MS and prejudice

[Guest guest]

I've tried so hard to resist posting on this, but I can't stop

myself. When I first read the posting about the father with MS

advising his daughter not to get serious with a boy with a family

member with MS, I was angry. I couldn't believe this was coming from

someone with MS. But I forced myself to back off and think about it

before I replied, and to put myself in his shoes.

As most of you know, I have a 16 year old son who was diagnosed with

MS 3 years ago. I thought back to the time of his diagnosis, when my

first instinct was to keep it quiet, but a local church took matters

out of my hands and announced it to the world, even before we had an

official diagnosis. I remember how angry I got that they had taken

this choice away from us, and how much I worried about how this would

affect my son's life, especially his teenage years, because I know

how people are and how they can be, and how afraid they are of what

they do not know.

At the time of his diagnosis, my daughter, then 21, was in a lengthy

relationship with a young man whose father was SPMS and severely

disabled. I remember thinking so many times that I wished she were

not dating him, because it brought the " worse case scenario " into our

lives, and I didn't want my son to know that side of MS. I never

ever discouraged my daughter from seeing this young man - she had

been with him for 8 years, and I would never have done that. But I

do remember she and I having several conversations about how

frightened we were because we knew how bad it could get first hand,

and how we wished my son didn't have to contend with this knowledge.

That boyfriend is long gone, but at the time, it played a huge part

in our lives.

Then, a few months ago, when I was desperately seeking contact with

other parents of teens with an MS diagnosis, I finally found a small

group. I was so excited, but when I made contact with this group, I

discovered that out of the 4 I made contact with, 3 of the teens were

on chemo and in wheelchairs. (They dropped me like a hot potato as

soon as they found out Colby was on LDN, by the way...) I

contemplated putting my son in contact with these teens, but again, I

got scared, because I don't want to take his hope away by letting him

see what kind of condition these teens were in. I struggled with

this for quite some time. It all comes down to fear and protection

with me, and has nothing to do with prejudice, but he is my son, and

I will do what I think is best for him. I may not always be right,

but I will try to make the best decisions I can for as long as I can

regarding his health and mental well being.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that we all have different

motives for doing the things that we do and thinking the things that

we think, and when our kids are involved, our vision may not always

be clear, but we mean well!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Kim