the message.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You know Sue, We reap in life what we sow and I will bet you that when your

father gets to the end of his life, he will have some regrets (as we all

will) but our children see things without us saying a word. Unfortunately

when he is looking for a little love and compassion those who have witnessed

his distaste for Karrie might not be there for him. But don't be surprised

if Karrie is the one who will love her grandpa unconditionally. God has a

way of turning hearts of stone into moldable soft clay. I feel your pain

and so does God. When we first adopted Caleb my Father made a remark the

day we brought him home because Caleb is biracial and my father was somewhat

prejudiced.I cried and cried it hurt so bad. To make a long story short.

God worked a miracle in my father and he truly loved Caleb. When my father

died last Oct. it was Caleb who I think took it the hardest. He will bring

up all the time how much he misses his Grampa. Ironic isn't it. God works

in strange ways sometimes. Ways we don't understand. Maybe Karrie's

grandpa needs a little refining and Karrie is just the one to do it.

Loree-- Original Message -----

From: " Sue Brown " <karriemom@...>

< >; <shippahoy@...>

Sent: Wednesday, January 01, 2003 6:15 PM

Subject: Re: Bad Experiences

> My girls and I met my dad yesterday for lunch. He drove up from Florida a

> few days ago and this was the first chance we had to get together. We met

at

> a restaurant a couple of hours from here.

> Karrie wanted to sit next to her Grandpa. He didn't say anything. At one

> point, Karrie turned to hug him. He pulled away. The look of distaste on

his

> face is an image that was burned into my heart.

> If he only knew her...the child who tries to blow out the candles in the

> living room, after singing happy birthday in front of each one. The child

> who says the blessing at dinner, then says, now eat!!! The child who loves

> without hesitation or reservation. If he only knew what he was missing out

> on.

> Sue mom to Kate 13 and Karrie 6 w/ds

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

messages to go to the sender of the message.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was seen by a maternal fetal medicine specialist during my pregnancy with

Karrie. At 7 months I had to have an amnio (Karrie was thought to be

hemmorraging). When the results came back with T21 positive, the nurse said

the doctor had her call the lab 3 times, because he didn't believe it. Then

he called. After he got confirmation himself, the nurse said he laid his

head on his desk and cried. The following day, I remember comforting him! He

is a wonderful guy. He was a fellow, and I was his first patient on his own.

Hopefully, he carries the love he saw I have for Karrie with him and his new

patients.

Sue mom to Kate 13 and Karrie 6 w/ds

[Guest guest]

We are lucky. ( touch wood) all the Drs. we have seen ( 3 in total) for

our family Drs. have been good ones. I always ask how many downs

patients they have, and whether or not they mind having a ds kid on

their lists , and all 3 times I have been given a weird look and told "

no we don't mind downs kids. " All of my Drs. have loved BJ. His first

pead. was an older man, and he was very very nice, but he was a tad

distant. He passed away 2 years ago,. We went to one pead and she ( yes

it was a she, and she kept getting mad at BJ for touching stuff in her

office-Trent and I both said that we hope she never has her own kids)

kept saying throughout the whole " interview " gee this is good for a

downs child, or that is good for a downs child. Needless to say we never

went back to her- I disliked her that much that I never got the blood

tests she ordered for BJ, as I didn't want her to see the results. I got

our family dr to order them instead We have a great pead here.

On the issue of crying over BJ, Trent and I cried as we thought he would

have a hard life, we thought he wouldn't live past 30 and that he would

never have his own kids. My in laws all had a cry in private when they

found out and then came out to us in full force with support and love,

and have been there ever since. We have had a few issues obviously,

mainly when we have said we want something done one way, and they do it

their way anyway ( Trent and I are both the babies of his family, and

the last to have kids, so they all know better than us ), but for

the most part have a great support network. My mum on the other hand

never thought that BJ had a problem. She was always telling me there was

nothing wrong with him. I think it hit my dad this Xmas exactly what

dealing with a kid with a disability entailed. And my Nana is 86 this

year, and we were scared of how she would handle BJ's birth, and I think

she was one of the less predjuiced one of the lot. SHe loves him to

bits, altho she gets frustrated that she cant hold him or baby-sit him

as he is too strong for her, and he runs too fats for her too.....all

her other great grandkids listen to her, but BJ doesn't But I think

that just makes her love him all the more.

If you got this far thanks...I got abit longwinded hehehehehe What

else is new huh??

Sue Brown wrote:

> I was seen by a maternal fetal medicine specialist during my pregnancy

> with

> Karrie. At 7 months I had to have an amnio (Karrie was thought to be

> hemmorraging). When the results came back with T21 positive, the nurse

> said

> the doctor had her call the lab 3 times, because he didn't believe it.

> Then

> he called. After he got confirmation himself, the nurse said he laid his

> head on his desk and cried. The following day, I remember comforting

> him! He

> is a wonderful guy. He was a fellow, and I was his first patient on

> his own.

> Hopefully, he carries the love he saw I have for Karrie with him and

> his new

> patients.

> Sue mom to Kate 13 and Karrie 6 w/ds

Leis

mum to BJ and Natahsa

>

[Guest guest]

Hi:

I am considering CI. Has anyone had bad experiences which I might

factor into my decision?

Thanks in advance, Joe

_________________________________________________________