Re: Just sharing my thoughts ~ from n

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

LOL ..My husband causes me to think that he is baffled by me at times. If that isn't asperger's I don't know what else it could be. There's a lot behind that. It's a lot of explaining that I don't have time for...LOL.

I've been in and out of psychology offices over the last 15 years and never really made much progress. My counselor is amazed at the tremendous personal growth I've experienced over the last 2 years. It's got to be biomedical for the most part and self awareness for the other part. If you don't know what you're aware of, you can't make much progress. I actually diagnosed myself as AS, because it is very true that professionals really don't know the whole situation. I don't know why there isn't enough evidence for them or what the reason would be for not wanting to diagnose someone who say's they think they have Asperger's syndrome. I guess we still have to do our own research even this day and age still yet.

Your right about closure, I've gone beyond closure and am at lifes openings. It's a wonderful place to be! But I remember now that you mention it. It's a natural process of grief, loss, acceptance and change. I never drempt that I could be looking back like I am now. My grip was when I realized that there is not a majic wand or magical day that will change everything to make it all better. My next grip was when I realized I can be sure of this: nothing is for sure. don't know why that worked, I guess I needed to be sure of something...that's what I could be sure of, that nothing's for sure. It worked!!!! There's more to it but those keys are what got me where I am now; It's good to have a grip on life!!! My life used to be mostly bad days with only a few good ones here and there. Thankfully now, my life is mostly good days with very few bad days that I decide to make better. I invite good things and good thoughts for myself, inviting good things and thoughts really does work for me. One more key to myself was when I realized; if I live to love, I'll love to live, and it really works. There's nothing like it. No amount of trying can compare to love. Loving who you are and who you know and giving love. What goes around comes around to create a balance. Isn't it amazing?

Yours Most Truly,

n

In a message dated 9/22/07 9:20:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time, skidzstuff@... writes:

I truly understand how you feel. I myself have exhibited autistic tendencies for as long as I can recollect. I know in my heart that I have asperger's syndrome, and a professional diagnosis for me would bring an incredible amount of closure. It is sad to live an existance as an insanely intellegent person, and think that you are stupid because there is something about you that just doesn't add up. I have two sons who are autistic, one high and one not so high. I'm so very grateful for the advances that are being made with autism awareness. I just wish that I could find someone who could recognize what I have and not try and tell me it's all in my head.

[Guest guest]

I truly understand how you feel. I myself have exhibited autistic tendencies for as long as I can recollect. I know in my heart that I have asperger's syndrome, and a professional diagnosis for me would bring an incredible amount of closure. It is sad to live an existance as an insanely intellegent person, and think that you are stupid because there is something about you that just doesn't add up. I have two sons who are autistic, one high and one not so high. I'm so very grateful for the advances that are being made with autism awareness. I just wish that I could find someone who could recognize what I have and not try and tell me it's all in my head. 1@... wrote: I thought given the oppertunity; I would share my thoughts and beliefs. This is a big part of me that I want to tell the world! ) To me Autism is indentity rather than a label; I believe in supporting Autism rather than defeating autism. In my opinion, autism is a part of a person that needs love just as much as every other part of the body. My son has autism and I feel I can love my child in whole when I love that part of his as well. I still want to give him the best opportunities for growth in mind, spirit and soul and this is just as well for myself. With the therapies I've chosen, I'm very proud of how far my son has come with comprehension and ability. He has yet more to achieve and I encourage more but allow him

to achieve it for himself. This is so important because he will achieve success knowing that he is loved no matter how much he comprehends and adapts to the world around him. I am working toward recovery for both my son and myself with biomedical and conventional therapies. Over the last year, I've become aware that I am an adult with high functioning Asperger’s syndrome (not officially diagnosed with AS but only with ADHD, I was thinking of going to an expert, but haven’t yet.) I've been implementing Biomedical and inspirational therapies for myself. My social and writing ability has greatly improved over the last 2 years with these therapies. (a few friends from my past have admitted that they thought I was just a quiet, shy and reserved person, but that was never really me. I always wanted to be in that social circle and keep up with the chitchat, I'm getting there!)Being someone with Asperger’s syndrome; I

