I'm Very Sorry.....

[Guest guest]

I have been giving this alot of thought over the past few days, and I really

have to get it off mychest!! So, , please, pleasepost this. Thank

You!!…..

I am EXTREMELY sorry if Ihurt in any way by my resent post as that

WASNOT my intent.

In addition toScoliosis, Flatback Syndrome, and Spondylosis, I also have a

LearningDisability and the neurological condition “Tourette’s Syndromeâ€.

Furthermore, my mother read an articleabout “Asperger Syndromeâ€, a mild form

of Autism,in early December for which I had symptoms of growing up. I raised

this issuewith the neurologist treating myTourette’s, and he said that it is

very likely that I also have that.

Due to the LearningDisability I often have a difficult time expressing in words

my thoughts. TheTourette’s causes a whole other set of issues.

I was diagnosed withan “undefined†Learning Disability as early as 6th or

7thgrade. The scoliosis was diagnosed when I was in the 8th grade, andI got a

Milwaukee Brace during Thanksgiving Week of 10th grade. Ihad extremely mild

Tourette’s symptoms; therefore, it was not picked up untilmany years later

(more about that below).

Due to the LearningDisability and the scoliosis issues, I was often teased, had

very few friends,and never dated though high school. Almost all of my social

activities were viaband and my Temple’s Youth Group.

In spite of theLearning Disability and scoliosis, I did fairly well in school,

with someassistance (gym class and marching band being the major exceptions).

Due to my many healthissues pets have always been very important to me!! We got

a West HighlandWhite Terrier when I was in the 7th grade, and he died two

monthsafter I graduated from college (I went to college in Upstate New York,

andgraduated in 1982. Due to the 1981-82 recession, I had a great deal of

troublefinding a job. I therefore returned to Cleveland and took some courses at

acommunity college, and got a few temporary jobs.). A few months after our

Westie died we got the sweetestSoft-Coated Wheaten Terrier who we named

Paddington Bear (Paddy).

In September 1984 Igot my first real “post college†job as a Computer

Programmer with the FederalTrade Commission’s Bureau of Economics in

Washington, D.C. It was“temporary—not to exceed one yearâ€. After a number

of twist and turns, it wasmade permanent, within weeks of when it was scheduled

to expire!

On a fall morning in1986, I was crossing Connecticut Avenue in Northwest

Washington, D.C., and camewithin inches of being hit by a car!! I was in the

crosswalk and had the light.A few weeks later I began having neck and toe

tapping tics. I was living in a high-riseapartment building on Connecticut

Avenue, N.W.

About a year later, Igot a Reduction-In-Force(RIF) Notice. That is

governmentlanguage for layoff due to lack of funds (the Federal Trade Commission

washaving their budget significantly cut). It was scheduled to take effect

inearly January 1988.

As it turned out it worked well for me. I got a ComputerProgrammer Analyst

position with the Department of the Treasury/Bureau of thePublic Debt. It ended

up being a promotion and took effect the Monday after theFriday the FTC RIF

became effective!! The Bureau of the Public Debt had officesin Washington, D.C.

and sburg, WV.

About 6 months later, I again came within inches ofbeing hit by a car. The

situation was identical to the one in 1986 (exact samelocation)!! The tics

became much worse, and were almost constant. In December1990, I was referred to

a neurologist at town University Medical Center.He gave me the

Tourette’s Syndrome diagnoses. He initially put me on amedication called

“Haldolâ€. Thatone pill resulted in a side-effect known as tardive

dyskinesia. In my case itresulted in major body stiffness and lockjaw. I was

rushed to the ER, andreceived an IV of Cogentin (Benzatropine). I have been on a

second linemedication to treat Tourette’s Syndrome; but, mainly used for the

treatment ofhigh blood pressure (Clonidine).

About two months later, February 1991, we gotnews that most of the Bureau of the

Public Debt was being moved to sburg,WV. They were going to move the

agency by office beginning in early 1992, andthe process would be completed by

mid-1995. I either had to move to sburgor find another job!! I had no

interest in moving to sburg.

