Re: A New : Check out Room4Debate : The Time and Place ...

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I had a feeling you'd express some thoughts ;o) That's ok, I decided to set that group up because there are some very debatable issues that need to be discussed and I thought if people could hash the issue out well enough, then report back to us, when you have some resolutions or thus. Most good ideas come from hashing things out before coming out to public. A good idea is to have most details about something worked through before involving the public. That way you will have a better well rounded piece of information to offer. If there is an arguement, there is an environment specifically for it now. Do you like to hear your children debating and arguing in the back of your car? Don't you tell your children, if you must argue, go to one of your rooms for that? I'm not saying that arguing is wrong, I'm saying there needs to be an adequate place for it. You can always invite someone you have a dispute with to the Room4Debate. Work it out, then come back and tell us after you two have come to a resolution.

That is what the purpose of the new group is for. I hope that some people will use the group, I invested alot of time and thought into it to provide an environment suitable as an aide for resolution. I think it is valid to debate or argue, that's how things get worked out.

Thanks for asking, I didn't mind answering your questions about it.

Yours, n

In a message dated 7/24/07 4:58:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Ladyshrink111@... writes:

I'm just asking but what is it about NE Ohio women that we cannot take a vigorous debate? Noone is calling anyone names or attacking anyone personally that I can see.

People disagree, there is value in conflict, allowing people to express their divergent views. I learn best when I hear two people debate an issue.

I have no stomach for personal attacks, but debate is a different matter. Who said this group was to be a nicey nice "atta girl" 100% of the time? Is that a rule? If so, please let me know.

Conflict is an inevitable part of LIFE, we all have to or should learn to deal with it as we grow up and mature.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for your understanding. I think the most contriversial topics are better suited for debate boards. Topics of a magnatude to say. The debate room is open to all including those just wanting to hear a debate. That's why it shouldn't get personal in the debate room. I think that this is a good idea. Small issues I don't mind on this board. This is to say things that can be resolved in a few emails or so. Anything personal as you know are best off list. If anyone wants they can mention a topic for debate here in this group and invite others to join the debate on the debate list. It's kind of like saying, lets go to the den and hash this out, all are invited. (And all are fully aware of the implications of an arguement coming.)

Thanks again !

Yours, n

In a message dated 7/24/07 7:19:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Ladyshrink111@... writes:

Thanks, n,

I just needed to know if this was a 100% support group, I guess you're telling me that it is, that's fine, It certainly wasn't the rule when I joined.

I do take umbridge with the "squabbling". Squabbling is arguing over petty matters such as who's going to sit in the front seat. I don't think we were discussing anything trivial or off topic, but obviously it's too controversial for this group.

Discussion, merely discussion. The fear over this is why there is very little activity on this board but you have the right to have or not have any kind of board you like.

I'm not going to another board to discuss topics that should by rights be allowed on group, but thank you very much for the offer.

[Guest guest]

Thanks, n,

I just needed to know if this was a 100% support group, I guess you're telling me that it is, that's fine, It certainly wasn't the rule when I joined.

I do take umbridge with the "squabbling". Squabbling is arguing over petty matters such as who's going to sit in the front seat. I don't think we were discussing anything trivial or off topic, but obviously it's too controversial for this group.

Discussion, merely discussion. The fear over this is why there is very little activity on this board but you have the right to have or not have any kind of board you like.

I'm not going to another board to discuss topics that should by rights be allowed on group, but thank you very much for the offer.

----- Original Message -----

From: 1@...

Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 5:43 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] A New group: Check out Room4Debate : The Time and Place ...

Hi , I had a feeling you'd express some thoughts ;o) That's ok, I decided to set that group up because there are some very debatable issues that need to be discussed and I thought if people could hash the issue out well enough, then report back to us, when you have some resolutions or thus. Most good ideas come from hashing things out before coming out to public. A good idea is to have most details about something worked through before involving the public. That way you will have a better well rounded piece of information to offer. If there is an arguement, there is an environment specifically for it now. Do you like to hear your children debating and arguing in the back of your car? Don't you tell your children, if you must argue, go to one of your rooms for that? I'm not saying that arguing is wrong, I'm saying there needs to be an adequate place for it. You can always invite someone you have a dispute with to the Room4Debate. Work it out, then come back and tell us after you two have come to a resolution. That is what the purpose of the new group is for. I hope that some people will use the group, I invested alot of time and thought into it to provide an environment suitable as an aide for resolution. I think it is valid to debate or argue, that's how things get worked out. Thanks for asking, I didn't mind answering your questions about it. Yours, n In a message dated 7/24/07 4:58:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Ladyshrink111peoplepc writes:

I'm just asking but what is it about NE Ohio women that we cannot take a vigorous debate? Noone is calling anyone names or attacking anyone personally that I can see.People disagree, there is value in conflict, allowing people to express their divergent views. I learn best when I hear two people debate an issue. I have no stomach for personal attacks, but debate is a different matter. Who said this group was to be a nicey nice "atta girl" 100% of the time? Is that a rule? If so, please let me know. Conflict is an inevitable part of LIFE, we all have to or should learn to deal with it as we grow up and mature.

[Guest guest]

Hi all, Personally, I would love to continue to learn about even controversial issues through healthy debates. While I understand where everyone is coming from, I am also a bit disappointed that we can not discuss these on . I hope that will keep responding to everyone's biomedical questions as she has so much to offer. I would hate for anyone to feel unwelcome here - and it makes me want to go someplace else, too. 1@... wrote: Hi , Thanks for your understanding. I think the most contriversial topics are better suited for debate boards. Topics of a magnatude to say. The debate room is open to all including those just wanting to hear a debate. That's why it shouldn't get personal in the debate room. I think that this is a good idea. Small issues I don't mind on this board. This is to say things that can be resolved in a few emails or so. Anything personal as you know are best off list. If anyone wants they can mention a topic for debate here in this group and invite others to join the debate on the debate list. It's kind of like saying, lets go to the den and hash this out, all are invited. (And all are fully aware of the implications of an arguement coming.)

Thanks again ! Yours, n In a message dated 7/24/07 7:19:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Ladyshrink111peoplepc writes: Thanks, n,I just needed to know if this was a 100% support group, I guess you're telling me that it is, that's fine, It certainly wasn't the rule when I

joined. I do take umbridge with the "squabbling". Squabbling is arguing over petty matters such as who's going to sit in the front seat. I don't think we were discussing anything trivial or off topic, but obviously it's too controversial for this group. Discussion, merely discussion. The fear over this is why there is very little activity on this board but you have the right to have or

not have any kind of board you like. I'm not going to another board to discuss topics that should by rights be allowed on group, but thank you very much for the offer. Don, ,Evan , the Kitty, and Nikita Pattison 15819 Fernway Rd Shaker Heights, OH 44120 home (216)752-5978 cell (216)544-1231 Don cell

(216)313-0612

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi n, Thanks for the clarification! Just to add to my previous post - of course I love this group and the support that each and every one of us gets from its members. It would be nice if we would be able to have discussions/debates over the more of the controversial stuff as well... I do believe it is possible to have healthy discussions and/or debates (help me out here!) without offending others, I just keep missing how things get "out-of-hand" somehow when something 'heated' gets out.... I guess you are right about the fast-paced emails that often get misinterpreted because of their nature. Maybe there is more to it and maybe the majority of the people just don't like controversy. In the end, you are the moderator and it is up to you to decide what kind of interactions are allowed or healthy. I feel bad that some of the participants feel that their

thoughts and ideas are not welcome here because they are controversial. I do agree that we need to be careful about possibly offending posts and realize that this is EMAIL and even posts sounding harmless in a spoken conversation will be a lot more direct and stripped off all of the body language that comes with live delivery. We also need to realize that the posts we send out get into the public arena and once they are out there they weigh much more. Just like in any other public forum, it is important to present factual and most accurate information without getting personal so nobody feels misinformed, unsupported, ridiculed, misrepresented, unappreciated, lied about, and that in front of 300 other members. I still feel that if incorrect information is presented as fact, there should be correction in public, on the same board where the information was originally presented. I think

that responding to posts that are perceived by some either offending or presenting data that are to some people 'incorrect' regarding an issue is important so that the group can learn about the many sides of the issue. I think we just have to be very careful about the way we discuss or debate so that we really don't cross any boundaries. I know it is possible to do so with carefully written and worded requests for more details, research, data, input, to support this or that. As parents, advocates, teachers, doctors, therapists, attorneys we must become knowledgable about what is going on in the autism community locally or nationally and we should have a place to raise our questions. That will ensure that the future we want for our children will indeed be what they need and deserve. I am eager to learn from each and every member in this diverse group of

