Did you ever notice...

[Guest guest]

how the people who often have the most to 'suggest' that we do

to 'get better' are usually the ones that run the fastest in the

other direction when something that might 'help' involves them?

I'm not very good with words here.

I think this happens more than we realize in subtle ways but most

recently I found out that I can go to the next town (about 20 miles

away) any day of the week at certain times of the day at the YMCA and

do water excercise. Water excercise in a heated pool is like letting

my aching fibro body out of jail...of course there is the 'pay for it

later' in fibro flares but still, it is the best way to keep moving

that I have found.

Anyway, my husband is super supportive and bless his heart he has

done and continues to do anything he can to help me including going

and doing the water excercise with me. But he has to work and cant

always take me so when I decided to do this, I asked someone else in

my family to go on occassion. Even offered to pay for this person's

water excercise.

That's where all the excuses that amount to nothing came into play.

I dont know if I feel like it. I dont like being out after

dark..well, fine, there is a day class. Well, the money....I'll pay

for you.

I dont know, maybe I am being to fussy here but for someone who hands

out all the 'what I should really do to make myself better'...I was a

little put out that there was no effort to even try just once in a

while to help me out.

Susie

[Guest guest]

Susie, unfortunately this has happened to me as well as many others in this group. Most of us in the group have been caregivers of some, and I for one have always been a take charge person. I do know that the people in my life still don't see me as being needy even though I do need help much more than I ever did. My friends have pretty much disappeared and the only family I do have are my two kids and my boyfriend. Although I do have 5 siblings, they are not in my life and this is one very big reason why. It hurt me very much when I first got sick but have since came to realize that they're just not strong enough to handle this and yes I do believe very selfish. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that there are many of us going through the same thing. Hugs H

From: bostonandfrenchiemom <pjneal4@...>Subject: Did you ever notice...dominie Date: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 8:23 AM

how the people who often have the most to 'suggest' that we do to 'get better' are usually the ones that run the fastest in the other direction when something that might 'help' involves them?I'm not very good with words here.I think this happens more than we realize in subtle ways but most recently I found out that I can go to the next town (about 20 miles away) any day of the week at certain times of the day at the YMCA and do water excercise. Water excercise in a heated pool is like letting my aching fibro body out of jail...of course there is the 'pay for it later' in fibro flares but still, it is the best way to keep moving that I have found.Anyway, my husband is super supportive and bless his heart he has done and continues to do anything he can to help me including going and doing the water excercise with me. But he has to work and cant always take me so when I decided to do

this, I asked someone else in my family to go on occassion. Even offered to pay for this person's water excercise.That's where all the excuses that amount to nothing came into play. I dont know if I feel like it. I dont like being out after dark..well, fine, there is a day class. Well, the money....I'll pay for you. I dont know, maybe I am being to fussy here but for someone who hands out all the 'what I should really do to make myself better'...I was a little put out that there was no effort to even try just once in a while to help me out.Susie

[Guest guest]

Isn't it terrible Heidi, how someone can tell us how we're feeling or supposed to feel, or that we look too good to feel so horrible? I heard it over and over and then to have to hear the excuses, how selfish! I drive, but sometimes I just simply cannot drive or shouldn't be driving with the pain being as bad as it gets. I feel for you and everyone else going through this same thing and envy those who have the love and support, that we all deserve. Hugs H

From: heidi <heidilhlokey@...>Subject: Did you ever notice...dominie Date: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 11:28 AM

Our sons are the same way. one of their wifes and the other ones girlfriend for 4 years now will make excuses too but give it someone on their side oft he family they run fast and help them out too.I don't even drive so I am, up the creek without a paddle.I will retake the date class try to get my learners license in 2009 too.I don't like to drive far. we have no warm water pools around us at all. even telling the boys for Christmas massage at a massage school would be good to get for me for just one month but they said no massage doesnot help me they still think I have my good days and bad days for attention too. So i do feel like you.I have also lost allot of friends too and only have a good one who is also sick and doesn't drive and one who does but she is to busy to even offer to help me out. But hang in there my hubby gives me back rubs too but I guess will look into the massage school after

first of the year too. Yes they do run as soon as you say i would like this or that or can you please help me. I bet allot of other ladies are like us too in the same boat. But just remember sweetie we are not accountable for their actions they are so smile and go on with your life. IS there a community bus or short bus you could take during the day to go to the YMCA??? But smile seetly nad go on with yur life through uor disease we reallytend to find out who are true frineds and family are.I am always reminded by this you canot pick yuor family but yuo can pick yur friends. Hey wuold anyone at church offer to take you and swim with you too.Heidi

[Guest guest]

One of the things that really gets under my skin is when I park in the handicap spots or get an electric cart to do my shopping. Okay, I get that I don't look like there is anything wrong with me, but most of the time if it wasn't for handicap parking and scooters I would never be able to leave my home. I admit I too use to be guilty of the same thing.Darlene

