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Pam

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Pam I have been reading and trying to keep us with your posts about

your progress and about your marriage issues, daughter etc etc. I

want to tell you that i have been through two terrible long term

relationships, and both of them were with men so much like yours it

is not even funny! My first husband the one I have a daughter with,

gosh I stayed with him for 18 years! We met when I was 14 and he

manipulated my entire life for many many years, I was so stupid and

insecure that I thought that was what I was meant to do. I really

believed it! Sad huh? I never had a job or went to school after high

school because he believed I needed to be a stay at home wife, even

though we had no kids. He helped me get into a lot of trouble with

drugs and we led a wild rebelious lifestyle of shopping sprees and

partying, till it caught up with him and he did some jail time. By

this time I was 24 and ready to end it(we dated since I was 14 but

married at 21) I left him for awhile, but he persisted and convinced

me he had changed after doing time. He got a great career going, got

clean, and actually agreed to let me (can you believe let me) go to

school for my nursing assistant training(smartest thing I ever did

let me tell ya) then at 28 I got pregnant from the only time we even

had sex that month(oh i forgot to mention his porno addiction) that

porno addiction had always been there, but it did not seem to

interfere with our sex life too bad till i got pregnant, He hated me

when I was pregnant, i mean sexually at least. He loved our baby and

was the best dad (i had severe post partum depression) over gaining

60 pounds etc. He was a good dad and I started working but he never

wanted sex anymore and after I got very thin, like 110 pounds I

wanted attention again, more than ever. I ended up cheating on him.

Then he found out, then he left, it was the best thing that could

have hapened to me at the time, though he took my kid with him, I was

in that stage where it was probably best for her anyhow. I went

through so much that you would think I would have learned, but no

back into another terrible relationship only a few months later, this

one was a total other type of guy and total other type of hell. At

first he was everything I could want, nice, supportive of my working

and doing schooling, etc. But as time went on I learned how selfish

he was, and immature, and the worse thing, another really freaky sex

addict. To this day this man somewhat stalks me in weird ways. I

could not get him to leave(he moved into my home) oh my gosh 5 years

of my life it took to get him to leave my home. He was pure evil in

so many ways, he never physicallly abused me, niether really did, it

was all mental abuse.

I finally got him out of my house right after I got implants. So it

was within 3 months of him leaving and getting implants I had so many

plans but I got so sick. I tried hard to fight the illness(never

missed work) still worked out I think it was my anger that fighter

thing, I just would not stop doing what I always did, but it was

getting harder for sure. My point here is that it was not till I got

this man out of my life and decided I was done with men that I met

the man I was meant to be with, my current husband. He is the dream

come true out of all this nightmare implant crap! People don't change

unless they want to, and most don't want to. Both my exes are the

exact same way they were, they will never ever change as far as I can

tell. I don't care anymore, other than the fact that my ex husband

has our daughter, another long sad story. Esp men with porno

addictions, they will not stop. It is like drug addiction, you only

can stop with counseling and a real desire to stop. It takes hitting

rock bottom as well.

I pray that you will find the stregnth to leave this man, being with

a man like this will just cause you more pain and stress, and while

your with him you will never meet the one you are really meant to be

with.

I pray that you will find the stregnth to do what is needed.

Hugs

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