friends and family

[Guest guest]

There has been all this talk about how friends and family bale on not just us but on those who are in need. We all know the older person who does not get any visits from family and has to get meals on wheels because the community ignores them. I have been so depressed since Thanksgiving because my mother gave me an ultimatum. She had a screaming fit because she does not like the way our relationship is. She wants it to be different and if it does not change she is cutting me off. My mother by the way is not

that stable. To reduce stress my DBT therapist has me keep my distance but I am kind to here and we help her a lot. Heck she lives across the street. She never offers to help me,to cook,to clean. She even said she does not come over because "I am always sick". She wants to hear from my therapist that I am not mentally ill. She does not believe me that I am not mentally ill. She says I lie and she knows me better than anyone and I have not been right since I was a baby. {She does not acknowledge the abuse and says I made it up} If she does not get to go see my therapist she will cut me off. Then just the other day I received an email from a long time friend that she does not want any forwards from me unless I have something personal to say to her or want to get together with her. I had just written her explaining how ill I had been and how sorry I was we could not get together but she was more than welcome to drop by. So I replied

to her letter, explaining the Fibro, getting that she must be frustrated and perhaps feel rejected by me. I explained how I hated to be so sick and debilitated and that dealing with my daughter,her doctors,therapists,taking care of my ill father,my clients,horses,my therapies etc barely has me able to walk. Again I told her that we can sit together here and have a glass of wine and talk.{ To be truthful I don't have energy for that right now. I dread all the social obligations I have coming up before and after Christmas. Not because I don't love people because I am so sick. } I still have not heard back from her. I also found out my brother Doug has been talking about me to my mother behind my back. She, of course feeds him her distorted version of who I am and her made up "truth". He pays little or no attention to me or my daughter and it kills her. His wife does not even acknowledge Nell is alive anymore. Although the whole family showers

their little two year old girl with attention and gifts. Including me.I feel so lost and alone. I have kept my mother in my life because she has no one. My brothers do nothing for her and she has no one. I have dealt with her abuse and honed my skills to deal with my past. I care for a father who loves my mother more than he loves me. I feel like I am running in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I swore when living in the house with my parents that I would get out from under the abuse and never return. But look at me. They can no longer touch my body but they touch my life and create havoc and stress. I feel as if I have been carrying them all my life. Now, like I said in that last letter, I cannot carry anymore. What do you do with a mother like this and a brother who does not care about you? It hurts so. It shouldn't but it does. My DBT therapist says I have to go through the stages of Radical Acceptance. One of

which is grieving. Since I don't cry much, I better work on that. Always I hear how I have to reduce stress in my life for my illness. This remains my biggest mystery.thanks for listening,Sue