Guest guest Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 In a message dated 10/18/2006 1:15:59 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, adriennerow@... writes: If we don't answer it the way he wants (repeating the exact wording the same each time), he will get more and more unsettled with each breath. .......................................................Does any of this sound familiar? I would really like to have real life practicle advise of what has worked for you and your family. Adrienne My dd doesn't so much have the continual reassurance problems, although she did the " check & recheck " thing quite often. My daughter's big concern years ago was " Is there a bathroom there? " No matter where we were going (even to Target or Walmart... where she KNEW there are bathrooms... you STILL had to reassure her that there were bathrooms if she needed one) She wasn't quite so bad with the constant repeating though - she might ask 2 or 3 times before we arrived somewhere. I've heard other folks on the board comment on the same type of experience you're having with your son. Keep in mind that every time you go along with his demands (participate in the rituals yourself), you are feeding his OCD. I'm trying to remember what some of the others said their responses were in those situations..... I believe some parents allowed their child only so many questions - then that was it. Or you have one particular time of day (say, for 30 minutes after school) to go over anything you need to know/hear.... then that's it, you're not allowed to ask the same things or ask for confirmation at any other time..... I'm just going from memory here, but I'm sure you will receive many responses on what other parents do in those situations. Good luck. LT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 I'm afraid I can't really offer any advice, but in our case it was " I don't know " that was unacceptable. My dd (now 11, 9 when diagnosed) needed to know, in excruciating details, everything that was going to happen, in advance. And, like you, sometimes we honestly and truly didn't know. For example, I remember vividly being on my way home with her from somewhere and knowing that my husband was working on dinner. So I really DID NOT know exactly what would happen when we got home -- would dinner be ready? would there be time to read/play/whatever? But she ended up having a major meltdown over " I don't know " and would not accept any explanation as to WHY I really didn't know. That is just one example -- similar things happened repeatedly. It still " lurks " and occasionally rears its ugly head, although she has been quite stable since starting Prozac almost 2 years ago, as well as having received some therapy. Sorry I can't be much help, but I can certainly sympathize. Hang in there ... P. Adrienne <adriennerow@...> wrote: Does anyone else miss the phrase " we'll see " ? I grew up with a lot of " we'll see " and have had a hard almost reluctant time giving it up. We have gone to using different ways to remind him of things... his biggest ocd issue is perseveration. He just can't seem to hold onto the trust of what is coming next. It isn't always about what is happening next, it could be about anything. And a good majority of it drives us crazy. It is almost as if he doesn't stop repeating himself, he feels that it won't happen. It could be about having an ice cream cone after a meal or about going home after visiting someone. He becomes very frustrated or even angry when I or his dad don't respond the way he wants us to (repeating the plan). He really has to pull us into it. If we don't answer it the way he wants (repeating the exact wording the same each time), he will get more and more unsettled with each breath. Sometimes I cannot participate, either I am feeling controlled, driving in traffic,frustrated or sometimes giving him the answer that he wants would be a fib, or not really right/true (things beyond our control). It isn't that he wants to have his own way, (like trying to turn things in a way where he benefits), it is just the never ending loop. Does any of this sound familiar? I would really like to have real life practicle advise of what has worked for you and your family. Thanks for your help, Adrienne --------------------------------- All-new - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 I'm afraid I can't really offer any advice, but in our case it was " I don't know " that was unacceptable. My dd (now 11, 9 when diagnosed) needed to know, in excruciating details, everything that was going to happen, in advance. And, like you, sometimes we honestly and truly didn't know. For example, I remember vividly being on my way home with her from somewhere and knowing that my husband was working on dinner. So I really DID NOT know exactly what would happen when we got home -- would dinner be ready? would there be time to read/play/whatever? But she ended up having a major meltdown over " I don't know " and would not accept any explanation as to WHY I really didn't know. That is just one example -- similar things happened repeatedly. It still " lurks " and occasionally rears its ugly head, although she has been quite stable since starting Prozac almost 2 years ago, as well as having received some therapy. Sorry I can't be much help, but I can certainly sympathize. Hang in there ... P. Adrienne <adriennerow@...> wrote: Does anyone else miss the phrase " we'll see " ? I grew up with a lot of " we'll see " and have had a hard almost reluctant time giving it up. We have gone to using different ways to remind him of things... his biggest ocd issue is perseveration. He just can't seem to hold onto the trust of what is coming next. It isn't always about what is happening next, it could be about anything. And a good majority of it drives us crazy. It is almost as if he doesn't stop repeating himself, he feels that it won't happen. It could be about having an ice cream cone after a meal or about going home after visiting someone. He becomes very frustrated or even angry when I or his dad don't respond the way he wants us to (repeating the plan). He really has to pull us into it. If we don't answer it the way he wants (repeating the exact wording the same each time), he will get more and more unsettled with each breath. Sometimes I cannot participate, either I am