Marriage

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/24/03 4:00:19 PM Eastern Standard Time, Duffey48@...

writes:

> BTW, I was the only girl he ever dated---talk

> about stress on a marriage....LOLOL). I am one of 5 myself and the only

> one

>

That is soooooooooo sweet. The only girl he ever dated!!! That says a lot

about you! I have noticed the time you make for your husband and I agree it

is work!! I am a bit lazy in this area. I am going to start going out with

hubby once a month as soon as the kids aren't sick. lololo I have forgotten

what a date is like. I like how you will even have a date on Friday night at

home.

As for the others in your family. They are just jeolous!! But, I am sure

happy for you. It is a typical family thing to say " you been touched by the

stars " We all make choices and it looks like you made the right ones time and

again even at a young age. That is called smart!

Diane

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/29/2005 10:27:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,

diond@... writes:

I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

different people to different degrees, but how have people found getting

past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

Quite honestly, having SMA hardly affected my dating & relationships. I am a

weak type 2 - need help with basically all aspects of life, but I guess I've

always wanted the same thing a non-affected person does and went after it.

I've had my self confidence shaken a few times, especially during the teenage

years but I mean who hasn't?

Amy

Wife to Will 11/3/95

Mama to Olivia Isabelle 9/18/03 - she's two!

A new addition to arrive December 1st, 2005- it's a boy!

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/o/oliviathegreat/

[Guest guest]

I found dating to be hard. I never really knew when to put it out there about

my disability. I am still able to walk and get around but I still have issues.

I am the type of person that lays all her cards on the table and if that scares

them away.....then it wasn't meant to be and it will hurt less the sooner it

happens.

Jackie

Marriage

I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

different people to different degrees, but how have people found getting

past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

I, personally, was very intimidated by my condition, lacking the

confidence to ask all but one girl out... when I was 21! Now, I feel

secure enough in myself to not have those same fears. I'm just waiting

for a wheelchair to get me socialising again.

--

Dion C. Detterer

Writer, philosopher, genius

Email: dion@...

Blog: http://thewhimwham.com/

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[Guest guest]

I'm 54 with SMA and have been in a wheelchair since 11 years old. I'm amazed

at all the marriages on here. I'm still searching. Relationships, for me,

have been extremely difficult. Most disabled people I know were never married

or their spouses left them after they became disabled. Finding someone has

been something I wanted more than anything all my adult life, yet it's been the

most difficult. Yes, I'm very honest and open about my life, but many people

can't handle the responsibilities and problems that go with a relationship

with someone disabled. At my age, I'm still trying, but it's become tiring and

stressful. If anyone wants to read my book about my book and relationships,

here's the link:

_My book_

(http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?catalogid=7837)

[Guest guest]

In my college years when I started dating I was more mobile and could walk

around guys never minded that I had SMA when I explained it to them. I only had

one instance where a guy I was on a date asked me why I limped and I told him

why that he didn't bother with me again, he was a model and thought he was all

that. After I met my husband on a blind date and he knew about me before we even

met and loved me for who I am and we have been together for 11 years now. The

funny thing is I ignore the model who is a used car sales man now every time I

see him now and he keeps trying to give me his phone number in front of my

husband and I just laugh. There are good people out there for you, you may have

to look past a few jerks but always keep your head up and don't stop trying.

Tammy

" Dion C. Detterer " <diond@...> wrote:

I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

different people to different degrees, but how have people found getting

past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

I, personally, was very intimidated by my condition, lacking the

confidence to ask all but one girl out... when I was 21! Now, I feel

secure enough in myself to not have those same fears. I'm just waiting

for a wheelchair to get me socialising again.

--

Dion C. Detterer

Writer, philosopher, genius

Email: dion@...

Blog: http://thewhimwham.com/

A FEW RULES

* The list members come from many backgrounds, ages and beliefs So all

members most be tolerant and respectful to all members.