From: heidi <heidilhlokey>Subject: Did you ever notice...dominie@groups .comDate: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 11:28 AM

Our sons are the same way. one of their wifes and the other ones girlfriend for 4 years now will make excuses too but give it someone on their side oft he family they run fast and help them out too.I don't even drive so I am, up the creek without a paddle.I will retake the date class try to get my learners license in 2009 too.I don't like to drive far. we have no warm water pools around us at all. even telling the boys for Christmas massage at a massage school would be good to get for me for just one month but they said no massage doesnot help me they still think I have my good days and bad days for attention too. So i do feel like you.I have also lost allot of friends too and only have a good one who is also sick and doesn't drive and one who does but she is to busy to even offer to help me out. But hang in there my hubby gives me back rubs too but I guess will look into the massage school after

first of the year too. Yes they do run as soon as you say i would like this or that or can you please help me. I bet allot of other ladies are like us too in the same boat. But just remember sweetie we are not accountable for their actions they are so smile and go on with your life. IS there a community bus or short bus you could take during the day to go to the YMCA??? But smile seetly nad go on with yur life through uor disease we reallytend to find out who are true frineds and family are.I am always reminded by this you canot pick yuor family but yuo can pick yur friends. Hey wuold anyone at church offer to take you and swim with you too.Heidi

[Guest guest]

,What a wonderful friend you are. We all should be so lucky. Thank you for posting.Healing hugs, Urbanczyk

From: carlene.grimshaw <carlene.grimshaw>Subject: Re: Did you ever notice...dominie@groups .comDate: Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 2:46 PM

Susie, I feel for you, and all those here, who experience this sameproblem. Lack of support from some (or even all) family members, andfriends. As I was reading the replies to your heartfelt message I foundmyself getting emotional. It stirred up 'stuff' from my own life, andthen I read Sue's message. About people wanting to be carried but notable to carry etc. That was it for me. I'll have tears through a sadmovie. Or if someone I care about's in trouble. But, I always holdthings in. Not this timeYesterday morning, I had a good bawl over this, and thinking about allof you, going through the same thing. At the end of the day it's allabout kindness. It's either there (in someone) or it's not. A whole bookshould be written about the 'Kindness Factor'. If there's one lessonthat's come out of this illness for me. It's to be as kind to myself asI can be. To ignore people's meanness as much as

I can. Wouldn't it begood Susie, if more of us with these illnesses lived near each other.And could assist each other where possible. I'd like that. hugs Carlene>> how the people who often have the most to 'suggest' that we do> to 'get better' are usually the ones that run the fastest in the> other direction when something that might 'help' involves them?>> I'm not very good with words here.>> I think this happens more than we realize in subtle ways but most> recently I found out that I can go to the next town (about 20 miles> away) any day of the week at certain times of the day at the YMCA and> do water excercise. Water excercise in a heated pool is like

letting> my aching fibro body out of jail...of course there is the 'pay for it> later' in fibro flares but still, it is the best way to keep moving> that I have found.>> Anyway, my husband is super supportive and bless his heart he has> done and continues to do anything he can to help me including going> and doing the water excercise with me. But he has to work and cant> always take me so when I decided to do this, I asked someone else in> my family to go on occassion. Even offered to pay for this person's> water excercise.>> That's where all the excuses that amount to nothing came into play.> I dont know if I feel like it. I dont like being out after> dark..well, fine, there is a day class. Well, the money....I'll pay> for you.>> I dont know, maybe I am being to fussy here but for someone who hands> out all the 'what I should

really do to make myself better'...I was a> little put out that there was no effort to even try just once in a> while to help me out.>> Susie>

[Guest guest]

I totally know that feeling .Darlene

From: heidi <heidilhlokey>Subject: Did you ever notice...dominie@groups .comDate: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 11:28 AM

Our sons are the same way. one of their wifes and the other ones girlfriend for 4 years now will make excuses too but give it someone on their side oft he family they run fast and help them out too.I don't even drive so I am, up the creek without a paddle.I will retake the date class try to get my learners license in 2009 too.I don't like to drive far. we have no warm water pools around us at all. even telling the boys for Christmas massage at a massage school would be good to get for me for just one month but they said no massage doesnot help me they still think I have my good days and bad days for attention too. So i do feel like you.I have also lost allot of friends too and only have a good one who is also sick and doesn't drive and one who does but she is to busy to even offer to help me out. But hang in there my hubby gives me back rubs too but I guess will look into the massage school after

first of the year too. Yes they do run as soon as you say i would like this or that or can you please help me. I bet allot of other ladies are like us too in the same boat. But just remember sweetie we are not accountable for their actions they are so smile and go on with your life. IS there a community bus or short bus you could take during the day to go to the YMCA??? But smile seetly nad go on with yur life through uor disease we reallytend to find out who are true frineds and family are.I am always reminded by this you canot pick yuor family but yuo can pick yur friends. Hey wuold anyone at church offer to take you and swim with you too.Heidi

