Who do we have to please?

[Guest guest]

I have been reading how some of you are having family and/or marital problems, and to me that is one of the hardest (and saddest) illnesses to overcome. I refer to it as an illness due to the fact it makes you sick to your stomach, literally, and brings you down both physically & mentally.

But, through some wise advice, I've learned that you only serve "1" out of 2 masters in this world. You will either service God or Satan. Some husbands think they rank up there in the "God" category, but we know they are actually more in the 2nd. We were not given to them so they could "master" us, but so that we could be their "help-mate". Being our "head" does not mean that we have no brain in ours!

I dated my husband for 3 years and 1 month after we married he asked for a divorce. That set the pace for the next 20 years. I do NOT believe any woman has to be verbally or physically abused. I used to have constant thoughts of what a mess I'd made of my life, and then brought 3 children into it to boot. I'd lie in bed at night "dreaming" (with my eyes wide open!) about ways to be free. Of course, most of those thoughts included that "phone call" that said he had died, and believe me, I was a very creative dreamer, and he died in a wide variety of ways. I had the "grieving" widow down pat! I used to tell my mother that "until death do us part" means that one of us has the kill the other! ")

But, as much as I hated the "bad" hubby, there was a "good" side to him that was worth holding on for. It was not easy by any means, but in March we will have been married 25 years, and these last 4 have been our best ever. We still have our disagreements at times, but there is no malice or hurt in our arguments. We have actually grown to love each other more.

I will ever be greatful to the Lord for that "change" He made in my husband. And that change was not a temporary change. I'm sure many of you can remember your "good" hubby leaving out the door, and then a few minutes later the "bad" one came back in. I used to joke "hey, who are you, and what did you do with my husband?" ... which he never thought was funny.

Anyhow, this time the change stayed, and has been proven "true" through many trials. My fibromyalgia drew us closer instead of apart, as did my other illnesses, and on those days when I just don't have the energy or will-power to fix supper or do dishes, he will pitch in and help.

As for friends and family ... well, I have no trouble whatsoever, "weeding" out the ones who bring me down. I'm a firm believer in that we have to "love" them, but no one said we had to "hang-out" or be there best friend.

Sue, my heart goes out to you right now. You sound like you try so hard to pull your family together, but you alone cannot do it. I think I'd be tempted to just make my visits with them "short" ones. Love them, but "limit" them. You have your daughter, your horses ... choose your friends (don't let them "choose" you).

in Georgia

[Guest guest]

- Thank you for your very wise words. I wanted to mention that

I have a page called MARITAL HARMONY (An Emergency Marriage Manual " ) at

http://www.fms-help.com/marriage.htm

for any ladies who want to read it. It can bring peace where there is

strife, friction or turmoil. Check it out, ladies. I also believe like

you , that if a dog is biting your leg, you don't have to stand

there and let him gnaw on you. We can love at a distance, when

necessary. I think we women have too much guilt about this. We want

to be " enmeshed " in our family's lives, even those who don't want that

kind of close relationship with us. I know this board is about

FMS/CFIDS, but it's amazing the amount of stress generated by family

problems, and we all know that stress is our worst enemy. See my Tip

#1 at

http://www.fms-help.com/tips.htm

so we really do have to find ways to reduce it. I have been in the

trenches with family and marital stress in past decades and it can pull

us down terribly with your health. ,I'm proud of you! - Dom

>

>

> I have been reading how some of you are having family and/or marital

problems, and to me that is one of the hardest (and saddest) illnesses

to overcome.  I refer to it as an illness due to the fact it makes you

sick to your stomach, literally, and brings you down both physically &

mentally.

>  

> But, through some wise advice, I've learned that you only serve " 1 "

out of 2 masters in this world.  You will either service God or Satan. 

Some husbands think they rank up there in the " God " category, but we

know they are actually more in the 2nd.  We were not given to them so

they could " master " us, but so that we could be their " help-mate " . 

Being our " head " does not mean that we have no brain in ours!