remember what it’s like to not be able to express myself and having that anxiety of not being sure of myself or anyone else around me. From my own point of view, I can honestly say that being diagnosed is the best start toward becoming sure of yourself, because you know it’s not you personally, but it’s your ability or non-ability to be able to comprehend, express yourself and be confident knowing that you are human and it's ok to be yourself. I’m so glad I found the l therapies I've been implementing. It was all because of my son; I became aware of the part of myself I never knew about. To me, autism is not a label, it's an identy and I'm glad I found that missing part of my identy that I don't have to hide or pretend it doesn't exist. I'm glad to be myself entirely. I'm always a person first and that is most important. (It's rather interesting; but last year is when I first felt I was a real person.) I don't know

if anyone else has felt that way. Honestly, I didn't know I didn't feel like a real person until I did feel like a real person. (I know that's sad to hear, but it's true.) I don't mind admitting it because I'm so at peace, love and appreciate myself now. (Self hatred ruled me for many years believe it or not.) Ability should never be the rule to loving or appreciation for oneself and hate should never be a fuel for achievement or gain. I want you to know I am glad to help anyone seeking help with any part with autism and any type of therapies you find best for you and your child. Yours Most Truly, n Helmick Parent to Parent for Autism http://hometown.aol.com/parentschat/homepage.html

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[Guest guest]

What is truly difficult, for me, is always having been entirely too intricate when it comes to dealing with simple situations. Never really knowing how to express myself in a way that others would understand. Being royally sick of being misunderstood, cast off, ignored. My husband is so confused by me that he just kind of laughs now. Course I used to get upset with him, but now just laugh. My story with how I have dealt with this is a long one, which I am certain I share with my others who are also in my shoes. No one ever understands me, and God love my mother, she has always tried so much, but I just leave her baffled. My dad actually ends up in arguments with me, and I get so frustrated. I loath the frustration. As a kid dealing with all of this was so overwhelming. Feeling content with seclusion became my only true refuge, however sad and most horribly alone. I was not particularly cared for as a teen, as most of my peers saw me as a dork, although just about all

of their parents wished that I were their child. Yeah, THAT really helped the situation. Unfortunately, I've always had serious issues with anxiety, so that whenever it came time to take paper tests, the best that I could pull off was a B average. And yet, I could talk circles around the subject, and would be able to know things to the most minute detail. Names, dates, periods, eras, they all formed themselves in my mind as some sort of sadistic pattern that would inhabit my every thought, whether waking or in my dreams. It was almost some sort of prison, some punishment I felt that only I had to endure. My mother hurt deeply for me, and in response to my personal torture, withdrew me from a traditional academic environment and home-schooled me. While I excelled at this academically, socially I absolutely withdrew from everything. My only outlet was my church youth group, and even this was truly not a positive experience. I existed. Thankfully, I met a

wonderful man when I was nineteen who accepted this goofy history buff dork for a wonderful person. He has helped me considerably in my quest to be, uh, normal. Or what I thought was normal. Actually he has truly helped me to come to grips with the things that I have experienced, and to know that although I'm a tad eccentric at times, I have alot to offer. The breakthrough was when my two boys were diagnosed. I was not even aware of what autism was, let alone know that my boys had it. And then to consider that they, being just like me, might be the key to let me know what is going on in my head. Thankfully we are still together after seventeen years. And so I ramble, typical for me!!! I'm famous for this. Thanks for the response. 1@... wrote: Hi , LOL ..My husband causes me to think that he is baffled by me at times. If that isn't asperger's I don't know what else it could be. There's a lot behind that. It's a lot of explaining that I don't have time for...LOL. I've been in and out of psychology offices over the last 15 years and never really made much progress. My counselor is amazed at the tremendous personal growth I've experienced over the last 2 years. It's got to be biomedical for the most part and self awareness for the other part. If you don't know what you're aware of, you can't make much