* Some adult language and topics (like sexual health, swearing..) may

occur occasionally in emails. Over use of inappropriate language will

not be allowed. If your under 16 ask your parents/gaurdian before you

join the list.

* No SPAMMING or sending numerous emails unrelated to the topics of

spinal muscular atrophy, health, and the daily issues of the disabled.

Post message:

Subscribe: -subscribe

Unsubscribe: -unsubscribe

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[Guest guest]

I strongly believe that good relationships are founded on personality, shared

values and morals all mixed in with some differences, of course, ;-)

I began dating in high school and like many teenage girls we had misplaced

crushes, secret admirers and steady boyfriends. It's the hit and miss process

that helped me figure out who I was aiming for. As it turned out, after two

failed engagements, I bumped into my hubby at college.

I have all my jerks to thank because without their jerkiness, I'd likely

overlook Doug and still be " looking " , who knows?

Unlike Tammy, all my jerks have moved on and I have no idea where they are.

Proof! They're in the past!

Angie

On 2005.09.30 06:02, TAMMY HASKELL wrote:

> In my college years when I started dating I was more mobile and could walk

> around guys never minded that I had SMA when I explained it to them. I only

> had one instance where a guy I was on a date asked me why I limped and I

> told him why that he didn't bother with me again, he was a model and

> thought he was all that. After I met my husband on a blind date and he knew

> about me before we even met and loved me for who I am and we have been

> together for 11 years now. The funny thing is I ignore the model who is a

> used car sales man now every time I see him now and he keeps trying to give

> me his phone number in front of my husband and I just laugh. There are good

> people out there for you, you may have to look past a few jerks but always

> keep your head up and don't stop trying. Tammy

>

>

>

> " Dion C. Detterer " <diond@...> wrote:

> I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

> different people to different degrees, but how have people found getting

> past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

>

> I, personally, was very intimidated by my condition, lacking the

> confidence to ask all but one girl out... when I was 21! Now, I feel

> secure enough in myself to not have those same fears. I'm just waiting

> for a wheelchair to get me socialising again.

[Guest guest]

Honestly, I never asked anyone out. (Well, I asked a guy to junior

prom, but I went to an all-girl high school!) I guess I was

old-fashioned and thought the guy should ask me. Lee and I married when

I was 21, and I think for some reason I had more confidence back then.

I don't think I'd be very good in the " dating scene " now that I'm 35

because I pretty much feel like an old, frumpy mom. Also, being in

college then, I had a lot more chances to meet people.

Jenn

Dion C. Detterer wrote:

>I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

>different people to different degrees, but how have people found getting

>past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

>

>I, personally, was very intimidated by my condition, lacking the

>confidence to ask all but one girl out... when I was 21! Now, I feel

>secure enough in myself to not have those same fears. I'm just waiting

>for a wheelchair to get me socialising again.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yepper, you said it!

Angie

On 2005.09.30 00:24, blueyedaze@... wrote:

> Quite honestly, having SMA hardly affected my dating & relationships. I am

> a weak type 2 - need help with basically all aspects of life, but I guess

> I've always wanted the same thing a non-affected person does and went after

> it. I've had my self confidence shaken a few times, especially during the

> teenage years but I mean who hasn't?

>

> Amy

> Wife to Will 11/3/95

> Mama to Olivia Isabelle 9/18/03 - she's two!

> A new addition to arrive December 1st, 2005- it's a boy!

> http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/o/oliviathegreat/

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/30/2005 8:50:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

kristina45231@... writes:

Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

a,

Noooo! Why? It just hasn't happened yet. Vickie had her teenage crushes,

rejections and disasters, but never let it hinder her hopes and dreams. She was

about 31 before she met her first husband. I have known people who were in

their 60's before finding that first special someone. There is always tomorrow.

I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold on to

that myself.