dedicated parents and grandparents, advocates, teachers, doctors, therapists and attorneys, and also self-made researchers and activists, leaders, fundraisers and community organizers. And no, I don't want anyone on this board to ever feel disrespected, lied about, misrepresented or not supported either. To be honest, I could not really contribute to the issue raised about research grants from CAN! as I am not very familiar with the facts of this so I did not say anything about it but I did feel that went beyond comfortable levels, at least for me. I felt for Shari because the emails were personal and I appreciate the work put into fulfilling its mission. We are moving forward, I feel, as a community, and and even if I disagreed with what CAN! allocates the monies raised for, I would be careful not to offend anyone personally in public. I want

to learn all I can about the research and yes, I know there is a website, and if I get to it, I will check it out, but truthfully, it's not going to be tonight. That's the nice thing about this board - others are often able to clarify some thing you don't know much about because other matters have higher priority to you at the moment. So I'd like to continue to have these learning opportunities on without personally offending anyone and carefully watching out for accuracy. I know this will be history tomorrow.....and I hope that we can continue to be the place of sharing information, healthy discussions, resources and support. I thank you all for all what I have been receiving through this forum so far - plenty! I really hope that in the future all of us can feel welcome to write and receive support the same way I do.

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Yes, I agree, and this is also what I would refere to as a good discussion piece.

Thanks for your thoughtful and helpful letter!

Yours, n

In a message dated 7/24/07 11:20:29 PM Eastern Daylight Time, egerpatt@... writes:

Hi n, Thanks for the clarification! Just to add to my previous post - of course I love this group and the support that each and every one of us gets from its members. It would be nice if we would be able to have discussions/debates over the more of the controversial stuff as well... I do believe it is possible to have healthy discussions and/or debates (help me out here!) without offending others, I just keep missing how things get "out-of-hand" somehow when something 'heated' gets out.... I guess you are right about the fast-paced emails that often get misinterpreted because of their nature. Maybe there is more to it and maybe the majority of the people just don't like controversy. In the end, you are the moderator and it is up to you to decide what kind of interactions are allowed or healthy.

I feel bad that some of the participants feel that their thoughts and ideas are not welcome here because they are controversial. I do agree that we need to be careful about possibly offending posts and realize that this is EMAIL and even posts sounding harmless in a spoken conversation will be a lot more direct and stripped off all of the body language that comes with live delivery. We also need to realize that the posts we send out get into the public arena and once they are out there they weigh much more. Just like in any other public forum, it is important to present factual and most accurate information without getting personal so nobody feels misinformed, unsupported, ridiculed, misrepresented, unappreciated, lied about, and that in front of 300 other members. I still feel that if incorrect information is presented as fact, there should be correction in public, on the same board where the information was originally presented. I think that responding to posts that are perceived by some either offending or presenting data that are to some people 'incorrect' regarding an issue is important so that the group can learn about the many sides of the issue. I think we just have to be very careful about the way we discuss or debate so that we really don't cross any boundaries. I know it is possible to do so with carefully written and worded requests for more details, research, data, input, to support this or that.

As parents, advocates, teachers, doctors, therapists, attorneys we must become knowledgable about what is going on in the autism community locally or nationally and we should have a place to raise our questions. That will ensure that the future we want for our children will indeed be what they need and deserve. I am eager to learn from each and every member in this diverse group of dedicated parents and grandparents, advocates, teachers, doctors, therapists and attorneys, and also self-made researchers and activists, leaders, fundraisers and community organizers.

And no, I don't want anyone on this board to ever feel disrespected, lied about, misrepresented or not supported either.

To be honest, I could not really contribute to the issue raised about research grants from CAN! as I am not very familiar with the facts of this so I did not say anything about it but I did feel that went beyond comfortable levels, at least for me. I felt for Shari because the emails were personal and I appreciate the work put into fulfilling its mission. We are moving forward, I feel, as a community, and and even if I disagreed with what CAN! allocates the monies raised for, I would be careful not to offend anyone personally in public. I want to learn all I can about the research and yes, I know there is a website, and if I get to it, I will check it out, but truthfully, it's not going to be tonight. That's the nice thing about this board - others are often able to clarify some thing you don't know much about because other matters have higher priority to you at the moment. So I'd like to continue to have these learning opportunities on without personally offending anyone and carefully watching out for accuracy.

I know this will be history tomorrow.....and I hope that we can continue to be the place of sharing information, healthy discussions, resources and support. I thank you all for all what I have been receiving through this forum so far - plenty! I really hope that in the future all of us can feel welcome to write and receive support the same way I do.