Then, at 6:00 PM on April 30, 1991 I got aphone call from my mother. Paddy, the

sweet Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier haddied (he was only eight years old). He

always loved rides in the car. He wouldjust jump into the car, and no problem.

On that day my brother was going downto the store, and was going to take Paddy

with him. He opened the car door tolet Paddy in; but, Paddy saw a dog across the

street. He ran into street, apick-up truck was coming down the road, hit him,

and Paddy died instantly.

That day changed my life!!! I decided that Imust find a job in Montgomery

County, land, buy a townhouse within thecounty so that I could get a dog,

and then get a Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier.The one other clinker in the process

was my back pain was becoming worse andworse; therefore, surgery was beginning

to be another factor to think about.

After a number of job interviews, I landed aComputer Systems Analyst position

with the Department of Health and HumanServices, Health Resources and Services

Administration (HRSA), Bureau ofPrimary Health Care (BPHC). They were located in

Rockville, land. I startedthere in February 1993. Although HRSA Headquarters

remained in Rockville, BPHCmoved their offices to Bethesda, land during the

Fall of 1993.

During this time I began looking at townhouses,and bought one in Montgomery

Village, land in July 1994.

The next shoe dropped in December 1994! I was crossing a street in

DowntownBethesda, and this time I WAS hit by a car!! Again, I was in the

crosswalk, andhad the light. I was not badly hurt; but, did have some bruising

on my legs. MyTourette’s tics got significantly worse!! Luckily, who observed

the accident? AMontgomery County, land Police Officer!!

Soon after Paddy died my parents got anotherSoft-Coated Wheaten Terrier, Piper.

It became highly likely that I would have my spinal fusion surgerywithin the

next year to a year in a half, and I would have it done in Cleveland.Since Piper

was male it would be best for me to get a female. A breeder friendof the breeder

my parents got Piper from lived in Bucks County, PA. I contactedher, and said

that she would very likely have a litter of Irish Soft-CoatedWheaten Terriers

available about July 1995.

My Aunt and Uncle lived in Montgomery County,PA so I drove up there on July 10,

1995, and got my puppy that I named ,on July 11, 1995!!

Prior to my spinal fusion surgeries I was themost active I had ever been. I

Israeli Folk Danced two to three times a week,and attended a number of folk

dance camps each. I was also very involved in the D.C.Jewish Community Center,

and often volunteered at J.C.C. Singles’ Activities.Lastly, I had two

girlfriends between 1984 and 1994.

Then almost a year to the day from when I got, July 24, 1996, I had my

first spinal fusion surgery at MetroHealthMedical Center in Cleveland, Ohio. I

had a second spinal fusion surgery six weeks later, on September 9,1996 due to

loose hooks. Ireceived a TLSO Brace following the first surgery. In order to

prevent the loose hooks from happening again, aleg brace was added to the TLSO

following the second surgery.

I returned to the D.C. area in Mid January1997, and slowly resumed a full time

work schedule. I began using Metro Access, the Paratransit service in

theWashington, D.C. area for all my commuting needs.

The leg brace came off the TLSO in July 1997,and I totally stopped wearing the

TLSO in September 1997.

I attempted driving again. I had a Saturn SL1at the time. I found it so painful

getting in and out; therefore, the most Icould muster were quick trips to the

shopping center across the street.

The lack of seatbelts in “fix route†buses andtrains resulted in such

unbearable pain that I continued using Metro Access foralmost all commuting

needs. This made it downright impossible to formfriendships and/or date. All the

activities I had been involved in prior to my surgeries also ceased.

I thought maybe getting a higher wheel basedvehicle would help my situation. I

therefore traded in the Saturn, and got aChevy Venture Minivan. I alsobegan

driving to work. It only made matters worse!! My back pain was gettingmore and

more severe. I had to maintain a greater distance between me and thecar in front

due to the fact that sudden movements exasperated the pain. I washonked at

constantly. I was pulled over by the Montgomery County land police,and told

I was driving way too slow (in bumper to bumper traffic). I explainedmy

situation, and he said that I probably should not be driving; but that wasnot

his call. He suggested that I get a sign for the back of my car stating“slower

moving driver due to medical conditionâ€, which I did. After about threeyears

of increased pain and stress (not to mention increased Tourette’s tics),I

resumed the use of Metro Access.