Bob

[Guest guest]

a,

As I said, I'm 54 and haven't had a successful relationship, and yes, I've

been in love. It can be extremely frustrating and tiring searching for years

and years. I can relate to your feelings of " missing the boat. " I know the

feeling only too well. It doesn't get easier being and feeling alone as you get

older. In fact, my feelings of needing love, companionship, and sex

intensified in my 40's. I did have some relationships, but few and brief.

Sometimes I

think I should accept my being alone because maybe it's not meant to be for me

to have a partner, but then I try again. Who knows?

You're a young woman. Keep on trying!

[Guest guest]

For me it has been an uphill battle. Many people that I know with

SMA are married or dating, but not myself. I don't quite know why it

has never happened for me but has for them. I went to college and

met many people but nothing ever developed. I *think* my personality

is OK and I have always been open and friendly...but it never

happened for me. Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

-a

> I notice a lot of people here are married. I realise SMA affects

> different people to different degrees, but how have people found

getting

> past the disability to enter a romantic relationship?

>

> I, personally, was very intimidated by my condition, lacking the

> confidence to ask all but one girl out... when I was 21! Now, I

feel

> secure enough in myself to not have those same fears. I'm just

waiting

> for a wheelchair to get me socialising again.

>

> --

> Dion C. Detterer

> Writer, philosopher, genius

> Email: dion@t...

> Blog: http://thewhimwham.com/

[Guest guest]

I am 32 and I have found myself in a new relationship (5 months). I think that

people just have to find the 'right' person. My guy is totally understanding

and supportive. But mostly he loves me for who I am as a person and I am that

person with SMA. I wouldn't give up.

Jackie

Re: Re: Marriage

In a message dated 9/30/2005 8:50:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

kristina45231@... writes:

Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

a,

Noooo! Why? It just hasn't happened yet. Vickie had her teenage crushes,

rejections and disasters, but never let it hinder her hopes and dreams. She

was

about 31 before she met her first husband. I have known people who were in

their 60's before finding that first special someone. There is always

tomorrow.

I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold on to

that myself.

Bob

[Guest guest]

kristina...i didn't meet chuck 'til i was 34. i don't think there's a boat to

miss. when i finally really knew what i had to offer and knew what i really

wanted. i i decided against continuing to see 2 other ppl that year and picked

chuck. before i found that confidence, i felt pretty shitty a lot of the time

too.

alana

happened for me. Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

-a

[Guest guest]

,

It is really hard, and it makes me wonder if this is as good as it gets.

Although I am " young " I face the reality that more and more of my friends have

gotten married and are having families of their own. In highschool I didn't " fit

in " when everyone was getting their license to drive, going on dates, and

getting asked to prom. Finally when I went to college I lived on campus, met

friends who didn't mind driving me places, and could " fit in " much easier. Now

that is over and I'm back to not fitting in. -a

Aunt617@... wrote: a,

As I said, I'm 54 and haven't had a successful relationship, and yes, I've

been in love. It can be extremely frustrating and tiring searching for years

and years. I can relate to your feelings of " missing the boat. " I know the

feeling only too well. It doesn't get easier being and feeling alone as you get

older. In fact, my feelings of needing love, companionship, and sex

intensified in my 40's. I did have some relationships, but few and brief.

Sometimes I

think I should accept my being alone because maybe it's not meant to be for me

to have a partner, but then I try again. Who knows?

You're a young woman. Keep on trying!

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

Thanks, I haven't given up, per se, but I seriously don't see how it will

change. Everything I've " tried " or " not tried " hasn't worked for me. But who

knows, right? -a

Jackie Van Herk <jvanherk@...> wrote:

I am 32 and I have found myself in a new relationship (5 months). I think that

people just have to find the 'right' person. My guy is totally understanding

and supportive. But mostly he loves me for who I am as a person and I am that

person with SMA. I wouldn't give up.

Jackie

Re: Re: Marriage

In a message dated 9/30/2005 8:50:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

kristina45231@... writes:

Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

a,

Noooo! Why? It just hasn't happened yet. Vickie had her teenage crushes,

rejections and disasters, but never let it hinder her hopes and dreams. She

was

about 31 before she met her first husband. I have known people who were in

their 60's before finding that first special someone. There is always

tomorrow.

