first day

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/6/00 6:53:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

ckc@... writes:

<< Anyway, we're home, school has started, and I can breathe again.

CK,

Mom to Ian (2/89),

(9/90),

and Rose (6/94)

>>

Welcome home CK ! Sorry about your trip. Well, now that school has started,

you can have your vacation! :-)

Gail

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/6/00 6:53:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

ckc@... writes:

<<

Anyway, we're home, school has started, and I can breathe again. >>

Omigosh CK!!!! Sounds like a nightmare!! I'm so sorry you had to deal with

all that. As Gail says, now that school is back, you can

relax.......Ooops!!! Just a different torture, eh?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Donna

[Guest guest]

Gosh, CK, sounds like you need a vacation from your vacation! Sorry things

were so rough with Ian. We don't take on trips anymore because of her

behavior and sleeping problems, etc. It just wasn't a vacation for her or

the rest of us, so now we get someone to watch her when we go. Glad school

has started and you can catch a break! Welcome back!

Maureen

[Guest guest]

Hi Ellen, I was waiting to hear from you...

I would be pretty angry at the bus company for starting her day wrong! You

are sending her to the school because she has an anxiety disorder and they

start her year with her being stressed out due to their ineptitude! what is

wrong with this picture? did the school contact you when she wasnt there on

time? Did the bus company have a legitamite reason for hte delay? keep

externalizing things for allison and tell her dad to remember he's the adult

here!

Since its later in the day, I'm guessing that she stayed all day. Phew,

what a break for you! I know this is going to take a lot of training on all

your parts, but do your best to not engage when allison is being a tyrant.

Remember to reward her little successes. I would even plan a treat for her

making it through the day! I send mini messages of encouragements in ziv's

lunch when she starts her day on the wrong foot. I'll put in a hershey's

kiss and tell her its the next best thing to me being there! Usually this

helps to turn things around.

Keep us posted - I hope that you went for your walk today as planned.

take care, wendy, in canada wb4@...

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[Guest guest]

Poor Poor !! I will be praying for you and her and dad. Let us know

how tomm goes. Take care and do something nice for yourself today. Nikki in

O'town

[Guest guest]

HI Ellen:

I am sorry to hear that the day got off to a rough start. Perhaps when

things cool down the family can review the day and see if the plan could be

changed to make things work better.

Sorry to be Pollyannaish about this, but she did get to school. That is an

achievement and can be celebrated. YOu may want to consider taking a day

off work and driving her in to school together next time so you and your

husband can support each other with this task. Hope you can get some help

from the bus service too.

Good luck, hopefully tomorrow will go easier as there is less new and

unknown about it now. Hang in there, aloha, kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 02:42 PM 09/11/2000 -0400, you wrote:

>First day at private middle school for , she and I woke up at 5AM,

>both of us anxious, at 8AM I was pleading and bribing her to please get

>dressed, bus to come any minute, she started cursing at me a blue streak, I

>backed off, she put her clothes on, berated and cursed and spit at me for

the

>next half hour, I called the bus company to see where they were, on hold for

>30 minutes (school is half an hour away and started already), finally at

>9:30, husband went to drive her there, she was frantic, he coughed or

>breathed funny, she threw a tantrum, pulled his arm, apparently some minor

>fender bender, but they screamed at each other the rest of the trip to

>school, I got a hysterical phone call from at 10:15 that he was

>hitting her, she could not stop crying, I could hear him yelling in the

>background, I had her put him on the phone, told him the most important

thing

>was to get her into class, and to stop yelling at her, put her on the phone,

>had her blow her nose, and go in her backpack for some cold water to put on

>her face. First day of seventh grade with red and swollen face is not

>lovely, she was 90 minutes late to first day, missed orientation, got a

lousy

>locker, and that was the last I have heard.

>

>How does so much go so wrong? Poor .

[Guest guest]

Well poor but poor you too. At least you know you can skip the " giving

them the benefit of the doubt " phase and let them know they GOT your attention,

now they can try and WIN your respect. You are such a good advocate for your

daughter, I really admire that.

I hope tomorrow is better!

Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

I hope you got your walk at the boardwalk in after all that. What a lousy way

to start the school year.

