Re: Perfectionism - my dear sweet newly found sisters you make me laugh

[Guest guest]

---Oh wow do I ever identify with " perfectionism personality

disorder " ! LOL! I USED to be the worst ever. I remember when my

former husband and I were married as a young couple many years ago

and he had some of his guy friends over watching a football game and

eating in the family room (which just drove me nuts) and I actually

got out the vacuum cleaner and started vacuuming the carpet with them

sitting right there on the sofas because just I knew they were

getting crumbs from the chips on the carpet!! Can you imgagine

anything more anal and rude? Ha ha. My first son Garrett was so CLEAN

all the time because as a new mom I was constantly wiping his little

face between every bite of baby food and was always so afraid of

germs that I made him almost neurotic as a toddler. I knew I had a

problem when we went to the beach and he sat there and screamed like

something horrible was happening to him because we sat him in the

sand. He had been so accustomed to me cleaning him excessively that

he thought the sand was EVIL!. I knew then I had issues. Of course by

the time his sister and brother came along (4 years between the

oldest to the youngest), they were eating bugs and I didn't break a

sweat. The other type A issues though stayed with me for years. I had

to have everything perfect, prided myself on being " single super

mom " , " wonder woman " , keeping all the balls in the air and doing it

ALL without looking like it was even an effort. Boy did it ever catch

up with me!!! About 7 years ago I was the victim of a hit and run car

accident and suddenly found myself flat on my back with FMS, CFS and

MPS and couldn't even MOVE off the couch. It has lasted for all of

these years and I know now it is absolutely due to the constant drive

of perfectionism and trying to be everything to everyone for so many

years. Saying " no " or " I can't " wasn't even in my vocabulary years

ago. I had to let go of all of that because for the past 7 years I

have been unable to do anything but try to get a shower and get

dressed each day and maybe get an errand done every now and then.

Many things have happened in these past several years that have made

it nearly impossible for me to do anything physical, including four

neurosurgeries in 24 months for a brain aneurysm and three spine

surgeries (the first of which was totally botched and has destroyed

so much of my life) but I am taking it one day at a time now. I am

FAR from perfect, not even capable of doing the normal everyday

things I used to take for granted and my pride of being " wonder

woman " is long dead and buried. Now I just thank God for the grace to

make it through a day at a time.

It's all okay sisters!

Love,

Cheryl

In dominie , " Marie Louise " <scott.marie@...> wrote:

>

> not at you, but at myself. My husband and kids have kidded me that

I

> am the Monk's twin sister ever since the show came out. Doesn't

every

> one color code their closet because it looks better and makes

getting

> ready in the morning much easier? LOL! I am a retired realtor and I

> can tell you without any uncertainty, the color coded closets were

> much easier to show and the house usually sold quicker. Those homes

> that had color coded closets were also more organized through out

the

> rest of the house. To me, to us, that is a no brainer. My husband

> always stops me when we are at a resturant and I start cleaning the

> table when we are finished. He claims that people get paid to do

that

> and reminds me that I don't work there. I went back to college when

I

> was 46 years old. The first day our psycology professor gave us a

> test to see if we were Personality A or personality B. After

reading

> them over she picked me as the the student with the most A

> personality that she had ever had in class. She said that she bet

> that I even rolled my toothpast from the bottom. " Of course " said

> I,and was a bit embarrassed when the class laughed. The only people

> that I knew that didn't do that was my husband and my brother. Even

> after 45 years of marriage, my husband has his toothpaste and I

have

> mine because of this. Do I hear the rest of you telling me that

this

> a prerequisite for Fibromyalga? I have always been like this as far

> back as I can remember. My husband is so supportive of me and tries

> to be the best help. He however, is not an A. He always gets to the

> dishwasher first and puts the dishes away (anywhere that he finds a

> place). I can't find any thing and it is driving me nuts. HE tells

me

> to quite being an old fuddy duddy. HELP!!!!! Thank you all for

seeing

> myself in a different light and having a good laugh. You are the

> bestest in the whole world.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> dominie , " Pam Horne " <pmarshall@> wrote:

> >

> > Feng Shui. I swear by it. I get a sort of...feeling...when

> something is not in the correct place. When I have finally moved

it

> to where it is supposed to be, I immediately relax. Feng Shui is

> also a good way to eliminate clutter. The rule is: you must only

> keep the things in your home that you find either: 1. Useful; 2.

> Beautiful; or 3. Sentimental. My husband can figure out a way to

> place any object in one of those categories, but if you are honest

> with yourself, it's easy to clean using that strategy.

> >

> > I haven't even seen your neighbor's Christmas tree, but it's

> already making me a little crazy. I can so imagine that happening

to

> me and how it would be stressing me out; I am, therefore, thankful

> that you straightened out the candy-cane issue in your driveway.

ha

> ha ha. We are all nuts.

> >

> > Pam H

> >

> >

> > Re: e way.Re: Perfectionism (newsletter

> response) & a que

> >

> >

> >

> > Pam,

> > I had a revelation about this after I got that tetnus and then

> realized I was too incapacitated to function.

> > I wanted things done perfect but I couldn't do them so they

> didn't get done. My poor kids, God bless their souls for being so

> patient with me.

> >

> > I just asked my kids, hey, do you want to learn to do this the

> way that makes me happy. They agreed. They are perfectionists too,

so

> they hounded themselves about not doing it perfect. I told them

just

> to keep doing it and with practice they can be more proud of

> themselves. I told them I didn't do it right the first hundred

times

> either. With that I learned patience myself.

> > I realized that I had to just let it go and look at it done

wrong

> until they learned to do it right, because I couldn't do it. It has

> taken my kids 5 years to learn to do dishes properly, and I can

> promise you it was so worth the patience. They don't always get it

> perfect, but I'm not perfect so I just appreciate the fact that I

> didn't have to do it. There is no more dried food on the plates

> anymore, but now I am crazy about making sure they learn to load

the

> dishwasher perfectly. Well, not perfect, but you know, exactly the

> way I think it should be loaded. HEHE.

> > I have a fibro friend who lives close by and she has really

been

> hurting bad lately too from the weather. She commented that her

tree

> was decorated this year by her grandkids and she wished she hadn't

> have done it but she just didn't have the energy to do it herself.

> She said that my perfect tree was decorated like she would have

done

> hers if she would have done it herself. It is driving her crazy to

> see it. She can't change it though because the kids will have their

> feelings hurt. Even the presents under my tree are color

coordinated

> by wrapping.

> > We have candy canes that follow our driveway line that we put

up

> every year. There are two rows one on each side of the drive. Well,

> my husband did them wrong and we ended up with one row on one side

> for three days. I tried to deal with it, but I missed so much sleep

> that finally I went out and changed them myself. He kept saying it

> looked fine to him, but I couldn't live with it. Now there are two

> rows and I am sleeping better over it.

> > It is crazy the things we do.

> > I do appreciate Monk and his perfectionism. I often watch the

> show just to get decorating ideas. I am really bad about this.

> > I just think things function better when they all have a proper

> placement. It doesn't help that I have studied Feng shui, the art

of

> decorating for energy placement throughout the home. It has not

only

> made me more aware but also has givne me a new perfectionism

> perspective.

> >

> > Merry Christmas to all and may your christmas be organized and

> beautiful.

> > Stacie

> >

>