How to diffuse Hot Buttons

[Guest guest]

Got this in a newsletter today

thought it be worth sharing.

Hugs heidi

Hot Buttons !

By Jan Sadler of PainSupport

We all have hot buttons –I wonder if you know what yours are and how

to deal with them? When you find out, it will help reduce stress and

pain.

Hot buttons are where you are most sensitive, where you get hurt,

angry or irritated and just have to respond. It's when somebody or

something pushes you to the point of frustration and into conflict

and stress. Hot buttons carry a strong emotional charge and so the

reaction also tends to be extreme. It's pure basic emotion. The

stress caused by someone triggering a hot button can affect your

physical and emotional well-being, causing extra pain.

Hot buttons are very personal, no two people's are the same.

Here's how to find your own hot buttons:

Write down as many occasions as you can where you acted or spoke

hastily or became overly upset and regretted it later.

Now write what it was that triggered each reaction. Was it something

somebody said or was it something they did?

When you have quite a long list, look for patterns. Can you see a

pattern of the kind of situation that triggers your hot buttons?

There may be more than one cause.

What creates hot buttons in the first place? They usually come from

our childhood, triggered initially by something that upset us deeply

and about which we became super-sensitive.

Cooling down your hot buttons

The way to stop a hot button reaction developing is through

awareness. The more aware you are of your own hot buttons, the more

you'll be able to catch yourself and stop before you become upset

or 'lose it'.

Of course, you may inadvertently trigger other people's hot buttons

too. So if someone flies off the handle unexpectedly you can regard

it with understanding and not take it personally. We can't change

anyone else's reaction – but we can change our own.

The way to deal with a hot button of yours that's been triggered is

to call a mental 'time-out' to try to calm the situation so that you

don't respond hastily. Try the method below.

STOP!

Stop everything and look out of the window/at your watch/a picture on

the wall or something neutral around you whilst you calm down.

Breathe gently, but deeply, right down into your abdomen.

On the out-breath, say slowly to yourself,

" Stay calm… stay calm... "

Repeat a couple of times until you feel calmer.

When things don't go your way, say to yourself something along the

lines of,

" It will all work out for the best. Thinking calmly and rationally

about it will help me to think of new ideas and ways forward another

time. "

and/or

" OK, you feel bad at the moment, but it will pass. "

Once you become aware of any reaction to someone pressing a hot

button, yours or someone else's, you'll be able to say to yourself,

" Come on, don't get upset, it's just that old hot button again! "

© Jan at PainSupport