Created by Sweet

Assembled by Sandie

Head prepared by Sweet

Dec 2007

[Guest guest]

Hey Carlene, I'm glad I could contribute to your crying therapy. I get into these crying fits about every few days buts it getting a bit less than it was before. It might be the antidepressants kicking in, not sure. We've had to learn to hide and not show our feelings and it still embarrasses me when I can't hold back. You know what though, I deserve to let it out and feel better, I'm sick and sick and tired of being treated with disrespect and less of a person than I really am. Glad this is working for you! Hugs H

From: carlene.grimshaw <carlene.grimshaw@...>Subject: Re: Did you ever notice...dominie Date: Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 8:36 PM

A sweet person - who says they can "sooo relate" to my previous postingabout family, and friends - just e-mailed me. The moment I clicked itopen the tears started flowing, again. This subject area has really gotto me. The flood-gates are opening. I had to hold everything togetherfor so long for other people. Family, and friends have let me down inextreme ways. And now the dam has burst. This is so unlike me. But it'snot a bad thing because I think we must have a CFS/FMS tank that fillsup with all these emotions over the years. Perhaps, for some of you,the dam burst long ago. For me it's spilling over now. And I think I'mgoing to feel a lot better for it. Whoever started this subject "did youever notice"...and I think it was Susie? Thank you for being a'dam-buster' . LOL And for anyone else who has hit this same point as meI sooo understand how it feels! hugs to all

Carlene

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the understanding even though it does sound odd. Hugs H

@>Subject: Re: Did you ever notice...dominie Date: Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 10:50 PM

I totally know that feeling .Darlene

From: heidi <heidilhlokey>Subject: Did you ever notice...dominie@groups .comDate: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 11:28 AM

Our sons are the same way. one of their wifes and the other ones girlfriend for 4 years now will make excuses too but give it someone on their side oft he family they run fast and help them out too.I don't even drive so I am, up the creek without a paddle.I will retake the date class try to get my learners license in 2009 too.I don't like to drive far. we have no warm water pools around us at all. even telling the boys for Christmas massage at a massage school would be good to get for me for just one month but they said no massage doesnot help me they still think I have my good days and bad days for attention too. So i do feel like you.I have also lost allot of friends too and only have a good one who is also sick and doesn't drive and one who does but she is to busy to even offer to help me out. But hang in there my hubby gives me back rubs too but I guess will look into the massage school after

first of the year too. Yes they do run as soon as you say i would like this or that or can you please help me. I bet allot of other ladies are like us too in the same boat. But just remember sweetie we are not accountable for their actions they are so smile and go on with your life. IS there a community bus or short bus you could take during the day to go to the YMCA??? But smile seetly nad go on with yur life through uor disease we reallytend to find out who are true frineds and family are.I am always reminded by this you canot pick yuor family but yuo can pick yur friends. Hey wuold anyone at church offer to take you and swim with you too.Heidi

Created by Sweet

Assembled by Sandie

Head prepared by Sweet

Dec 2007

[Guest guest]

You're right , we could all help each other so much, if we could

get together. What a nice thought. Guess we'll have to just enjoy doing

it here on the Board. What you're sharing about your family, I

understand. Because of my own (sometimes extreme) life experiences. It's

difficult when you have a warm nature and you're dealing with " selfish

cold individuals. " And sometimes, as you'd know, it's impossible. I

agree, you (all of us) need to get out around other people. I wouldn't

mind getting out to an art show myself. Take care & hugs Carlene

>

> Carlene, I agree and do wish we lived closer to others in the group.

We all have compassion and share the same or similar health conditions

and could really help each other, whether it be something as simple as

an ear, a shoulder, or many other

[Guest guest]

Dom, as I said earlier you and Heidi are very very fortunate to have such wonderful spouses. but I will say, that without you and Heidi being wonderful wives, you probably wouldn't have such wonderful husbands. Obviously you and Heidi are doing wonderful things to bring out the best in them. As I said earlier as well, my boyfriend is an absolute wonderful man as well. He's without a doubt a keeper.

Hugs to you and please have a wonderful and healthy holiday! H

From: Dominie Bush <dombush@...>Subject: Re: Did you ever notice...dominie Date: Thursday, December 11, 2008, 3:02 PM

I have met Stanley, and he is a very sweet person. Heidi, you are blessed, and so am I. Without our spouses being so supportive, we wouldn't be able to accomplish what we do. - Dom>> > Heidi, your hubby sounds caring, and considerate. In the> hubby-lottery- stakes you've got yourself a winner. It's a shame he> suffers pain from the bad car wreck. Supporting, and helping each other> - the way you both do - is touching. hugs Carlene