During this time, the land orthopedicsurgeon whom I had been seeing did very

little to address my pain issues. I gota referral to see C. Lauerman,

M.D. at town University MedicalCenter. Dr. Lauerman could not seea reason

for my pain; but referred me to a rehabilitation andphysical medicine doctor.

That doctor tried a number of non-narcoticmedications, and referred me to

physical therapy and acupuncture/acupressuretreatments. These treatments only

provided me with minor, short-term painrelief. While I was under his care I

began having pain in my chest. He had me getan x-ray. Three broken ribs (cause

unknown)!! I had a DEXA Scan performed(severe Osteopenia)!

Due to the lack of pain relief, in late 2001, he referred me toa Psychiatrist

who specialized in pain management. He put me on Fentanyl,Vicoprofen, Xanax, and

other antidepressantmedications.

While I was under thecare of the rehabilitation and physical medicine doctor,

compounding adversefinancial issues between the time I moved to Washington, D.C.

area in 1984 and 1999came to a head. I ended up filing for bankruptcy. The value

of the townhousehad lost 25%; therefore, the Bankruptcy Attorney suggested that

I foreclose onit. So, in December 1999, and I moved into a one-bedroom

apartment (Itwas on the third floor which I found very difficult; so, a year

later we movedinto a two bedroom first floor apartment in the same development).

One thingthat was very nice about that apartment community was that it was very

close towork; however, they would not accept UPS/Federal Express packages. Since

I wasusing Paratransit that was a major problem so we made another move a couple

ofyears later.

For a number of yearsthe Fentanyl and Vicoprofen did a fairly good job at

relieving my pain;although, with significant dosage increases. Beginning in late

2006—early 2007my health began to take a drastic down turn. Increasing the

Fentanyl dose wasnot relieving my pain; furthermore, I was beginning to have

major adverse sideeffects…including constant nausea. I was referred for

another round of physicaltherapy (and aquatic therapy). I also got a new TLSO

Brace to see if that wouldhelp—it did not. I was going into work less and

less. I totally stopped workingon August 30, 2007. As I was on LWOP, I ended up

having to use credit card cashadvances and then an “in-service†withdrawal

from my Thrift Savings Plan(Government 401K) Account.

At the same time Iwas having tingling in my hands and fingers, especially when I

would lay down.My primary referred me to a neurologist (not the same one I was

seeing for theTourette’s). At first he thought the tingling was due to Carpal

Tunnel Syndrome,and sent me for physical therapy on my hand. It did not help;

therefore, he hadme get a MRI of my neck. It showed disc herniations at all

levels of my neckexcept for the C6 – C7 level. The most severe was at the C3

– C4 level whichshowed a grade 1 anterolisthesis, and a moderate to large size

central andright paracentral disc herniation compressing on my spinal cord (he

referred mefor neck traction physical therapy).

The neurologist thenhad me get another MRI on the rest of my spine. That MRI

only showed minorissues; however, he referred me to an orthopedic surgeon whom I

had not seenbefore for a consult. That orthopedic surgeon was the first to

mention FlatbackSyndrome (that was in October 2007). I had an appointment with

my originalsurgeon in January 2008, and he said I had the Flatback Syndrome

since my 1996surgery.

I submitted SocialSecurity Disability Insurance (SSDI), and United State Federal

EmployeeDisability Retirement Applications on December 26, 2007. My SSDI

applicationwas approved in February 2008, and my Disability Retirement

Application wasapproved in June 2008.

I moved back toCleveland, Ohio in October 2008. At that time my weight was down

to 95 lbs. (oneof the long term side effects of the narcotic pain

medications)!!!

In May 2009, I entered the5-week outpatient Chronic Pain Rehabilitation Program

(CPRP) at the ClevelandClinic, and can thankfully say I am off all narcotic pain

medications (as they nearlykilled me).

