Re: OT delicious fish dinners

[Guest guest]

u had me cracking up over the cat and toilet!!! I dont know if that would

work with Blackie. Snoopy

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

[Guest guest]

Talking about cats and dogs :-)

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take-off when another

man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in

the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when

the second man explains that they work for the airline. The dog

handler says to the first man 'Don't mind Rover he is a sniffer dog,

the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to

work.

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first

man 'Watch this'. He tells the dog 'Rover, search '. The dog jumps

down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few

seconds, it then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's

arm. He says 'Good boy, and turns to the first man and says, 'That

woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and

the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.

'Fantastic!' replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs

about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat

and places both paws on the handler's arm. He says 'Good boy, and

turns to the first man and says, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so

again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number. 'That's

marvelous, I never seen anything like it!' says the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and down

the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes

racing back and jumps up onto the seat and shits all over the place.

The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks 'What the

bloody hell is going on?' The handler replies 'He's just found a bomb!'

.............................

Cats in Physics

1 - Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by

some outside force - such as the opening of a tin of cat food, or a

nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good

reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct

proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a

cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the

nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position

as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any

counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and

ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for

her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and

will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come

along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the

speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most

comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the

earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her

embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he

can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to

the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the

amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the

amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape

velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Ted F.

>

> Kitty,

> For shame, dolphins are MAMMALS not fish. which is why they must

> surface to breathe every so often. Give birth to their offspring live,

> and nurse them (definition of mammal), air breathing,

> Anyone who didn't get the reference to cats being good for cleaning

> toilets, I think I have it around here somewhere. It was written by a

> dog, about how you open both lids of the toilet, put in some pet

shampoo,

> drop in the cat and then close the lid and sit on it while the cat

> thrashes around in the soap. When you figure the toilet and cat are

> clean enough, you flush, giving the cat a final rinse then open the

> doors and lift the lid. Showed a hilarious picture of a wet cat,

and a

> dog on his back laughing. Clean 2 things at once.

>

>

> Fish, are delicious dinners ya know! I'll pass off a Christmas Turkey

> for a big Dolphin any day!

> ____________________________________________________________

> Live the good life! Click now for great retirement planning assistance!

>

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>

>