More on 's Migraine (BILTONG IS ENRAGED!!!)

[Guest guest]

Well,

I was cruising past my local 's today and thought of Joyce, so I

went in for a little " field research. " Boy was that scary. Anyway, I

got a copy of their nutrition facts, and I was wrong about the MSG.

Fortunately, I was able to uncover many other culprits in our search for

the source for your migraine. I will list the ingredients, and let

, Axel, and anyone else who wants to tear them up.

Mandarin Chicken Salad - (Iceberg, Romaine, Spring Salad Mix, Mandarin

Oranges, Diced Chicken)

Roasted Almonds

Crispy Rice Noodles

Oriental Sesame Dressing

Mandarin Oranges - Mandarin Oranges, Water, Sugar, Citric Acid (flavor

protector).

*Of course oranges of any kind are avoids, but you probably knew that.*

Diced Chicken - Chicken Breast with Rib Meat, Water, Seasoning (Salt,

Dextrose, Maltodextrin, Natural and Artificial Flavoring [Wheat Flour,

Egg, Soybean], Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Sugar, Fructose, Onion, Disodium

Inosinate and Guanylate [flavor enhancers]), Corn Starch Modified, Soy

Protein Concentrate, Sodium Phosphates (emulsifier), Fructose.

*Whew! And, they call this " chicken " . Ha! This " chicken " alone could

easily have been the source of your migraine. Dextrose, Maltodextrin,

Wheat Flour, Fructose, Disodium Inosinate and Guanylate (very similar to

Monosodium Glutamate or MSG and a sure source of a migraine), and Corn

Starch Modified are all nasty AVOIDS!*

Roasted Almonds - Almonds, Salt.

*Well, at least the almonds are " safe " .*

Crispy Rice Noodles - Bleached Enriched Wheat Flour (Niacin, Reduced

Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Partially

Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil (Soybean and/or Cottonseed), Rice Flour, Corn

Starch Modified, Salt, Water.

*You are no doubt as surprised as I was to discover that rice flour is

only the third ingredient in these " rice noodles " after two MEGA-AVOIDS

(BILTONG IS ANGRY!!!): Bleached Enriched Wheat Flour and Partially

Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil. The added dose of Corn Starch Modified

didn't help matters much, and I doubt that Thiamine Mononitrate is the

greatest form of Thiamine for your body.*

Oriental Sesame Dressing (OH! This'll be FUN!) - Soybean Oil, High

Fructose Corn Syrup, Soy Sauce (Water, Wheat, Soybeans, Salt), Water,

Sugar, Distilled Vinegar, Brown Sugar, Pineapple Juice Concentrate,

Sesame Seed Oil, Rice Wine Vinegar, Sesame Seeds, Mustard Seed, Ginger,

Salt, Potassium Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate (preservatives), Spices,

Xanthan Gum (thickener), Propylene Glycol Alginate (emulsifier), Garlic,

Calcium Disodium EDTA (flavor protector).

*(BILTONG IS ENRAGED!!!) AHEM! WELL! I seem to see a pattern

developing! A patten which resembles a cornucopia...a cornucopia of

AVOIDS!!! Here we unmask our old enemies: Soybean Oil, High Fructose

Corn Syrup, Wheat (I guess 's hasn't yet made the switch to

Wheat-Free Tamari! , Distilled Vinegar, Rice Wine Vinegar, Potassium

Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate (These CAN'T be good for ya'.), Xanthan Gum,

Propylene Glycol Alginate (emulsifier and liver toxin), and Calcium

Disodium EDTA (flavor protector and known carcinogen).*

Anyway, I'm sure that'll do it, as far as migraine causes go. In

summary, what you ate wasn't exactly " food " (more like poison) and the

migraine was just you body's (and BILTONG's) way of telling you, " NO

JOYCIE! BAD JOYCIE!! NO! NO! FEED ME ORGANIC GRASS-FED BEEF, NOT

PROCESSED CRAP! BAD JOYCIE!! NO! NO! " You just needed a little help

translating is all. Anyway, BILTONG requires daily sacrifices of

grass-fed beef (in your stomach) for the next week to assuage his wrath

and bring you back into his good favor. Glad to be of service. That'll

be $3.50. Please drive ahead. (j/k) Have a great weekend of

beef-eating, healing, and avoiding avoids (especially 's).

Cheers,

Mr. Research (Adjunct Priest to the Holy Church Of BILTONG!)