In the late afternoon ofFriday, September 10,, 2010 all of a sudden

couldn’t stand orwalk. On Tuesday, September 14,, 2010 I made one of the

hardest decisionsI have ever made. I had euthanized!! She lived to be 15

years, 4 months,and six days old!! I had her for all but nine weeks of her life.

She was myBEST and ONLY friend for over 15 years, and " sole mate " (I have no

spouse, no children, no one else)!!She was my only constant throughout my two

spinal fusion surgeries, mybankruptcy and townhouse foreclosure, my five moves,

my post surgery painissues, losing my job and going on disability, and my

extremely difficult andstressful Chronic Pain Rehabilitation Program

treatments!!

I went though an extremelysevere depression after died!! I literally

wanted to kill myself!! Itbecame imperative that I get another dog before

winter!!

I ended up getting aCockapoo puppy on November 2nd whom I named Pascal.

In order to limit mystanding related back pain I had let outside via my

patio, and leaned onthe door/door frame. Upstairs neighbors at my current

apartment building complained about this; therefore, Iattempted to take Pascal

outside via the Laundry Room of the building.

When the Cleveland winterweather kicked in I began using " Neos VoyagerOvershoes

with Stabilicer Outsole " (Cleated Boots) which I had gotten fromLLBean a couple

winters ago; but never wore. They helped somewhat; but,significantly increase my

lower back pain. I am extremely scared about fallingoutside, especially in

winter weather (ice and snow). I posted an email to thisand a number of other

Group Scoliosis Lists, asking if others who havefused spines have such

concerns, and if so, what they do about it.

A few othersmentioned YakTrax over shoe/boot cleats. I ordered a set from

AMAZON.

In the meantime, saw my post mentioning Cleveland. She asked about the

ClevelandClinic. All of my current doctors except for my Eye Doctor and Dentist

are atthe Clinic.

I began toresearch information about different departments at the Clinic that I

thoughtcould help her. It took me well over a day and a half to two days

compilinginformation, and writing the post (it had never taken me so long to

write apost)!! I began having a severe Tourette’s Syndrome tic attack in my

neck (somethingthat had not happened for a number of years). I then began having

extreme painin my neck, shoulders, and upper back.

A few days laterI got the YakTrax Cleats. They seemed to work great OUTSIDE;

however, I had togo though the Laundry Room, which is a tile floor. I nearly

fell four timesgoing in and outside. Furthermore, they would not stay on my

hiking boots.Thinking the size may be the problem I returning them to AMAZON,

and ordered alarger size. They stayed on the boots; but I again nearly slipped

and fell. Myleft knee became extremely swollen, and I had extreme low back and

leg pain. Icontinued to have the swollen knee, and neck, shoulder, leg and back

pain(upper and lower) for the next five weeks. I was thinking the low back and

legpain, and swollen left knee was due to Flatback Syndrome. I had an

appointment with a spinedoctor (not surgeon) at the Cleveland Clinic. I’m

scheduled to have an x-raythis Monday, and will likely begin physical therapy

(again) shortly.

This is whatprovoked my recent email to . I attempted to provide

information, whichshe had asked for, at a detriment to my own health. It

appeared that she eitherwouldn’t or couldn’t use; but continued to ask for

more. I am very sorry withthe wording that I used, and if it hurt her in any

way. As I stated earlier,with my Learning Disability I sometimes have a

difficult time finding thecorrect words/language.

Due to all thephysical pain that I was in (and still in) all the housebreaking

work I haddone with Pascal has become meaningless. He has not pooped outside

since themiddle of January, and still pees in the house 20% to 25% of the time!!

Ireally don’t know how that could even be corrected now (he is now 8 months

old).If I am ever forced to give him up, I don’t know what I will do!! I

simplycannot deal with any more pain or depression, and may take drastic

actions!!

My brother livesin San Francisco, and my parents are thinking of moving out to

NorthernCalifornia. Due to the relatively mild weather out there, that may also

be a goodmove for me. The big question however is finding “affordable

housingâ€!!“Affordable Housing†based on the U.S. Department of Housing and

Urban Developmentstandards may not be affordable for me (this being due to the

fact that I was living on credit card cash advances for a number of months after

I went on LWOP and before my disability was approved)!!

S.