feeling controlled, driving in traffic,frustrated or sometimes giving him the answer that he wants would be a fib, or not really right/true (things beyond our control). It isn't that he wants to have his own way, (like trying to turn things in a way where he benefits), it is just the never ending loop. Does any of this sound familiar? I would really like to have real life practicle advise of what has worked for you and your family. Thanks for your help, Adrienne --------------------------------- All-new - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Hi Adrienne, My thoughts are that if he has certain words he wants you to answer with, then it's OCD. If he has to have some definite answer to questions (what's for supper, what time..., how much longer...) then I lean towards OCD there too. However on the latter, I know my kids wanted " answers " and not my " dunno, not sure, we'll see...answers which I apparently gave too often, LOL, and complaint is I don't give definite answers! Well, that's because they'd hold me to them too. With the other delays he has, I'm just not sure what all might come into play here. For instance, if OCD was out of the picture and we were talking about an autistic child then my answers on how to handle things might be different. With autism kids tend to perseverate, they can need structure, a strict routine, need definite answers.... Does he understand about OCD? If so, then I *think* I would discuss this problem with him first. Then tell him that at times you will refuse to answer, go over situations you (like driving) where you will not answer *his* way, might tell him why in some situations too. I wouldn't do this all at once, but begin to do it in situations or during the day, etc. Your son is 10 so it's different somewhat than when my went through a similar OCD phase as a preschooler. There were times I obeyed and times I just plain refused to do what he *had* to have me do. Hey, I told my preschooler he was driving me crazy. I stomped my feet right back at him too! I'm just glad it all ended while he was still a preschooler! Wish I could offer more help. Just how do his learning delays affect him? and his social ones, does that include communication? > > > Does anyone else miss the phrase " we'll see " ? > > My son is 10, and has OCD as well as misc. learning and social delays. > The doctor has found that he has an unbalanced translocation of a > chromosome. He was adopted through fostercare, we have a bit of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 not too big of an issue here but I answer " I know that's the oCD asking and not you so I'm sorry I can't answer " - frustrating at first but hopefully will help eileen Quoting jtlt@...: > > In a message dated 10/18/2006 1:15:59 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, > adriennerow@... writes: > > If we don't answer it the way he wants (repeating the exact wording the > same each time), he will get more and more unsettled with each breath. > ......................................................Does any of this sound > familiar? I would really like to have real life practicle advise of what has > worked for you and your family. > > > > Adrienne > > My dd doesn't so much have the continual reassurance problems, although she > did the " check & recheck " thing quite often. My daughter's big > concern years > ago was " Is there a bathroom there? " No matter where we were going (even to > Target or Walmart... where she KNEW there are bathrooms... you STILL had to > reassure her that there were bathrooms if she needed one) She wasn't quite > so bad with the constant repeating though - she might ask 2 or 3 > times before > we arrived somewhere. > > I've heard other folks on the board comment on the same type of experience > you're having with your son. Keep in mind that every time you go along with > his demands (participate in the rituals yourself), you are feeding his OCD. > > I'm trying to remember what some of the others said their responses were in > those situations..... I believe some parents allowed their child only so > many questions - then that was it. Or you have one particular time > of day (say, > for 30 minutes after school) to go over anything you need to know/hear.... > then that's it, you're not allowed to ask the same things or ask for > confirmation at any other time..... > > I'm just going from memory here, but I'm sure you will receive many > responses on what other parents do in those situations. Good luck. > LT > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 We'll see Once upon a time, there was a farmer in the central region of China. He didn't have a lot of money and, instead of a tractor, he used an old horse to plow his field. One afternoon, while working in the field, the horse dropped dead. Everyone in the village said, "Oh, what a horrible thing to happen." The farmer said simply, "We'll see." He was so at peace and so calm, that everyone in the village got together and, admiring his attitude, gave him a new horse as a gift. Everyone's reaction now was, "What a lucky man." And the farmer said, "We'll see."A couple days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, "What a poor fellow!" The farmer smiled and said, "We'll see."Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, "What a fortunate man."The farmer said, "We'll see." Later in the year,� the farmer's young boy went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, "What a shame for the poor boy."The farmer said, "We'll see." Two days later, the army came into the village to draft new recruits. When they saw that the farmer's son had a broken leg, they decided not to recruit him.Everyone said, "What a fortunate young man." The farmer smiled again - and said "We'll see."Moral of the story: There's no use in overreacting to the events and circumstances of our everyday lives. Many times what looks like a setback, may actually be a gift in disguise. And when our hearts are in the right place, all events and circumstances are gifts that we can learn valuable lessons from. As Fra Giovanni once said:"Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me... The gift is there and the wonder of an overshadowing presence." Author unknown Aseem Kaistha It's your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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