I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold on to

that myself.

Bob

[Guest guest]

You're right, thanks. -a

I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold on to

that myself.

Bob

[Guest guest]

I know that disability can be a big issue in terms of relationships, but I

also know A LOT of perfectly able-bodied people who have a lot of trouble

finding relationships as well. When two people really connect disability

ceases to be a deterrent or serious barrier. It¹s an issue to deal with and

address, but definitely workable for two people in love. It¹s hard for

ANYONE to find that special person, but it can and does happen to people of

all ages and physical abilities everyday so there¹s no need to give up!! I

don¹t think anyone has ever wanted me for my body (ha!), but that isn¹t the

level of relationship that holds most long-term meaning and happiness

anyway. If you keep sharing your heart eventually you will find someone

that it connects with and that will be the relationship of a lifetime.

On 9/30/05 9:21 PM, " a B. " <kristina45231@...> wrote:

>

> You're right, thanks. -a

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold on to

> that myself.

>

> Bob

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, it is vital that you feel good about yourself, but we all need a

connection to someone else, a companion, a very special friend, someone to share

with. I'm not saying you can't be happy being single, I'm just saying it can be

lonely.

[Guest guest]

Doesn't anyone feel ok with themselves as single adults? Disregarding

disability, you need to be content with yourself, even alone, before

you can contribute or receive anything positive in a relationship.

Ultimately each is responsible for his own security, well being,

happiness. A loving relationship should be lagniappe (Louisiana talk

for something extra, like icing on the cake).

Maybe we should pay attention to the cake.

I'm not looking for icing.

Cenlared

[Guest guest]

i actually was loving being single when i met chuck. i was was able to date

easily because i knew i wouldn't be crushed if i was rejected. i wasn't looking

for a relationship to make me happy...i already was happy...content...fulfilled.

i learned that having a rich, full life, independent of having a romantic

relationship makes the relationship i now have all the richer. we have our

separate and combined interests and friendships.

this may sound morbid, but if something ever happened to him i'd be extremely

sad, probably depressed, very heartbroken. but i also know my life wouldn't be

over. i have many fulfilling relationships and goals and a sense of purpose

that are independent of the romantic relationship i have with chuck. my life

was already rich and fulfilling. chuck makes it all the sweeter.

alana

Subject: Re: Marriage

Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005 17:37:46 +0000

Doesn't anyone feel ok with themselves as single adults? Disregarding

disability, you need to be content with yourself, even alone, before

you can contribute or receive anything positive in a relationship.

Ultimately each is responsible for his own security, well being,

happiness. A loving relationship should be lagniappe (Louisiana talk

for something extra, like icing on the cake).

Maybe we should pay attention to the cake.

I'm not looking for icing.

Cenlared

[Guest guest]

I was actually not looking for a major serious relationship when I initially

met , I guess that's why it took so long to see he is my soul mate. Be4

we dated I too was enjoying life, was going to school, had many friends,

etc. Things are now the mostly the same except is now the center of my

world and if something happens to him I will be devastated. Sometimes I think

this is not healthy but I just can't imagine it any other way? How do the

rest of you all feel about your partner and them dying, leaving, etc.?

Kimi

In a message dated 10/1/2005 7:46:17 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

alrt@... writes:

I actually was loving being single when I met chuck. I was was able to

date easily because i knew i wouldn't be crushed if i was rejected. i wasn't

looking for a relationship to make me happy...i already was

happy...content...fulfilled. i learned that having a rich, full life,

independent of having a

romantic relationship makes the relationship i now have all the richer. we

have our separate and combined interests and friendships.

this may sound morbid, but if something ever happened to him i'd be

extremely sad, probably depressed, very heartbroken. but i also know my life

wouldn't be over. i have many fulfilling relationships and goals and a sense

of

purpose that are independent of the romantic relationship i have with chuck.

my

life was already rich and fulfilling. chuck makes it all the sweeter.

alana

[Guest guest]

Enjoy! :-)

L

Jackie Van Herk wrote:

> I am 32 and I have found myself in a new relationship (5 months). I

> think that people just have to find the 'right' person. My guy is

> totally understanding and supportive. But mostly he loves me for who

> I am as a person and I am that person with SMA. I wouldn't give up.