progress. I actually diagnosed myself as AS, because it is very true that professionals really don't know the whole situation. I don't know why there isn't enough evidence for them or what the reason would be for not wanting to diagnose someone who say's they think they have Asperger's syndrome. I guess we still have to do our own research even this day and age still yet. Your right about closure, I've gone beyond closure and am at lifes openings. It's a wonderful place to be! But I remember now that you mention it. It's a natural process of grief, loss, acceptance and change. I never drempt that I could be looking back like I am now. My grip was when I realized that there is not a majic wand or magical day that will change everything to make it all better. My next grip was when I realized I can be sure of this: nothing is for sure. don't know why that worked, I guess I needed to be sure of

something...that's what I could be sure of, that nothing's for sure. It worked!!!! There's more to it but those keys are what got me where I am now; It's good to have a grip on life!!! My life used to be mostly bad days with only a few good ones here and there. Thankfully now, my life is mostly good days with very few bad days that I decide to make better. I invite good things and good thoughts for myself, inviting good things and thoughts really does work for me. One more key to myself was when I realized; if I live to love, I'll love to live, and it really works. There's nothing like it. No amount of trying can compare to love. Loving who you are and who you know and giving love. What goes around comes around to create a balance. Isn't it amazing? Yours Most Truly, n In a message dated 9/22/07 9:20:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time, skidzstuff writes: I truly understand how you feel. I myself have exhibited autistic tendencies for as long as I can recollect. I know in my heart that I have asperger's syndrome, and a professional diagnosis for me would bring an incredible amount of closure. It is sad to live an existance as an insanely intellegent person, and think that you are stupid because there is something about you that just doesn't add up. I have two sons who are autistic, one high and one not so high. I'm so very grateful for the advances that are being made with autism awareness. I just wish that I could find someone who could recognize what I have and not try and tell me it's all in my head.

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[Guest guest]

!

I can sum up all that you wrote; by this, I litterly feel as though I've walked out of (hell). what you wrote is so much of what it used to be like for me. I'll be here for you!!!! I can help you with what I've done for myself. I'll work with you off-list. My life has changed so amazingly. I'll keep you in thought and prayer and I'll work with you.

Yours Most Truly,

n

In a message dated 9/23/07 11:11:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time, skidzstuff@... writes:

What is truly difficult, for me, is always having been entirely too intricate when it comes to dealing with simple situations. Never really knowing how to express myself in a way that others would understand. Being royally sick of being misunderstood, cast off, ignored. My husband is so confused by me that he just kind of laughs now. Course I used to get upset with him, but now just laugh. My story with how I have dealt with this is a long one, which I am certain I share with my others who are also in my shoes. No one ever understands me, and God love my mother, she has always tried so much, but I just leave her baffled. My dad actually ends up in arguments with me, and I get so frustrated. I loath the frustration. As a kid dealing with all of this was so overwhelming. Feeling content with seclusion became my only true refuge, however sad and most horribly alone. I was not particularly cared for as a teen, as most of my peers saw me as a dork, although just about all of their parents wished that I were their child. Yeah, THAT really helped the situation. Unfortunately, I've always had serious issues with anxiety, so that whenever it came time to take paper tests, the best that I could pull off was a B average. And yet, I could talk circles around the subject, and would be able to know things to the most minute detail. Names, dates, periods, eras, they all formed themselves in my mind as some sort of sadistic pattern that would inhabit my every thought, whether waking or in my dreams. It was almost some sort of prison, some punishment I felt that only I had to endure. My mother hurt deeply for me, and in response to my personal torture, withdrew me from a traditional academic environment and home-schooled me. While I excelled at this academically, socially I absolutely withdrew from everything. My only outlet was my church youth group, and even this was truly not a positive experience. I existed. Thankfully, I met a wonderful man when I was nineteen who accepted this goofy history buff dork for a wonderful person. He has helped me considerably in my quest to be, uh, normal. Or what I thought was normal. Actually he has truly helped me to come to grips with the things that I have experienced, and to know that although I'm a tad eccentric at times, I have alot to offer. The breakthrough was when my two boys were diagnosed. I was not even aware of what autism was, let alone know that my boys had it. And then to consider that they, being just like me, might be the key to let me know what is going on in my head. Thankfully we are still together after seventeen years. And so I ramble, typical for me!!! I'm famous for this. Thanks for the response.