a couple of odd things

October 30, 2008

Hello, I thought I would throw in my two cents here. I, too, exercise

daily. This is a long standing habit for me, and the most effective

way I have found of battling what happens to my body that I can't

control. On bad days, this means I stretch on a soft mat in the

floor, and drive my dogs to the park so I can throw the ball for

them. On better days, I walk for an hour with my dogs, the pace

depends on my pain and fatigue levels. The onset of my illness

coincided with a severe car accident, so from day one I was forced to

do very painful PT, and stuck to a strict regimen in order to heal. I

guess I learned then to push very gently past the pain, in order to

help myself. Some days it took all day to finish my two hour PT

regimen. But then I celebrated the fact that I did it at all. I also

found that the exercise helps tremendously with the depression and

anger I felt at losing the life I had. 9 years later, I still grieve

my losses, and give myself plenty of time to honor my grief and

anger. I have also reached the place that I can honestly applaud

myself for allowing my body to have days off when it asks for them. I

Celebrate the fact that I have learned to respect my body and its

wishes. I Celebrate the small and slow things I DO accomplish on

those bad days, even if it's sitting up long enough to eat my soup. I

have learned from the days I can't get out of the recliner, that I

can honor and celebrate Everything I do that does still make my life

mine. During the worst times, I make collages, cutting pictures,

quotes, whatever out of magazines, sticking them on cardboard. This

helps me to express my anger, frustration, and self-pity, as well as

my dreams, goals, and ideas for making it better. My attitude towards

life is much more positive now than it ever was before illness. I

decided it was up to me to choose my future, even though I couldn't

make my body well, I could choose to be happy anyway. That is the key

for me, celebrating everything that is positive in my life, and

venting and moving on past the negative. Those little daily

celebrations make life much better.

October 30, 2008

,I so admire you. I have had fibro so long now and I have not reached your level of acceptance. I too exercise. I have two horses and have ridden all my life. I was a very serious competitor but that is not in my future anymore it would seem,although my filly is of international quality. Only on the very,very worst days do I not move. As I read what you wrote I start to have this panic. Panic that if I am like you,responsible,practicing "Radical Acceptance" and at peace all will be lost for me. I will lose my dreams { Ride in Spain with the great Classical Dressage masters} and goals. I will be on the couch most days. That it is all to easy for me to give in to the

pain,exhaustion and tears. This is not rational I know. I am working on a more stress reduced life,a less complicated life. I work on this with my therapist.{ She does not know much about Fibro so although she is a great DBT therapist I am not sure she understand the Fibro piece.} I am most afraid I lie to myself. That I will never be able to do what I dream of and that I have to accept it and be happy if I can just get up and get the mail. I am so terrified I can barely breath. SueFrom: Hilyer <mountnsage@...>To:

dominie Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2008 11:12:38 PMSubject: Re: a couple of odd things