I feel like we had one of " those " days yesterday after school. is

starting to really enjoy pushing Chris' buttons and once again she started,

he started with the cursing and yelling. I put them in different rooms, start

making dinner, and decides to get pissed at me because I told not to

answer the phone (caller ID said unavailable -- at dinner time you know it is

a sales call) He answers anyway ( " what if it's Dad? " -- who knows to say

" it's me, pick up " on the answering machine. I get an obnoxious saleman and

I'm annoyed. He claims I am lieing, I never told not to answer the phone, and

finally says " F*ck you " . At which point the conversation is over because I

will not interact with him at all when he is like that. He then screamed

something else that brought me back into the room and he say " Good, you came

back " and started to argue again. I leave again (not giving him the attention

he is demanding) and off he goes on his storm for over 1 hour (using the

staple gun on the outside of the back door to the house, throwing basketball

at the windows - I don't know why a window did not break - etc, etc.) I

finally left for a 7:30 meeting, taking with me, so when Bill got home

the door was deadbolted because he was now afraid of what Dad would do to him

(nothing because I had " protected " Dad from the gory details so I didn't ruin

his day). Just a wonderful, disfunctional day at my house. Hopefully the last

for a long time -- actually, hasn't been like that in a very long time.

I hope it isn't the start of this all over again.

Anne in CT

[Guest guest]

Anne, in CT,

So, had a major meltdown, eh?! You handled it well!

What will your plan be for today? Will you speak to and ask him what

could have changed the outcome? will you let it go? is he still angry?

You know, I wouldnt have made a big deal of it to yigal either. I would have

reminded the 'offender' that some things are hard to control and that he got

carried away. I'd ask what I can do to stop this from happening in the

future.

's teasing is so typical, and typically unfair! why not put her on a

reward system for not making angry? When teasing starts here, I do

like you - divide and conquer! Sometimes though, I put the 'offends' in the

same room (when they are calmer) and let them deal with it. This is one of

those fine lines of knowing if its an ocd reaction or adolescence.

Lets hope this is a one time occurance for chris.

take care, wendy, in canada

-----------------------------------------------------

>I feel like we had one of " those " days yesterday after school. is

>starting to really enjoy pushing Chris' buttons and once again she started,

>he started with the cursing and yelling. I put them in different rooms,

>start making dinner, and decides to get pissed at me because I told

>not to answer the phone (caller ID said unavailable -- at dinner time you

>know it is a sales call) He answers anyway ( " what if it's Dad? " -- who

>knows to say " it's me, pick up " on the answering machine. I get an

>obnoxious saleman and I'm annoyed. He claims I am lieing, I never told not

>to answer the phone, and finally says " F*ck you " . At which point the

>conversation is over because I

>will not interact with him at all when he is like that. He then screamed

>something else that brought me back into the room and he say " Good, you

>came back " and started to argue again. I leave again (not giving him the

>attention he is demanding) and off he goes on his storm for over 1 hour

>(using the staple gun on the outside of the back door to the house,

>throwing basketball at the windows - I don't know why a window did not

>break - etc, etc.) I finally left for a 7:30 meeting, taking with me,

>so when Bill got home the door was deadbolted because he was now afraid of

>what Dad would do to him

>(nothing because I had " protected " Dad from the gory details so I didn't

>ruin his day). Just a wonderful, disfunctional day at my house. Hopefully

>the last for a long time -- actually, hasn't been like that in a very

>long time.

>I hope it isn't the start of this all over again.

>

>Anne in CT

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[Guest guest]

Hi Anne and all,

Yes, I got my beach walk in, thank you all for remembering this, but my poor

friend who walks with me got an earful! And an eyeful, I took one look at

her and started crying, so, not terribly enjoyable, but way better than being

home, and she has known me for 14 years, so knows that I am not always as

much of a bummer as I have been this past year. Non-OCD parents--- I don't

know, they listen, but they can't possibly understand.....

I am working on the kind of strength you showed yesterday, so please give

yourself pats on the back-- being called a liar is one of my buttons! (which

of course she knows..) What would you have done if he had broken a window?

Still stayed disengaged? Another button-- my home has meant so much to me,

refuge, sanctuary, (and no, not anymore) but that staple gun thing would have

sent me right over the edge.

So very discouraging-- he was doing so well. I guess you need to speak to

him in a calm moment to see if something is getting his anxiety up in school.

And just as we can't let one good day fill us with too much hope so that we

come crashing down, so must we not let a few bad ones fill us with despair

again....philosophical tonight...

Please let us know how things are going.

Ellen/NY

[Guest guest]

HI Anne:

Sounds like had OCD bossing him around a bit. Sorry it was mean and

bossing you around too. I don't consider this dysfunctional when it

happens to our family, just that OCD is bossing us around, and OCD is such

a bossy thing, quite a bully.