>

> Jackie

> Re: Re: Marriage

>

>

>

>

>

> In a message dated 9/30/2005 8:50:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> kristina45231@... writes:

>

> Since many SMAers have met their spouse/partner

> during the college years, I feel, at age 28 that I " missed the

> boat " . Although I am happy for everyone else that *has* had romantic

> successes, it leaves me feeling pretty shitty much of the time.

>

>

>

> a,

>

> Noooo! Why? It just hasn't happened yet. Vickie had her teenage

> crushes,

> rejections and disasters, but never let it hinder her hopes and

> dreams. She was

> about 31 before she met her first husband. I have known people who

> were in

> their 60's before finding that first special someone. There is

> always tomorrow.

> I say that for you because I know it's true, and now I need to hold

> on to

> that myself.

>

> Bob

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

a,

Did you date much in college?

L

a B. wrote:

> ,

>

> It is really hard, and it makes me wonder if this is as good as it

> gets. Although I am " young " I face the reality that more and more of

> my friends have gotten married and are having families of their own.

> In highschool I didn't " fit in " when everyone was getting their

> license to drive, going on dates, and getting asked to prom. Finally

> when I went to college I lived on campus, met friends who didn't mind

> driving me places, and could " fit in " much easier. Now that is over

> and I'm back to not fitting in. -a

>

[Guest guest]

N,

You are so right...my four closest girlfriends are all single-never

married and are in their late 30's or early forty's (and AB)...college

degreed...attractive. All are hoping to meet that special person. It's

hard out there.

L

wrote:

> I know that disability can be a big issue in terms of relationships, but I

> also know A LOT of perfectly able-bodied people who have a lot of trouble

> finding relationships as well. When two people really connect disability

> ceases to be a deterrent or serious barrier. It¹s an issue to deal

> with and

> address, but definitely workable for two people in love. It¹s hard for

> ANYONE to find that special person, but it can and does happen to

> people of

> all ages and physical abilities everyday so there¹s no need to give

> up!! I

> don¹t think anyone has ever wanted me for my body (ha!), but that

> isn¹t the

> level of relationship that holds most long-term meaning and happiness

> anyway. If you keep sharing your heart eventually you will find someone

> that it connects with and that will be the relationship of a lifetime.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not single but I'll add my two cents...I think most people want/need

the love and intimacy that goes along with a love relationship.

L

P.S. I love the icing.

cenlared wrote:

> Doesn't anyone feel ok with themselves as single adults? Disregarding

> disability, you need to be content with yourself, even alone, before

> you can contribute or receive anything positive in a relationship.

> Ultimately each is responsible for his own security, well being,

> happiness. A loving relationship should be lagniappe (Louisiana talk

> for something extra, like icing on the cake).

> Maybe we should pay attention to the cake.

> I'm not looking for icing.

> Cenlared

>

>

>

>

>

> A FEW RULES

>

> * The list members come from many backgrounds, ages and beliefs So all

> members most be tolerant and respectful to all members.

>

> * Some adult language and topics (like sexual health, swearing..) may

> occur occasionally in emails. Over use of inappropriate language will

> not be allowed. If your under 16 ask your parents/gaurdian before you

> join the list.

>

> * No SPAMMING or sending numerous emails unrelated to the topics of

> spinal muscular atrophy, health, and the daily issues of the disabled.

>

> Post message:

> Subscribe: -subscribe

> Unsubscribe: -unsubscribe

>

> List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

>

>

>

>

> oogroups.com

>

> List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>