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Facing the Fear of Being Here

B Y R E B E C C A K O R E

FOR ALMOST 17 YEARS I've been plagued with the idea that I'm an alien. Now, I'm a pretty reasonable human being. I know that to go around saying that can get me into trouble socially, that most people will misunderstand what it means and think I'm mad. That hurts my feelings. I'm a cool person, I'm intelligent and sane; I just want to be fully accepted and not have to edit parts of myself in order to fit in. Don't you? If you are a starseed or a walk-in, like me, aren't you tired of having to hide what you really know about yourself and of living in fear that people will reject you for your truth?

I've only recently understood that I've been terrified of this; that I have never really seated into my body as a result of it. Sounds strange, but since we are souls having a physical experience, my alien soul simply refused to completely land into this physical body! It's as if to fully land or take my body would be admitting defeat of some kind, or worse, stepping into a trap!

After many dreams of being chased and terror of being caught, it dawned on me that what this showed was that one of my deepest fears has been to live in this body and this reality. For years I have been wandering around, feeling alienated, alone, confused about who I am and longing for something I can't quite put my finger on. I've explored several spiritual paths, they've carried me for a while, but soon I began to yearn again in that incomprehensible way. Something else needed to be addressed, something deep, something primal. Ah yes, the perpetual "Who am I?" How was I going to answer that, fully, without embracing my galactic origin? Well, it would have to wait. I put that knowledge aside, hoping to fit in with those around me and make the best of a life without acknowledging this little detail.

In order to accomplish this, to stuff such a big part of me away, I've managed to not feel all of my feelings, not fully express myself, or own my opinions. You can imagine what the tradeoffs have been: insecurity, inability to commit to people or to ideas, and of course, the intense but silent suffering of not fully being my Self. Yes I managed to go unconscious, to stay half asleep. I thought I was getting away with it. I was convinced that I could just know that I'm a walk-in and sort of remote control my body from my mind and that no one would notice. I thought it didn't make much of a difference. I could afford to just stay "in" the galactic "closet." Well, something happened recently that made me realize that this sitting on the fence of mine was dangerous and that not living in my body could cost me my life.

Last Sunday morning I was cruising on the highway, driving my son to a baseball game when all of a sudden we heard a loud "bang!" My son clutched the seat, looking around wildly. Something had hit us or been thrown into us. We couldn't see anything at first, but then this tiny little car came shooting out of nowhere from the right side, angling away from us first and then arching back into our lane. It was speeding out of control. "What the hell!" I yelled. My body shot forward, I clutched the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. The car hit our rear right bumper, ricocheting out of control, then turned and headed right at us! My heart was beating, adrenaline rushed into my head as the hairs on my neck stood on end. "Is this where I die? I asked myself. Oh my god, my son!" I wanted to panic and scream but I knew I had to keep my wits about me.

All of a sudden, a strong sense of calm washed over me, a strange feeling of control. In my mind I pictured myself cowering and hiding my eyes and just crashing into her and getting it over with. I desperately wanted to let go of the wheel and pretend this wasn't happening. I wanted to jump out of my skin and just not be there at all, but I was aware that this was only one option. I could see the driver of the other car spinning her wheel, just like you see in the movies, totally losing control. She was screaming, her mouth wide open. She was panicking, freaking out. I could feel her terror, her letting go.

As I watched her movements, I remember consciously thinking there was another way out. I imagined death and injury on one hand, and smooth landing on the other. You know how your brain is when you are in a jam, going in all directions! I was having an internal conversation. "Oh god, please get me out of here!" I didn't want to have to do this, why can't this choice be made for me? All this time to watch! Am I about to die? "Just dance with her car," the voice in my head said, "pay close attention, and make a choice, fight for your life or let it go." From that type of clarity would come a fleeting panic. "Please!!! I just want to let go of the wheel and cover my eyes! What happens if I just let go?" Somehow, I hung in there. I maneuvered carefully to avoid the other car as it was spinning out of control and heading in my direction. When I thought I could take no more, when I was almost sure that all my careful strategizing would amount to the same horrible crash I was trying to avoid, she came to a full stop. Her car bounced off the pavement right in front of us, like a giant slinky. Silence. I had stopped a mere 6 feet in front of her!