I am sure feels quite embarrassed about his difficult behavios now.

Perhaps you can all sit down and have a calm, non-judgemental review of

what to do next time OCD is waxing and starts pushing you all around.

Yesterday was a bit rough in our house too. is on some low

everything diet to prepare for carbo loading when he runs the marathon this

weekend. So he is very crabby and Steve can easily push him around and

avoid being answerable for homework. After withdrawing and reading (my

time out) I just sent Steve off to bed early.

Good job withholding attention when all the tough behavior was happening,

that is so hard to do and you did it! Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 09:30 AM 09/12/2000 -0400, you wrote:

>

>Ellen,

>

>I hope you got your walk at the boardwalk in after all that. What a lousy

way

>to start the school year.

>

>I feel like we had one of " those " days yesterday after school. is

>starting to really enjoy pushing Chris' buttons and once again she started,

>he started with the cursing and yelling. I put them in different rooms,

start

>making dinner, and decides to get pissed at me because I told not to

>answer the phone (caller ID said unavailable -- at dinner time you know it

is

>a sales call) He answers anyway ( " what if it's Dad? " -- who knows to say

> " it's me, pick up " on the answering machine. I get an obnoxious saleman and

>I'm annoyed. He claims I am lieing, I never told not to answer the phone,

and

>finally says " F*ck you " . At which point the conversation is over because I

>will not interact with him at all when he is like that. He then screamed

>something else that brought me back into the room and he say " Good, you came

>back " and started to argue again. I leave again (not giving him the

attention

>he is demanding) and off he goes on his storm for over 1 hour (using the

>staple gun on the outside of the back door to the house, throwing basketball

>at the windows - I don't know why a window did not break - etc, etc.) I

>finally left for a 7:30 meeting, taking with me, so when Bill got home

>the door was deadbolted because he was now afraid of what Dad would do to

him

>(nothing because I had " protected " Dad from the gory details so I didn't

ruin

>his day). Just a wonderful, disfunctional day at my house. Hopefully the

last

>for a long time -- actually, hasn't been like that in a very long

time.

>I hope it isn't the start of this all over again.

>

>Anne in CT

[Guest guest]

Ellen,

If the window had broken, I probably would have left with in the car

and gotten dinner by ourselves and waited for the inevitable phone call from

him -- just to get away from him because I know I would have wanted to hit

him, and 1. I shouldn't and 2. he is bigger than me. I really hate it when he

gets me to feel violent towards him. He actually did earlier that afternoon

at the beginning of the " Storm " when he took a stress reliever ball (filled

with sand) and deliberately tore it open so that the sand spilled all over

the carpet in my room. I actually tried to push him into his room ( " stay

there for the night!!! " ) and he tried to push back, and I went down stairs

and what I wanted to do was slap him, and I didn't.

Today, he was a bit tensed up etc again when he got home. He had a good day

(again) at school. In fact, he will move up a level (more privileges etc.) at

school because he has been great there. I made a real effort to talk to him

with my voice both lower in tone and volume. He was still agumentative but

not as bad. After a little TV, he started his homework, and was basically

okay. He even called Bill as he was leaving work to see if he wanted to go

run or something when he got home. They actually ended up playing basketball

for about 1 hour and just got home. So maybe he'll talk about why he is so

tense (maybe because he kept it together at school?) He see his psychologist

on Thursday so I will make a point of reminding him to talk about it -- he

usually is willing to do that there.

Hang in there Ellen. You and will somehow survive this. I thinking of

you.

Anne in CT

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne,

I have 2 children whose names are also and . is 9 , 6. He's the one with OCD, we don't know about yet.

Terry

[Guest guest]

Dear Anne,

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad day. I know how it feels to be

waiting to hear something break! And I know I have lost it a few times, such

as the night got mad at me and poured all the cleaning chemicals from

under the sink onto the kitchen floor. What a mess! It took hours to clean

up the soapy, gooey mess.

I'm sure is glad he didn't break anything either. They get so

angry, but then the guilt later on is even worse. went to bed one

night when he was ten with a knife under his pillow because he felt so bad

about something that had happened.

Some people (probably and Kathy) have suggested keeping a record of

what happens so that we can see how much progress has been made. It sounds

like a good idea, because, as bad as things are now, is still much,

much better than he was two years ago.

Take care, and I hope this was Chris' one meltdown for the semester!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

My brother swears he and his girlfriend will never have kids

I think that is partly because of BJ- when he use do see Poppa and Nana

Lea, he used to cause riots and then Natasha was a non sleeper and a

screamer...and his best friend had a baby- and she wa similar to

NAtasha.......so I think the 2 of us have turned em off kids.......... I

hope not..........

