Re: to Pam...dimonds

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I feel so bad for all you have been through! I always chose the wrong men too, I always had low self esteem thats why I had gotten the damn implants 8yrs ago.

[Guest guest]

sorry I sent it without finishing. Anyway, about the support issue I would call the Family Court in your state and see how that works if you were to seperate.

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Dimonds, I've always chose men who abuse either mentally or

physically or both. I guess it's my low self esteem?? I never feel

worthy of a really great guy. I was married for 7 years to an

abusive alcoholic. My first boyfriend raped and beat me more than

once when I was only 15. I was molested from age 4 to 7 by an older

child and then again when I was 10 by a friend's dad. I guess all

that plays into the men I choose. I don't understand why, but I

thought that this one was different. He portrayed himself as being

the sweetest, kindest, most caring gentle person I ever met. He

treated me like a queen. He took me out dancing every weekend and

bought me roses all the time for no reason at all. He pretended to

love my kids and was so good to them. Then just after we were

married he got really strict with my kids and they were basically

banished to their room that they had to share because the 3rd bedroom

was his hunting room! They weren't allowed to have toys in the

living room or stay up past 8:00 or get up before we did on the

weekends. was just barely 2 when we got married and I wasn't

even allowed to comfort him in the middle of the night when he would

cry. He would go in and yell at him and spank him. He told me if I

were to get him and rock him back to sleep he would never sleep

through the night and he would be a mama's boy. It was such a change

from what he was before. Then to top it off, I got pregnant and he

told me to have an abortion! I was so completely blown away. I

tried so hard to talk to him about the baby and tell him he'd be a

great dad. He wouldn't listen and barely talked to me for over a

week. We just happened to be leaving for a week long vacation with

my parents to the beach the day I found out I was pregnant. What fun

that was. When we got back I miscarried. I felt from then on that I

was living a lie. I tried so hard to get past it. I begged him for

5 years to have a baby. He was so against it but finally gave in.

He loves our son so much, it's unreal. He made me promise that if

anything ever happened between us, he would get custody of him. I

agreed because I wanted a baby so bad and I figured that once we had

one we would never break up. Now I regret that promise. I don't

know if I'll be able to keep it or not. My daughter keeps telling me

to either leave him or do something to work things out. I know

things are strained around here and everyone knows we are just

pretending to like each other like you said your parents did. I'm

just so afraid that my 6 year old will be damaged in some way. This

is so hard! I'm afraid that if I tell him I want to separate,

somehow it will be held against me - so that I won't be able to get

any support. Does anyone know how that works? I don't know anything

about divorce law. My first husband beat the crap out of me so it

was pretty obvious who was at fault.

Pam

--- In , " dimonds68 " <XENA6881@a...>

wrote:

> Pam, I read your last post. I am so SORRY that you have been thru

> so much with your marriage and your health! I have never been

> married, but have stayed with quite a few BAD men myself, so I can

> relate to your story. I have SOOOO BEEN there! I cannot tell you

> what to do. BUT you do really need to leave him. As far as income I

> would think you can get a good amount of$$$ for child support/plus

> some money from disablity to make it on your own. I know it must be

> tough for your kids too. But coming from a family where my parents

> divorced and I was young, I do remember being relieved that they

> were not together anymore, because I knew they did not love

> eachother. My sister's and I till this day feel like they 'should

> have not stayed together so long for US', because they just

> pretended to like eachother and in the long run it was so

> uncomfortable for us. They were making the whole family miserable.

> It will be a great burden lifted from your shoulder once he is gone

> from you life, and not abusing you anymore. Change takes time, and

> in time your heart and health will improve. I know how this whole

> experience is a life altering one, but you will get thru and things

> will change for the better. This is a time for you to make choices

> to surrond yourself with people who make you feel good about

> yourself, and who treat you as you would treat them. I too have had

> a life altering experience from this illness. I was forced to move

> out of State, to another State where I knew like 3 people, and lost

> all I have, and now have just begun to start over. I also used to

> make and have ALOT of $$$$$$, now I dont' have $$$$$$. I now have

a

> new boyfriend. One who treats me kind. What a twist of fate

> from 'being bueatiful, Cool, tough and wild , I always had a shitty

> boyfriend(boy I had made so many wrong decsicions with men!) Now I

> am forced to become a different person. One who is a 'better,

kinder

> person, and more patient. This is a time for you to surround

> yourself with better people and start a new life, and take care of

> YOU(and of course your kids) I hope and pray that you will find a

> new and more peaceful life also! Sorry to ramble, but hope this

> encourages you to face the unknown and get thru your tough time.!

> Peace dimonds68