Re: Re: Pam, where are you?

[Guest guest]

,I am so sorry to hear you are sick! That bug going around is very nasty, at least the one that is here out West is...I finally succumbed too. My in-laws in Mesa, AZ were sick, so apparently we brought it home with us. My husband was the first to show signs, (sore throat and cough), me next, and now my daughter. I have not had a cold in ages and ages--my 17 year old son said this was the first time he has seen me sick! (With my implant illness, I've always looked and sounded fine, ya know?)

I hope it doesn't keep you down too long! I heard this bug hangs on for 3 weeks. How long were your hubby and son sick?

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: JOSEPH PALANCA

Sent: Friday, January 09, 2004 7:19 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Pam, where are you?

Pam, its good to hear you are slowly feeling better. I hold you in my prayers when it comes to your marriage. I hope that the hard decision you make will be best for you. It must be so hard dealing with this right now! Hang in there

(Gotta make it short, I'm so sick right now with the flu thing my hubby and son got! Caught up with me.. Arg!) Love ----- Original Message -----

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I am so pained to read of all the troubles you have endured. Wow, you have been through alot...

I wish I knew what to say about your situation with your husband. I just don't know what I would do in your situation, to tell you the truth. I know what is expected of us as Christians, but at the same time, if he has been unfaithful....sometimes it is just too painful to go on living with the lie. Dr. Dobson has written a book called "Love Must Be Tough" and I believe a new version is soon to be released. Maybe you can find some hope in his words.

I pray you find peace in your situation soon. You need peace for healing to go on, and for fulfillment in your life...this definitely needs prayer. May you hear from God loud and clear on this soon....God bless you Pam!

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: Pam

Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2004 12:23 PM

Subject: Re: Pam, where are you?

Thank you all so much for the prayers and advice. I wrote a huge message earlier and lost it somewhere! Anyway, what I was saying was that I think I might be beyond the point of no return in my marriage. I don't feel anything towards him at all. I don't hate him but I don't love him either. He did things over the years that slowly changed my feelings for him. From telling me after we were first married to have an abortion because he didn't really want kids (even though he told me he did before we were married) and ultimately causing me to have a miscarriage and to spend 5 years begging him for a baby. To finding out he always made lude comments to and about women - especially waitresses. And frequently visiting topless bars -THE ULTIMATE INSULT TO ANY WOMAN - especially one with small saggy breasts - but even implants didn't stop him from going!!! To having an affair that he won't own up to, spending 2 years on the computer "chatting" with other women and almost leaving me for one in May 1999- until he found out she was not the slim big busted girl in the picture she sent him - she was 300 pounds! Watching porn flicks, looking at internet porn, and wanting me to do the things porn stars do. Disgusting! I really feel no desire to be with him at all anymore. If it wasn't for him telling me he didn't love me back in May of 1999, I never would have gotten the implants. I thought that somehow if I changed for him, he would love me again but it didn't work. I thought that he was willing to work things out with me because he loved me only to find out a year later that the reason he agreed was because his internet beauty mailed him a real picture of her. Talk about low! Then even after I got the implants and we were supposedly working things out, he still couldn't stay away from the internet. The only thing that stopped him was me pretending to be one of the women he was chatting with and exposing everything he was doing. I found out he was having women call him at work "because we're all guys there and we don't tell" is what he told "me". He gave out our home phone number to countless women who would call late at night after I was in bed even though we had sex 7-10 times a week -no lie! He used calling cards and his business credit card to make calls and pay for things. He probably still does something to do with pornography and to tell you the truth, I don't care! I think I want at least to be separated. But, what do I do about our 6 year old? My older two will understand because they know how much of a jerk he has been over the years not just to me but to them. I'm not able to work a real job yet, so I don't have much income. There are so many things to consider. We'd have to sell our house and start over again somewhere else...Please pray for me! I don't know what to do!!!!!!!Pam