What on earth is wrong with me?

[Guest guest]

I have a lot to share, but I will try to make it brief. I promise!

It all started in a college classroom two years ago. I felt my my

body temperature drop. My hands went numb and I got a tingling

sensation in my face. All of a sudden, I started to hyper focus on

everything. Sounds became louder. The lighting became brighter. My

pulse rate quickened. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't

concentrate. The walls seem to be constructed out of Jello. I wanted

to jump out of my seat and run.

That night, I didn't sleep at all. Thoughts seemed to race through my

mind. The next morning, I got out of bed and feeling lightheaded I

collapsed onto the floor.

My doctor said I had a panic attack and prescribed Lexapro. It didn't

make me feel any better.

I started to notice other symptoms: blurred vision, diarrhea,

vomiting, insomnia, dizziness, loss of appetite, excessive

sweating...I just felt extremely run down.

I went back to the doctor. This time she did blood work. She told me

I had mononucleosis. Phew. I went off the Lexapro and thought all of

these symptoms would go away, but after two years - they haven't.

I was told I had panic disorder and I tried BusPar, Ativan and Xanax.

I saw two counselors. Those medications didn't work. I felt

emotionally numb and spacey all the time.

I was then told I had depression with mixed anxiety and tried: Celaxa,

Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Pamelor, Remeron ... the list

goes on and on. I couldn't tolerate any of the SSRI medications I've

been given.

My symptoms continue to get worse: weight gain, (from a healthy 105

pounds to 120 pounds in the course of eight months) I'm only 5'1. " I

now have constipation - to the point I have hemorrhoids from

straining. I'm bloated. I am exhausted during the day and wired

during the night. I cry for no reason. On occasion, I have thrown

fruit at my fiance. Yes, I actually thew half a grapefruit across the

kitchen completely on impulse! When I exercise (even for twenty

minutes), I feel worse! I don't get a " runner's high. " The joints in

my wrists ache, my knees hurt, I can't get comfortable at night

because my body hurts so badly. I am emotionally and physically

exhausted 90% of the time. I might have a " good day " here or there,

but it's extremely rare! I have erratic periods and they are often

painful and I suffer horrible PMS symptoms - mood swings - I have

constant food cravings. I am always hungry. I have blurred vision

and brain fog. My short term memory is awful. I always feel this

dullness, sluggishness, numbness - whatever you want to call it.

I'm only twenty-six years old. Never married. No kids. I'm still

trying to finish college. I qualified for the Honor's Program. I am

also planning a wedding. I should not feel the way I do.

I've been trying to get help. My doctor told me I have Dysthymic

Disorder and prescribed yet another anti-depressant that hasn't

worked. All of them make me feel worse.

I have had tons of labs performed - no vitamin deficiency, no

diabetes, no thyroid problems, not Lyme Disease (although I think it

could be) everything " physical " has been ruled out.

So ... what the heck is wrong with me? If I just have depression with

mixed episodes of anxiety or dysthymic disorder why aren't these SSRIs

helping me? Everything is being effected - my job, my relationship,

thankfully I am doing well in college. My fiance's mom cannot

understand why I am always sick and not improving. She lost her

husband a year ago and says if anyone should have depression it's her.

She asks me what I have to be depressed about. My fiance is equally

disgusted with me.

I've been to a psychiatrist who ruled out Bipolar Disorder and ADD. I

went to two counselors. I've even been to a naturalist who told me I

have adrenal fatigue - several months of supplements and hundreds of

dollars later, I apparently " still " have adrenal fatigue.

My medical doctor says it's dysthymic disorder. She did a urine

cortisol test and said I don't have any signs of adrenal fatigue or

's Disease. She said depression can do silly things and all

the symptoms I have mentioned are in fact related to depression.

Has anyone out there had a similar problem? I would love to hear from

you. My email is tinydancer118@... please use the subject line:

Dom's Support Group so I don't accidentally delete you thinking you

are spam.

Thanking you in advance,

C.P.T.