I will never forget that scene, watching the other driver, trying to emerge out of her crushed car, now a heap of destruction, fluids steaming and spilling everywhere. As I went over to help her, she extended her hand out to me, and for some reason that picture is imbedded in my brain. Her hand was light as a bird's; like paper, no weight to it. She trembled uncontrollably and clutched me for help. I made note of that moment. It showed me what it's like to have no soul substance in your body. She stumbled out, stood up, and her knees buckled. I caught her and saw her bloodied face up close for the first time. I was in one piece, barely a scratch to my vehicle, and this girl was bleeding profusely, her car completely destroyed. From the shock she started burbling, "I'm sorry, I lost control, I don't know what happened the sun was in my eyes. I didn't see you!" This was the first time I thought consciously of my guides. "Ah...this is big, this must be a lesson!" I immediately felt it, the rush in my body. This serious destruction outside of me is a wake up call; this is a message and I need to pay attention.

So there I am, calmly helping this girl. I'm so programmed to help other people that in the aftermath of the accident I left my own son in the vehicle while helping the girl to the side. I know full well that the largest danger in these types of highway accidents is to those left in the car. When I realized it, my heart jumped, my stomach sank! I quickly snapped out of it and I got him out and off to the side. I was trying not to think about how he could have been hurt if rear-ended.

After just a few minutes we got out of the mess and actually made it to the start of the baseball game. When we got there my son's teammates' parents asked about what had happened since I had called the coach to let him know of the accident. You know that minimizing way that people use to avoid serious issues and moments of discomfort? Well, they were asking about it but dismissing the seriousness of the accident by focusing on how glad they were that we had made it in time for the game. That did it! I had been working to hold all my feelings in and now the floodgates opened! I started crying. I felt enraged. I went to the car to let it all out. My body was heaving and I was screaming, slamming the steering wheel with my fists. I was overtaken by intense feelings of anger, panic, fear and terror. I was enraged at how insignificant all of this appeared to the other parents. I saw that after our hair-raising ordeal their natural reaction and "best intentions" were to act like nothing had happened, to defocus from the danger by offering their best unemotional response. Of course, in the wake of such an event, feeling as alive as I was, this only led to feeling completely uncared for. In a flash, I got it. I understood the message. I realized I myself switch in and out of my body without knowing it, and that in doing that, I avoid the intensity of true experience.

I saw that this inability to fully feel and be passionate about life only leads to a lack of commitment that leaves others feeling empty. In this fleeting moment of passion, after fighting for my life, I was able to see that this is how I'd been operating. I had considered myself a caring and committed person, but had in fact been on cruise control. I hadn't really been feeling for myself or for others. In that moment I made a decision, I want to be Here. I want to land! After all these years of thinking I'm dedicated to service but now realizing that I have been less than committed, I see that it has been the same as acting like I don't care whether I live or die. I have disrespected my body, I've looked for ways to not feel or be responsible to others, and now it is time I choose to be fully here. When the straw was drawn and I faced the real possibility of death, I fought for my life. I stayed in my body and saved my son, myself, and the other driver from certain harm.

This was my wake up call. I realized that my guides were creating a contrast of choices. They were helping me see that to not be in my body is to be out of control, to be disconnected from inner guidance and from life itself. At it's worse; I risk causing destruction to myself and to others. They were saying, "What you are doing is now dangerous to you."

Now as a starseed or walk-in you may not need to conspire with your guides to co-create a personal situation of this extreme. I must not have been listening to the subtler messages or the issue wouldn't have escalated the way it did. I needed to see that I have been sitting on the fence all these years, happy to disagree with and complain about many things, seeing myself as someone who's here to do something about the world situation but never quite holding myself to task or thinking that my own small role was important. I've acted like I could get away with not fulfilling it. I've been happy to count on some of the benefits and knowledge I hold as a walk-in, but not do the hard work of completing the job. That day I got it that there was no more benefit, no more value to be gained from sitting on the sidelines. I made the choice to incarnate here, at this particular time, and to awaken in stages to my purpose, to my identity and my mission. I apparently also made the choice to have a good 'ole wake up call if I got side tracked or had trouble realizing the cost of my half hearted embrace of who I really am. As a creator being, I realize I'm not a victim in my life; I co-create events with my guides in order to become aware of my larger plan.

More than one can do this job

I've also come to understand that there are five people for every role. If I don't make it, someone else may step in and play my role. That's always been a good hook for my guides to get me going on something; all they have to do is to remind me that someone else can take the job.