> ! I asked tim if he'd had fun today, and he said yes, poor naomi will

> probably never give me any grandchildren after today!!

>

> sue wong

>

>

Borg Queen who will assimilate anyone who says I am the class clown -

Resistance is futile

[Guest guest]

Your portions are very small and your carb choices aren't very filling. You

could probably go with more like 2/3 to 1 cup of cottage cheese depending on

your size. You would also be better off with big bulky, filling portions of

carbs - apples, beans, oats, berries, sweet potatoes, stuff like that. Processed

carbs like bread and tortillas tend to leave you hungry an hour later.

If you had a six egg white omelet with veggies and a bowl of oatmeal for

breakfast you wouldn't be hungry all day. For lunch, lose the tortilla and put

your chicken on a giant bucket of salad greens with broccoli, tomato, cucumbers,

peppers, and mushrooms. You could put some kidney beans or peas on the salad for

your carb, or you could eat an orange or a pear on the side. That's a meal that

you can pull off at just about any grocery store salad bar or fast food

restaurant.

If you do have a tortilla with chicken, put a big handful of baby spinach on it

and an entire tomato. Eat some celery sticks on the side.

There's nothing wrong with your meals, you just need to make more filling

choices and eat your veggies.

first day

today is my first day doing BFL and I am starving!!! Did anyone

notice this intitially? I did my weight workout this morning first

thing and so far i have eaten:

- 1/2 cup cottage cheese and I source yogurt

- 1 small whole wheat tortilla with 1 portion of chicken and 1

tablespoon of lowfat mayo, lettuce, tomato

- 1 small whole tortilla and 1 can of tuna and 1 tbspoon of lowfat

mayo

- 1/2 cup cottage cheese and 1 source yogurt with 1 tbsp of flaxseed

I am going to have brown rice and chicken and veggies. But I am

starving and I have the worst headache> Any comments I would love to

hear. Thanks

Shalegh

[Guest guest]

This is the days menu I set up for my first day, Oct. 1.

Breakfast: Greek Yogurt with banana

Spelt toast with small spread of almond butter

snack: Slice of white turkey meat and 2 oz. Mozarella cheese

Lunch: Boiled egg

Green Salad with olive oil and Mrs. Dash seasoning

snack: Handful of walnuts

Dinner: 1/2 sweet potato

lean beef steak

Asparagus

snack: Soy shake with soy protein mix, 1 cup grape juice, 1/2 cup

blueberries, banana

3 ice cubes....blend until well blended.

Let me know what you think or if I could tweak it to be a little better.

--

www.bigpondaussies.com

[Guest guest]

I was going to use 100% Whey powder. What do you think of that?

On Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 5:46 PM, Irene de Villiers

<furryboots@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Looks well thought out to me .

> I'd skip the GMO and soy though.

> All the soy in USA is GMO, an soy is shown to damage thymus (reduces

> ability to resist chronic disease). Soy is an avoid for NS as I am, so maybe

> t's less harmful to secretors, but I'd avoid it anyway due to the GMO.

>

> GMo foods are all those with products from Soy, corn, sugar beets, cotton

> and canola. And Monsanto recently got the okay to add alfalfa to the planet

> contamination.

>

> Greek yogurt is yummy :-)

> I confess I eat a lot of dairy that is not exactly my O neg ns ideal stuff.

> I tried going without for several months and got sicker, so I am using it

> without guilt. It helps me.

>

> Namaste,

> Irene

>

>

> On Sep 28, 2011, at 8:04 AM, Forrester wrote:

>

> > This is the days menu I set up for my first day, Oct. 1.

> >

> > Breakfast: Greek Yogurt with banana

> > Spelt toast with small spread of almond butter

> >

> > snack: Slice of white turkey meat and 2 oz. Mozarella cheese

> >

> > Lunch: Boiled egg

> > Green Salad with olive oil and Mrs. Dash seasoning

> >

> > snack: Handful of walnuts

> >

> > Dinner: 1/2 sweet potato

> > lean beef steak

> > Asparagus

> >

> > snack: Soy shake with soy protein mix, 1 cup grape juice, 1/2 cup

> > blueberries, banana

> > 3 ice cubes....blend until well blended.

> >

> > Let me know what you think or if I could tweak it to be a little better.

> >

> >

> >

> > --

> > www.bigpondaussies.com

> >

> >

> >