As a starseed or walk-in, I have my own unique task to accomplish during this transition time of ascension for our planet. Though my task is unique, I realize I'm not the only one who can accomplish it. If I delay or get side tracked, or let my fear consume me and keep me from doing what I know I must, someone else will come and take my place. In fact, the reason that there are at least five people for every role to ensure the role gets fulfilled. So I understand this delicate balance between my uniqueness and my dispensability. Not great for my ego, but a relief all the same.

The larger task will get done. The planet is already ascending. Whether I complete my original plan to play out my role or not will only cost me in the end. I am important to a larger goal that all of us starseeds and walk-ins are involved in, but the task itself is greater than the sum of its parts. So if I dilly-dally, someone else may step up and play my very specific role. I have already seen other people publish book ideas or creative projects I had thought of, sometimes even developed, but which I did not take myself seriously enough to follow through with. The same applies to getting involved with bringing in the galactic age and being a part of a movement that is ahead of its time. We can sit around waiting for someone else to do it, or we can step up to the challenge and overcome our fears that it's not real or not worth it. This multidimensional perspective may be cutting edge right now, but it won't be much longer. I will have no one to blame if I sit back and watch the movement pass me by. Sure, then I wouldn't have to face my fear of being different. I could spare myself some embarrassment or social alienation, but I would also be left out of what gives meaning and purpose to my life. Being here, in this body, and being a part of the galactic movement is something that is in my blood. I am passionate about living, so long as I can live fulfilling my mission. It is this exact brand of risk taking and truth telling that starseeds and walk-ins are about; to help bring in a new age into the void. This is our challenge; identify exactly what we are afraid of and therefore avoiding, overcome it, step up and activate our own individual roles.

So let's think this through. From the higher perspective it is understood that we are here to get a job done and that we are all co-creating this experience. No one sent you here on a sacrifice mission. You chose to come here and had a hand in co-writing and personalizing your contract.

As such, as a starseed or walk-in you can name exactly what it is that is calling to you and the risks with which you currently struggle. Surely you often wonder if you can stand behind them. But guess what? You have been well trained to do this exact work. You did not choose to come here without the tools and knowledge you need nor without the contracts secured amongst your guides to give you the best possibility of succeeding in your task. You have created an important plan of action and it means everything to you. You only have to fully seat into your body to remember it.

Why would you come all the way here, leave your loved ones, risk getting stuck in the incarnational loop of this planet, if your mission was not important? Let's face it, that is the real fear, isn't it? The fear of getting stuck here! That we'll never be able to go home! We're terrified because we know the risks in forgetting who we are and where we come from. Well, what I've learned, in looking at the fine print of our starseed and walk-in contracts, is that we don't get to go back until the job is done. We don't even get to remember much of home until we fully embrace our mission. In addition, we don't really start manifesting the resources we need, meeting the people that we are to work with, or sensing the timing of things until we get heart connected with planet Earth and our bodies. And guess what, the timing is perfect for you to get to work now!

I won't lie to you, if you choose to follow through on your contract to do this work you probably will, like me, often wonder if you've lost your mind. You will know true aloneness as you initially get on your path and all other safety nets fall away in order to get you to focus on your tasks. You will come to face yourself squarely. Along with the service work you came to do, you also contracted to do deep emotional clearing and Soul work. You will meet many challenges and often want to give up. Remember, there is no better way to strengthen resolve or character than to find that you have continued through your own darkness and found within yourself endless wells of light.

As a galactic citizen I know that these are especially hard times for all of us, a time of particular and poignant aloneness and difficulty. It's natural to fear and not want to be here, but if we understand that our contract says that we must complete our mission, it might be easier if we recognize that we don't have to do it alone. It's true that our abundance and all our rewards are tied to the successful completion of that mission, but there is great joy as we move forward. We can enjoy the task and as we get it done, then we earn our ticket home.

Kore

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kore, is a Galactic Counselor who uses her clairsentient skills to assist individuals in their quest for self-knowledge and healing. is known for her ease in connecting with people from all walks of life and her talent for revealing ways out of the current earth systems. She can assist you in contacting your Higher Self, your guides and give you galactic perspectives as you apply the knowledge gained to your everyday life. is bilingual, offering assistance in both English and Spanish. can be reached at 650-697-7107. You can email her at nestingground@....

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